not sure if this is a normal convo or not!!

ardnassela aloppoc

ok im just gonna copy and paste this as i just want to know peoples initial thought on the conversation. so basically i want you guys and girls to tell me if you think these two are flirting or not in this conversation or would you consider it just harmless normal talk between your younger sister and your boyfriend (no smart answers please, i just want honest opinions). little bit of background for you when reading the message is that my bf is an apprentice aircraft mechanic and has always dreamed of being a pilot and my sister has just recently broken up with her bf of 4 years and has started texting my bf through facebook which she never done before. so tell me what ya think about this convo... here goes:

sister: Get off facebook and work lol (18:56)

your bf: I am working this is part of my job ( 18:57)

sister: Ya can I have your job if all u do is go on facebook lol (18:59)

your bf: Ha ha sure but you have to be as good as me first (19:00)

sister: Ok kl when do I start lol (19:04)

your bf: As soon as ya want (19:05)

sister: Kl ill start tomorrow lol (19:06)

your bf: Sure why not bright and early now (19:09)

sister: Haha fine see ya in a bit lol (19:13)

your bf: Cool wear your bad clothes and bring kneepads theres lotsa cleanin involved (19:14)

sister: Or I can doll myself up and try to pull myself a fella with a good salary like you lol (19:17)

your bf: Ha ha you wouldnt want any of the lads in here theyre all creepy (19:20)

sister: Maybe I should just hang around the airport and wait for a pilot lol (19:26)

your bf: Ha ha you could try that and see how you get on but they can be pretty snobby (20:24)

sister: I have big boobs lets see them snob that lol (20:26)

your bf: They def wouldnt snob that i just realised i painted myself in a very bad light creepy and snobby ha ha (20:28)

sister: Yup maybe we should start calling u the creeper lol (20:30)

your bf: Never i dont have the right sized head shortarse (20:33)

sister: Thats true your head is way too round lol (20:35)

your bf: Phew close one (20: 37)

your bf: So fallout 3 is going well i take it? (20:45)

sister: Not going at all lol im talking to like 5 people at the same time and I cant keep up with what im saying to people anymore lol (20:50)

your bf: Ha ha well at least its keepin you entertained thats the main thing (20:52)

sister: Haha thats true lol if I send u something random im sorry it was prob meant for someone else lol (20:55)

your bf: ha ha ha no problem


so what are yer first thoughts on this conversation?

Esel

Your bf is being polite. Not sure what your sister is doing...

sparkle_23

Esel wrote: »

Your bf is being polite. Not sure what your sister is doing...

I would say the same, your bf is being polite.

OP What age is your sister by the way?

ardnassela aloppoc

she is 22 and my boyfriend is 26

Meauldsegosha

Was this a private conversation between them on Facebook?

ardnassela aloppoc

yes it was a private conversation and i was actually at home with my sister while she was sending these messages to him when he was at work and she didnt say anything to me about messaging him, she told me she was texting a guy but then again neither did he when he got home from work. the only reason i knew about it was because my sister had left her phone on the table whilst she went upstairs to have a shower and her phone was ringing or so i thought but it was actually just a facebook message, she just had her notification tone set as a full ringtone but when i looked at the screen i could see a little facebook bubble with my boyfriends fb pic and assumed it was a message for me as my battery had died and i didnt see any other reason for them to be texting so i just assumed it was for me and then i saw the messages. i havent said anything to either of them because i really didnt want to make anything of it and wasnt even sure if there was anything to be made out of it hence why the post

Meauldsegosha

Firstly it is not appropriate for you to post someone else's private conversation on a public forum.

Secondly you shouldn't be snooping on your sisters phone. It doesn't matter if you thought it was ringing. It's not your phone you shouldn't have looked at anything on it.

Lastly I don't think there was anything wrong with their conversation.

ardnassela aloppoc

ok i just want to say that we always answer each others phones in our house in case its an emergency call or we take a message for the person and just say she/he is busy at the mo but ile let her know you called. she has answered my phone loads of times and taken messages for me too...its just what we do in our family i wasnt intentionally going to snoop on her phone. secondly i didnt state anyones names on the post so no one knows who they are except for sis and bf and also i didnt know how else to explain my post.

wandatowell

Why wouldn't she tell her sister that she was txting her bf? Especially after she asked her.
Once in a while I'd txt my girlfriends sisters, not out of the blue chit chatting but I'd always have a purpose to the conversation. Match tickets whatever.

