Help please, kind of long post

afterglow

Hi all

Thought about creating another username/account for this, but last time I posted in RI people were lovely so figured I'd just bight the bullet and post this

I have been going out with my long term bf for 5 years now, will be 6 this year. We have lived together for 3 years now. We get on wonderfully, make each other laugh, are similar in lots of ways etc.
Now, let's put what I'm posting into context.
When we met, I was 22. I had never had a sexual relationship with anyone, well I had done bits but never actually had full intercourse, and I wanted to be sure that this person was the right one. As a result, we waited for a good few months, this was my doing, and being the guy he is, my bf was very patient about it, which I was greatful for.
So a few months pass, and as there was a lot of passion/desire there on both our parts, and we'd been together long enough at this stage, we decided the time was right.
It was only when we attempted intercourse that we figured out, after many attempts, that it just was not possible. I had read some stuff on the internet, but seen as I'm not a doctor, I went to the well woman centre where I was diagnosed with Vaginismus.
This is a condition where the mussles in that area involunterily spasm thus making anything entering the vagina an impossibility.
After struggling for some time, and many other things, we were eventually refered to an amazing therapist. He helped us so much and after months of hard work, we eventually managed intercourse for the first time, it was absolutely magic, and beautiful.
Now, during this time I was on the pill, but I guess that my desire to have sex with my bf overrided hormones, and also at this stage I hadn't been on it for as long as I have now.
Fast forward to now and my libido has completely and utterly gone. I don't do anything myself, and I wouldn't care if I never had sex at all.
I know I absolutely should not be feeling this way at my age, and I am sick of it. I don't want to feel this way, and I know also it's incredibly hard for my boyfriend.
We do have sex, maybe once or twice a month, but I know it should be way more, and would like to want it more, be having more etc. Not meaning to be two grafic, just trying to get my point across that's all.
There are no other problems in the relationship apart from my lack of libido. We are perfect apart from this in every way really.
I am considering the coyle as a method of birth control, so what I was wondering is, has anyone suffered with lack of libido because of the pill, I have changed brands once and it still hasn't made any difference.
If anyone has overcome this issue either by changing birth control, or in some other way, I'd really love to know experiences.
Thanks

GreeBo

Hey there,

I'm a bloke, so take it with a pinch of salt, but how is the rest of your life going?
Are you struggling with anything, stress, over/under weight, worried about anything?

All this, coupled with the pill can lead to hormonal changes that put you off sex.

I cant fully follow the timeline, but it seems like you were on the pill and having/wanting sex for a couple of years before now, so the libido change is sudden?
If this is correct I think it has to be more than the pill.
Are you still attracted to your bf, does he turn you on?

Do you still kiss, hold hands, cuddle etc?

afterglow

GreeBo wrote: »

Hey there,

I'm a bloke, so take it with a pinch of salt, but how is the rest of your life going?
Are you struggling with anything, stress, over/under weight, worried about anything?

All this, coupled with the pill can lead to hormonal changes that put you off sex.

I cant fully follow the timeline, but it seems like you were on the pill and having/wanting sex for a couple of years before now, so the libido change is sudden?
If this is correct I think it has to be more than the pill.
Are you still attracted to your bf, does he turn you on?

Do you still kiss, hold hands, cuddle etc?

Hi GreeBo

I am applying for college at the moment, and before that I would have had times where I wasn't doing very much at all, like where I felt I had no purpose, so maybe that could have been a factor, but I honestly don't think so.
I can't pinpoint when the libido changed to be honest. I am still attracted to my bf yep, we still hold hands, kiss, snuggle all the time.
Like I say though, interest in anything sexual has gone.

LegacyUser

I have exactly the same problem regarding total lack of libido OP, but in my case I came off the pill 2 years ago because of this (tried every pill option prior to that but no difference) and then I eventually came off it altogether and sadly it's made no difference. I'm 28 and my libido is just gone. There is no reason. Not specifically stress related or anything else. It's really frustrating me (and I'm sure my bf though he never complains). We have sex maybe 3 times a month but my desire is nil. I'm pretty sure the pill messed me up, and has had some kind of after effect, in your case I'd definitely be blaming the pill. Maybe you could take a break from it for a while and see if things improve for you? Maybe then you can try a different type of pill after a break.

GreeBo

afterglow wrote: »

Hi GreeBo

I am applying for college at the moment, and before that I would have had times where I wasn't doing very much at all, like where I felt I had no purpose, so maybe that could have been a factor, but I honestly don't think so.
I can't pinpoint when the libido changed to be honest. I am still attracted to my bf yep, we still hold hands, kiss, snuggle all the time.
Like I say though, interest in anything sexual has gone.

how do you feel about yourself?
how is your self esteem? Your body image? Do you think of yourself as attractive/sexy?
Do you think your partner thinks of you this way?

afterglow

Hejdkfjekwkhww wrote: »

I have exactly the same problem regarding total lack of libido OP, but in my case I came off the pill 2 years ago because of this (tried every pill option prior to that but no difference) and then I eventually came off it altogether and sadly it's made no difference. I'm 28 and my libido is just gone. There is no reason. Not specifically stress related or anything else. It's really frustrating me (and I'm sure my bf though he never complains). We have sex maybe 3 times a month but my desire is nil. I'm pretty sure the pill messed me up, and has had some kind of after effect, in your case I'd definitely be blaming the pill. Maybe you could take a break from it for a while and see if things improve for you? Maybe then you can try a different type of pill after a break.

