Finding college stressful don't know what to do anymore...

LegacyUser

I'm finding college really stressful, I really don't know whats wrong with me this semester. I'm in first year. I started a different course last year I switched at the end of the year as I realised the course wasn't for me. Now I like the new course I started 3 weeks late last semester I missed the whole getting to know each other part. I hang with a group but I just feel like I hate college as I haven't formed a bond with anyone there. No matter how hard I try , I don't really have much in common with anyone I'm interested in other stuff apart from drinking , clubbing etc thats what most people seem to talk about or how much they drunk or what they did last night . I just don't have any connection with anybody because of this I end up just observing because I don't have anything to add to those kind of conversations. I'm always assuming people are judging me or find me weird or just don't like me even though I don't actually care what they think about me just wonder if they're judging me . I thought I'd be settled by now but I'm not.

I don't know how to get out of this way of thinking I just worry constantly about this. I did the same last year although it was less since it was a smaller course . This seems to happen to me all the time now . I'm starting to wonder if maybe I have anxiety overall . I just want to skip college nowadays all the time because of this , it's getting to me too much for me to handle and it's the 2nd semester I'd just rather avoid the situation. I've already skipped 4 days since being back I don't know what to do anymore I'm already getting into a skipping pattern , I'm not enjoying college anymore just don't want to be there it's not the course this time either.
What should I do? I don't know whats wrong with me.
I'm not sure if I just don't get along with people my age I'm 20 I've had people tell me I'm mature for my age. I don't know if thats good or bad... I'm hating college , there aren't any societies I'm interested in.

laurabury84

Hi - it does sound like you do have social anxiety but don't give up. Think of college as a step to your future and that it what you need to focus on. Yes it is great to have mates in college as it is part of the experience but there is no point trying to force being friends with people that you don't have anything in common with and that will make you feel bad about yourself if you keep trying to force the situation.

Have you joined any clubs in the college yet for things that do interest you? If not then I would suggest this.

Try not to fret too much as most people feel really lost during this time as you are expected to make really big decisions at a very young age but you should also try enjoy the experience as much as you can

I hope this helps

LegacyUser

I tried last year one of the societies it just wasn't for me I did like the people just not the activity it was skiing . There's nothing else I'm interested in it's mainly sports orientated socs . I don't know how to get to know everyone I'm still more of an outsider to the people I hang with. I just can't always think of things to say. It might be from not seeing them since last semester in December.

December2012

Lots of people in your course may feel the same as you. They just have developed strategies.

So you need a strategy as for how you, a pleasant and interesting yet socially anxious person are going to feel better.

Have you a college advisor or counsellor you could talk to?

Could you go on the nights out - you're not there to enjoy the music (just like most people), you're there to mix and get to know your classmates.

LegacyUser

I spoke to a counsellor last year when I was switching courses and I was thinking about not doing the exams and she said I had exam anxiety , I may actually have general anxiety more than I realise.
I could speak to her again I was supposed to see her when I started back at college I never saw her again as I didn't think I needed it. I hate talking about it I find it easier to talk about it in writing than in person.

I ordered these two books from amazon to help myself.
The anxiety and worry workbook - David A Clark
Shyness and social anxiety workbook - Martin M Antony

I had a look at the preview these seem interesting might try this and see how this goes.

LegacyUser

I've skipped again today I felt positive in the morning about going to college today until I woke up late an wouldn't have made it in on time it just got me more anxious about going in so I keep putting it off. It's the 3rd time I've skipped this week I skipped 3 days last week too.
I'm getting worked up over everything feeling that I'm not getting closer to any goals maybe putting to much pressure on myself and still not really close to anyone in college starting to wish I took this year out and started a fresh at the beginning with everyone.
I don't like talking about this stuff to anyone.

December2012

Go back to the counsellor then. It's okay to have a checkup

Stavro Mueller

I think your next stop should be the college counsellor and a GP. My fear for you is that if you drop out, you'll never come back. You're effectively running away from college and you are running the risk of it becoming a bigger ogre in your mind the longer you stay away. You've got anxiety issues, you're not making friends, you've not settled. Is next year really going to be any different? The faces may change but your issues aren't going away anytime soon.

