tough going

lulu1985

I dont know what to do. If im feeling just a little down and out. I had a baby 2months ago and finding it fairly tough...never really held a baby let alone looked after one. So my mam said she would help me with it all because tbh I hadnt a clue. The last few days shes becoming fairly crabby but if my mam is here shes an angel. Im wondering maybe she thinks she's her mam and not me. Can that happen?

Roesy

lulu1985 wrote: »

I dont know what to do. If im feeling just a little down and out. I had a baby 2months ago and finding it fairly tough...never really held a baby let alone looked after one. So my mam said she would help me with it all because tbh I hadnt a clue. The last few days shes becoming fairly crabby but if my mam is here shes an angel. Im wondering maybe she thinks she's her mam and not me. Can that happen?

My baby is 3 months old and I'm a first timer like yourself. It is tough going, don't let anyone tell you any different. You are dealing with lack of sleep, hormones dropping, questioning whether you are getting things right etc. I did have some experience with toddlers and kids but not really babies. My little girl has reflux and can be very hard to soothe some days but if she spends any time with my inlaws she's like a little dream baby! It's very hard when that happens. I'm crazily, stupidly in love with her but when she does that I feel like it's almost like she does it to make a liar out of me They probably think the reflux is in our heads! If you are feeling down though maybe you should talk to your public health nurse or gp.

lulu1985

Yeah my little girl has reflux aswel but we have that sorted and she was great until 3days ago. Her dad is wicked nervous of her and doesnt know how to handle her. Ecen if i tell him to do it this way or that he still wont do it. She sleeps in the travel cot in the sitting room and for love nor money will he keep the noise down he thinks he doesnt make noise think Im just a bit hacked off today. I really missing being at work apart from my mam I feel very isolated.

MollFlanders

Becoming a mum is tough going, be assured that your little one knows that you are mum! Where are you based, have you looked into post natal/ mother and baby groups or if you are breast feeding a support group. I went to one and met some lovely mums while oh was at work. I would organise little outings for us every other day, nothing major shopping, lunch with my mother or anyone who was off, a walk in the woods/ beach, went to pixi foto. Try smaller outings and then build yourself up to bigger ones, does help with feeling isolated.

highflyer30

Baby massage is great . Great for bonding, its very intimate. And it d get you out meeting other mums and have a chat and a cuppa at the end of class.

nikpmup

God, I remember looking at my boy, turning to my OH and saying, "I don't think he likes me!" Now it's the other way round - he's a total mammies boy, will not leave my side
She knows you're her mammy, but babies pick up on stress. If you're stressed and upset, it'll impact on how she is. Also, you're her primary carer - you are the person she cries at, but only because she knows you're the person who can fix it! Hang on in there, it's overwhelming but it will come right.

icescreamqueen

Aww lovie, I feel like I could have written this when I first had my baby. I felt so lost and like everyone knew what to do but me. You've just had one of the biggest changes to your life you could possibly have. It's a huge change and it takes a while to get into the swing of things. You are going to be tired and when you're tired it's very hard to think straight at times. Don't worry, your baby loves you very much and you are the one she wants to comfort and love her. It's just when your Mum comes to visit, she is refreshed. She obviously has heaps of experience and years of practice. In a few months, you will have found your rhythm and will feel much more confident. Even worrying about this shows that you're a great mother. Just give it time, you'll soon go from a rookie to a pro

lulu1985

icescreamqueen wrote: »

Aww lovie, I feel like I could have written this when I first had my baby. I felt so lost and like everyone knew what to do but me. You've just had one of the biggest changes to your life you could possibly have. It's a huge change and it takes a while to get into the swing of things. You are going to be tired and when you're tired it's very hard to think straight at times. Don't worry, your baby loves you very much and you are the one she wants to comfort and love her. It's just when your Mum comes to visit, she is refreshed. She obviously has heaps of experience and years of practice. In a few months, you will have found your rhythm and will feel much more confident. Even worrying about this shows that you're a great mother. Just give it time, you'll soon go from a rookie to a pro

Aww thank u so much. U made me smile after a tough day
Im glad im not the only one who felt like this I really thought there was something wrong with me maybe that I didnt have the "mother" gene. There were a few girls I know pregnant aroind the same time as me and they all seem to be loving it I just felt horrible but you guys have just gave me a boost

nikpmup

lulu1985 wrote: »

Aww thank u so much. U made me smile after a tough day
Im glad im not the only one who felt like this I really thought there was something wrong with me maybe that I didnt have the "mother" gene. There were a few girls I know pregnant aroind the same time as me and they all seem to be loving it I just felt horrible but you guys have just gave me a boost

I loved being pregnant, couldn't wait to be a mother - was trying to conceive for about 13 years. Still didn't stop me feeling like the worst mother in the world when he came along! I literally felt like everything I did was wrong. Little babies hate physical interventions (like getting nappy changed etc) My lad NOW loves getting his nappy off but when he was a newborn you'd swear I was murdering him.
You're new at this. So is she. You'll find a rhythm that works, and suddenly it'll all fall into place (still be hard work though!)

And as for the girls that are loving it... I can guarantee they feel just as out of their depth, but are afraid to verbalise it in case people think they aren't the perfect mom. They're not - no-one is - but you're the perfect mom to your baby.

