Does she want to marry me?

LegacyUser

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years (we are both in our mid/late 20's) and things are going great. We have always talked about getting married and I plan to propose in the next few years as soon as I can get the money together for a ring, romantic trip away etc.

There was a wedding exhibition near where we live and I suggested we go to give us some ideas on what kind of big day we would have in the future.....

My OH however was dead against going and said it was pointless.

Now I'm doubting if she wants to marry at all

I'm very confused!!!

Addle

It would be embarrassing to go to a show like that and not be engaged, or have definite plans to marry in the near future.

freshpopcorn

If ye did go somebody might ask your girlfriend when's the big day and she would just say I'm not engaged we're just looking around.
To me it would be like going to a car show rooms and not being able to drive.

LegacyUser

Going to a wedding show without being engaged is just cruel. & pointless, as your girlfriend says. Some of the offers or businesses may no longer exist in a few years when you do get engaged.

Lux23

I've a feeling that she may want a proposal sooner rather than later, saying you plan to propose in the next few years is awfully vague.

LegacyUser

Think about it logically, OP. The two of you are wandering around the wedding fair, at almost every stall there'll be exclamations of "Oh, you're such a lovely couple, when's the big day?"
What are ye meant to answer? We don't know? Oh and btw we're not actually engaged yet?
It's just going to look so weird. Honestly, no matter how enthusiastic you appear there, it would still come across as though it was your OH who has browbeaten you into attending so as to force a proposal?!
Also, realistically, a lot of these fairs have special offers and the like. Most of these will have expired by the time you get around to getting engaged "in the next few years", not to mind married. So yeah, it'd be kind of pointless.

LegacyUser

You don't need a crazy amount of money for a ring and a romantic trip away, certainly not years worth of savings either! I'm very confused also!!!

Idle Passerby

These shows are geared towards people who already have a date in mind. Prices and deals will vary depending on that. All the services and venues may have changed dramatically by the time you are seriously planning a wedding. It seems very premature to go to a wedding show several years before you plan to propose, never mind not even having a date in mind.

Speak to your girlfriend. I wouldn't just assume that lack of interest in a wedding show equals a lack of interest in marriage.

P. Breathnach

Ten years together; you have talked about getting married; you plan to propose "in the next few years". Get a move on, man. Propose; get her a token ring and promise an upgrade when you can afford it. She might not even be that concerned about the upgrade.

Until you show some signs of being ready to take practical steps towards marriage, she is probably right in saying that going to wedding exhibitions is a bit pointless. It might even be one way of telling you that she wants you to give her a reason to go.

woodchuck

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Ten years together; you have talked about getting married; you plan to propose "in the next few years". Get a move on, man. Propose; get her a token ring and promise an upgrade when you can afford it. She might not even be that concerned about the upgrade.

Until you show some signs of being ready to take practical steps towards marriage, she is probably right in saying that going to wedding exhibitions is a bit pointless. It might even be one way of telling you that she wants you to give her a reason to go.

I totally agree with this.

You want to marry her, so why wait a few years to propose!? An engagement ring doesn't have to cost the world and you don't have to spend a bomb on a trip to propose. Surely 10 year is long enough!?

I don't think any girl in her right mind would go to a wedding fair unless she was actually engaged (unless she's a bridesmaid etc). That doesn't mean she doesn't want to marry you though.

Faith

God above, you've been together for 10 years and you haven't managed to save for a ring yet? Do you actually want to marry her? I don't blame her for rejecting the showcase idea.

I'm sure she wants to marry you, but I'd say she's incredibly frustrated by your inaction. I would be. It's like saying "Let's go to a travel agents and look at holidays we might take in a few years... Whenever I get around to booking it...".

My advice: Stop waiting and propose now.

Mint Aero

You got that arse about tits Op Propose first
Girls like engagements to be a surprise. Not a "yera will we go to this wedding thing and see what the craic is?"