Seems slightly fishy to me op. I wouldn't be worrying about your bf but I'd be keeping an eye on your sister.

Taltos

Have to admit I am uncomfortable with anyone reading anyone elses messages - as soon as you saw it was hers you should have stopped.
Saying that I think you BF has been fine here.
Your sister though - is she needy or have low self-esteem? Anyone especially family who seeks to draw attention to their "big boobs" over FB to someone else boyfriend is clearly someone crying out for attention. But that's my opinion, maybe they chat like this all the time in your company, if they do then brilliant, if they don't though then I would be asking why she felt it was appropriate to chat in this manner.

How to bring this up though - I have no idea - as soon as you mention it you are immediately in the wrong, and rightly so.

Meauldsegosha

ardnassela aloppoc wrote: »

ok i just want to say that we always answer each others phones in our house in case its an emergency call or we take a message for the person and just say she/he is busy at the mo but ile let her know you called. she has answered my phone loads of times and taken messages for me too...its just what we do in our family i wasnt intentionally going to snoop on her phone. secondly i didnt state anyones names on the post so no one knows who they are except for sis and bf and also i didnt know how else to explain my post.

No you didn't, but you did give out information that when put together could identify them. Like your boyfriends profession, you and your sister live in the same house and she broke up with her boyfriend of four years. The world is a small place you don't always need names to identify people.

You may answer each other's phones but her phone wasn't ringing it was a message and you opened a private conversation.

Why would you assume your boyfriend was flirting? Do you have trust issues with him?

Your sister is being a bit flirty but didn't really cross any lines. Bit inappropriate maybe, I'd watch out for her.
Your boyfriend was polite and even tried to change the subject; he did nothing wrong.

Why are you going through their private messages though? If you've gone through these messages without their permission then you are the one who has crossed a line.

sligoface

Agree that your bf is just being polite, really. Hard to tell if your sister was flirting, seems pretty harmless. From her part of the conversation and the fact she just broke up with her bf, she seems to be missing some of the male attention she got when she had a bf, which is understandable, and may be part of the reason she fb msg'd your bf when she hadn't done so before. I wouldn't worry about it, she seems keen to meet someone else and probably will soon enough. I don't think it's a Jeremy Kyle show waiting to happen.

And yes, posting a persons conversation and looking through their phone is not cool. She just went through a breakup so cut her some slack. Fwiw, getting along with and joking around with your gf's sister can seem like flirting, it may even be flirting, but it is not uncommon and is generally harmless. I've often had the craic with the sisters of girls I've gone out with if they are close in age to my gf, usually you just view and treat them like a sister.

ardnassela aloppoc

see i thought it was a little odd that neither of them mentioned it to me but especially that she lied about texting someone else. i honestly dont know i mean it could be just a little crush or something or it may be nothing as i have no problem with them talking but if the shoe was on the other foot i dont think i would be texting my sisters boyfriend talking about my "big boobs" or implying that i wanted a fella like him as i would think that that would be sending the wrong signals to someone

Frank Black

Why does she 'lol' at the end of every sentence? Has she some sort of underlying medical condition?

ElleEm

Frank Black wrote: »

Why does she 'lol' at the end of every sentence? Has she some sort of underlying medical condition?

She is clearly very immature!

OP, you chose to read her private messages and repost them publicly, which is out of order.

Your sister is probably a bit dented after her breakup and is looking for a few compliments or to feel desired. She is totally in the wrong for seeking that validation with your boyfriend, but as Taltos said, the minute you bring it up there will be war as you invaded her privacy.

