Fretting over new boyfriend

LegacyUser

I recently started going out with a guy and everything is great. He seems very keen; in fact, I don’t know what more he could be doing at this stage. He texts every day, introduced to me to his friends, and trusts me enough to leave me in his house when he goes to work.

The thing is, now that I realise how much I like him I’m starting to worry that he might suddenly loose interest. Previous boyfriends just seemed to disappear even though they too seemed keen so I’m afraid the same thing will happen again.

I suddenly find myself reading his texts for 'signs' and counting the hours between them. Will this pass and how can I keep myself from turning into a paranoid weirdo?

Merkin

Are you reading the texts in his phone or rereading texts he has already sent to you?

Beruthiel

Overthinking Things II wrote: »

I suddenly find myself reading his texts for 'signs' and counting the hours between them.

This is not something you can change or fix.
Worrying over it is a wasted emotion.
You cannot control how things go with the both of you.
All you can do is just be yourself.
Relax and enjoy your time together.

If this relationship is meant to be then it will.
If it's not, there was never anything you could do to control it's out come to begin with.
Two people either click and get on, or they don't.
Once you realise that, you will relax and give it your best shot.
Best of luck.

ash23

OP, you have to stop this way of thinking or you will drive him away. I'm recently seeing someone and a couple of times he's been quite needy. It's very very off putting. I really like him, we're having a good time, I enjoy spending time with him.

But there's nothing more of a turn off than the couple of times he has said "oh you didn't text me back" or something along those lines.

If you are thinking like this you're going to start giving off the needy vibe and even if you're trying not to be needy, he'll pick up on little things.

For people who are secure in a relationship and secure in themselves, someone being needy is really just so offputting.

LegacyUser

I'm re-reading the texts he sent me; not snooping on his phone!

I would also be pretty conscious of not coming across as deeply insecure so I would never bring up whether he text me back or called ect.

To be perfectly honest, that's not even an issue as he is in contact all the time; it's just my own fear I guess based on previous experience.

I know you are right Beruthiel but it's hard to remind myself of that. It's just a bad way of thinking I've got myself into.

Carrie Madshaw

Although I agree with you Ash, when somebody is feeling a bit insecure in a relationship, telling them that behaviour is really unattractive will only compound the problem. Now she'll be even more worried thinking she's coming across as needy and will probably start acting even more needy as a result! It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

I know how you feel OP. When you really like someone and they seem to like you back it can be scary. Suddenly you have something to lose and you feel vulnerable. You stand to get hurt and that's where your fear is coming from.


All you can do really is wait for this to pass. It will pass once you start to feel more secure and comfortable in the relationship. He likes you. Try your best to accept that. Know your worth. Don't let thoughts of not being good enough for him enter your head. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be. He is choosing to be with you so therefore he must like you.

Try to think logically and don't let your heart run away with your head.

Just be glad you've met someone you like, that doesn't come round everyday!

Beruthiel

Overthinking Things II wrote: »

I know you are right Beruthiel but it's hard to remind myself of that.

Make it part of your daily mantra until it sinks in.

Merkin

Overthinking Things II wrote: »

I'm re-reading the texts he sent me; not snooping on his phone!

I would also be pretty conscious of not coming across as deeply insecure so I would never bring up whether he text me back or called ect.

To be perfectly honest, that's not even an issue as he is in contact all the time; it's just my own fear I guess based on previous experience.

I know you are right Beruthiel but it's hard to remind myself of that. It's just a bad way of thinking I've got myself into.

Thanks for clarification, I wasn't sure!

I think you're causing yourself unnecessary angst. I think you have to realise that with any relationship, however seemingly secure and happy they are, doesn't come with any guarantees. Nobody enters a relationship 100% knowing that it will result in white picket fences and happy ever afters. BUT, not taking that gamble because of fear would be a terrible old shame wouldn't it?

I think you've got a good one here. He sounds open and inclusive and contacts you when he says he will, all good signs!

I think sometimes you have to allow yourself to enjoy it. Does that make sense? I know when I got together with Mr. Merkin my roller-blinds were firmly down because a. I thought he was too good to be true and because b. I'd met my fair share of ****. So I made those first few months hard for myself (and him!) because I wouldn't let him in. I know it's easier said than done but try and relax and enjoy it. You're at such a lovely stage so take it at face value and enjoy it for what it is. Of course your defenses are up a little because of past experiences (and that is okay) but don't allow bad past experiences to still have such a hold over you that they jeopardize present day, lovely ones!

Really hope it works out for you both, I think it will!

AnonMouse

My advice would be to not base this relationship on previous experience. He is a completely different person to your ex boyfriend(s), so let him start with a clean slate.

Try to relax and enjoy what you have in the present moment.

Best of luck