Meangadh

Lots of couples I know were together ten years or so before they got married so the length of time ye're together isn't the issue-some people never get married, some people wait longer, whatever suits. So I wouldn't be in the "what are you waiting for" camp- but why on earth would you want to go to a wedding fair if you're not even getting married? How weird and awkward would that be? And if you do intend on marrying the girl, just propose to her and be done with it. Don't let money be an issue, you don't have to have a big expensive day.

It's almost like you nearly feel like you're engaged to be engaged. You want to marry her-so propose.

ABajaninCork

Dear me.
So you have been together 10 years+,
Talked about marriage (but no proposal AND worse still no ring).
You want to go to a wedding show (to see what the craic is)
And you wonder why your girl has the hump?

Boy. You have much to learn!!

Start by making up your mind what you want. Then just DO IT FFS!! No need for the grand gestures if you can't yet afford it. Get a nice ring (doesn't need to cost the earth) & go from there...

LegacyUser

After being 10 years with this girl and the fact that you still have not proposed to her yet I think she is being very civil to you.
Most couples get engaged within 3 to 5 years but after 10 years she is still waiting for you to propose to her.

She is not impressed with you. You asked her to go to a wedding exhibition near where you live. She know that if you go here you will meet people you know who will ask her when are you getting married?
What do you expect her to tell them - Well were a couple this past 10 years but I am not engaged yet?
I know couples that are going out a few years would have family/friends asking are you engaged yet ect. I am sure she has been hearing this for a while.

She has told you it is pointless going to this. I know several woman who ended long relationships as there boyfriends would not propose to them and they when on to meet other man who wanted to get married.
My advice to you is to propose to her soon or she will tell you to get lost.

cletus van damme

most posters are assuming one direction in this.
I'm not sure.

OP - the others may be right but also consider

1. She may think they're a waste of time , i know I do and my gf does.
2. It is possible in her mid-20's she isn't as sure of teh future as she once was. maybe sees friends fool about, travel , no commitements etc.. and her head is turned by this

the only way to know is to talk about it and tbh you still mighnt know after that.

Neyite

Not all couples get engaged in 3-5 years. I was 9 years before we got engaged, and we had started a family before we did. Its about average in our two families. Lots of people meet in Uni in their late teens, and by the time they have finished their studies, traveled a bit and settled into a proper job, 10 years could easily have passed. But it does not mean that a genuine commitment is not there.

OP, I went to one with my sister who was planning a wedding. At nearly every stall she stopped to look at, the sales assistant asked when was the big day and where was it. I myself never looked at rings or anything like that until he had actually proposed, just felt silly somehow.

By the way, one of the rings l liked was €145. But when I tried it on, it the style didn't suit me. I ended up seeing a lovely design and it cost a months rent. That's my ring and I wouldn't swap it for anything, not even one that was many times the cost. So don't think you have to get an expensive ring. She may not want an expensive one either.

CaraMay

Op I agree with previous poster, her statement that it's pointless is very telling and it wouldn't surprise me if she is looking towards the door. I wouldnt wait for 10 years for someone to propose to me - i would be long gone.

Act now before you lose her.

Semele

I'm not very into the idea of marriage myself, so may not understand properly, but I can never get my head round couples who know they're going to get married, have talked about it (rather than just having a feeling that this it the one, or something) and yet don't consider this as being engaged. Where does that come in and what difference does it make, apart from one of you going through the charade of formally asking the other a question that you both know the answer to?? Genuine question, by the way, not trying to be smart! If you are so certain that you can ask her to go and have a look around a wedding fair to get ideas for your future wedding, then by what possible yardstick are you not already engaged? just ask if she wants to make it formal! That's all it needs, it's not a separate ceremony like a mini-wedding!

woodchuck

Semele wrote: »

I'm not very into the idea of marriage myself, so may not understand properly, but I can never get my head round couples who know they're going to get married, have talked about it (rather than just having a feeling that this it the one, or something) and yet don't consider this as being engaged. Where does that come in and what difference does it make, apart from one of you going through the charade of formally asking the other a question that you both know the answer to?? Genuine question, by the way, not trying to be smart! If you are so certain that you can ask her to go and have a look around a wedding fair to get ideas for your future wedding, then by what possible yardstick are you not already engaged? just ask if she wants to make it formal! That's all it needs, it's not a separate ceremony like a mini-wedding!