I also wouldn't be that concerned that your boyfriend didn't mention it. I rarely tell my boyfriend if I have been chatting with his siblings, unless it is something of worth. This conversation was nonsense. There was nothing to tell.

ardnassela aloppoc

Also just for the people that said i shouldnt of read the message, i understand that as normally i wouldnt go near it if it was a message it was only that my batt had died in my own phone and he has text my other family members before too to let me know that he was on his way to collect me when he hasnt been able to reach me and it was very close to the time he finishes work at that point too so i honestly didnt even think about it i just automatically assumed....granted it was the wrong assumption in the end howsever he did actually text her shortly after that to tell her to tell me that he was on the way home and that message she did tell me about herself. i completely understand in most households that people dont answer each other phones and thats yer own rules and each to their own but in our household we wer always told to in case it was an emergency as their are other family members who have health issues and so once again i stress that it is just normal in our family and we are far from the only household who does this.

To the person who said that i was making their profiles obvious to people...i really dont think i have at all. there are thousands of people in that line of training all over ireland and that training is years of which take on so many a year of all ages, there are plenty of sisters who still live in the same house at home i never mentiond how many sisters and brothers i have either and there are probably millions of people who have broken up with their bfs recently, there are thousands of people the same ages aswell . i stated no names, no locations, no addresses and no specifics on anything and even there ages i put a slightly diff number but the same age gap. so i really dont see how i have made anything about them obvious to anyone. so unless your psychic or something i dont think it is possible to just pinpoint people out of thousands of people with such minimal details. i would not put my familys safety at risk like that!

lastly i appreciate the people who have have actually read my post properly and taken the time to reply in the way that was asked, thank you. To anyone saying i was being intentionaly sneeky just beacuse ye dont have the same rules about phones and may have different ways in your household as i said above every family has their ways and i may not agree with it and ye dont have to agree with mine but howsever in my thread i had simply asked for an initial reaction on just the convo part itself and not a lecture on what my familys general phone procedures are. This was my very first post on boards and it may not of been anything major or the most interesting thread on this site im sure and i even said myself in the first post that it may or may not even be anything to worry about at all or mean anything but thank you for taking the time to read it and for posting anyway

ElleEm

If you are your family are that free and easy with each other looking at phones that do not belong to you, then why didn't you say it to your sister at the time?

ardnassela aloppoc

ElleEm wrote: »

If you are your family are that free and easy with each other looking at phones that do not belong to you, then why didn't you say it to your sister at the time?

i believe you answered your own question there in one of your last posts. i understand that my sis could be just going through feeling a bit needy or seeking attention it was just more than a bit out of character for her and im not gonna give out to her or pull her up on something when it could just be that it might of been harmless and meant nothing but it also could of meant something and i was asking a simple enough question and asking for just initial thoughts, i wasnt condemning her i just have never seen her like this before. hence why i would rather ask a simple question on here just to see if anyone had any advice or views about just the content of the convo or if anyone had a similiar situation and what did they think. That is what this site is all about isnt it or am i mistaken?

I had already had plenty of heart to hearts with my sis a good few times after her break up i spend practically all of my spare time with her now whenever i can and im trying to get her out meeting friends more her own age and basically just being there as much as i can for her but this just seemed just a little odd to me. and it was her who ended that relationship and they ended on pretty good terms it wasnt a harsh or horrible breakup on her part as it was he who did not want the relationship to end and nothing nasty had happened between them. even still it can have an effect on you either way which is understandable. i just wanted to see if anyone else thought it was a cry for help or if it was just a random chat that could of been interpreted wrong that is all.

I dont wish to be arguing or have an argument about anything that i did not ask about in my thread with anyone on this as im sure this site was meant to make everyone feel welcome and also that people stick to the ops question as i would do if it was someone else. i refuse to answer anymore posts that are aimed as a dig or an insult or about anything that i have not asked about as thats not why i came on here.

Meauldsegosha

ardnassela aloppoc wrote: »

.. i want you guys and girls to tell me if you think these two are flirting or not in this conversation or would you consider it just harmless normal talk ...

ardnassela aloppoc wrote: »

.. i just wanted to see if anyone else thought it was a cry for help or if it was just a random chat that could of been interpreted wrong that is all.

You should read your own posts. You specifically asked in your first post were they flirting. There was no mention of a "cry of help" from your sister.

