Wedding on a Thursday.

VONSHIRACH

There is a friend's wedding in October 2014 and its on the Thursday before the October Bank Holiday. I realise that hotels are cheaper mid-week, but already I am not looking forward to this. I know that other guests will also be inconvenienced by having to take 2 annual leave days off. I got married on a Saturday as I understood people have work/schoolkids/travel implications. Saving money on a Thursday big day is great, but for guests it sucks. Anybody feel the same way? I will go to the wedding and have a good time etc, anyway.

Addle

Not everyone works Monday to Friday.
Saturday weddings don't suit all guests.
Al least you'll still have the long weekend to yourself.
If it is causing you a problem, you don't have to go.
You got an invitation, not a demand.

Sir Arthur Daley

Alot of working people will want to go to the wedding but will struggle to get 2 days off before a bank holiday weekend. If it was a Friday that wouldn't be too bad.

Milly33

Would'nt be bothered about it. it is what they want as such perhaps they can not afford to get married at the weekend and if you really wanted to go you would go so happy days

Sir Arthur Daley

If they cannot afford to have the wedding at the weekend they should consider decreasing the numbers to make it suit their budget to try and have it at the weekend, having a wedding during the week to convenience themselves and having no consideration for their guests is unfair, especially in this case asking people taking to take 2 working days off just before a bank holiday.
Its not very nice to say "oh don't go its not a demand".

Addle

It's a wedding day. Why do you need 2 days off work?

Sir Arthur Daley

Addle wrote: »

It's a wedding day. Why do you need 2 days off work?

In this case the wedding is on a Thursday so that is one day, people will be taking the Friday off as they wont want to be coming in half drunk from the wedding, its a wedding people celebrate.

bee06

It wouldn't bother me to be honest. It seems like whatever you do someone's going to be complaining anyway whether it's not inviting their children, inviting children, menu choices, where it is or when it is. You can't please everyone so you may as well please yourself.

Milly33

exactly if you do not want to take two days just take the one!! No one says you have to take the next day that is your own choice.. You would just normally take it so that you don't have to work with a hangover and stay up late..

Think this kinda rude to think that they should be accommodating you rather than you being pleased that they have invited you to one of the most important days for them would you not be pleased..

greenbicycle

WikiHow wrote: »

If they cannot afford to have the wedding at the weekend they should consider decreasing the numbers to make it suit their budget to try and have it at the weekend, having a wedding during the week to convenience themselves and having no consideration for their guests is unfair, especially in this case asking people taking to take 2 working days off just before a bank holiday.
Its not very nice to say "oh don't go its not a demand".

I completely agree with this. ^^

Milly33 wrote: »

exactly if you do not want to take two days just take the one!! No one says you have to take the next day that is your own choice.. You would just normally take it so that you don't have to work with a hangover and stay up late..

Think this kinda rude to think that they should be accommodating you rather than you being pleased that they have invited you to one of the most important days for them would you not be pleased..

And I completely disagree with this ^^

If you want to be accommodating to your guests and have consideration for them I would say that in most cases you should have your wedding on a Saturday (the only exception being if all of your guests are nurses or guards or work in retail and typically may be working on a Saturday). The bride and groom are in the minority when it comes to everyone in attendance on the day, the day chosen should be chosen with the majority in mind. There is nothing rude about what I am saying, the rudeness is the couples who get disgruntled when they get "regretfully decline" replies to their Thursday wedding invites.

I agree that If you are doing it to save money, have a smaller wedding.

I had a Saturday wedding for this very reason, to suit my guests and make it easy for those who I really cared about.

My sister also got married but had a much smaller budget, she also had it on a Saturday but her wedding was a third of the size of mine.

Sir Arthur Daley

I guess it is difficult to make compromises and make everyone happy, i feel that since its a bank holiday weekend it is making the situation harder for people to get off work as the working week before the bank holiday is usually busy. If the wedding was on a Friday even it would only be one day off work and a boss wouldn't mind that as much.

OneoOne1

I got married on a Thursday. We didn't want to get married in a church so our only option was to get married in a registry office. This can only be done on Monday to Friday. In our case, every Friday was booked out for weeks in both directions of the dates we wanted to get married.

January

I'm getting married on a Wednesday... to be fair I didn't think of the day, just the date... It's New Years Eve... most people have New Years Day off anyway

sweetie

i've gone to thursday weddings before and taken only a day off. I work the thursday morning and the friday afternoon. Not an option for some locations but might suit some.
It's not always a money thing, it could be due to demand for a venue. Would you suggest they go with a lesser venue to suit you too?

