what is wrong with me?

comfortseeker

I feel like such an idiot I dont know whats wrong with me. One time I used to be so outgoing and always mixing with people and now the only time I leave the house is for work. I feel so socially awkward. I went out one night over Xmas and felt so out of place in the corner. I had a rough 2 years which brought this on. I recently came out of a toxic relationship and also suffered anorexia (which I still do suffer with) after experiencing a miscarriage. I am trying to move on and get out there and meet new people go on a few dates etc and recently got chatting to a guy online who is a Dr. and seemed really nice. He asked me out but I just froze with fear and ran because I just cant motivate myself to go out. now Im thinking back and feel horrible for not replying to him and being so rude but in my head I just couldnt do it. I am my own worst enemy. I want to do so many things but when it comes to it I just cant do it and make endless excuses not to go or do it, even when it comes to meeting a friend for coffee. I will only meet her if i can make sure i exercise first.
Why am I feeling like this? Is there any way out of this rut I am or am I just a total right off?

Heyitsalexee

I'm no doctor but I fear this is psychological

I was depressed for 3 years straight... and didn't have a clue... I didn't like texting.. I didn't do face book... I only left for work as well.. and every time i left i'd say to my self... omg I HAVE to go out and FACE all these people... all these people have suck wonderful life's.. why cant i just stay in my room in the darkness.. forever and ever.. some days i didn't even leave my room if i didn't have to (bathroom +food) lol

I hated work... I hated people. I hated talking.. especially if I didn't talk to you .. I didn't go out..
and I use to think

"Dam I use to be a social butterfly with MANY friends.. outgoing, FUNNY as hell, always up to go out and stuff... and now..
I don't have not 1 single friend I think I can talk to" I always yearned for friends...

that thought always put me back down even further..

I even went to a doctor and asked him whats wrong with me... there was things that I wanted to do.. I wanted to be able to talk to people again .. for some reason i became socially awkward.. i guess this is what happens idk.. I felt awkward everywhere but I wanted to do things that i didn't feel so awkward i just couldn't... dating pssshhh I didn't even think about that lololol


But little by little I started to do things...like go out once in a while.. I think what helped alot too.. was that i registered for school.. so there was alot to do and alot of people to meet. but i took VERY tiny baby steps .. i didn't speak to anyone my first few months ... only questions and such. but little by little i met people..

I would suggest take up a hobby or go out and join a club or meet up lots of things on http://www.meetup.com/ its cool! I use it. lol

I also think its you .. (feeling like you have to work out before coffee ) I understand you have a condition but ..i sort of see anorexia as habitual not necessary a sickness.. im sure you made great progress from before and congrats on that but try to set a limit to your exercise

For instance work out for like an hour a day between set times :P and just that ... maybe 3-4 times a week or so.. try to stick to that .. sooner or later you wont feel the urge to work out every time you go out..

Try to see your friend more... try eating out on your own .. visiting new places ( malls, galleries, exhibits etc ).. that what i did.. and the most ultimate reliever or relaxer was and still is the park.. I LOVE it. i absolutely love the park so much time to thin and take it things by you self... and now i love it even more when my friends tag along.. its all about baby steps...

Paddy Cow

You are not a total right off. You have survived a toxic relationship, a heartbreaking miscarriage and anorexia. One of these things could have left you emotionally exhausted and three is bound to have left you with issues.

Recognising that you are struggling is the first step in recovery. Seeking help is the second. I would advise making an appointment with your GP and explaining your situation to them. If you cannot face talking about it, right it down and show them.

Right now things might seem bleak but they can get better. I wish you all the best