Greenduck

I think everyone is being a little harsh on the OP. I know if I looked at one of my siblings phone and seen my boyfriends picture or whatever popping up, I would look at it. I think I would automatically do it thinking it was for me. Its a very normal and understandable error to make. Its very easy to take the moral high ground on this one and say you would do different in the same situation but I really doubt many people would.

In saying that OP, I would probably just let it go in this instance. There was nothing hugely wrong with the texts so I doubt you have anything to worry about. She seems to be just looking for a bit of attention, albeit from the completely wrong person. Maybe say it in passing to your boyfriend ' Out of curiosity, do you talk to X through Facebook ever?' and see what his reaction is. I'm sure its very innocent though

CaraMay

I would be a bit concerned about her interaction with him and would certainly be asking her about it. I've heard plenty of affairs between siblings and partners which IMHO is very icky. Why would you not ask them both about it?

Btw there aren't THOUSANDS of people doing aircraft mechanic. It would be a quite small number of people.

ElleEm

ardnassela aloppoc wrote: »

i believe you answered your own question there in one of your last posts. i understand that my sis could be just going through feeling a bit needy or seeking attention it was just more than a bit out of character for her and im not gonna give out to her or pull her up on something when it could just be that it might of been harmless and meant nothing but it also could of meant something and i was asking a simple enough question and asking for just initial thoughts, i wasnt condemning her i just have never seen her like this before. hence why i would rather ask a simple question on here just to see if anyone had any advice or views about just the content of the convo or if anyone had a similiar situation and what did they think. That is what this site is all about isnt it or am i mistaken?

I had already had plenty of heart to hearts with my sis a good few times after her break up i spend practically all of my spare time with her now whenever i can and im trying to get her out meeting friends more her own age and basically just being there as much as i can for her but this just seemed just a little odd to me. and it was her who ended that relationship and they ended on pretty good terms it wasnt a harsh or horrible breakup on her part as it was he who did not want the relationship to end and nothing nasty had happened between them. even still it can have an effect on you either way which is understandable. i just wanted to see if anyone else thought it was a cry for help or if it was just a random chat that could of been interpreted wrong that is all.

I dont wish to be arguing or have an argument about anything that i did not ask about in my thread with anyone on this as im sure this site was meant to make everyone feel welcome and also that people stick to the ops question as i would do if it was someone else. i refuse to answer anymore posts that are aimed as a dig or an insult or about anything that i have not asked about as thats not why i came on here.

I didn't mean any offence, I just meant that if it is not unusual to check each other's phones, then it would not have been a big deal to just say "while you were in the shower, your phone went off so I checked it. You never said you were chatting to X". In that moment, it would have been her reaction that would let you know whether there was anything untoward going on. It is very hard for strangers on the internet to tell you exactly what was going on when we don't know her, or him or their relationship. Often, if you don't deal with a little issue like that when it happens, it becomes bigger than it needed to be.

Czarcasm

ardnassela aloppoc wrote: »

so what are yer first thoughts on this conversation?

ardnassela aloppoc wrote: »

howsever in my thread i had simply asked for an initial reaction on just the convo part itself and not a lecture on what my familys general phone procedures are. This was my very first post on boards and it may not of been anything major or the most interesting thread on this site im sure and i even said myself in the first post that it may or may not even be anything to worry about at all or mean anything but thank you for taking the time to read it and for posting anyway

OP to be honest, to me, it just looks to me like they're having a laugh, messing, but see without any context, it's almost impossible to say either way. Different people are going to have their different standards on what is or isn't ok, and what they are and aren't comfortable with. For instance I could tell you that I have conversations like that the whole time (worse than that even sometimes!) with my sisters in law, with my wife's friends, even with my own friends who are mostly female, we're always messing with each other and having a laugh, but, without context, that's going to raise a few eyebrows.

That's what's missing here, and if you just wanted opinions on the specific conversation, it could go either way because there's no context, so that's really no help to you. I imagine you'll get a 50/50 split in opinions. Unless you yourself aren't comfortable with their conversation, which given you felt the need to post here about it, clearly you're not, so you need to have that conversation with your sister, while letting your boyfriend know that he's not to be entertaining her as you're not comfortable with it.

