Body Image

Ambersky

I know a few women who have quite a bit of difficulty about their own body image. It can range from a mild to a severe disliking of particular aspects about their appearance or bodies to full blown eating disorders and an inability to see ones own body as it really is. I guess few of us are fully immune to at least some dissatisfaction and keeping an eye on maintaining a healthy weight within a reasonable boundary is a good thing to do.
Im not talking about maintaining a healthy weight Im talking about how difficult it can be for some women to know whats normal and acceptable about their appearance as well as to appreciate how much variety there is in the human body and how that really is ok.

Even when we do see our bodies as they really are there can be little to compare that image to. So much time and effort seems to go into thinking about how to improve our bodies, scolding ourselves for our appearance, looking at other women's bodies in magazines and reading about who lost or gained pounds in recent weeks.

Still if you dont fit into the age range or body type or size or race of the women in magazines we often, in Ireland, dont get a chance to see women like ourselves naked. I think we have unrealistic images in our minds of what womens bodies at various ages, after childbirth, after operations, with different builds, levels of fitness, etc actually look like.

Do any of you struggle with body image issues and how does this affect you or those around you.

Here is a very quick video, you may have seen it before, but it perfectly illustrates the gap between real womens bodies and the ones presented to us in the media.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17j5QzF3kqE

clairefontaine

No. I genuinely do not care. I don't have time to.

Lia_lia

Meh.

Don't really care either.

Never understood obsession with women and body image. Always a bit confused when I pick up women's magazines (or whatever they are called)..where they are just full of pages and pages of diet regimes and celebs I've never heard of that put on or lost weight. Who cares.

And that video just shows that women can look better using good lighting/make-up/photoshop...sure everyone knows that by now! There are still women out there that look like that naturally anyway, well, maybe with some make-up..

There are parts of my body that I would like to be different (less stretch marks, more boobs!), but these are non-issues in my life. I'm healthy, can't complain.

poundapunnet

I struggle very badly with my relationship with food and have done for more than ten years now, but I don't know how much of it I'd ascribe to body image. Maybe it was at the start but I don't think so any more.

I think for people on the outside looking at people with eating disorders the body image/media pressure thing is a bit of an easy answer; across all the girls I've known with serious eating issues there's been a lot of resentment of it. It's a bit insulting to your intelligence really, though I'm sure it's well intended a lot of the time.

That said when I'm going through a particularly bad time with my eating issues I do get obsessed with images of very thin women, reading up about crazy diets etc and use it to fuel the fire so to speak. And I spend hours examining my body in the mirror, photographing it, poking fat, trying on clothes (which is something I never do most of the time) so maybe it's just wishful thinking saying body image isn't a big factor. Also if I'm trying to get a handle on the situation I've noticed I tend to get a piercing or tattoo, it's not a conscious thing but it's a pattern I've recently copped, I guess it's a way of getting back some control over my body.

LegacyUser

I gave up smoking at the start of last year and have piled on somewhere over 2 stone. I was overweight but not hugely fat before that, but right now I'm literally obese as is medically defined. I'm only scraping 5 foot so any weight gain really shows. I had good intentions with giving up smoking that I would follow all the tips and reach for fruit or a healthy snack instead of treats if I got a craving, and that I would go for a walk and keep active to help keep cravings at bay. This only lasted about a month.

I feel like I was pushing every last drop of my willpower into just not smoking. I remember 4 months in I was still getting intense cravings for fags and being very confused and angry as everything I was reading was telling me that the cravings should mostly have faded away and that if they came they should only last between 30 seconds and 3 minutes depending on where I read it. I was genuinely sitting for up to 3 or 4 hours at a time thinking 'fag, fag, fag, fag, I want a fag' and actually crying with annoyance and frustration.

Over time my cravings did go although I'd still get the occasional very intense one but these began to pass in shorter and shorter periods of time. It is no excuse though and I am annoyed at myself for not being strong enough to be one of those people who managed to stick to the healthy tips when quitting and who only gained maybe a little weight or no weight.

