He's a liar and a user

LegacyUser

I dont know where to start. Just im so hurt and confused.

I was kind of seeing a guy. I was crazy about him. But he was seeing someone else. He's not married and no kids.

Kind of seeing a guy you ask? He wasnt even taking me out. He wasnt even treating me properly and im so sorry that I listened to him. Things were crap between them, she was controlling, bla bla bla. Everything on his terms and his terms only. He needed time to buy a house and move out. 3 years! He didn't care about me or my feelings and didnt see it my way. He could have rented and be free in a week. I thought over time, he might have made some effort to move things along and he's not.

I pulled the plug on it ages ago. Its been over 3 months the last time I saw him. He keeps ringing me, asking me to meet him and he knows how I feel and he doesnt care. He can move and be free in a week. Not one phone call to ask me out or do something together. Even if he did leave her tomorrow, I dont think il give him the time of day, its been so long.

Does it really take this long to buy a house?

Surely if I meant anything he would be gone? No excuses about buying houses. Rent. But appartently they're all dumps and expensive. But he thinks its ok to hurt me.

I've been ignoring his calls but dont know what to do. I dont know what advice im asking. Maybe answers to the above two questions.

Victoria Fortescue

hurtandconfused wrote: »

I dont know where to start. Just im so hurt and confused.

I was kind of seeing a guy. I was crazy about him. But he was seeing someone else. He's not married and no kids.

Kind of seeing a guy you ask? He wasnt even taking me out. He wasnt even treating me properly and im so sorry that I listened to him. Things were crap between them, she was controlling, bla bla bla. Everything on his terms and his terms only. He needed time to buy a house and move out. 3 years! He didn't care about me or my feelings and didnt see it my way. He could have rented and be free in a week. I thought over time, he might have made some effort to move things along and he's not.

I pulled the plug on it ages ago. Its been over 3 months the last time I saw him. He keeps ringing me, asking me to meet him and he knows how I feel and he doesnt care. He can move and be free in a week. Not one phone call to ask me out or do something together. Even if he did leave her tomorrow, I dont think il give him the time of day, its been so long.

Does it really take this long to buy a house?

Surely if I meant anything he would be gone? No excuses about buying houses. Rent. But appartently they're all dumps and expensive. But he thinks its ok to hurt me.

I've been ignoring his calls but dont know what to do. I dont know what advice im asking. Maybe answers to the above two questions.

As in, you've been involved with him for the last three years??

Firstly, I'm glad you finished it three months ago. Secondly change your goddamn number. Think about it, if you were honestly that miserable in a relationship you'd find anyway you could to get out. You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book. He gives you all these lines about how awful she is, just to keep you dangling along. He wasn't ever going to leave her. Why should he when he can have himself the set up he wants, and a little bit on the side when he fancies it. You'd be mad not to see this for what it really is!

It might be a load of hassle having to change your number - nobody likes doing it. But it would be a worthwhile effort to get this douche bag out of your life for good. Drop him like a hot potato and get on with your life!

Stavro Mueller

If you have a smartphone you can block his calls and texts. As far as I know, some networks will block numbers too.

That's not the issue, though is it? It's that you're struggling to accept that he saw you as little more than a pair of open legs and a warm bed. Sorry to be so crude but I honestly can't see what else there was for him in this. Men who want a bit on the side have remarkably similar excuses when it comes to explaining why they can't leave their partners for you. Admittedly the buying a house excuse is less common but I've seen it mentioned here before.

There's not a lot else anyone can tell you. It's a hard lesson to learn but a valuable one. Don't ever be someone else's sloppy seconds.

hurtandconfused

hurtandconfused wrote: »

He can move and be free in a week.

this is really all you need to know.
its been 3 years, if im reading your op right?
of course he couldve left if he wanted to.

he didnt.
you did the right thing, feck him. block his number.

if, after another 3 months he still contacts you, tell him you waited three years, about 2 and 3/4 years too long and you are not interested anymore.

seriously, leave him with her! she ( god love her !) is welcome to him.
you go and have a great life

strobe

Logic pretty much dictates that if someone is cheating on their wife or gf with you then they are a liar and a user. They're either lying to and using you, or them... usually both of you tbh.

Not much help now unfortunately, what's done is done. But something to remember for the future.

LegacyUser

hurtandconfused wrote: »

I dont know where to start. Just im so hurt and confused.

I was kind of seeing a guy. I was crazy about him. But he was seeing someone else. He's not married and no kids.

Love is a funny thing. It causes us to do the stupidest things. At times we clutch at straws and hope that something is there and reciprocated, when it is not. Our heads often don't come into the decision.

What you did in having a relationship with someone who was in a relationship with someone else was a mistake. It was not reciprocated. This allowed you to be used.

Accept that it was a mistake, forgive yourself (in the name of love) and begin to move on. In time forgive him too. Cut off all contact (including changing numbers etc.). You must for you own sanity. It's about you now not him. Think of everything to do with this in terms of yourself. It's time to stop caring about him at all (which includes feelings of hatred, as hatred is a form of caring).

Meet someone else (when you're ready) and good luck !!!!