Now, you could do that, and I imagine it could go south for you very quickly, or, you could just keep it to yourself and say nothing and trust that while your sister might be a bit angsty, you need to trust your boyfriend that he can handle her and was able to let her know as politely as possible that she was barking up the wrong tree.

That way at least you won't appear to both your sister and your boyfriend as if you can't trust either of them and you won't come off as being very insecure about your relationship with your sister, or your relationship with your boyfriend.

Matteroffact

It is inappropriate for your sister to be texting your b/f about nothing. I would watch her. There is nothing wrong with your b/f's responses.

LegacyUser

Why would he point out to your bf that she has big boobs! What is she playing at? Ridiculous!!!

robbiezero

seems fairly harmless.
But please for the sake of guys everywhere or anyone, tell her never to speak like that when chatting online.
lol at the end of every sentence!!!
I felt like punching someone just reading that conversation.
Makes her seem like an absolute simpleton.

It's a bit harsh that people are essentially calling this girl an idiot/simpleton/"underlying medical condition" simply because she types "lol" at the end of every sentence. You know little or nothing about this person, so it is a bit judgemental leaping to those conclusions.

OP, I think it was really harsh of you to post the conversation on a public forum - you have no idea if there are other people involved in the field that are also members of this forum and could identify this person pretty easily, as I doubt there are thousands of interns in that area in this country - probably a small handful. So you are opening your boyfriend up to scrutiny and possible mockery. I don't know.

You also shouldn't go snooping through other people's stuff like that. And then to go posting it on a public forum is that bit worse.

Tokyo

Matteroffact wrote: »

It is inappropriate for your sister to be texting your b/f about nothing. I would watch her. There is nothing wrong with your b/f's responses.

Why? The conversation seems a bit immature from her side, polite from his. As Czarcasm said, context is key here, because we have no idea how they interact in real life, but obviously some friendship is there, based on the nature of the chat. But unless there are extenuating circumstances, it seems like a 5 minute chat to me. The "big boobs" comment was a bit OTT, but even then that wasn't aimed directly at the boyfriend. I'm not sure why he should feel obliged to tell the OP that he was talking to her sister either. I don't feel the need to inform anybody of the conversations I have throughout the day.

I consider it a lot creepier that the OP *accidentally* checked her sister's phone, *accidentally mistook the messages as being to her, and *accidentally* read through 25 lines of back and forth messaging, and then put it all up here for the world to see. I take it OP, that when you *accidentally* read these messages, you *accidentally* mailed them to yourself as well? I can't imagine that you memorized the entire conversation, and typed it up afterwards??

Frank Black

I think the conversation went from harmless to flirty as soon as the OP's sister started rubbing her boobs in her boyfriend's face (figuratively speaking).
That was clearly looking for a reaction/compliment and who knows where these type of flirty conversations can end - possibly with your sister rubbing her boobs in your boyfriend's face (literally speaking).

I would make it clear to your sister that this was inappropriate.

duffman13

I think the fact you had time to copy and paste this conversation to boards would leave me to believe you had a good rifle through her facebook. Where you suspicious before you looked through her phone?

Chara1001

Op,

Leaving aside the arguments about reading the messages or posting them publicly, I'd be a bit concerned also. I agree that your boyfriend seems to be keeping things polite but your sister isn't really. I don't know what you can do about it without confessing everything though.
The main thing for me -as another poster mentioned- is the conversation is entirely taken out of context, so it's hard to know anything for sure.
By the way, I also think you've given too much info about them

Merkin

If that were my sister I'd be vexed. I think your boyfriend was being polite (and probably didn't mention it to you because of the tone of the correspondence) but your sister mentioned her big boobs and the fact she should be looking to date a guy like your BF. It's just not appropriate. There is probably nothing sinister behind it but I still think she was out of line.

Tokyo

Context.... it's all about context....

For example:

your bf: "wear your bad clothes and bring kneepads" would make me go :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

but

your bf: "Cool wear your bad clothes and bring kneepads theres lotsa cleanin involved" is obviously much better.