I have decided to work on my weight from the end of January after I get some important college things out of the way. I think coming into about mid August I had just resigned myself to starting next year which is probably laziness and just lack of energy I admit. Having managed my goal last year I am actually surprisingly confident now though that now that I can focus all my attention on just my weight issues that I will succeed, I've never felt so determined. I hope I don't let myself down.

As for how I view my body image I would have to say I have a very poor view right now. I hate my stomach, I could be happy (ish) with the rest of me if I just had a flat stomach. I have always had rather big boobs which I am happy enough with, my legs are always slimmer than my top half and look ok in dress and tights, it's this bulging barrel beast around my middle that I detest. I hate trying to disguise the problem having to buy larger and larger sizes in clothing every few months. I hate that I can't wear some clothes I consider sexy and glamorous because they tend to be more suited to a certain figure, I hate that I don't have the confidence to wear those frilly little corset things or sexy underwear anymore. I can't even sleep with my boyfriend with the lights on anymore. Won't get graphic but even during I actually flinch and recoil if his hands go near my stomach, I actually move them somewhere else whilst desperately trying to wrangle a bit of quilt over my tummy somehow, I am also conscious of moving into any angle that might cause rolls in my tummy. I can't even undress for bed infront of him now, I get undressed in record speed and jump under the covers whilst he's in the bathroom.

I don't really compare myself to magazines more so just everyday girls. I don't mean in a jealous nasty way either, I can honestly say I've never disliked another female for being slim and attractive because without wanting to sound big headed but I used to be that way myself so would never hate on someone for looking nice. I was a size 8 all through my early teens, then sort of stabilised at about a size 10 sometimes 12 in my later teens. I was just turning 17 when I met my boyfriend and back then I was a nice weight, fashionable, took great care in my appearance, got loads of male attention and compliments of lots of people of both genders, my boyfriend was mad about me. This continued for our first few years together.

I'm 26 now and I feel bad for looking so different to the person my boyfriend was first attracted to. I had become a bit overweight before quitting smokes but now I feel like I look like a completely different person. I feel like a tired cliché of the girlfriend who 'let themself go'. Again I hope I don't sound too vain but I was always happy with my face, my parent's despite their faults always drilled into me when I was younger that I was a goodlooking and intelligent girl and I had often gotten compliments over the years about my eyes and smile so was usually happy enough with my face. At this stage though I am not even happy with my face anymore. I have developed a double chin on my usual heart shaped face, and I just look puffy and bloated and basically fat. I HATE photographs now. Sometimes when I go somewhere I can do myself up so much that I think I actually look ok in the mirror before leaving. Then if I see a photograph from that day I feel like I look completely different to what I saw in the mirror and just not me - I feel like sometimes my old slim mindest of confidence is trapped in a much larger body then I have to really face reality when I see it in a photograph.

My boyfriend is never overly critical of me. Both of us are very open about things and he would never be one to pussyfoot around and pretend I wasn't overweight. or that everything was fine. At the same time he never uses the word fat or even brings up weight unless I have brought up the topic myself. He has a tendency to get a little belly himself but he very openly points it out himself and makes some joke about himself getting rid of it but he tends to go up and down and he never gets massive. I honestly wouldn't care if he did though as long as he was still healthy. I would always love him. Weight isn't a taboo topic between us . I don't ever moan about my weight to him at all because I see moaning as pointless unless you are going to do something about it.
(I realise this post is one long moan but I always keep these thoughts to myself and it's the first time I've written them and never spoke them out loud before).
I remember only once I used the word fat to describe myself, I think I was just stating something simple like 'I would be too fat for that dress' and was just sort of saying it matter of factly in passing. My boyfriend actually got a scrunched up look of pain on his face though when I used that word to describe myself. He told me to not call myself that and it really annoyed him. He knows I need to lose weight so has suggested that we start swimming and walking together and that we both have smaller portions of dinner. (I never really eat crisps, chocolate or takeaway but I skip breakfast and lunch most days and eat a massive portion of dinner and too many fizzy drinks throughout the day and this coupled with no exercise has led me to where I am).