Overheal

Buying a self help book is a momentary pump but doesn't solve anything. I think I have 3 or 4 such books, that I have never opened. Whoops.

The counseling is there, avail of it. You can also try to form study groups with a few people from the course - just be cognizant of the fact that since you have slipped behind it will put an onus on you to contribute something back in the future.

It's hard to tell you not to stress, but exercise patience on the social aspect, and focus on getting back to speed on your studies. The truth I've discovered is that if you're good at being You, the rest follows. People can judge me all they want, and I actively know that some people have and do, but at this point in my life it's like the NSA watching me: like come at me, take a look, and find anything you don't like and while you're here find all these tons of awesome things about me. I'm sure there are at least a handful of things you really like about yourself and if you just focus on that, everything else - like the things you don't like - can be tackled one thing at a time.

It always comes in the weirdest places when you least suspect it. I was a designated driver last week for one of our parties. Inside a party, I'm a mellow enough guy but its hard to break the ice with anybody. Since dropping some girl off who was having a bad night and showing a bit of sympathy - well it starts with texting me thanks the next day and then a week later asking how my week has been. Just be in the business of being you and and the rest follows, friends and all.

LegacyUser

I went in today as I had to I didn't want to fall into a skipping college pattern.
I don't know if it's just because I haven't seen them since December/November before Christmas an I just need to get settled again.
I've been trying to think a lot more positive an thought maybe I need to try a little harder I do think I come across as shy or not interested as sometimes I'd be quiet or if I felt shy I'd just be on my phone it's like a security in a way. They could think I don't want to talk to them. I didn't get a chance to hang with them today with there being no break . Monday I have a 2 hour break I'm going to try not to touch my phone an make an effort. There's a mystery tour going to one night club I've heard a lot of them are going. I could avoid but I don't maybe that would be good way to get to know them more an if we've all been drinking it'll make it easier. I haven't decided yet whether I'm going or not I might casually bring it up on Monday an ask if they're going.
Will I try this week to make more of an effort? an see how that goes if that doesn't work then I'll see a counsellor the next week?

LegacyUser

I noticed this anxiety mainly occurs around people my age . People older than me or anyone else I can talk to fine. Even say people like hairdressers or customers in work.
I feel comfortable around older people even if it's only a few years.

LegacyUser

I have had sometimes where it's been okay as I forced myself to thing positive thoughts. I've noticed this happens more when I'm in close contact where I need to make eye contact. I hate making eye contact when people are close to me or I feel like I'm staring at the person if I'm looking at them it just feels awkward. It happen when sitting at the table and sitting opposite someone I don't like not knowing where to look so I end up taking out my phone to avoid the eye contact. I find the eye contact awkward in other situations to mainly with people I'm not close to or buying things in the shop etc.

I'm fine with eye contact when there's some distance between us. I'm okay talking to people I don't know when we aren't sitting across a table close in proximity.

I've also noticed I get way more stressed over everything when I have exercised or been to the gym. I always feel so confident or positive in general after I have.

Merkin

I think you've been given good advice in this thread already and you should think about following it.

You should go and talk to a college counsellor and a GP about your anxiety issues and do this as a matter of priority. Don't drop out of yet another course because of something that can be quite easily remedied.

vitani

Exercise is great, but I'd agree with the counselling suggestion, and I'd recommend your GP as well.

I know exactly how you feel. I went through something similar in my second year of college - I felt like I had nothing in common with the others and I started skipping lectures because I was anxious, which made me more anxious so I'd skip more. It was a horrible cycle to be in and contributed towards a really bad period of depression for me.

One thing I've learned since is that your mental health is as important as your physical health. You wouldn't dream of trying to fix a broken leg on your own, so why do the same for anxiety or stress?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies I'm making an appointment to see my counsellor next week just waiting for her to get back to me. I have been getting extremely stressed.