There be context.

We have no idea of the friendship that exists between sister and bf, there's a good chance that the sister is feeling a bit down after getting ditched recently, there's a VERY good chance that the boyfriend feels sorry for her situation and is being a sounding board for her. If the OP caught her sister and boyfriend acting inappropriately before, of course that puts a very different spin on things, but as it stands.... no. IT sounds to me that the OP's sister is a little envious of the fact that her older sister has a decent guy in her life. Not in the I-want-to-steal-him-away-from-you way, but more than likely in the I-wish-I-had-someone-like-that-too way.

But either way, OP's sister didn't chase after bf, she said that she wanted -a guy with a good salary, like the bf had-, nor did she direct the big boobs comment towards the bf; I read it as her wanting to see if the guys that the bf worked with would snub them or not. Childish maybe, but crossing the line, I don't think so.

reap-a-rat

I think the boyfriend was fine here. The sister is slightly out of line, but maybe the boob thing isn't anything to be worried about if she's normally crass anyway.

I'd be wary. I'd say your boyfriend didn't mention anything because he had no real need to or he may be worried you'd go off on one with your sister in what's probably a hard enough time for her as is. I would think she's craving attention because she was used to it for 4 years and isn't getting it all of a sudden.

And I'd also like to mention that I've found you, your boyfriend and your sister on FB all from information you have given here. I don't know ye so I couldn't care less, but if a complete stranger can figure it out it wouldn't take someone close to ye long to either. Just beware what you do on the internet and how much info you give out.

ardnassela aloppoc

firstly i just want to to say thanks to the majority who posted and gave their opinions and thoughts on the matter and who actually showed a bit of understanding and kindness towards my very first post on the here and for sticking to thread also

In the end i agree with it just being a harmless and slightly immature conversation on her part but i realise she must be just feeling confused and still low at the present and clearly just went the wrong way about it with the wrong person, **** happens and i was just overly concerned about the behaviour. but hey its not like the rest of us haven't made mistakes when we were young and we could all of done with guidance here and there at many different stages of our lives and she just needs a steer in the right direction at the end of the day.


As for the people going ott about the privacy of the post just because a profession was mentioned and saying that a person could be recognised or pinpointed and teased or get jip about it just because there may be people in same profession or any other profession on this site, to those people if ye are so obsessed with peoples privacy and yet we are on a site that entitles people to speak about whatever they choose to make a thread about then there is going to be plenty of people posting threads and giving details about their concerns and people on this thinking they know who everyone is just because things may sound familiar well its a shame as when people come with a concern they want advice not for people to group up and start a guessing game and then make any assumption on any future op. anyone should be allowed to state a profession, career, health problem, wether they live with their family or not or any problem as long as they dont mention names or peoples bloody adresses then the people on this should respect that information if ye want to hand out advice then actually try focus on the actual concern of the poster instead and shame on anyone to make anyone on here uneasy like that no matter what profession they mention or how similar it may or may not seem to something the facts are you know nothing about anyone on this site except for what the op mentions and by coming up with yer own assumptions and jumping to anything after that and hounding any op on this about it could be considered a privacy breach too. so practice it yerselves before preaching nd lecturing to others on the matter.

lastly if any op tells you that their family does something a certain way, wether it be religion, eating habits, the way they cook things, their phone procedures whatever it may be for whomevers individaul family which again you really dont know **** all about unless you share the same habits or ways or beliefs and its not what the op is asking you about or to judge in their thread then just dont and understand that u may not have any idea why those rules or procedures are put in place but respect that thats the way their family does things and everyones family is different.

anyway thanks lads and ladies but i its time to put this thread to rest for me anyway.

Taltos

Closed per the OPs last post.

OP - the charter that applies to us all also applies to you. You may not like the advice you receive when you come to a forum like this but that is part of the risk.
If you cannot reply in a civil manner going forwards please consider not posting. Similarly back seat modding is not appropriate, you may report a post if you have an issue but challenging people to stay on topic is not on, again the risk of posting here being you may hear some home truths you are either not willing to hear or not able to accept.

All the best with your issue glad it is resolved for you.

Taltos