Advice needed desperately

nerobert

Hello, i'll try keep it short, I'm fifteen and am in my junior cert year, i'm male too, i moved to Dublin in 2010 because my father passed and my mother had began to drink a lot, so my uncle was kind enough to take me and my brother in, we've had our ups and downs but it's mostly gotten sorted, but after a big disagreement today he's thrown me out for good, i'm currently in my ma's house but its a complete kip, I'm lying on a bed with plastic bags over it for fear of catching something, there's no front door ffs, no heating, no toilet, no hot water, its horrific, but anyway i need advice badly, I've tried grovelling and begging my uncle for forgiveness but it's not working this time, I really am desperate, any advice welcome, thanks.

oppenheimer1

nerobert wrote: »

Hello, i'll try keep it short, I'm fifteen and am in my junior cert year, i'm male too, i moved to Dublin in 2010 because my father passed and my mother had began to drink a lot, so my uncle was kind enough to take me and my brother in, we've had our ups and downs but it's mostly gotten sorted, but after a big disagreement today he's thrown me out for good, i'm currently in my ma's house but its a complete kip, I'm lying on a bed with plastic bags over it for fear of catching something, there's no front door ffs, no heating, no toilet, no hot water, its horrific, but anyway i need advice badly, I've tried grovelling and begging my uncle for forgiveness but it's not working this time, I really am desperate, any advice welcome, thanks.

You need to talk to social services

nerobert

oppenheimer1 wrote: »

You need to talk to social services

What will they do?

Tokyo

They will provide you with the help, advice and environment that you need. Please contact them as soon as possible.

endacl

Do what mike said, OP. You need stability.

Ham Sambo

Good advice from the guys, or you could also try talking to your guidance teacher at school. either way you need to talk to a responsible adult and explain what you are going through.

nerobert

Thanks for the advice guys I'm really gratefull but it kinda scares me, I don't really want to go and live with someone else.

Uriel.

nerobert wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys I'm really gratefull but it kinda scares me, I don't really want to go and live with someone else.

Is there any other family member or a friend you could turn to at least on a temporary basis. If you only had a row with your uncle today it might take some time to blow over and resolve itself when everyone calms down.

Presumably your mother is outside of Dublin?

nerobert

Uriel. wrote: »

Is there any other family member or a friend you could turn to at least on a temporary basis. If you only had a row with your uncle today it might take some time to blow over and resolve itself when everyone calms down.

Presumably your mother is outside of Dublin?

Nope a twenty minute walk from my uncles house

Uriel.

nerobert wrote: »

Nope a twenty minute walk from my uncles house

And where's your brother? I presume all of your possessions are still at your uncle's? Can you make it through tonight see how the air clears tomorrow. There are plenty of options though and supports available if and when you need them

nerobert

Uriel. wrote: »

And where's your brother? I presume all of your possessions are still at your uncle's? Can you make it through tonight see how the air clears tomorrow. There are plenty of options though and supports available if and when you need them

I'm gonna try make it through tonight and go to school tomorrow, I'll try more begging for forgiveness tomorrow.

Tokyo

nerobert wrote: »

I'm gonna try make it through tonight and go to school tomorrow, I'll try more begging for forgiveness tomorrow.

OP, there should be no begging of forgiveness involved here. Please take our advice. Sleep through the night, go to school in the morning and talk to one of your teachers. Explain the situation at home, and tell them that you would like the help of social services immediately.

Social Services will help you with your home situation regarding your mother and your uncle - they have the training and experience to do so. They will also provide you with whatever immediate help you need, and will advise you on the best course of action.

yellowlabrador

Your uncle might also be able to get a fostering allowance. This might make the situation a bit better for you. I've been a foster mum. One of the girls I looked after moved to the city when she turned 16 and was placed in a half independent flat, ie there was a warden to help with problems. If you know an adult that would be willing to help you and with who you have a good relationship, you might be able to go and stay there with some financial support of social services. Anyway, it looks as though your mum needs some help too. Speak to a social worker, don't be frightened, they are there to help.
And good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

Taltos

OP - definitely talk to your school today and also contact social services.
This is a critical time for you, trust me you don't want to be one of those that slipped through the cracks. I went to school with a lad who was your age when his parent threw him out - he tried to tough it out and never sought the help that was there. He ended up sleeping rough and generally had a nightmare of a time for the next few years.

