cheating in early stages of relationship

matrixa

I was going out with a guy for a month and he cheated on me. but he seams genuinely sorry for it. im still talking to him. but would it be wrong to meet up with him to see him explain? because he says he was to explain from start to finish and im not sure what to think of it all.

GreeBo

You might as well hear him out of you are still interested, the start of a relationship can be funny, different people on different pages

CaraMay

How did you find out? What had ye discussed about your relationship at that stage?

matrixa

a friend i hadnt talked to in ages rang me and told me and i knew he was telling the truth. so i rang the guy i was going out with and he admitted it. seams to be genuinely sorry about it.

we agreed about a week or two before hand to be in a relationship.

CaraMay

It's definitely cheating then.

The red flags are obvious. You can listen to his excuses if you want but the fact that he didn't tell you speaks for itself.

GreeBo

If you like him is great him out.
Only you can decide if you trust him or not. I wouldn't put much faith in red flags myself, people and situations are too different.

matrixa

he sent me a letter to. i desrve to confront him face to face. noones betrayed my trust like this before. so im learning to deal with it

CaraMay

matrixa wrote: »

he sent me a letter to. i desrve to confront him face to face. noones betrayed my trust like this before. so im learning to deal with it

How long ago was this?

matrixa

i found out last monday and next morning he left me a letter

CaraMay

matrixa wrote: »

i found out last monday and next morning he left me a letter

When did he cheat I mean?

matrixa

oh sorry. last friday week

ElleEm

It just seems very soon in a relationship for him to be straying and you to be forgiving him. Personally, I would move on. I just don't think it is worth the hassle of rebuilding trust when you hadn't really had that much time to build a foundation anyway.

CaraMay

ElleEm wrote: »

It just seems very soon in a relationship for him to be straying and you to be forgiving him. Personally, I would move on. I just don't think it is worth the hassle of rebuilding trust when you hadn't really had that much time to build a foundation anyway.

I agree. It's not like you have 5 years behind you where he has been faithful.

Sorry but if he can cheat two weeks after agreeing ye were together then I would be saying adios.

sleepytrees

ah here.. the early stages are when you are meant to be all butterfly's and can't get the person out of your head. What future have you with him if he cheats in the early stages? What about 4yrs down the line, when you don't bother shaving your legs anymore and he goes out for the 'night with the lads'

Don't ignore the red flags, just run past them onto the next fella who won't cheat! Once a cheater always a cheater.

Candy_Girl

It's totally up to you what you want to do but personally I'd prefer to have enough respect for myself not to bother listen to his excuses so early on in a relationship.If he's cheating already do you honestly think you could trust him in the long run?

Stavro Mueller

matrixa wrote: »

a friend i hadnt talked to in ages rang me and told me and i knew he was telling the truth. so i rang the guy i was going out with and he admitted it. seams to be genuinely sorry about it.

we agreed about a week or two before hand to be in a relationship.

So if your friend hadn't picked up the phone, you might still be blissfully ignorant. I'd say he's sorry alright - sorry he has been caught red-handed.

Ask yourself this - can you trust him? Or do you see yourself sitting at home wondering if he is where he says he is? Or if he is with the people he says he's with.

Idbatterim

The whole thing sounds like it has already been soured to me...

MugMugs

I firmly believe that you start as you mean to go on.

Maybe it was a mistake that will never happen again but if it was me it would be there, at the back of my head niggling away.

Ann84

Hi OP,

My boyfriend did this at the start of our relationship, the day we actually decided to become an official couple!
It took weeks for me to figure out what I wanted, he was very sorry, I still am not entirely sure why he did it, but I believed him when he said he was gutted at the thought if messing us up...

I took him back and we started again, we are together iver 2 years and living together now, I do trust him. I had to consciously decide to let it go, there is no point in continuing it if you don't think you'll ever trust him or really forgive him.
I'd suggest hearing him out... If he didn't care he wouldn't be trying to fix things. But I do caution, you need to decide if you can let this go before considering to continue the relationship!

matrixa

Thanks everyone. All the advice has helped. I'm not gonna give the guy another chance.

CaraMay

matrixa wrote: »

Thanks everyone. All the advice has helped. I'm not gonna give the guy another chance.

You are right. Plenty of non cheats out there. Just make sure he knows why it's finished. He needs to learn that cheating has consequences.

jacinta MacnamRA

I've been around da bush many times, I would advise ya to grab a bag bricks, drive round to mammies house and throw dem at da winda!

Taltos

jacinta - I know you are new here but suggestion violence or any illegal activity regularly results in an instant ban. Please take some time to read our charter before you post again. Further posts of this style will not be treated so lightly.