Changing childs name..HELP

Joyler

Hi there,

I was wondering does anybody know the best way to change my daughters surname? I am now married but my daughter has my surname and would like to change both our names to my husbands. But her father who doesn't see her or have any involvement with her has got guardianship (he applied when I tried to get maintenance he got guardianship but has never paid anything and last I heard he left the country). But everything I read says I need the fathers permission and I dont particularly want to try find him or contact him. I just would like us all to have my husbands name as we now have another child and my husband would like him and us all to have his surname as he considers my daughter his own.

Victoria Fortescue

Joyler wrote: »

Hi there,

I was wondering does anybody know the best way to change my daughters surname? I am now married but my daughter has my surname and would like to change both our names to my husbands. But her father who doesn't see her or have any involvement with her has got guardianship (he applied when I tried to get maintenance he got guardianship but has never paid anything and last I heard he left the country). But everything I read says I need the fathers permission and I dont particularly want to try find him or contact him. I just would like us all to have my husbands name as we now have another child and my husband would like him and us all to have his surname as he considers my daughter his own.

It doesn't matter if he pays you nothing, he is the child's father and guardian. You must genuinely exhaust all avenues of finding this man to obtain his permission. Seek out his family, friends and anyone he may know to track him down. He's the biological father, and deserves the right to agree or not.

Joyler

Victoria Fortescue wrote: »

It doesn't matter if he pays you nothing, he is the child's father and guardian. You must genuinely exhaust all avenues of finding this man to obtain his permission. Seek out his family, friends and anyone he may know to track him down. He's the biological father, and deserves the right to agree or not.

It is not his name my daughter has its my surname so it wouldn't affect him either way.

Moonbeam

If you have tried to contact him and you can not then talk to a solicitor.

GarIT

If you want to change her name no matter what it is you need written permission from him.

Why on earth would you want your daughter to have another man's name? That is something that would make me resent my mother for the rest of my life. If you change her name to your husbands name I guarantee that she will take her fathers name when she turns 18.

Vinz Mesrine

GarIT wrote: »

If you want to change her name no matter what it is you need written permission from him.

Why on earth would you want your daughter to have another man's name? That is something that would make me resent my mother for the rest of my life. If you change her name to your husbands name I guarantee that she will take her fathers name when she turns 18.

"doesn't see her and does have any involvement with her"

I don't think she'll be changing her name when she turns 18.

GarIT

Vinz Mesrine wrote: »

"doesn't see her and does have any involvement with her"

I don't think she'll be changing her name when she turns 18.

I rather be associated with someone I don't know than someone who would change my name to please themselves. They are not the new husbands child and should not have his name for any reason.

Moonbeam

Is he proposing to adopt her?

Joyler

GarIT wrote: »

If you want to change her name no matter what it is you need written permission from him.

Why on earth would you want your daughter to have another man's name? That is something that would make me resent my mother for the rest of my life. If you change her name to your husbands name I guarantee that she will take her fathers name when she turns 18.

I doubt she would take a mans name that she doesnt even know and who doesnt want anything to do with her she calls my husband daddy as that is the man that has been there since she was 6 months old. Obviously if he was in the picture i would consult him but hes not and thats his doing and his choice.

Joyler

Moonbeam wrote: »

Is he proposing to adopt her?

We havent actually discussed adoption - this has just came up as we have a second child who has his name as we are married but me and my daughter have my name and i would like us all to have the surname but i wont change mine unless i can change my daughters as I dont think it would be nice or fair having my daughter having a different surname to the rest of the family.

GarIT

Joyler wrote: »

I doubt she would take a mans name that she doesnt even know and who doesnt want anything to do with her she calls my husband daddy as that is the man that has been there since she was 6 months old. Obviously if he was in the picture i would consult him but hes not and thats his doing and his choice.

Whether he is in the picture or not you don't really have a choice, you need his permission.

The other bit is very wrong IMO but I won't say anymore on that.

Moonbeam

Joyler wrote: »

We havent actually discussed adoption - this has just came up as we have a second child who has his name as we are married but me and my daughter have my name and i would like us all to have the surname but i wont change mine unless i can change my daughters as I dont think it would be nice or fair having my daughter having a different surname to the rest of the family.

it might be the only way but her dad would need to consent to it.

username123

In Ireland names can be changed through common usage. So you can just start using the name you want for her. If at a later point she wishes to revert to the name on her birth cert she can just start using it.

