Proposing to boyfriend

LegacyUser

Myself and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 10 years having gotten together in our early 20s. We have been living together for a number of years and all is going well. We have spoken about getting married and I know that we will some day. However I really feel that he is never going to propose to me. There is nothing in particular pointing to this, just a feeling. Planning time away or things to do mostly falls to me so I don't think he would plan anything himself! So I am thinking of proposing to him. Has anyone proposed to their husband/to be and how did it go? Would the males feel undermined? It's this a good idea? All opinions welcome thanks!

Big Bag of Chips

I didn't necessarily propose to my husband. We decided we would get married - and then whenever I was in town I'd have a look in a few jewellers' windows! We went out one evening then to buy a ring. Picked one out, and that was it!

deisemum

I proposed to my other half, our 24th wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple of months.

My sister proposed to her now-husband the last Leap day there was. He seemingly absolutely loved it - well, he must have had if he said yes!

Tokyo

It's been ten years. He's had his chance to make the first move.

Now it's your turn

Neyite

No formal proposal here either. But if you knew us, you'd know that's not our style.

We were talking about our future, decided that yes, we would get married, and pronounced ourselves engaged. We looked a few rings, found one I liked and went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far. I have some reluctance to proposing and that's my problem I suppose. I always had the romantic notion in my head of him proposing to me and it being a total surprise as I always think he just would not do it. Not that he does not love me but I suppose he would not be the one for grand gestures. I am afraid that if I propose, it won't be the romantic surprise I always wanted and I would be disappointed if you know what I mean? But I'm tired of waiting.
And I don't even know how I would do it as I have never thought of it before. There is no rush to get married I know and we are very happy together as is but lately I have started to want more. For no particular reason. And I think he knows that too.

Big Bag of Chips

Trust me, you will not be disappointed! The big occassion is getting engaged, not the actual proposal! When you get engaged, however that may be, you will be thrilled. You will be giddy. You will want to tell everyone. You will just feel different. That's the excitement... Not the big grand gesture of a surprise proposal.

Edit: When we picked out my ring, it had to be resized (tiny fingers!). The day we got the call that it had come back into the shop, was Halloween! So we went to collect it, brought it out of the shop, sat in the car (in Liffey Valley carpark!!) and he put it on me... I made him do at least that bit :P. It was a miserable, dreary, dark Halloween night in Liffey Valley carpark, and I was nearly bursting with happiness!! I think I was happier that night than I was on my wedding day!!

blatantrereg

The actual proposal can be very special in itself. I proposed while we were alone together on a big beach on holiday in west Cork on a starry night.

As for suggesting getting married, well women often are the ones to suggest it. You can talk about it directly, not just drop hints. I would not be a fan of the woman being the one to actually propose though. Let him know what you want to do, and find out if he wants to as well. Then let him tell you it's not happening or plan something nice for you both.

Faith

You say you've spoken about getting married, but have you spoken about getting engaged? He might not realise it's something you're waiting for. My OH and I have discussed getting engaged, and while I am getting slightly impatient wondering when it's going to happen, I know he has it pretty much planned out and would hate if I proposed to him. He knows it's important to me. Does your partner realise the actual proposal is important to you, do you think?

CaraMay

Op to throw a spanner in the works here do you not think if he wanted to get engaged then he would ask.

If he says yes will you be 100% satisfied that he wants this? Have you any issue telling your family and friends how you proposed to him rather than the other way around.

So you have discussed marriage - was he definitely as bought into it as you were? Tbh I always find it strange that there are couples out there who, after ten years, are not on the same page (or haven't discussed) about their future.

I'm old fashioned but always think that if a guy wants up get married then he will ask

Merkin

NotWillingToWait wrote: »

However I really feel that he is never going to propose to me. There is nothing in particular pointing to this, just a feeling.

I'm afraid a second spanner in the works from me. If you feel he will never propose to you are you sure that it is something that he really and truly wants? I'm quite old fashioned in that regard as well and would be of the opinion that if a man wants to marry you then he will make sure to ask you!

Lillibeth

Op, I think you should have a chat with your partner.Tell him how you feel and that you would like to get engaged this year. See what he says and take it from there. You say yourself that you know you will get married "some day", maybe he thinks that you want to get engaged "some day" too.
Good luck, enjoy and remember there is no right or wrong way to get engaged, just your own little story that you'll always remember.

littlelulu

Big bag of chips!!! Meet your sister over here

It all happened in Blanchardstown car park for me!! Haha

You're right though its the fact that you are engaged not the proposal.

LegacyUser

I see your spanners CaraMay and Merkin I have no fear that he does not want to marry me thankfully! And maybe I am like you and old fashioned in the idea of its boy who asks girl and not the other way around. I like the suggestion of having a chat about getting engaged as maybe your right and he has put that in the "someday" category.

Merkin

Do, have the chat and give him that nudge! Maybe also reassure him that you're not looking for some grand gesture proposal. I know Mr. Merkin asked me to marry him while we were cuddled up in bed one rainy Saturday morning. There was no grand gesture or trip away but it was so heartfelt and spontaneous that it was special to me. Maybe your boyfriend feels he has to whisk you away and do something overly romantic but if you just want to be engaged to him and he knows that then he might get the skids on! Good luck x

Big Bag of Chips

Merkin wrote: »

If you feel he will never propose to you are you sure that it is something that he really and truly wants?

Even after we decided we'd get married, and after we bought the ring, my husband told me he would never have proposed, because he'd have been afraid I'd say "No"!

We're 11 years married now, OP, and I don't think I pressured him into it

Merkin

Lol, I don't think anyone would walk down the aisle if they really didn't want to so Im sure he wasn't dragged kicking and screaming BBofC! I do think its important that the OP makes it clear in no uncertain terms though that if her partner proposes it will be a massive, ten thousand decibel resounding yes from her so then the path is clear!

CaraMay

Merkin wrote: »

Lol, I don't think anyone would walk down the aisle if they really didn't want to !

Plenty do sadly. Given my age group I would know several people (mainly men) who are separated and the common thread is that they weren't really pushed about getting married in the first place but went along with it because they loved the girl and she wanted to. I would be extremely slow about asking a guy to marry me.

P. Breathnach

NotWillingToWait wrote: »

I see your spanners CaraMay and Merkin I have no fear that he does not want to marry me thankfully! And maybe I am like you and old fashioned in the idea of its boy who asks girl and not the other way around. I like the suggestion of having a chat about getting engaged as maybe your right and he has put that in the "someday" category.

Don't be indirect. You can still preserve the traditional view that the man make the proposal - but you can give it more than a gentle nudge. Ask him straight out when he is going to propose.

amtc

Liffey Valley Car Park for me too...

...mind you it didn't work out. The point was he saw it as a next step, whereas I saw it as a plan for a marriage....

Personally I'd check you have the same thinking in mind.