If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)

Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Re take my flat!

Cucking Funt · 2014-02-09 21:07:22

Cucking Funt comes to you oh knowledgable people to ask you advice on this dilema My flatmate has taken over our two bed appartment along with his girlfriend (who doesnt contribute to rent/bills etc.), and I need advice on retaking the common areas into Cucking Funt's possession. There is a prize of a fun size snickers for…

09-02-2014 9:07pm

#1

Cucking Funt

Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 96 ✭✭

Join Date: February 2014

Posts: 78

Cucking Funt comes to you oh knowledgable people to ask you advice on this dilema

My flatmate has taken over our two bed appartment along with his girlfriend (who doesnt contribute to rent/bills etc.), and I need advice on retaking the common areas into Cucking Funt's possession. There is a prize of a fun size snickers for anyone that can give advice that will lead Cucking Funt to victory

Edit: Excrement will only be utilized if chemical warfare is justified

0

Comments

#2 09-02-2014 9:08pm

Penny Tration

Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: December 2013

Posts: 12086

Report it to the landlord, as I doubt his girlfriend is on the lease.

0
#3 09-02-2014 9:08pm

godtabh

Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 23,243 Mod ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: April 2005

Posts: 21045

grow a pair and tell them to **** right off

0
#4 09-02-2014 9:09pm

hynesie08

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,005 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: October 2008

Posts: 9971

Ride his girlfriend.

0
#5 09-02-2014 9:10pm

Cucking Funt

Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 96 ✭✭

Join Date: February 2014

Posts: 78

godtabh wrote: »

grow a pair and tell the to **** right off

And the Lord hath spoken!

0
#6 09-02-2014 9:13pm

Saucy McKetchup

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 783 ✭✭✭

Join Date: December 2013

Posts: 776

Rub shîte all over the walls

0
Advertisement
#7 09-02-2014 9:13pm

rolliepoley

Closed Accounts Posts: 2,874 ✭✭✭

Join Date: November 2012

Posts: 2854

s**t in his bed.

0
#8 09-02-2014 9:17pm

AndonHandon

Closed Accounts Posts: 1,382 ✭✭✭

Join Date: July 2013

Posts: 1356

Ride him.

0
#9 09-02-2014 9:19pm

shopaholic01

Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2012

Posts: 4862

Tell them you have set up hidden cameras and smirk at his girlfriend every time you see her.

She'll get paranoid very quickly and leave.

0
#10 09-02-2014 9:19pm

Umekichi

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 474 ✭✭

Join Date: September 2011

Posts: 432

Ride them both

0
#11 09-02-2014 9:19pm

MadsL

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2003

Posts: 19498

Leonidas was a hell of a man, but as that clip shows he still needed the nod from the missus to go out and play.

Try not to be so hard on your flatmate.

0
Advertisement
#12 09-02-2014 9:22pm

thecatspjs

Closed Accounts Posts: 519 ✭✭✭

Join Date: July 2009

Posts: 481

Hide the remote and smear fish juice all over the sofa. They won't stick around for long, I'll tell you that much.

0
#13 09-02-2014 9:25pm

LeBash

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,583 ✭✭✭

Join Date: June 2007

Posts: 3550

Get in early, put on scat porn and when she arrives start rubbing yourself and the odd groan.

0
#14 09-02-2014 9:25pm

shopaholic01

Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2012

Posts: 4862

thecatspjs wrote: »

Hide the remote and smear fish juice all over the sofa. They won't stick around for long, I'll tell you that much.

The girlfriend has probably got that covered already.

0
#15 09-02-2014 9:27pm

thecatspjs

Closed Accounts Posts: 519 ✭✭✭

Join Date: July 2009

Posts: 481

shopaholic01 wrote: »

The girlfriend has probably got that covered already.

I'm simultaneously disgusted and aroused right now.

0
#16 09-02-2014 9:29pm

Artful_Badger

Closed Accounts Posts: 4,339 ✭✭✭

Join Date: January 2013

Posts: 4140

Pick whichever is the biggest and shank them in the courtyard at exercise time.

0
#17 09-02-2014 9:30pm

SamAK

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭

Join Date: August 2013

Posts: 1088

Saucy McKetchup wrote: »

Rub shîte all over the walls

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=88906101#post88906101

rolliepoley wrote: »

s**t in his bed.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=88906101#post88906101

OP, have a read and think yourself lucky.

0
#18 09-02-2014 9:30pm

Gannicus

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2008

Posts: 1593

Do stuff like:

(Fun ones)
1) Have at least one mate over all the time and you can't expect them to sit in your room all night.
2) Take him out for beers and say she tried to kiss you one night.
3) Stroke her phone and send a dirty text to your phone some night when she's drunk and show him the next day. Saying after this you'd prefer if she wasn't around AS MUCH.
4) Make complaints to the management company about her (see if they tell he landlord)
5) If you've no TV Licence and the inspector calls give his name and say she did it.

(sensible ones)
6) Tell him the rent and bills are now going to be split 3 ways instead of two. e.g. when the next bill comes in say that instead of the €180 ESB Bill being split €80 each that is now €60 each from all three of you.
7) Grow a pair and tell her to move the fook out.
8) Tell the landlord.

0
#19 09-02-2014 9:30pm

vitani

Closed Accounts Posts: 1,824 ✭✭✭

Join Date: July 2011

Posts: 1816

Join them whenever they're in a common area and talk to them about whatever boring, tedious rubbish you can think of. Don't let them get a word in edgeways.

