Working in a Very nasty and bitchy environment, any tips?

LegacyUser

Ok, so my job has a lot of perks from pay to benefits, commute etc and there are 3 or 4 people there I have a laugh with but I feel no connection whatsoever to most of them, and this is down to a lack of common ground with a lot of them. I can work with them and be professional but we arent friends outside of work. That isnt the issue, my problem is with a core nasty group of 5 women who are very bitchy and like to spend a huge amount of their day whispering to each other, heading off to rooms to bitch about others and generally being nasty cows. Now they made a complaint about me (through my boss) last year about some trivial issue about leaving my desk a mess and now Im very angry and bitter towards them to the stage where I just want to march straight up to them mid-rant and announce "Have ye sad cows nothing better to do than gossip about other people and try to put them down, you pathetic cnuts". The issue was so minor they could have just said it to my face and problem solved, its the way they went about it that annoys me.

Obviously thats not the right way to approach it but its scary how often I have wanted to do this over the last few months. Now to clarify I have heard them bitch about other people and give out about managers etc a lot so its not a case of them ONLY talking about me but now Im paranoid every time they even turn to look at me in case its about me and I really want to catch them out if they mentioned my name so i can confront them, but they are too sneaky for that and like to stick in groups, cowards that they are. My workmate just shrugged and told me ah forget them, they are always talking about people when I mentioned it to him but its a very tough issue to solve as you cant walk up to someone and say "You are sniggering at me, whats your problem" as they can always deny it but it still jars when you think they are whispering. I have heard some of the things they say of others so I think "Wow imagine how I must be talked about"...

This issue may not seem like a real one to a lot of people but spending 8 hours a day with such people is starting to affect my concentration as I find myself getting drawn in to who they are slagging just for a chance to expose them. Any tips on working under such a bitch atmosphere? These women are all in their mid 30s by the way, not little 6yr olds....

R.D. aka MR.D

I'm not sure from your post if you are male or female. I'm female and have worked in mostly female dominated jobs for many years. When i worked in retail, bitches were the norm!

Your co-worker is right though, ignore them. They probably aren't spending all their time talking about you and frankly, it's quite self centered to think so.

If you feel like you can't ignore them then my advice is to become really over friendly. Always smile and wave when they look at you (even when that seems really bizarre). Depending on the nature of your work environment you could even start being a bitch to them. Such bitchy comments include: (when their hair looks the same as always) Oh did you change your hair, it looks so much better now! it's great you finally changed it!
I could probably tell you a million more but it's all pointless. You get a little satisfaction from it but why bother? Just ignore them. They aren't worth your time. Think about how much time you are wasting thinking about them!

December2012

I think you need to calm down. They complained and your boss appears to have taken it no further than say it to you.

And you want to do that?

Just let it go. Don't put any energy into this, just put your energy into your work.

Quigs Snr

If you are worried about what people say about you in the work environment then you are going to kill yourself with stress. Many years ago I learned to let go.. eventually these folks cry wolf too many times and destroy their own credibility (unfortunately a fair few will also move up the ladder, it's my experience that a disproportionate number of folks especially in the corporate world who move up the chain, tend to be that way inclined). Everyone complains about everyone else, fact of life. When I became a manager of a sizeable dept I understood this and even stopped going to lunch etc... with the folks I used to, so they would all be able to give out about whatever, no doubt including me, in peace. And I don't care one little bit. I let them have their outlet. In a one on one, usually they feel and talk differently. Most have a herd mentality too and can be crushed like a bug when separated from that herd. I just focus on my stuff and focus on being the best I can.

I know folks like you who are very paranoid... cruise by meeting rooms to see who is in there talking about them (usually this is in their own head), or listening over partitions and going around asking people what others have said about them. These are usually very agitated and very unhappy people. You can choose not to be one of unhappy people. Its in your power, not these people's power how you decide to feel. Don't feed the troll's.

Magenta

Been there, done that- don't rise to the bait. (I'm female and have had the horrors of working in mostly-female teams before).

If you complain about them, the onus is on you to prove they were talking about you. They will all stick together and say they weren't, and likely make you out to be paranoid or crazy. Then the games start, where they deliberately make it look like they are talking about you because they know now that it bothers you.

They'll all turn on each other eventually. If they talk about everybody else, they talk about each other. I guarantee there's no trust between them cos they all know one is as bitchy as the next. Trust me, if a promotion came up for grabs tomorrow they'd all dig the knife into each other's backs to get it.

Keep your head down, do your work, put earphones in if you are in an office and it's allowed. Be glad that you don't have their problem- you don't act like a 6 year old.

Neyite

somuchgossip wrote: »

My workmate just shrugged and told me ah forget them, they are always talking about people when I mentioned it to him but its a very tough issue to solve as you cant walk up to someone and say "You are sniggering at me, whats your problem" as they can always deny it but it still jars when you think they are whispering. I have heard some of the things they say of others so I think "Wow imagine how I must be talked about"...

What I've bolded is the crux of the issue. You cant solve this. I doubt even their mangers could without difficulty. They are who they are, and will say what they want to say. You need to do exactly what your workmates do and shrug them off, say as little as possible to them to give them any ammunition, and mentally dismiss them as the pathetic beings that they are. But remember they are devious and cover your ass with written emails etc in any work-related dealings with them. That's really all you can do.

intellectual dosser

You have to flip it, a bunch of women who do nothing but bitch about other people have some very serious personal issues. They have insecurities that is probably being fed by this bitching all day.

It's obviously easy for me to type this, but I'd concentrate on work safe in the knowledge that you're not in as low a place as they are.

miamee

I think you need to stop caring what these people think of you. You clearly dislike them, don't respect them and don't want to be their friend - so why are you giving them so much of your time and energy? They are not worth any of your time.

Stick to the people you are friends with in there, be professional in your work and let the rest of them off with their silly, school yard games. Unless they are saying things in front of you to deliberately upset or goad you, I really wouldn't pay them any heed.

somefeen

Work hard.
You don't need to do anything else in this situation. Eventually it becomes apparent who is doing the work and the people that aren't are usually gossiping about the people who are.

Keep the head down, get on with it

Junglewoman

Play the long game and concentrate on your work. Be glad you are not like them but opportunity to do something will arise unexpectedly....it took me 2 years and my credibility was unaffected. It is very hard but stay strong!