Am I being unreasonable/selfish?

LegacyUser

Hello i think i need an outside perspective on my situation. i cant seem to work out if im right in feeling as i do or if im being selfish or unreasonable. which is what my partner seems to think at times. i think its a common problem that comes up. i have a higher sex drive than my partner. we were aware of this in the beggining. they had quite a few issues surrounding sex, although nothing too extreme or big. just things related to insecurities and inexperience. we took things really slow, a lot slower than i am used to, and the sex improved over time. to a point.

we live together for one year and currently have sex once or twice a week, more often once. on occasions sometimes more but not often. this is ok for them but is a lot less than i want or feel i need. i have read problems posted here by people saying they dont have sex but once in a month and once in a year, five years.long time. and i think maybe i should be really happy with my situation. and i try all the time to be about it. but im not. i cant make myself be. it causes me lots of stress in the physical/biological way and sometimes when i begin thinking about situation then emotionally too.

i tell this to my partner. but they say they are tired a lot. they sometimes just dont feel like it, have lower sex drive than me. they have a lot of stuff they have to do and have little free time. i understand that people can be tired. i work very hard. very long hours. am often very tired. but i am never too tired to stay up late and listen to her problems. never too busy to make sure i get home in time to eat dinner with her. i often only feel like just going to sleep as soon as i get home sore and tired and just dont feel like discussing like fight she had with one of her friends i dont know. but i love my partner and these things are important to them and because of this i want to do them. i make time. i make them priorities to me.

in all ways i think their needs are greater than mine in relationship other than sex. i am ok with this. i want to be there for them. it makes me happy to know i can help make them happy and be someone thats there for them in the ways they need someone.

this is what makes me feel bad. the thing where my needs are greater they do not make priority for them. they say they are tired but will stay up til late at night doing this and that knowing by late they will be tired and just want to sleep. this and that could be done just as well in one hour leaving us time to be together physically but they will take two and three hours. at times when they know i am wanting sex and that it is hard for me to be around them all the time so close and kissing and touching and holding throughout day they will still spurn my advances to move things towards sex throughout day when we have time alone together and then when its night again and late they are now too tired again.

when i have raised that i feel that they could make more of effort to have time or make time for this side of things knowing how hard things can be for me with this they make me feel like they think this is selfish of me. that we have sex and once or twice a week is normal and ok for lots of people and that so me wanting or needing more is unreasonable.

thank you for reading long post and i would thank you for any replies to my situation. am i unreasonable or selfish in my way to think about this? should I be the one making more of an effort to not want or need sex more than we have? i need people for outside to give their opinions and i could not talk about this with friends or collegaues.

Czarcasm

OP to be honest, if your girlfriend thinks you are being unreasonable, then hers is the only opinion that matters besides your own. You're not having sex with anyone else but her so if someone says you're being reasonable, what difference does it make? It's still not going to make your girlfriend more amenable to fulfilling your sexual desires. You need to examine your relationship to determine if you both as a couple are simply sexually incompatible. If this IS the case, then you need to weigh up whether this is something you can compromise on, and if not, then you may have to consider ending the relationship and seeking someone with whom you are more sexually compatible.

One thing I will say to you though is that if you make sex sound like a chore for your girlfriend, it's an immediate turn-off that's not going to get better any time soon, which in turn will only lead to more frustration for you.