Issue at the gym

sullivlo

Hi guys,

This issue is pretty trivial compared to some of the things people post about but it's something that I'd like some advice on how to proceed.

I recently joined the gym. I want to lose weight, get fitter and tone up. I'm really enjoying it - I'm having a positive experience and I am feeling much better physically and mentally that I was this time last month.

I like to swim so I spend some time in the pool. I normally go in the swimming lanes but today they were jammed and I was conscious of holding people up so I just stayed in the normal area of the pool. As normal when in the big area it was busy enough and there was a lot of chatting going on between people.

A man beside me said "Jesus, tis awful busy tonight" and I said "yeah, I'd to move out of the lanes". Shooting the breeze. I put back down my goggles and pushed off and when I was nearly at the end of the pool I felt something grab my foot. It was him.

A few minutes later he said "Jesus you're quick. I didn't think I'd catch you" so I just kept going. And swam as fast as I could. But he kept trying to talk to me and engage in conversation. He stayed smack bang in the middle of the pool and grabbed my foot a few times. He even swam underneath me at one stage.

During my last rest, which I went to the other end of the pool for, he followed me up and said "Jesus you must be tired tonight after that, do you want company in bed?" I said no thanks now please leave me be.

He got out soon after and I finished my swim, but when I got out of the pool he was at the entrance to the steam room and sauna and asked if I was going in. I said no, grabbed my stuff and went to the changing room.

I didn't say anything to any of the staff so I suppose I can't really complain if I don't try to fix it, but I don't even know if that's something that I should tell the staff about?

I would appreciate any advice on a) if I should say something to the gym staff, and b) how I should deal with it if the issue arises again.

Thanks.

strandroad

Next time you can say "please leave me alone, I'm not comfortable with this" and walk away. And yes, report him to the staff, he may be harassing others as well... The pool stuff is downright dangerous, what if you choke when you feel someone grabbing your feet?

Jerrica

I was about to ask if you were a guy or a girl and then I copped that either way it doesn't matter, unwanted attention is just that.

Absolutely say it to the gym staff, you shouldn't have to deal with unwanted advances from another gym member (the comment about company in bed was downright lewd and horrible), and should you see him again and he does the same thing tell him firmly that you are there to work out, and should he persist just approach a staff member about it. Easier said than done, but that's a nasty position he has put you in.

sullivlo

mhge wrote: »

Next time you can say "please leave me alone, I'm not comfortable with this" and walk away. And yes, report him to the staff, he may be harassing others as well... The pool stuff is downright dangerous, what if you choke when you feel someone grabbing your feet?

In a way I'm lucky I'm a strong swimmer, as he was messing dangerously in the deep end. Can I report well after the incident? Well it will be tomorrow when I go again.

Jerrica wrote: »

I was about to ask if you were a guy or a girl and then I copped that either way it doesn't matter, unwanted attention is just that.

Absolutely say it to the gym staff, you shouldn't have to deal with unwanted advances from another gym member (the comment about company in bed was downright lewd and horrible), and should you see him again and he does the same thing tell him firmly that you are there to work out, and should he persist just approach a staff member about it. Easier said than done, but that's a nasty position he has put you in.

I'm female. I normally have absolutely no issue in holding my own in any situation with lads, but this was just really uncomfortable. Not only was it disturbing having an older (slightly creepy) guy grabbing at me, it was disrupting my exercise.

How would I approach it with the staff? Would I just say that I was in the pool and there was a creepy guy and what should I do if it happens again? I feel like a child in my inability to deal with this in a grown up, responsible manner!

Jerrica

It's such an outlandish thing to happen though, it's not weird to be a bit unsure how to deal with it! Ask to speak to a staff member, preferably a manager of possible, and be as straightforward as possible : "at 5pm yesterday I was in the pool, and while I was swimming a man who I didnt know began to grab my ankles as I was swimming and persisted in trying to speak to me. This made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe and I would really appreciate you looking into it for me". Straightforward and clearly pointing out the inappropriate behaviour of another member.

MugMugs

Report him next time you're there and if he does it again scream the pool down.

strandroad

They may also have CCTV...
Say it simply and normally, it's in their best interest to know rather than to lose clients because a creep is grossing them out.

Doom

Report him...next time he swims under you stand on him.

LegacyUser

definitely report him......he's well out of line. that's sexual harassment. talk to the manager, tell exactly what happened and what he said and let them deal with it. you're probably not the only one he has tried this 'move' with......and he might get bolder if he feels he can get away with it.

username123

Definitely report this.

Tell the staff exactly what happened, the time/date, and the best description you can of him.

If it ever happens again, and there is no pool attendant, get out of the pool and walk right out to the reception area dripping wet and tell them loudly that someone is behaving inappropriately towards you in the pool.

I'm a female swimmer myself and my pool usually has an attendant but after 6pm there isn't one. I would not hesitate to walk out to reception and complain immediately in that situation.

sullivlo

username123 wrote: »

Definitely report this.

Tell the staff exactly what happened, the time/date, and the best description you can of him.

If it ever happens again, and there is no pool attendant, get out of the pool and walk right out to the reception area dripping wet and tell them loudly that someone is behaving inappropriately towards you in the pool.

I'm a female swimmer myself and my pool usually has an attendant but after 6pm there isn't one. I would not hesitate to walk out to reception and complain immediately in that situation.

I don't remember exactly what he looked like, but he did speak to one (or two) staff members about an issue with the steam room so maybe they might remember him.