Hi
My worst fear is that I will come off the pill and it still won't make any difference. I wasn't always like this, as I'm sure you weren't either. How do you and your bf cope? How is he doing with your lack of drive? At the moment my bf is okay because we are hoping there is an end in sight for us, but reading your post makes me so scared...
I would hate to have to break up with him because of this, I love him so much...

GreeBo

afterglow wrote: »

I would hate to have to break up with him because of this, I love him so much...

whoa.....why would you have to break up?

CaraMay

I think the more sex you have the more you will want (assuming it's good)... It's easy to get into the routine of not doing it.

afterglow

GreeBo wrote: »

whoa.....why would you have to break up?

Hi again GreeBo

To answer your previous questions first, my self image/feeling about myself is fine yep, definitely better than it would have been at times when i felt useless/that I had no purpose.
I am just worried because I can't imagine how hard this must be for him, I also don't want to make him feel like it is his fault, or like I'm rejecting him, I mean, it could be Josh Groban and I'd still be the same!!! '*smiles*

Blingy

CaraMay wrote: »

I think the more sex you have the more you will want (assuming it's good)... It's easy to get into the routine of not doing it.

This is definitely true. Also if you are fit and healthy it may help too.

R.D. aka MR.D

i had this problem in my first ever relationship. we were together over 3 years and by the end i had lost any desire to have sex or anything. I blamed the pill too because i've heard it can happen. I also blamed it for my weight gain.

After we broke up, i took up running and lost over 2stone. i started to feel sexual again even though i didn't have any one in my life.

I was still on the pill and i still am. Recently, i've put on about half a stone and it's started again. sometimes i feel like i could take it or leave it with my OH.

I know now from experience that it's not him, it's not the pill, it's me. i'm not unhappy that i've put on weight and i don't feel unattracitive it just seems that when i have a little weight on that my libido drops.

LegacyUser

This thread has a lot of resonances for me.
In my case I am the husband of a wife with low libido (see my thread on Compatability with mismatched sex drive).

I got some useful replies on the thread but a small number were bordering on chauvinistic and didn't seem to understand that women really have these issues.

In my case what is bothering me is that my DW seems to blank out the issue and isn't apparently reaching out anywhere to solve it.
So, I take my hat off to the OP and the other poster 'aka' who at least realised the issue is affecting their partner(s).

I think the females on this thread will realise how challenging it must be for the male partner with average or thereabouts libido trying to broach this subject with his wife.
My own DW is maybe 1 stone overweight (based on BMI) and she does swimming now.
I don't find her slight above weight unattractive and I think she knows that.
What bothers me is that really she has never shown initiative to talk to GP about the libido issue and she seems to be in a comfort zone of avoiding sex which has raised huge issues for me.

danslevent

The pill made me lose my libido too. A few of my friends have said the same!

LegacyUser

afterglow wrote: »

Hi
My worst fear is that I will come off the pill and it still won't make any difference. I wasn't always like this, as I'm sure you weren't either. How do you and your bf cope? How is he doing with your lack of drive? At the moment my bf is okay because we are hoping there is an end in sight for us, but reading your post makes me so scared...
I would hate to have to break up with him because of this, I love him so much...

Likewise I guess we are still hoping there is an end in sight. My boyfriend loves me and our relationship is so much deeper than just sex based so I don't fear us having to break up. I make sure that he gets regular oral pleasure, even if I'm not in the mood I find it easier to go ahead and give this to him and it definitely helps the situation, maybe something you can consider. He knows I love him and we discuss this issue very openly. I think that's the best way to handle it.

I'll be honest and admit I haven't seen my doctor about this issue since coming off the pill. I did mention it as my reason for changing pills several times, but I haven't gone back since. Another poster mentioned his frustration at his wife for not doing something about her lack of sex drive, but the problem is, it's hard to be bothered enough to go to the doctor about your lack of drive when you have a lack of drive. You don't need sex so don't feel the need to seek medical attention to get your sex back, if that makes sense. And I for one find it hard to discuss such an issue with my doc as I'm sure a lot of people do.

On here people will very often say "no sex? Break up straight away" but I don't agree with that. I absolutely agree that sex is very important, but I don't think you should be considering anything as dramatic as a break up.

All you can do is work on it. My current plan is to schedule one night a week where we have early to bed time and I'm hoping that can help me to focus on it and get back into it.


Prior to spending a few years on the pill, I was a very highly sexed woman and regularly self pleasured but never do now.

I think you could maybe supplement your bf with oral sex to make up for what you're not providing while you work the issue out.

And most of all don't panic as that will hinder things further.

Ignore anyone telling you to break up.

Taltos

OP per our charter posters are asked not to start multiple threads in a short space of time here. Doing so will result in all threads being closed at a minimum.

You only need to start one thread - starting numerous threads over a short period of time will be considered attention whoring and they will be closed.