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I am going in a downward spiral

  • 09-01-2014 5:01am
    #1
    Thraxen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 120 ✭✭


    Soo my basic history is:
    Depression
    Anxiety
    Socially inept
    Hypothyroidism

    I am missing something but yeah those are the basics.

    2012
    It started off bad, I felt awful about myself but by June I had started on the WW diet. I lost 2 stone. In august I made a friend online (I don't make friends usually). December I met up with him to watch a movie (honest we was only friends).

    2013
    March 17th he asked me out.
    Over the coming months I started to meet up with him more.
    By June he had introduced me to his father who lived with him. He was a really good man, so kinda and intelligent. When my partner was at work for the evening I would spend the time talking with his father.
    July 4th his father died. My partner was at work and I found him.
    He was cold when I found him and I knew he was dead but 999 said I had to check. I did and I will never forget the cold.
    I stayed with my partner, I lived there for near a month supporting him through it all. We took a 10 day period apart to see if we wanted to move in with each other. We did and still are.
    We had an amazing Christmas and new years. I love this man.

    2014
    The solicitor fked up again with the forms so the probate still stands. Why can she just not get anything right? My partner wants it done, then it isn't a constant reminder every few weeks.
    A letter through the post. The coroner wants some information before releasing the death certificate. I got all the info together and dropped it back on Friday. Now we wait. No one knows why he died.
    I was down town, I came back and he had put the bin out. I was making him chicken curry, he loved a good curry and it was my way of giving back. I even bought him his newspaper.

    The letter brought it all back, I just want to know. If I know then many I won't feel like it was my fault. Was I upstairs when he died? I heard him wheezing while he was asleep that morning. My partner says he always made that sound. But was that when? If I hadn't gone down town would I have been able to do something?
    Will the memory of him laying in bed ever go away? Will the memory of that coldness go away?


    It all started this week. I found a rat on my kitchen counter. It just strolled away down a hole beside the cooker. Not a care. I blocked the hole and have poison + traps. I caught one, it was in the cupboard under the sink. It was dying but when it fell out it woke up. I scooped him into the coal bin but had to kill him myself otherwise he would come back in. I can hear the other rat above me right now. Scratching and running around. I made sure there is no food but they just keep coming back. I cannot take this!


Comments

  • #2
    qdawg86
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 169 ✭✭qdawg86


    It sounds like you are being a great support to your partner. Legal stuff can be cumbersome and take time to sort out. Try not to get overwhelmed by it though. The passing of a loved one can be very shocking especially if you found them. Maybe you could talk to someone about the shock you got ?

    I don't know about the rat.


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