Addle

Maybe the date is important to them?

Red Nissan

It would depend on the actual day TBH. But loosely, no, I think they should do far more Monday to Friday weddings, unless I'm really close to the couple, it ruins a weekend for me, which for me is more valuable than a week day.

D3PO

OP its an invite not an imposition. You dont have to take the next day off work if you choose not too thats your decision..

As for the poster who says that rather than somebody having a wedding on a thursday where hotels do cheaper deals they should invite less people and have it on a Saturday. Are you for real ? They should choose not to invite people they want to have at their special day just to have it at the weekend.

God almighty thats beyond incredulous.

Maybe the day has meaning to them,
Maybe they cannot get a weekend date in the venue they want
Maybe they cannot afford to have the wedding in the venue they want at the weekend Maybe a lot of their friends and families work weekends and for the majority of people the Thursday is better
Maybe they are having a civil ceremony which can only happen Mon - Fri

I had my wedding on a Friday for the reason that I wanted people who wanted to indulge themselves with alcoholic beverages would have an extra days recovery before work on the Monday.

If somebody I invited complained to me about it being a weekday quite frankly I would have told the ungrateful fu(ker not to worry about it that they were no longer welcome anyway.

I only wanted people at my wedding that firstly I wanted there and secondly who wanted to be there themselves. If your going to whinge about somebodies special day just dont go.

blindside88

WikiHow wrote: »

If they cannot afford to have the wedding at the weekend they should consider decreasing the numbers to make it suit their budget to try and have it at the weekend, having a wedding during the week to convenience themselves and having no consideration for their guests is unfair, especially in this case asking people taking to take 2 working days off just before a bank holiday.
Its not very nice to say "oh don't go its not a demand".

So you would rather that they decreased numbers (and possibly didn't invite you) than be invited to go on a Thursday. We were married on a Thursday and felt that if people actually wanted to go they could and if they didn't want to be there they had the perfect excuse. We told people the date a year in advance so they had plenty of notice to book holidays. Even with Saturday weddings you'll get people complaining that their whole weekend is taken up with it

Sir Arthur Daley

blindside88 wrote: »

So you would rather that they decreased numbers (and possibly didn't invite you) than be invited to go on a Thursday. We were married on a Thursday and felt that if people actually wanted to go they could and if they didn't want to be there they had the perfect excuse. We told people the date a year in advance so they had plenty of notice to book holidays. Even with Saturday weddings you'll get people complaining that their whole weekend is taken up with it

I totally understand you cannot please everyone, telling people a year in advance is a good idea, this would not be the normal thing, i got an invite for a wedding last week and it is on in 3 weeks so only got a months notice, not everyone have bosses who can ask for 2 days off before a bank holiday weekend, i know a few bosses that if you asked for a Thursday and Friday off before a bank holiday weekend they would say work away and you can have next week and year off too, job would be gone.

blindside88

WikiHow wrote: »

I totally understand you cannot please everyone, telling people a year in advance is a good idea, this would not be the normal thing, i got an invite for a wedding last week and it is on in 3 weeks so only got a months notice, not everyone have bosses who can ask for 2 days off before a bank holiday weekend, i know a few bosses that if you asked for a Thursday and Friday off before a bank holiday weekend they would say work away and you can have next week and year off too, job would be gone.

That is shocking short notice to be fair we sent the invites out 6 or 7 weeks in advance but and told people in passing when the date was booked. I can completely understand not being able to get 2 days off with a few weeks notice

Sir Arthur Daley

blindside88 wrote: »

That is shocking short notice to be fair we sent the invites out 6 or 7 weeks in advance but and told people in passing when the date was booked. I can completely understand not being able to get 2 days off with a few weeks notice

A month to six weeks would be the done thing in my area, to be fair about it i knew they were getting married but at the same time i didnt think i would get a full invite, i was expecting just an evening invite.

freshpopcorn

Go to the wedding on the Thursday and don't drink and head home on the Thursday night and go to work on Friday.
In the past not many people stayed in the hotel on the night of a wedding. It only took off because people had to much disposable income.

truedoom

wow....what a ridiculous arse of a thing to moan about.

I mean....just wow.

Gatica

blindside88 wrote: »

We told people the date a year in advance so they had plenty of notice to book holidays.