There is support there for you - just go and ask for it. I'm not kidding, the next while is going to be tough, hopefully with the help of the school and social a compromise can be worked with your family. Please just go and talk to either your year head, a guidance counsellor or call around to the head's office and ask to talk to someone first thing this morning.

bp

Please talk to a teacher today, they aren't actually the bad guys. As others said your mother needs help too (and going to someone about her is the right thing to do).

What was the fight with your uncle about? Were you being a (no offence) moody teenager (we have all been those) or something more serious?

Just please speak to someone so that you can get through this. There is nothing to be afraid/ ashamed of but we all need help at some stage, it is just unfortunate that you mother cannot give it to you right now.

Please let us know how you get on as we are worried about you

nerobert

bp wrote: »

Please talk to a teacher today, they aren't actually the bad guys. As others said your mother needs help too (and going to someone about her is the right thing to do).

What was the fight with your uncle about? Were you being a (no offence) moody teenager (we have all been those) or something more serious?

Just please speak to someone so that you can get through this. There is nothing to be afraid/ ashamed of but we all need help at some stage, it is just unfortunate that you mother cannot give it to you right now.

Please let us know how you get on as we are worried about you

it was something more serious, I brought the police.back to his door and that was the one thing he always said we shouldn't do.

Penny Tration

Please speak to your teacher or year head, and get in touch with childline on 1800666666

whirlpool

You seem smart and articulate and conscientious. You will go far. You are having tough teenage years but stay strong. And take everyone's advice. You need support. Everybody does. If you aren't getting it from family, believe me that there are plenty of people out there who want to help you. Start with places like Childline, social services and your school staff. You won't be a burden, most of them will be delighted to help you out.

nerobert

I really don't know.I hate the thought of getting social workers involved in family business, I think that could make things worse

Jenneke87

Nerobert,

Please understand that you're not responsible for your families actions. If they did something that could get them in trouble and that is their issue and they should face it as an adult, that after all, is what we are suppose to do. You are the child here and it's not up to you to look after them, it should be the other way around. You are not the guardian of their dirty secrets and you need to get help if you're sleeping in a house with no front door in filthy squalor etc. You're only 15, don't do this to yourself, get help and get back on your feet.

nerobert

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Nerobert,

Please understand that you're not responsible for your families actions. If they did something that could get them in trouble and that is their issue and they should face it as an adult, that after all, is what we are suppose to do. You are the child here and it's not up to you to look after them, it should be the other way around. You are not the guardian of their dirty secrets and you need to get help if you're sleeping in a house with no front door in filthy squalor etc. You're only 15, don't do this to yourself, get help and get back on your feet.

what would the social workers do exactly? Would they move me far away? Like out into the country?

Penny Tration

nerobert wrote: »

what would the social workers do exactly? Would they move me far away? Like out into the country?

Taking kids away is a last resort.

What they'll do is inspect the house, talk with your mam abd help her to look after the house and her children better.

lynski

nerobert wrote: »

what would the social workers do exactly? Would they move me far away? Like out into the country?

No. No.
I wish I could give you a hug right now cause you sound like you need one.
The hell that awaits you is ten times worse then where you are right now if you don't ask for help.
The social workers will help you stay where it is best for you.
They can help Your mom get help.
They are not interested in the guards, they will help you.
Don't let things get any worse.
Ask your uncle to go with you if he is not willing to take you back.
Or is there someone else who you trust?
Take a deep breath and realise that things can get better.
Virtual hugs.

nerobert

lynski wrote: »

No. No.
I wish I could give you a hug right now cause you sound like you need one.
The hell that awaits you is ten times worse then where you are right now if you don't ask for help.
The social workers will help you stay where it is best for you.
They can help Your mom get help.
They are not interested in the guards, they will help you.
Don't let things get any worse.
Ask your uncle to go with you if he is not willing to take you back.
Or is there someone else who you trust?
Take a deep breath and realise that things can get better.
Virtual hugs.

they will take one look at the house and walk right back out, it's not even her house, i really don't know what to do.

