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Dating someone with MS.

  • 04-02-2014 8:04am
    #1
    hattoncracker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,091 ✭✭✭


    Hi :)

    I don't have MS, but I'm seeing a man who has it... He's wonderful, truly amazing, and I see it as a very minor part of who he is as a person. In fact I think the way he handles it makes me respect him more..

    He doesn't talk about it much, except to tell me he's been feeling better since we met and the pain is not at the front of his mind anymore. He's told me his own symptoms so I know that much, but he does walk with a stick. On our first date I offered him my arm on some steps, and waited for him at the bottom.. He said that he couldn't believe how attentive I was to him, but for me it was such a minor thing to be aware of him that I didn't have to think about it.

    I know it doesn't define him as a person at all, and he tries not to let it affect him. I guess I just want to know if there's anything I should be doing to make it easier for him? Just little things.

    I'm very sorry if this is the wrong place to post, I just don't know anyone else I can talk to about it, and I want to know if there's anyone here who's been in this situation who can advise me. I know he is going to be an important person in my life so I'm going to be living with this long term.

    Thank you xxx


Comments

  • #2
    sawdoubters
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,288 ✭✭✭sawdoubters


    http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Multiple-Sclerosis/Marrying-someone-with-MS/show/717359


  • #3
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    If helping him comes naturally to you then continue doing so but I wouldn't do anything that doesn't come naturally as it can be awkward and draw attention to the MS which nobody likes.

    What I find is that some people are very good and being subtle about things like waiting for you or walking slowly if you can't keep up. Others aren't and are almost embarrassed about doing so, or do it with an apology and then it's really awkward and uncomfortable and both people feel bad.

    Personally, as someone with MS who is dating, I just want my boyfriend to take me as I am. I have no idea what state I'll be in next week or next year or next decade and there's no point in worrying about it or dwelling on it.

    At the same time, my MS isn't a secret and I don't mind if he has questions for me about it but I would hate for it to be made a big deal out of. It's just something people live with and most of the time, try to just forget about having it and get on with their lives as usual.


    I would also suggest talking to him about the type of MS he has. This is your future to and it's important that you understand where he is at in terms of type of MS, medication, symptoms etc. so you are in this with your eyes wide open. Obviously predicting future progression is almost impossible but it's still wise to be fully aware of what you are getting into.


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