Speaking from personal experience I was with someone for over 7 years, discussed marriage, the wedding ceremony itself, life afterwards etc but we were not officially engaged. Maybe it seems like a silly formality, but it is necessary to take that final step and make it official. For me, when it came time for him to make the actual commitment and make everything official, he couldn't go through with it.

So, yeah... just speaking from personal experience here, but there is a huge difference between talking about it in theory and actually being engaged.

OP if you are serious about getting married then you should propose. Is there any genuine reason that you're putting it off?

MagicMarker

A lot of people are being incredibly harsh on the OP. If the OPs girlfriend is so keen on getting engaged then why can't she feckin' propose???

But I agree with everyone saying there's no need to wait. OP, if you want to marry this girl, then propose to her!

imitation

Ah cmon give the op a break ffs, theres a big difference between dating and not marrying between 18-28 and 30-40. Iv seen many relationships scuppered by going to college, moving for a job in this period of life etc. Its all about whats right for the couple.

Likewise, why should he ditch his plans and insta-engage her, maybe she is genuinely happy with this plan and would prefer something planned out (id make sure of it though !!)

xzanti

Read between the lines OP.. she wants you to propose ASAP imho.

I agree that going to a wedding fair without a ring on your finger is going to be awkward and embarrassing for her.. she wouldn't enjoy it, in fact she would probably be highly irritated by the suggestion until you've done the grand gesture.

Also.. the first thing they will ask at every single stall at a wedding fair is "So when's the big day"... having to repeat herself over and over that you're not engaged could be a bit crushing for her.

Trust me.. I'm a newly engaged woman myself and I've been to two wedding fairs in the past week.

Calhoun

imitation wrote: »

Ah cmon give the op a break ffs, theres a big difference between dating and not marrying between 18-28 and 30-40. Iv seen many relationships scuppered by going to college, moving for a job in this period of life etc. Its all about whats right for the couple.

Likewise, why should he ditch his plans and insta-engage her, maybe she is genuinely happy with this plan and would prefer something planned out (id make sure of it though !!)

I think what folk are trying to say is that it might be a little bit insensitive to suggest going to a wedding fair when the OP has no intention of popping the question for another couple of years.

Generally the wedding plans happen after you get engaged, normally it could be a 6 months up to a year of planning before the wedding due to legal and booking requirements.

Pawwed Rig

I would suggest talking to her about how you both see your futures.

imitation

Calhoun wrote: »

I think what folk are trying to say is that it might be a little bit insensitive to suggest going to a wedding fair when the OP has no intention of popping the question for another couple of years.

Generally the wedding plans happen after you get engaged, normally it could be a 6 months up to a year of planning before the wedding due to legal and booking requirements.

My response is to these type of statements below , I guess its passionate topic and all, but the responses seem to assume alot about the couple and urge rash action. This is from a male perspective, but I don't think I would like to hurriedly proposed to some cold January morning with a 60 quid ring because I had the sh**e scared out of me.

I am with the general sentiment however, that it would be awkward to go as non engaged couple, and the op maybe a bit oblivious to the GF's real feelings on the matter.

woodchuck wrote: »

OP if you are serious about getting married then you should propose. Is there any genuine reason that you're putting it off?

CaraMay wrote: »

. I wouldnt wait for 10 years for someone to propose to me - i would be long gone.

Act now before you lose her.

wise woman wrote: »

My advice to you is to propose to her soon or she will tell you to get lost.

dipdip

For the record, you can buy a beautiful ring for well under €500.