advice I am in a tricky situation

upwardsonwards

In last two days I have been suffering from a bug.
I felt ok to go info work this evening but a few minutes ago I felt sick.

While I was throwing up in the toilet something else has happened in my pants.
I am in posting this on my phone from the cubicle and to be blunt I am destroyed.
I work in quite a posh environment and right now I am trapped in the toilet.
What do I do please help.

diograis

i await the hilarious replies from posters much wittier than myself

shopaholic01

Jusy carry on as if nothing happened and ask everyone if they smell something funny.

Or stop lying.

henryporter

Front or back pant?

Rayne Wooney

The only thing to do is even it out and smear shít all over your shirt also, at least then you won't look totally stupid

SugarShane88

I can think of worst places to sh*t myself than already being in a toilet. You're lucky. Some of us have to settle for a 46a.

henryporter

Reminds me of the time I went in to a toilet cubicle in a posh spot and as I closed the door there was a pair of sharted kax hanging up on the coat hanger - quickly moved myself to the next cubicle.

Knasher

Your reputation is ruined, so your only option is to drag everyone else down to your level. Buy some laxatives and mix them in with the drinking water and lock the toilets.

Alternatively just steal all the toilet roll.

Bobby42

Just throw all your clothes in the bin and head back to your desk. If anyone asks say its "naked Friday".

Shanotheslayer

Title should be in a sh!ty situation

BillyMitchel

Don't believe a word of it.

If it is true just go beside one of the posh people and shake your leg and let it all roll and fall down to the floor. Then quickly run around and point your finger at the posh person and tell everyone that they **** themselves if it fails just drop to the floor and take a spaz attack and wait in your shît stained pants till an ambulance comes.

stimpson

2 words - dirty protest.

upwardsonwards

The place is already filling up with customers and it is liquid and nasty down past my knees.

I can not say in here all night.

SugarShane88

Phone your boss from the cubicle and say you're leaving early because you're a bit browned off.

SEPT 23 1989

Ring mammy and get her to drop you down clean underpants

recylingbin

Make sure you wipe the puke snot from around your nose. You don't want anyone seeing that.

TheBody

upwardsonwards wrote: »

In last two days I have been suffering from a bug.
I felt ok to go info work this evening but a few minutes ago I felt sick.

While I was throwing up in the toilet something else has happened in my pants.
I am in posting this on my phone from the cubicle and to be blunt I am destroyed.
I work in quite a posh environment and right now I am trapped in the toilet.
What do I do please help.

Did you get a hard on while vomiting? That's fucked up op!

ScumLord

It's probably worms, this video has tips on how to deal with it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFvkr6GBWLw

LOSTfan57

1) Take off your pants and undergarments
2) Go to the boss/co worker you really want to sleep with and throw soiled garments at them
3) Moonwlk out of the building while singing Gagnam Style

Fudge You

SugarShane88 wrote: »

I can think of worst places to sh*t myself than already being in a toilet. You're lucky. Some of us have to settle for a 46a.

What about being on your first date and ****ting yourself?

Wendolene

OP, I'll resist the temptation to shout "troll !" because you've given me a hearty belly-laugh this Friday evening.

I think it's the fact that you don't actually say you soiled yourself, but rather, you infer it ("something else has happened in my pants") that gives me cause for suspicion.

Oh yeah - that, and the fact that your natural reaction is to use your phone to start a thread on Boards about it rather than ring for help

Santa Cruz

Can you post a pic? I promise I won't put it on social media

LOSTfan57

Alternatively set fire to something and start burning down the building, the diversion will distract everyone while you walk out **** covered and unnoticed.
#winning
I've done that before myself.

bobwilliams

upwardsonwards wrote: »

In last two days I have been suffering from a bug.
I felt ok to go info work this evening but a few minutes ago I felt sick.

While I was throwing up in the toilet something else has happened in my pants.
I am in posting this on my phone from the cubicle and to be blunt I am destroyed.
I work in quite a posh environment and right now I am trapped in the toilet.
What do I do please help.

stop talking sheite for a start

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

When I was 10, the same thing happened to me. Porblem was exacerbated by the fact that the light was broken and there was no toilet roll.

Then someone opened a door and said, "ok, my child, tell me your sins."

I bolted.

mad m

I hope you will wash your hands before you go back flipping burgers! Ring someone at home and tell them to drop you in some clothes. Sure what else can you do.