If they would prioritise your wedding as being very important in their calendar, then fine. However, I think it depends on the size of the wedding in question. A smaller wedding is more likely to have only those really close to you, who'd really feel the need to be there and plan for it.
I can't imagine it would register with most people until much closer to the date, if it's one of those > 200 ppl weddings, as I image some of those people may have more important things to save their precious 2 days (10%) of their holidays for.
Saturday weddings I think are the most convenient for majority of guests. Friday and Sunday being the next most convenient, then Thursday, Monday and I'd imagine Tuesday and Wednesday to be the worst (in my own personal opinion and estimate of Mon-Fri workers).
People don't like attending a function only to return to work the next day, especially having to miss the rest of the party in the evening, so they're more likely to take the next day off.

It's a hard one to call on a small budget, invite more guests midweek or less guests on a weekend. No one (or very few at least) really knows the guest profile of a couple, and why they'd choose a particular day, date or time. So go if you can and have a great time, or decline, which I'm sure they couple will understand and expect from a larger than normal percentage of guests.

December2012

It's not about you.

It's about them.

You're being ridiculous.

Milly33

Phew I was thinking there were some very narrow minded people out there for a while until the last page of posts...

Sir Arthur Daley

It is very easy see who don't work and every day is a Saturday to them and that this would be not an issue.

dowhatyoulove

As someone who works Mon-fri, Thursday weddings are a bummer. I'd rather not spend 2 of my holiday days for a wedding.

kkcatlou

I'm kinda shocked at how in support of a Thursday wedding most people on this are! In general conversation, the majority of people I know give out about it (unless there's a Thursday wedding-er in the group).

When we were booking ours, we only asked for Saturday availability, didn't entertain other dates or see costs, as we want people to really want to be at our wedding, for it not to be hassle or extra expense for them (in terms of losing days holidays or unpaid leave). While it's the most important day of your lives, it only becomes a great day because of the people who are there - wanting to be there, and wanting to share a great day with you. The same way as you get a band that will please the crowd, or pick a menu that people will enjoy....it can't all be about you, you, you, or you might as well elope and have the day to yourselves!

We already have to take 6 days annual leave this year for other people's weddings and given that we have our own wedding and honeymoon to take days for...that is a lot of extra leave.

bee06

I'm getting married on a Friday in August. The venue we booked had no Saturdays and only two Fridays left and all the other venues we looked at only had Friday availability as well and that was 16 months before the wedding. If you want to get married at a certain time of year Saturdays just aren't available.

I was slightly worried that all our work people wouldn't all be able to attend because they couldn't get the day off together but my plan was to tell whoever couldn't get the day off that it was grand if they couldn't make the ceremony and they could just come when they finished work. As luck would have it we're all being made redundant now so I don't have to worry about it!

D3PO

dowhatyoulove wrote: »

As someone who works Mon-fri, Thursday weddings are a bummer. I'd rather not spend 2 of my holiday days for a wedding.

then go to work on the Friday.... :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

dowhatyoulove

D3PO wrote: »

then go to work on the Friday.... :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Yup, leave the wedding early and be labelled a party pooper. Actually heard girls in work call other girls names as they didn't attend the afters of a Thursday wedding. The bride went all bridezilla.

Thursdays are inconvenient for a number of reasons, childcare etc...

clint_silver

dowhatyoulove wrote: »

Yup, leave the wedding early and be labelled a party pooper. Actually heard girls in work call other girls names as they didn't attend the afters of a Thursday wedding. The bride went all bridezilla.

Thursdays are inconvenient for a number of reasons, childcare etc...

Get those girls and dangle a bell around their necks. That way youll know when they're approaching and it will give you and others a chance to hide from their foolish ways.

Gatica

dowhatyoulove wrote: »

Thursdays are inconvenient for a number of reasons, childcare etc...

Isn't that inconvenient any other night of the week as well though?

Babooshka

kkcatlou wrote: »

I'm kinda shocked at how in support of a Thursday wedding most people on this are! In general conversation, the majority of people I know give out about it (unless there's a Thursday wedding-er in the group).

When we were booking ours, we only asked for Saturday availability, didn't entertain other dates or see costs, as we want people to really want to be at our wedding, for it not to be hassle or extra expense for them (in terms of losing days holidays or unpaid leave). While it's the most important day of your lives, it only becomes a great day because of the people who are there - wanting to be there, and wanting to share a great day with you. The same way as you get a band that will please the crowd, or pick a menu that people will enjoy....it can't all be about you, you, you, or you might as well elope and have the day to yourselves!