He tries his best to make me feel attractive in bed, but in my heart of hearts I just don't believe that he could be attracted to me at this weight. I know there are plenty of men who do like larger women so I'm not meaning to cause offence, it's just I know my boyfriend is not one of them. He doesn't like very thin and actually liked me best at size 10-12 I'd say, but despite his efforts to make me comfortable in the bedroom I know he is not attracted to this weight.

It's just little things that he says absent mindedly or little things that he doesn't even realise he does. Say for example if he was describing someone we met in passing or through friends but didn't know their name he might say something like, "you know that girl with the brown hair" (me: "em..no?"), (You know the one, brown hair, 'heavy' girl" or " 'big' girl"), it's completely innocent but all I think is god he thinks that girl was 'big' and she's definitely smaller than me so he must think I'm massive. Or a few times if there happened to be an overweight person on telly that had their belly or some type of flab hanging out for some reason I might give a sideways glance and notice that he has an "eww" look of disgust on his face. I don't think he even realises he does it and he never says anything bad or rude but I have seen that look on his face and I think that is must be what he would think inside if he had to look at me in full lights naked.
I never point these things out to him because I don't want to make him think that he has to walk on eggshells around me, and I don't want him to have to make a concerted effort to control his facial expressions when he is innocently watching telly so I say nothing because I know he doesn't mean harm with these things.

I feel insecure if we are out for the night and there are so many slim beautiful girls around. As I mentioned I don't have any bad feelings towards these girls, not their fault if they are beautiful and they might even put in a lot of dedication to keeping trim so not a bad word to say about them really. It's myself I feel insecure in. I don't mind at all if it's just me there, but if my boyfriend is out I start to compare myself and internally I'm thinking I look like a whale beside them, or that he must be secretly wishing that I looked more like them and that they seem so sexy compared to me. Sometimes I even convince myself or start wondering if he is embarrassed by me when all his friends have slim girlfriends. This is all my own insecurities causing these thoughts and he never suggest anything of the sort or even behaves in any way which would make me think that.

So to sum up I think my own personal body image is linked to a number of things, mainly : 1. how I see myself -as in the way clothes fit, and how I just don't feel like 'me' anymore having previously been slimmer,
2. how I feel my boyfriend might perceive me -knowing that he was very attracted to me when I was slimmer, and how I might compare to other girls that he sees now is what raises my insecurities.

I don't really pay much attention to celebs looks and the media. Even my boyfriend reckons that 90% of them are botoxed and photoshopped and are not very realistic. It's more how I see myself compared to regular girls and also compared to my old self.

I am so sorry for the mega long post and I don't expect too many people to read it at all but I just had to get all this of my chest. As I mentioned I never ever moan about my weight out loud and it's the first time I've even written my thoughts on this matter. I've surprised myself by actually crying when I was writing some parts. I guess I didn't realise how much it really bothered me until I started typing.
I hope that it is still on topic as it is related to body image but maybe moreso my own personal body image and the factors involved.
I know that this weight is entirely my own fault no excuses so again I'm sorry for going on but I just had to vent some feelings. I hope that this time next year I can look back on this post in a slimmer healthier state and that I will have lost these negative feelings that bring me down so much.

I think anyone with serious body image issues is probably suffering with their mental health and photo shopped models would have very little to do with it.

I like looking at photos of good looking women all sorts of women young and old, it is a sort of fantasy like looking at nice clothes or make up or house interiors, non of it make my dissatisfied I know it is a bit of escapism and fantasy.

Where I do think it could have some relevance is maybe giving younger men unrealistic expectations of what woman look like.