0
#20 09-02-2014 9:31pm

moc moc a moc

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,299 ✭✭✭

Join Date: March 2013

Posts: 1234

Make a habit of walking around naked, with a constant erection. The girlfriend will either be so disgusted/embarrassed that she won't want to come over anymore, or she'll be so impressed that she'll ditch the loser flatmate for you.

Win/win.

0
#21 09-02-2014 9:33pm

yawhat!

Closed Accounts Posts: 970 ✭✭✭

Join Date: January 2014

Posts: 946

What would Chuck Norris do?

A swift kick in the Vagina should do!

0
Advertisement
#22 09-02-2014 9:34pm

Mickey H

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭

Join Date: June 2011

Posts: 1818

hynesie08 wrote: »

Ride his girlfriend.

AndonHandon wrote: »

Ride him.

Umekichi wrote: »

Ride them both

Threesome. Only decent thing to do. This way, nobody feels left out.

0
#23 09-02-2014 9:36pm

Umekichi

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 474 ✭✭

Join Date: September 2011

Posts: 432

moc moc a moc wrote: »

Make a habit of walking around naked, with a constant erection. The girlfriend will either be so disgusted/embarrassed that she won't want to come over anymore, or she'll be so impressed that she'll ditch the loser flatmate for you.

Win/win.

http://memecrunch.com/meme/10JD7/give-that-man-a-cookie/image.png

0
#24 09-02-2014 9:53pm

dar100

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭

Join Date: March 2012

Posts: 1598

Tell her that he came onto you

0
#25 09-02-2014 9:54pm

MadsL

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2003

Posts: 19498

Mickey H wrote: »

Threesome. Only decent thing to do. This way, nobody feels left out.

Somebody ALWAYS feels left out in a threesome.

0
#26 09-02-2014 9:54pm

SamAK

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭

Join Date: August 2013

Posts: 1088

dar100 wrote: »

Tell her that he came on to you

Fixed!

0
#27 09-02-2014 9:55pm

Gannicus

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2008

Posts: 1593

dar100 wrote: »

Tell her that he came on you

Fixed your typo :P

0
#28 09-02-2014 9:56pm

Gannicus

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2008

Posts: 1593

SamAK wrote: »

Fixed!

Ha ha.... great minds.

0
#29 09-02-2014 9:59pm

sawdoubters

Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,288 ✭✭✭

Join Date: January 2014

Posts: 1280

walk around naked all day

who found flat,ask roommate for money for third use by girlfriend

whos on the lease

0
#30 09-02-2014 10:01pm

Gannicus

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2008

Posts: 1593

Get one of your female mates to put on some lipstick and kiss the collar of the shirt he was wearing the night before.

Write girls names and numbers on bits of paper in different handwriting styles and stuff them in his wallet and pockets. let her find them if she's washing his kaks.

0
Advertisement
#31 09-02-2014 10:14pm

Slick50

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,062 ✭✭✭

Join Date: March 2008

Posts: 1041

Mickey H wrote: »

Threesome. Only decent thing to do. This way, nobody feels left out.

But tell them you're still splitting the bills three ways too.

0
#32 09-02-2014 10:24pm

Specialun

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,068 ✭✭✭

Join Date: May 2013

Posts: 2671

Ride her brother

0
#33 09-02-2014 10:25pm

Mariasofia

Closed Accounts Posts: 2,887 ✭✭✭

Join Date: March 2013

Posts: 2872

MadsL wrote: »

Somebody ALWAYS feels left out in a threesome.

Only when you do it wrong !!!! :-D

0
#34 09-02-2014 11:00pm

MadsL

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2003

Posts: 19498

Mariasofia wrote: »

Only when you do it wrong !!!! :-D

PM me details, photos and diagrams...;) I may have been.

0
#35 10-02-2014 12:31am

orangesoda

Closed Accounts Posts: 1,223 ✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2014

Posts: 1201

I have the same problem as i mentioned before, though there is no sitting room in my poxy flat so the 2 of them take over the kitchen. I in turn walk around in y fronts and tight ass boxer shorts to put the tramp of a thing off from invading my lands

0
#36 10-02-2014 12:50pm

blackwhite

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,176 ✭✭✭

Join Date: August 2011

Posts: 7689

Mickey H wrote: »

Threesome. Only decent thing to do. This way, nobody feels left out.

It wouldn't be the good kind of threesome though

0
Advertisement
#37 10-02-2014 1:00pm

Cucking Funt

Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 96 ✭✭

Join Date: February 2014

Posts: 78

orangesoda wrote: »

I have the same problem as i mentioned before, though there is no sitting room in my poxy flat so the 2 of them take over the kitchen. I in turn walk around in y fronts and tight ass boxer shorts to put the tramp of a thing off from invading my lands

I like you; I also like your idea

0
#38 10-02-2014 1:16pm

olly_mac

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 128 ✭✭

Join Date: March 2012

Posts: 121

I had a similar scenario some years back, but it was the boyfriend of a girl I was sharing with. He was an idle tosser, and I would arrive home from work to find him and his mates playing video games, or watching movies. The place was a tip, the gas and ESB bills were through the roof! I just told her straight up to put a rein on his activities or either she or I would be moving at the end of the lease.

She ditched him soon after; I think she just needed the excuse, and we went on to share the house for two more years!

0