See here for more info:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/problems_in_marriages_and_other_relationships/changing_your_name_by_deed_poll.html

Changing the surname of a child
The surname of a child can be changed in the Register of Births but only in certain circumstances. However, the surname of a child can also be changed by deed poll or common usage. Children aged between 14 and 17 years can execute the Deed Poll themselves but need the consent of both parents. Where a child is under the age of 14 years, one of the child's parents must execute the Deed Poll with the consent of the other parent.

Joyler

username123 wrote: »

In Ireland names can be changed through common usage. So you can just start using the name you want for her. If at a later point she wishes to revert to the name on her birth cert she can just start using it.

See here for more info:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/problems_in_marriages_and_other_relationships/changing_your_name_by_deed_poll.html

Thanks for this - Will give them a call tomorrow to find out the ins and outs

username123

Joyler wrote: »

Thanks for this - Will give them a call tomorrow to find out the ins and outs

You just inform the school of the new name to be used and register her going forward with clubs, gp, dentist etc with the new name. As time passes a history of usage builds up and eventually that name has legal standing if a history of usage can be shown.

It's probably best to go with common usage and let her make her own decision later at which point she can change it by deed poll if she wants to once she is 18 or just go back to her birth cert name.

There's an interesting thread over on magic mum about it:
http://www.magicmum.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=68&t=328995

Victoria Fortescue

Joyler wrote: »

It is not his name my daughter has its my surname so it wouldn't affect him either way.

I'm afraid it does, because you made that daughter together. Did you omit her fathers name from the cert or did you allow her have his surname?

The bottom line is, you can't erase her father, no matter how much you want to get on with your life. She may resent you for it.

I'm not with my ex but my children bear both of our names. I've a new partner of several years, and despite very rough times I've involved him as much as I can.

It doesn't matter how much you want to make your house one unit, your daughter will want to know her father at some point, you can't erase him. I've dropped my double barrel name, but it's important they still bear their fathers too.

Joyler

username123 wrote: »

You just inform the school of the new name to be used and register her going forward with clubs, gp, dentist etc with the new name. As time passes a history of usage builds up and eventually that name has legal standing if a history of usage can be shown.

It's probably best to go with common usage and let her make her own decision later at which point she can change it by deed poll if she wants to once she is 18 or just go back to her birth cert name.

There's an interesting thread over on magic mum about it:
http://www.magicmum.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=68&t=328995

Thanks this sounds like the best option for us as i have every intention of explaining to my daughter about her biological father when she is old enough and i dont want her to feel like i tried to keep things from her

Joyler

Victoria Fortescue wrote: »

I'm afraid it does, because you made that daughter together. Did you omit her fathers name from the cert or did you allow her have his surname?

The bottom line is, you can't erase her father, no matter how much you want to get on with your life. She may resent you for it.

I'm not with my ex but my children bear both of our names. I've a new partner of several years, and despite very rough times I've involved him as much as I can.

It doesn't matter how much you want to make your house one unit, your daughter will want to know her father at some point, you can't erase him. I've dropped my double barrel name, but it's important they still bear their fathers too.

Im not trying to erase him and hes not on her birth cert because he didnt want to be on it nor does he want to see her or have anything to do with her. I have every intention of telling my daughter the truth when she is old enough as i believe she has a right to know but shes only 5 and is too young to explain things to at the minute.

Sligo1

I think it's really sh:tty of people to be casting aspersions on the OP. She asked a simple enough question to which there is a factual answer which was really well highlighted by Username123.

Everybody else is being completely judgemental to the OP when they haven't a clue of her situation. Hope it works out OP.

Hope this doesn't come across as backseat moderating.... Just feel like OP is getting quite the raw deal here when she asked a pretty straightforward question.

pwurple

Common usage is the way women change their name when they married too.. Law is fairly slack on names here afaik.

Ussername123 is right, just start using new name. Not a lot more to it than that in Ireland. Check with solicitor to be sure.

Sligo1

Exactly! It's easy to become a father.... A lot harder to become a Dad!

Moonbeam

Folks, can we refrain from judging the op here please.

I think that the question has been answered.