Heroditas

lulu1985 wrote: »

I dont know what to do. If im feeling just a little down and out. I had a baby 2months ago and finding it fairly tough...never really held a baby let alone looked after one. So my mam said she would help me with it all because tbh I hadnt a clue. The last few days shes becoming fairly crabby but if my mam is here shes an angel. Im wondering maybe she thinks she's her mam and not me. Can that happen?

Don't worry. Your child doesn't prefer your mum to you. Your mum has a lot more experience with babies and would be very relaxed. She's also getting loads of sleep!
Your baby can probably sense a bit of tension from you and that might make baby upset.
We experienced the same thing with ours. She was tough going for a while but an angel with her gran. It'll pass soon enough!

lulu1985

MollFlanders wrote: »

Becoming a mum is tough going, be assured that your little one knows that you are mum! Where are you based, have you looked into post natal/ mother and baby groups or if you are breast feeding a support group. I went to one and met some lovely mums while oh was at work. I would organise little outings for us every other day, nothing major shopping, lunch with my mother or anyone who was off, a walk in the woods/ beach, went to pixi foto. Try smaller outings and then build yourself up to bigger ones, does help with feeling isolated.

I find it very hard to go out on my own I even get stressed going into town with my sister and she has kids of her own. Only person I feel confident around is my mam. I hate even bringing her to the health nurse or the doctor on my own in case she cracks up and I cant get her stop crying. Even bringing her into the in laws im avoiding it because I feel judged.

icescreamqueen

lulu1985 wrote: »

I find it very hard to go out on my own I even get stressed going into town with my sister and she has kids of her own. Only person I feel confident around is my mam. I hate even bringing her to the health nurse or the doctor on my own in case she cracks up and I cant get her stop crying. Even bringing her into the in laws im avoiding it because I feel judged.

I was the same at the start, I used to stock up when I went to the shop as I didn't want to go anywhere with her! I was too scared and nervous that everyone was looking at me and judging me as a parent. Your baby is still so young, small and fragile. The more you get out and about, the more confident you'll feel. It just comes down to practice and experience. Now, it's second nature to me and if I want to go anywhere I don't think twice. I'm not scared anymore and she loves her trips out and about. In a few months, you'll be in a great routine and a nab hand at everything. Just give yourself some more time, not everything to do with parenting will click into place instantly. It takes time

lolademmers

God this is nearly word for word how I felt when my lo was born 4 months ago! You definitely get more confident as time goes by especially with bringing baby out. I remember going shopping and chanting in my head 'please baby don't cry please dont cry' haha.
I also found it so hard just to get organised in the morning to go anywhere. If I was meeting anyone or had appointments for dr or nurse I would make them for the afternoon. Now we are our the door in a few minutes if needs be.
People kept telling me 'it gets easier' and I thought no way but it genuinely does. However don't let it go on to long for your own sake. Speak to your gp or nurse about your concerns.
Your oh will get more confident too he might need more time coz you are with the baby more. Try leaving them along and go for a quick walk but have your phone with you so he knows he can ring. Then every time you go out just stay out longer each time. It will do you both good coz you can go out without worrying and he will be delighted with his one on one time.

AvonEnniskerry

It's important to remember children are going through leaps in their development too. At these stages the children can become harder to manage but they soon set straight again. It often happens just as you feel you're starting to get the hang of things to.
Ps she knows you're her mother. However if you're starting to feel distance between you and your child, maybe try having a little time just you and her when you're both in good form. Or else try to be the one who feeds her as this would create a bonding opportunity for the two of you. But don't worry, the very fact that you are worrying makes you a great mum. Relax and try to enjoy it. It all happens so fast!

sonners

I'm at the same stage as you lulu, first baby just under 2 months old. I had previous experience of babies (nieces and nephews) but nothing prepares you for the full-on, non-stop 24/7 of YOUR OWN baby.

Have you spoken to your mam about how you feel? I think alot of it comes down to confidence and if your mam realises how you feel she might be able to help you build up yours whilst still supporting you. As others have said your little one is probably picking up on your nerves, she'll be more relaxed if you are.

As regards your friends who are finding it easy, I have a little anecdote. My Boss's wife came to visit me last week, she told me she had asked her husband how I was doing (I've been into the office a few times with the baby) he told her 'I was a natural, not a bother on me', my reply to this was simply 'They only see the good days'. If I'm having a bad day, I dont leave the house, I dont answer the phone, I dont have the energy to even maintain a conversation, EVERYONE has hard days. Its ok and its normal! I think maybe if you join a mother/baby support group you will find that strangers are more honest about their struggles.

I still find myself telling people 'She only cries when she's hungry' which, really, is horse****! Its like I'm trying to tell myself that she's good and that things aint too bad. I think I also kind of feel that if I say she's a bit fussy at times I'll get accused of spoiling her or I'll get unwanted 'advice' that I should try this and that, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely open to advice but if I need it I'll ask for it (which I have done numerous times). We're still figuring eachother out and as others have said things are changing for her everyday so its all a learning experience.

I realise I've kinda rambled a bit! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a confident woman with baby experience and I still find it tough too. But its ok, we're only human and each day we learn something new to make things a bit easier. You're doing great, think about everything you, your body and your emotions have been through the last couple of months and give yourself a pat on the back xxx