Bite the bullet.....

upwardsonwards

I am afraid I am going to lose my job over this.

FloatingVoter

Wipe arse / upper legs with underpants. Bin these - or flush although it will block the toilets. Wash down with hands from flush water. Soap dispensers are useful for disguising smell. Exit building via nearest uncrowded route - think fire escape here. Nearest big pub for final cleanup. Then ring in with death in family excuse. Home on crowded bus.

BillyMitchel

upwardsonwards wrote: »

I am afraid I am going to lose my job over this.

Bit late to start crapping yourself now.

ScumLord

upwardsonwards wrote: »

I am afraid I am going to lose my job over this.

You can't lose you job over getting sick. If you hide it there might be something to be said for endangering your co-workers.. and customers if you're working with food, well you might end up on the wrong side of the law if you're working with food and you know you're sick as you could spread it around.

SugarShane88

If sh*tting yourself was a sackable offence Darren Fletcher would be available on a bosman.

FloatingVoter

SugarShane88 wrote: »

If sh*tting yourself was a sackable offence Darren Fletcher would be available on a bosman.

Gary Linekar did it in the middle of a World Cup. Wope his arse along the ground

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_PLu9KWNK8

mad m

Hey lad,

There is a huge Q outside this jacks now...will you hurry on!

LOSTfan57

I really hope he posts what is happening and what hes doing

Santa Cruz

FloatingVoter wrote: »

Wipe arse / upper legs with underpants. Bin these - or flush although it will block the toilets. Wash down with hands from flush water. Soap dispensers are useful for disguising smell. Exit building via nearest uncrowded route - think fire escape here. Nearest big pub for final cleanup. Then ring in with death in family excuse. Home on crowded bus.

Not on the 17 bus for at least another 30 mins please

harry Bailey esq

upwardsonwards wrote: »

In last two days I have been suffering from a bug.
I felt ok to go info work this evening but a few minutes ago I felt sick.

While I was throwing up in the toilet something else has happened in my pants.
I am in posting this on my phone from the cubicle and to be blunt I am destroyed.
I work in quite a posh environment and right now I am trapped in the toilet.
What do I do please help.

tough break,i feel for ya buddy

ygolometsipe

options:

1) you could call someone and tell them to bring you a spare pair of clothes in a bag.
When they come to the office, have the bad sent to the toilet.
Clean the are, come out and explain that you need to go home due
to a sudden illness.

2) or you could stay very quite and wait until everyone is gone home.

3) make a run for it, just pull up you pants and run out the door.
go home and change and then call your boss and tell him something drastic happened at home. like you forgot to flush the toilet

john the one

I can smell the **** but its not from your panties op

PizzamanIRL

Onwards and upwards. Shove it back up there.

orangesoda

Reminded me of this

www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8VWWCPeEL4

Cantremember

Smear it EVERYWHERE and say you are a Bobby Sands tribute act.

wazky

Smear it on your face and pretend your from the Nigerian branch of the company.

BillyMitchel

OP what's the latest?

Nemeses

BillyMitchel wrote: »

OP what's the latest?

He kacked himself ?

BillyMitchel

Nemeses wrote: »

He kacked himself ?

That was half our ago.

upwardsonwards

BillyMitchel wrote: »

OP what's the latest?

Co worker has given we spare uniform and I am just out of the shower.

I work in a cinema I ran to the staff room during a lull.

Phew thanks all.

BillyMitchel

upwardsonwards wrote: »

Co worker has given we spare uniform and I am just out of the shower.

I work in a cinema I ran to the staff room during a lull.

Phew thanks all.

Any good films on?


You at the nick frost premier?

For Forks Sake

upwardsonwards wrote: »

Co worker has given we spare uniform and I am just out of the shower.

I work in a cinema I ran to the staff room during a lull.

I work in quite a posh environment

Hmmm. colour me somewhat sceptical.

Unless you work here http://www.denzilleprivatecinema.com/ , in which case I'm ringing them up to complain about the waft of sh1te about the place.

Sam Kade

Wait for an employee around your size to come in and knock him out switch clothes then go back to work saying you saw him in the jacks after sh1tting himself.
Or else you could stop making up silly stories to post on here.

Sir Arthur Daley

Anything worth watching in the cinema tonight OP?

upwardsonwards

WikiHow wrote: »

Anything worth watching in the cinema tonight OP?

Liar Liar.