Dolbert

Ambersky wrote: »

Still if you dont fit into the age range or body type or size or race of the women in magazines we often, in Ireland, dont get a chance to see women like ourselves naked. I think we have unrealistic images in our minds of what womens bodies at various ages, after childbirth, after operations, with different builds, levels of fitness, etc actually look like.

I remember reading an article about an ancient sculpture of a woman, where all of the comments underneath were pondering about why her 'unusual' body shape looked the way it did. The sculpture was of a mature woman with full breasts and a distended but not pregnant stomach, and was obviously a depiction of a woman who had recently given birth, an apparently alien image. When Kate Middleton emerged from hospital with her new baby, Twitter helpfully chorused 'Why has she still got a bump?' Oh I don't know, perhaps because she gave birth one day before?



The fact is, it's pretty unusual to see a body type outside the norm depicted in mainstream media, unless it's as a novelty. It's very easy to say that if you have your head screwed on these things shouldn't affect you (especially if you already happen to meet society's ideals), but when this type of advertising is thrown at you from the year dot it's bound to have an impact.

While I do thing the main stream media should show a greater variety of images of women, the reality is that the media will produce what sell and unfortunately what sell is good looks so it is self reinforcing. I think that article about Kate Middleton is so sad how can people not realise what a woman's body looks like after giving birth.

Jerrica

mariaalice wrote: »

I think that article about Kate Middleton is so sad how can people not realise what a woman's body looks like after giving birth.

Look at the celeb rags - every other week the cover "star" is someone famous who "regained their pre-baby body in only 4 weeks!!". No one knows what a normal post-birth body looks like because it's never shown, ever.

Thigh gaps are a thing, bikini bridges stated off as a 4chan joke but they are now also a thing. Young (and not so young) women are absolutely bombarded with images about what is beautiful and good and succesful all day evey day. The tv is full of ads about weight loss and exercise programs, every women's magazine on the shelf at this time of year is full of cleansing diets and detoxes and summer body plans. On the internet women's contributions are often judged according to hotness and appearance. It takes a very strong person to ignore all of this and accept themselves for who they are.

I have never heard of thigh gaps or bikini bridges the picture's of those women are freaky they are clearly ill. Why do women search out that sort of thing in the first place.

Princess Peach

I really think the media today is extremely influential on how women view themselves, especially younger girls.

I attended a body image acceptance course at my counselling center a couple of years back and when discussing our biggest influences magazines and TV were a very common theme among all of us. I know I used to buy loads of magazines, and cut out pictures of celebs and models I like and glues them into a scrapbook to look at if I was hungry or didn't want to exercise!

And they give such mixed messages. The cover might have celebrities who look too fat one week and a cover of those who are too skinny the next, and are sure to have a few pages of the new fad diet at the end.

Easy access to the internet has had a huge affect on it too. As an old frequenter of pro-ED sites I've seen the damage having a willing support network can do, sharing pictures of celebs and models, thigh gap and pencil challenges and sharing pretty dangerous diet tips. You'll see some people who have problems set up sites so they don't feel so alone, but you'll see others come who genuinely want to develop eating disorders and use the sites to gather information and ideas they never would have gotten from themselves.

It's a pretty sad reality, and I'm not sure how it can be fixed except to look out for any people you may think to be vulnerable.

LanaFey

While my friends and I would mostly scoff at things like deliberately seeking out a thigh gap- I have a 15 year old niece. Thigh gaps and collarbones are all she'll talk about sometimes. I remember the pro-anorexia and thinspiration stuff being online when I was her age, but it was fairly hidden and you would have to do some digging to find it. These days it's rampant on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr, and as soon as they block one form of it, it pops up as another ('fitspiration', anyone?)