We already have to take 6 days annual leave this year for other people's weddings and given that we have our own wedding and honeymoon to take days for...that is a lot of extra leave.

I got married on a Thursday, and yes it's a hassle for some people, so the ones who found it too much hassle refused to come, and that was fine. It wasn't because it was all about us, they didn't have any Saturdays or Fridays left and we booked it a year before the wedding. And yes the savings in having it on a Thursday swayed it in the end too, it was a difference of a few grand, doesn't make us horrible friends.

I understand it's hard for people to say yes, but why bother opening a thread moaning about it, just politely decline and move on. You must be very close to a lot of people if you absolutely must go to 6 weddings as well as your own this year, unless you are best friends or very closely related to the people having the weddings, they really do understand if you decline going and you do it by the deadline, you don't have to attend every single one.

My closest friends and relatives all knew we were getting married on a Thursday a whole year beforehand and none of them were put out about it, so anyone we really wanted there was able to come and that's all that mattered. Different strokes and all that but the amount of bashing on this site about people and their wedding plans is a real shame. Some people get married abroad and that means a week off work. Asking, but not expecting people closest to you to take one day (it doesn't have to be two) is not a crime. You had a Saturday wedding, good for you, but no need to get indignant with people who don't.

January

Babooshka wrote: »

I got married on a Thursday, and yes it's a hassle for some people, so the ones who found it too much hassle refused to come, and that was fine. It wasn't because it was all about us, they didn't have any Saturdays or Fridays left and we booked it a year before the wedding. And yes the savings in having it on a Thursday swayed it in the end too, it was a difference of a few grand, doesn't make us horrible friends.

I understand it's hard for people to say yes, but why bother opening a thread moaning about it, just politely decline and move on. You must be very close to a lot of people if you absolutely must go to 6 weddings as well as your own this year, unless you are best friends or very closely related to the people having the weddings, they really do understand if you decline going and you do it by the deadline, you don't have to attend every single one.

My closest friends and relatives all knew we were getting married on a Thursday a whole year beforehand and none of them were put out about it, so anyone we really wanted there was able to come and that's all that mattered. Different strokes and all that but the amount of bashing on this site about people and their wedding plans is a real shame. Some people get married abroad and that means a week off work. Asking, but not expecting people closest to you to take one day (it doesn't have to be two) is not a crime. You had a Saturday wedding, good for you, but no need to get indignant with people who don't.

I wish I'd booked one of those hotels that offer mid-week rates!

dowhatyoulove

clint_silver wrote: »

Get those girls and dangle a bell around their necks. That way youll know when they're approaching and it will give you and others a chance to hide from their foolish ways.

Reason why none of them are invited to my wedding. just because I work with them doesn't mean I like them Mine is on a Saturday!

D3PO

dowhatyoulove wrote: »

Yup, leave the wedding early and be labelled a party pooper. Actually heard girls in work call other girls names as they didn't attend the afters of a Thursday wedding. The bride went all bridezilla.

Thursdays are inconvenient for a number of reasons, childcare etc...

why would you have to leave early ? Go to work a little tired the next day, dont drink drive home its not a big deal.

Where theres a will theres a way, some people just love to make excuses though. Typically Irish thing to do.

Childcare on a Thursday is no more of a convenience than any other day of the week weekend included.

marialouise

bee06 wrote: »

As luck would have it we're all being made redundant now so I don't have to worry about it!

There's optimism for ye!

hoodwinked

D3PO wrote: »

Childcare on a Thursday is no more of a convenience than any other day of the week weekend included.

i'd disagree as creches would be open mon-fri so it is more of a convenience for childcare to have it midweek, you could leave them in preschool/creche while you go to the ceremony without your child, and then collect them after or have a relative collect them from school...


we got married on a thursday, we gave people two years notice and reminded some of them when they told us they could book holidays for that year (was family so these conversations weren't out of the ordinary) some of my friends work in retail so wouldn't have been able to book the two days off and had to wait until the week before to see if they were working but those that couldn't make it came to the ceremony before work and went to work after. in fact if it was a saturday none of my friends working in retail would have made it,


my husbands work colleagues are all on mon-fri, so they just joined the reception after work and some took the friday off,others didn't,


those that wanted to be there told us they loved the fact they got a long weekend and because our wedding was only on the thursday, they had the friday,sat and sunday to do what they wanted. if people want to be there they will be there no matter what the day.

