This Girl Lied about being pregnant to ME...?

mb20064

Right, Sorry to drop this one but I need a little help!!

A few years ago when I was 19 (im 21 now) I was seeing this girl...... we weren't regular or anything but we were having fun like. So I was quite busy with college so I decided this wasn't the right for me to be in a proper relationship. So I told her that and she was fine with it, she seemed very mature and very grown up about the whole thing.

A few days later she phoned me up & told me that she was pregnant with my child. So I realised that the situation was what is was, so I decided I'd live with her during the week (as she went home at the weekend) and stay at my place Friday and Saturday.

So one (Saturday) night I heard a knock that my door.... I thought i was my neighbour who had a habit of locking himself out after a night on the drink. So I opened the door and she walked in.... visibly after a night out. So I was quite angry.... considering she was meant to be pregnant with my child.

To cut a long story short!!! After a little argument she told me she was never pregnant but just couldn't stand the thought of losing me (we were only together 3 weeks and were only really friends with benefits - by her words!!) and she thought that this was the best way she could keep hold of me.

I told the story to my friend a couple of months ago and I thought I was over the whole ordeal but it just but I cant quite forget about it & it just seems as if its something that continually playing on my mind.

Shes not in Ireland anymore, her room-mate at the time clued me in but that was 3 years ago she could be back or she could not be.

Either way I haven't seen her since and as far as the reality was that I knew at that time.. I had lost a child (without sounding to dramatic!!)

It's just that I thought I was over the whole thing and since I told my friend..... I'm just not sure that I am...

Sorry to make a huge story out of it.... but I kinda need a bit of advice!!

Tokyo

OP, I'm finding it hard to figure out from your post what it is exactly that you are looking for advice with? I'm assuming that you are trying to figure out how to handle the fact that you are still dwelling on this three years later.

TBH, from the sounds of it I don't think it's the 'losing the child' issue that you are dwelling on, I get the feeling that it's the fact that you were played, and played well, that you haven't gotten over, and I think that chatting to your friend about it brought those feelings to the surface again. It was a ****ty experience, for sure, and one that you're not likely to forget in a hurry, and I'd be angry too if I had been in your shoes, but the truth of the matter is that you pretty much dodged a bullet with this one, in that the pregnancy that you didn't really want, with the girl that you weren't really interested in other than a friend with benefits, turned out to be a lie.

The fact that you are still wondering where the girl is gives me the impression that part of you wants to confront her again, ask her why she lied to you about something so important. My advice would be not to waste your time doing so. You didn't lose a child - you were played. By somebody that obviously had quite a few issues at the time. Chalk it off to being a bad relationship that you are lucky to be out of, and focus instead on meeting someone that you do want to be with, whenever and wherever that may be.

xavier8228

Let me just state first this is my experience and it's not first hand. My best friend at my previous work place ( Tom for a name) slept with a girl a few times who used to work with us ( kat for her name). It wasn't serious at all. One day kat (who was polish and already had a child) told Tom that she was pregnant and wanted to have a abortion in England. Tom was 20 at the time and she was 29. She told everyone at work about it and how he was the father. He gave her 1000 euro to go to England even though she gave no evidence of it. I remember she kept saying she couldn't have another child. She went away for a week and a half and nothing was ever said after. I don't know what happened but I have never known anyone to announce they were pregnant by someone to a workplace and look for money to get an abortion. Let me just say she was not shy on announcing this to everyone.

The Corinthian

mb20064 wrote: »

Either way I haven't seen her since and as far as the reality was that I knew at that time.. I had lost a child (without sounding to dramatic!!)

You lost an imaginary or theoretical child. The reason it's weighing upon your mind is that it's as close as you've ever gotten to having had a real child and this is weighing on you because naturally most people might wonder 'what if' where it comes to this sort of thing - I suspect most men have had a simelar story (albeit, not involving attempted fraud) and have occasionally wondered 'what if'.

All I would say is that it's only been two years, and while you'll eventually forget about the experience, it'll take time to do so. And sooner or later you almost certainly will, because even if time does not cause it to fade, a future 'close miss' or even actually becoming a father will supplant it.

As an aside, you're lucky to a great extent. As a man you have far fewer options, or rights, where it comes to your own fertility, so having had a scare so early on may help you avoid a simelar scenario in the future.

ash23

This ex breached your trust and duped you into a relationship. Much the same as anyone who has been betrayed in a romantic relationship (being cheated on or lied to), it can be hard to trust someone again when their trust has been breached before.


All you can really do is realise that this woman had issues. Most women wouldn't ever think about doing this to someone. It's an awful thing to do to someone. I would just chalk it down to a nasty experience and try to move on from it.

Ham Sambo

That was nasty

BobTheNihilist

OP you have nothing to feel bad about. You were being played and you dodged a bullet. This girl seriously had issues and I feel sorry for the next man she dupes.
There are plenty of girls out there who will use this kind of tactic. Move on from this with your head held high and always always use protection.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, there are some nasty people out there. A few years ago my husband's mother got a phone call from an ex of his from 6 or 7 years previously. She only had his home number, we were living together in our own house, and it was pre-Facebook days so she had no other way of contacting him.

Anyway, the ex told his mother that she had a granddaughter, called Sarah, with "lovely black hair, like her daddy". Of course his mother contacted him immediately, very upset that he may have known about this "child" and kept it from them for all those years. He rang back the ex, who had told him around the time they broke up that she was pregnant. A few weeks later she told him she had miscarried. And years later there was a little girl, with a name, and hair and everything! The only problem when he questioned her was she struggled with a date of birth. "Around Christmas" - which couldn't have been true because the dates didn't add up. She also changed between the child being 6 and 7.

She eventually said she made it all up and it was to get back at him for hurting her by breaking up with her. We had a friend who was a Garda stationed in her town. When we told her we had to know for certain, and we'd be asking him to find out what he could, she pleaded with us not to. That she had been pregnant, and had had an abortion, and she was sorry and didn't want the guards involved, because she didn't want her family finding out!

Absolute headcase! We just couldn't believe a word she said.

So, OP, after that long saga, I don't really have advice for you, other than to say, that when it comes to pregnancy men really are at the mercy of women. You can be told anything by a woman, and you are really have to take them at face value. Most women wouldn't dream with messing with someone's emotions in such a cruel way... But there is always a minority who for whatever reason lie and try to hold "the power".

Not a lot you can do, except try to move on. Realise this was down to her, not you. It was a cruel cruel thing to do, but at least you are free of her manipulation. And maybe just be thankful that she didn't contact your mother telling her she had a secret grandchild