I think people's perceptions do get skewed sometimes. Like Jerrica said, nobody knows what a normal post birth body looks like. Another example would be cellulite- almost everyone I know laments about it as something preventable and abnormal when in fact it affects 90% of women, it's so common some would consider it a secondary sexual characteristic like public hair. Women who don't have it are the minority but you'd swear it was the opposite sometimes.

eviltwin

no and i'm about three stone overweight so maybe i should. I do worry from a health point of view but i don't really care about how i look in jeans or if i have a thigh gap. Ironically when I was in my 20's and at my slimmest I obsessed about my looks to the point I had an eating disorder. Age helps you put things into perspective.

Neyite

mariaalice wrote: »

I have never heard of thigh gaps or bikini bridges the picture's of those women are freaky they are clearly ill. Why do women search out that sort of thing in the first place.

See, I'm thin. Always have been. I have a thigh gap and a bikini bridge (when lying down as the model in this pic is obv) But as a trade off, most 9 year olds have more boobage than me. I am healthy, I am a size 8-10, and do not diet or use any low-fat foods. Never, not once has any medical professional suggested I am "clearly ill" Nor any of my friends, or family. Because I'm not. I'm perfectly healthy, though I could be healthier in terms of exercise.

but there is always this rush to bash thin women with the "freaks" stick? Why is it ok for some friends of mine to call me a skinny bitch as a joke when I would never dare call a heavier friend a fat bitch as I feel its extremely derogatory?

Why is it ok to comment on my weight, or assume life is just fricken awesome for me just because I'm thin? Or call me names? Or insinuate I must have an eating disorder? Or, if I decide to take up something to get fit, like weights or running, someone feels bound to declare that I'll fade away and it wont be healthy and I dont need to exercise?

And dont even get me started on the phrase "Real Women". :rolleyes:

Neyite

Neyite wrote: »

See, I'm thin. Always have been. I have a thigh gap and a bikini bridge (when lying down as the model in this pic is obv) But as a trade off, most 9 year olds have more boobage than me. I am healthy, I am a size 8-10, and do not diet or use any low-fat foods. Never, not once has any medical professional suggested I am "clearly ill" Nor any of my friends, or family. Because I'm not. I'm perfectly healthy, though I could be healthier in terms of exercise.

but there is always this rush to bash thin women with the "freaks" stick? Why is it ok for some friends of mine to call me a skinny bitch as a joke when I would never dare call a heavier friend a fat bitch as I feel its extremely derogatory?

Why is it ok to comment on my weight, or assume life is just fricken awesome for me just because I'm thin? Or call me names? Or insinuate I must have an eating disorder? Or, if I decide to take up something to get fit, like weights or running, someone feels bound to declare that I'll fade away and it wont be healthy and I dont need to exercise?

And dont even get me started on the phrase "Real Women". :rolleyes:

I was only commenting on the woman in the clips who to my eyes looks like they have an eating disorder. I would never comment in person to anyone about their weight or appearance I haven't a clue about bikini bridges or thigh gaps I never knew they existed, my point was mainly about the media and women seeking out ways to make themselves more uphappy about them selves.

Jerrica

Neyite wrote: »

I am healthy, I am a size 8-10, and do not diet or use any low-fat foods. Never, not once has any medical professional suggested I am "clearly ill" Nor any of my friends, or family. Because I'm not. I'm perfectly healthy, though I could be healthier in terms of exercise.

I'm not for a second taking away from the experiences you've had - which are just as distressing as the fatsults that bigger girls get - but while 8-10 is a fantastically healthy size to be a lot of the "thinspo" pics that are used in these pics are girls who are size 0 - 2, maybe 4 as an absolute max. It's just that just like the post-pregnancy body is non existent in tv/ magazines/ internet-land, so are accurate reflections of what clothes sizes really look like. A size 10 celeb will be criticised for "piling on the lbs" because she was a size 8 a week beforehand, and a previously size 16 celeb will be applauded for trimming down to a size 12, but ALL photos involved will be photoshopped to within an inch of reality. To someone who is a largeer clothes size than you you probably look teeeeeeny tiny becuase there's so little frame of reference. That doens't for a second excuse the comments though.