Arbiter of Good Taste

How dare anyone feel they are inconvenienced by someone's wedding plans. Don't you know once a couple get engaged the world starts revolving around them?

Milly33

Oh im un-following this one seems most defo..

Sir Arthur Daley

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Don't you know once a couple get engaged the world starts revolving around them?

They can be thinking that.

December2012

WikiHow wrote: »

They can be thinking that.

Well it is their wedding.

pwurple

Just don't go?

Nothing wrong with declining an invitation is there? If a wedding doesn't suit me for some reason, I politely decline.

There are loads of reasons people say no. Can't get the day off, location doesn't suit, date clashes with something else, family member is sick, finances are tight, can't get childcare, etc etc.

I don't think I was put out or anything when a couple of people couldn't make it to ours. No biggie, things come up.

Toots

This thread seems to be going around in circles, I'm going to leave it open for the time being providing the discussion is kept civil. Any more sarcastic bitchy comments will earn an infraction for the poster.

greenbicycle

One of he points i was trying to make was the mid week wedding holders that get annoyed when you say you cant go cause they have picked a mid week date. This has happened to me twice this year already! I is completely unacceptable.

So to those who say i should politley decline if i have problem with a ,id week wedding, i have and i have not gotten a good response from the couple.

I have invitations for ten weddings this year, TEN! This means ten presents a good number of dresses (still need to work out how many can be reworn) and spending money b and b for almost all the weddings.

Three of these weddings are not on a weekend. i am not going to these three. I cant afford to have days off on top of all the other costs. Two of these are cousins and another is a not very close friend. The friend and one cousin are annoyed that I am not going to their weddings, you would think I am an integral part of their wedding the way they are acting. Infact i think they are annoyed because they are realising that they are getting many rejections because of the day they have picked and this has left them feeling put out.

The lesson learned is that, despite what this thread seems to indicate, most people would prefer if people got married on a weekend and are not overjoyed at the prospect of a mid week wedding. (Doesnt mean you are not still happy for the couple) most couples have their immediate family and a few close friends who would be willing to go to a wedding anywhere or any time, after that, outside that circle of people people are less attached to a couple and generally prefer if a wedding is convenient for the guest rather than the couple.

bee06

greenbicycle wrote: »

One of he points i was trying to make was the mid week wedding holders that get annoyed when you say you cant go cause they have picked a mid week date. This has happened to me twice this year already! I is completely unacceptable.

So to those who say i should politley decline if i have problem with a ,id week wedding, i have and i have not gotten a good response from the couple.

I suppose it works both ways really. While guests should accept that there are reasons why wedding is held mid week equally the couple should accept that there will be people who can't go because of that and be gracious about it.

whiteandlight

Couples do not always accept that people cannot come midweek and get cranky/offended.

I'm a teacher and so are my parents. There are many weddings between them and myself that we simply cannot attend as there is no way to take a day off during term time unless you are sick/bereaved. Yes my summer holidays are long but I've been surprised at the number of times I've had to explain that, no I can't just take time off, it doesn't work like that.

It's not as easy as saying 'don't come' when realistically a wedding invite has a certain amount of obligation involved. Not coming involves offence as 'you didn't make enough effort...'

Edit for clarification: Its second level not primary. I have gone after school when its local enough to be achievable (if the weddings three hours away then it isn't), but this has not been sufficient for couples in some cases.

freshpopcorn

Musicmental85 wrote: »

.

I'm a teacher and so are my parents. There are many weddings between them and myself that we simply cannot attend as there is no way to take a day off during term time unless you are sick/bereaved. Yes my summer holidays are long but I've been surprised at the number of times I've had to explain that, no I can't just take time off, it doesn't work like that.
.'

Not being smart with you tough. My sister is a teacher and has to have taken a couple of days off over the years for events/weddings. Generally you have a good bit of notice of these. So she does courses during the summer to entitle her to course days during the school term.
lots of teachers do it.

Addle

Musicmental85 wrote: »

Couples do not always accept that people cannot come midweek and get cranky/offended.

I'm a teacher and so are my parents. There are many weddings between them and myself that we simply cannot attend as there is no way to take a day off during term time unless you are sick/bereaved. Yes my summer holidays are long but I've been surprised at the number of times I've had to explain that, no I can't just take time off, it doesn't work like that.

It's not as easy as saying 'don't come' when realistically a wedding invite has a certain amount of obligation involved. Not coming this involves offence as 'you didn't make enough effort...'

You could still go to the reception if you want.

Reads like there are as many unreasonable guests as hosts.