I'll go to the gym tomorrow and ask to speak to someone.

And next time I'll just stick to the lanes!!

ted1

Report the freak.
I worked as a lifeguard in pools for years and that carry on needs to be shut down ASAP, If he does it to you, who knows who else he'll do it too.

username123

sullivlo wrote: »

I don't remember exactly what he looked like, but he did speak to one (or two) staff members about an issue with the steam room so maybe they might remember him.

I'll go to the gym tomorrow and ask to speak to someone.

And next time I'll just stick to the lanes!!

I absolutely guarantee you this WILL be taken very seriously by the gym staff. The last thing they want is the guards investigating a molestation in their pool, they will be very aware of that.

Merkin

You definitely need to say it, I'd file an official complaint if I were you. The gym will have him out on his ear, they don't want anything inappropriate happening on their premises. He sounds like a pervy little freak tbh so would be good to see him called up on his sleazy behaviour!

Pompette

Hey Sullivlo,

I felt the urge to give my 2 cents when I read your account as a similar thing happened to me a few months ago, let's just say it was more invasive and also of a sexual nature. Please please report the incident, no matter how trivial you think it might seem to an outsider. That was inappropriate behaviour. As someone said, who knows what he could do next and what about children who use the pool.
The gym need to know about this kind of carry on in their pool. I reported what happened to me straight away and I'm glad I did for the way things turned out in the end!

Take care

usersame

Not a million miles off sexual assault here

Do what you're comfortable with, but I would suggest that you do have some duty to other women in reporting him

You reacted calmly, I imagine others would be much more frightened

angeline

Report him asap to the manager for highly inappropriate behaviour. They will be duty bound to act...

mikemac1

Management don't want their club in the papers or lose members so they will act.

Ask for a meeting and if they still have the CCTV and can verify the grabbing he will be barred

A very good chance they have CCTV since they are prime targets for compo claims over accidents

Colonel_McCoy

Report him and dont even think twice about it.

sullivlo

I said it to the duty manager this morning and he is going to look into it. I felt like a pleb but he was glad I reported it which took some of the embarrassment away.

Merkin

You did the right thing!

username123

Nothing for you to be embarrassed about OP - its him who should be embarrassed.

seosamh1980

Why did you feel like a "pleb"? Somebody inappropriately and rather dangerously grabbed you in the deep end of a pool, basically followed you around it and came onto you bizarrely. It's obvious that sort of behaviour in a gym needs to be reported, I can't see why you'd feel odd about doing that at all. If he did that to me I'd have reported it before he was even out of the pool/gym area.

sullivlo

seosamh1980 wrote: »

Why did you feel like a "pleb"? Somebody inappropriately and rather dangerously grabbed you in the deep end of a pool, basically followed you around it and came onto you bizarrely. It's obvious that sort of behaviour in a gym needs to be reported, I can't see why you'd feel odd about doing that at all. If he did that to me I'd have reported it before he was even out of the pool/gym area.

I just have low self confidence. I felt like I would be wasting the gym staff time by complaining.

username123

sullivlo wrote: »

I just have low self confidence. I felt like I would be wasting the gym staff time by complaining.

Are you mad? They need to know about this kind of stuff to stop it from happening!

seosamh1980

Exactly as above. How would you be wasting their time by telling them about somebody who would most likely do this again soon to someone else if you didn't tell them? I'd be delighted with myself if I marched up to them and told them what he was doing, so that he never dared do it again and the gym could stop him and avoid someone having a similar experience again.

ahnow

Feck that OP, you did the right thing, it's sexual harrassment plain and simple. Why in gods name would anyone in their right mind think it's acceptable to grab a strangers foot, let alone all the other super creepy stuff. For all you know he could be following you after your workout, best to nip it in the bud!

Rubylolz

You were right, he made you feel uncomfortable. I'd imagine your not the only one he's been pestering. He sounds like a sleaze ball!

Stavro Mueller

If something like this happened in a workplace, this man would be in trouble before you could utter the words sexual and harassment. It's possible that he picked up on your lack of self-confidence and chanced his arm. It's one thing to have a bit of banter with people when you know them. Acting in this way with a complete stranger is beyond inappropriate and he knows it.

delthedriver

sullivlo wrote: »

I said it to the duty manager this morning and he is going to look into it. I felt like a pleb but he was glad I reported it which took some of the embarrassment away.

You are not a pleb! No need for you to feel even remotely embarrassed.

Congratulations on standing up for yourself and all the other members of this leisure centre.

I know that someone would need to restrain me if this ghoul approached my wife, my mother or sister like that.

Indeed you should be proud of the action you have taken to protect yourself and other lady members.

No doubt the owners are relieved that this incident was brought to their attention before something even more abhorrent happens.

Thank you . Well done!

Pompette

I get where you're coming from OP. It's almost like you feel 'weak' for this happening to you and then you're a bit embarrassed having to report it.
You did the right thing though! Thank you! Not only for yourself but for women everywhere who have had a bad experience like that.

I almost ended up in court (had a court date like) over what happened to me so the gym will take these things seriously, or at least they should.

sullivlo

Thanks everyone.

I am now confident that I made the right decision by reporting this issue, and I feel that if it was to occur again, I would be more confident in approaching the staff on duty about it.

amdublin

I think as well as telling the gym you should also make it clear to him that his actions are unwelcome and making you uncomfortable.

I'm glad this has been resolved for you OP