ElleEm

The Social Workers will do what is best for you.
They will contact your uncle and arrange to meet with him and you to try to reconcile differences.
They may offer him support to help manage your behaviour, if he is finding it difficult.
They may try to arrange for you to get support around your situation (your dad's death and your mum's alcohol abuse).
They may try to link in with your mum around her alcohol abuse and see if they can provide any support to allow you to move in there (if that is what you and they feel is best).
If your uncle or mum cannot provide the best care for you, they may try to fond you a placement that would be better for you. This could be foster care (living with a Foster Parent in their home) or they may try to get you into a residential setting (definitely will not be the first choice) to live in a house with a few other kids (the most usually take up to 7) where staff look after you.
You will still be encouraged to go to school and keep the same life you had before, so the Social Workers will try to get a placement as close to your own life as possible.

Your situation right now is not ideal, but you seem clued in, and I am sure you regret whatever it is that brought you to the attention of the Gardai. Ring the duty social work department of your local health centre (easy enough to find on Google) and tell them your situation. Good luck x

FollatonWood

nerobert wrote: »

they will take one look at the house and walk right back out, it's not even her house, i really don't know what to do.

No they won't do that OP. Trust me. I was in a tough family situation at your age and I know how you're feeling, but you can get through this and you'll be all the stronger for it. In a years time you could potentially move out anyway, I moved out at 17 and before that I was living with my Aunt most of the time. Is there any other family apart from your Uncle you can turn to?

OP listen to me, I was where you are- but I'm 27 now; I've got through college, I've travelled; I have a stable job and good friends - and I didn't need parents to achieve any of that. I know just how desperate things must feel for you, I really do know - but I am telling you from experience that it will not be like this forever and life will get so so much better for you. All you have to do now is ask for help. I wish I had let myself be a child for a little longer, so please talk to a teacher and tell them your situation - don't take on more than you should have to. They're there to help.

You can absolutely do this. There's no doubt in my mind. You just need to take that massive step now and reach out for a little help.

nerobert

Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to speak to my uncle about it first, then go and speak to someone.

lynski

Following this thread op. Not able to offer any practical help but now you know there are people here willing to talk.
Pm if needed.
Hugs.

nerobert

Do yous all think I should speak with my uncle first? Or go straight to social services?

FollatonWood

nerobert wrote: »

Do yous all think I should speak with my uncle first? Or go straight to social services?

Where are you now? Did you go into school today? I think the best thing may be to speak to a teacher first who will then be able to help you take the next step; if your Uncle is very irate then it may be best to have social services speak with him.

ElleEm

nerobert wrote: »

Do yous all think I should speak with my uncle first? Or go straight to social services?

Only you know that. How was your uncle when you last spoke to him? Is he really angry? Frustrated? Exasperated? Exhausted?
If you think he will chat with you, then talk to him but if you feel he won't listen, then ring the duty social workers.

nerobert

I'm in school now, just in a free art class, I think my uncle is in my nans house in portloaise but I'm not sure, i'd much prefer to take any step possible before getting social workers involved.

lynski

lynski wrote: »

Following this thread op. Not able to offer any practical help but now you know there are people here willing to talk.
Pm if needed.
Hugs.

While we appreciate the sentiment, please don't offer PMs in this forum.
thanks

FollatonWood

nerobert wrote: »

I'm in school now, just in a free art class, I think my uncle is in my nans house in portloaise but I'm not sure, i'd much prefer to take any step possible before getting social workers involved.

Can you try talking to your Nan? Can you call her? Maybe she could talk to him before you do?

nerobert

FollatonWood wrote: »

Can you try talking to your Nan? Can you call her? Maybe she could talk to him before you do?

I think that's what I may do, thanks.

nerobert

Just asking out of interest, but in 2012 there was a court case between my two brothers, my uncle, my mother and I. My uncle was granted custody for me and my brothers, does this mean he is breaking the agreement by sending me back to my ma, as she was deemed unfit to take care of us by the judge?

ElleEm

He was obviously deemed the most suitable person to take care of you at the time, and that is why he was given custody of you both at the time.
He obviously feels he cannot take care of you adequately at the minute.

Are you wondering is there a come- back for him in the court? Noone can MAKE him take care of you. Especially seen as you are having difficulties with each other.

You really should get on to the duty social work department, they can answer all your queries and try to work this out.

Big Bag of Chips

OP - as there is a court ruling on custody in play here we have no choice but to now close this thread to ensure no legal advice is offered or any other advice that may be prejudicial in anyway. Irrespective the initial advice to talk to your teachers, social welfare as well as your later suggestion to talk to your uncle really does cover all areas. We wish you all the best but at this point for your own sake we have no choice in the matter.