We hear about fat bashing quite a lot, but much less so about how naturally slim women get treated. It's another great example of how popular media has so successfully managed to get women to hate eachother as well as themselves.

And yes, the notion of a "Real Woman" is ridiculous.

Neyit, I have had another look at the link which is from tumbler and yes I am sure a lot of those women must have an eating disorder. I know there are some women who are very think naturally one of my daughter friends is like that.

iwantmydinner

Dolbert wrote: »

When Kate Middleton emerged from hospital with her new baby, Twitter helpfully chorused 'Why has she still got a bump?' Oh I don't know, perhaps because she gave birth one day before?

Suffering jaysus... I hadn't seen that before. I know we get bombarded with sh!te about how Gisele was back in shape a week after delivery but.... Are people seriously that thick about the human body and childbirth????

iwantmydinner

mariaalice wrote: »

Neyit, I have had another look at the link which is from tumbler and yes I am sure a lot of those women must have an eating disorder. I know there are some women who are very think naturally one of my daughter friends is like that.

I really, really think it's a mistake to make assumptions about the state of these women's health (physical or mental) based on the photos in those links. I'm a size 12 but the way my weight is distributed, I have very skinny thighs. I hope to god that you wouldn't see me in a short skirt and automatically jump to conclusions about my health.

Malari

iwantmydinner wrote: »

Suffering jaysus... I hadn't seen that before. I know we get bombarded with sh!te about how Gisele was back in shape a week after delivery but.... Are people seriously that thick about the human body and childbirth????

I guess I'd be surprised to see the bump too. I've friends who've had babies, sure, but it's always been weeks or months afterwards when I'd see them again (or they were much heavier than Kate M) so I don't think you need to be thick about childbirth to know this. Why would you, if you've never experienced it firsthand?

iwantmydinner

Malari wrote: »

I guess I'd be surprised to see the bump too. I've friends who've had babies, sure, but it's always been weeks or months afterwards when I'd see them again (or they were much heavier than Kate M) so I don't think you need to be thick about childbirth to know this. Why would you, if you've never experienced it firsthand?

I have no first-hand experience at all either. I just assumed that if someone thought about the simple mechanics of it though, they'd realise that her bump couldn't possibly be back flat after 24 hours. As in, you know yourself that if you over-exert your, say, quad muscles, they take a couple of days to get back to normal. Apply that logic to stretched uterus and stomach muscles and you'd very quickly realise that a post-partum bump is inevitable.

I'm not being argumentative here, I'm genuinely shocked that people were a) so clueless about the mechanics of having a baby in your body, and b) so bloody disparaging.

Neyite

mariaalice wrote: »

I was only commenting on the woman in the clips who to my eyes looks like they have an eating disorder. I would never comment in person to anyone about their weight or appearance I haven't a clue about bikini bridges or thigh gaps I never knew they existed, my point was mainly about the media and women seeking out ways to make themselves more uphappy about them selves.

But you are saying it on here. Its not printed in the media, and I didnt seek it out, but its in my face at the same time and has the same effect on me as it would if a fashion journalist wrote it in a magazine.

I looked at the photo and thought "oh, I have that, didnt know there was a name for it" then a post or two later, someone is saying its freaky and clearly somone who is sick. So you assume that people like me are sick. I'm just saying we are not, and generalisations about thin people hurt too.

If I started posting that all fat people are just lazy and should just stop eating so much junk food and that they are disgusting and sick, do you think that it would not hurt some readers who post here? I imagine that I would get a lot of backs up because its hurtful and cruel and does not take into account a persons personal diet and health. And I'm pretty sure lots of posters would rebut my generalisation strongly, with lots of support. But its ok when its directed at thin people I suppose.

Malari

iwantmydinner wrote: »

I have no first-hand experience at all either. I just assumed that if someone thought about the simple mechanics of it though, they'd realise that her bump couldn't possibly be back flat after 24 hours. As in, you know yourself that if you over-exert your, say, quad muscles, they take a couple of days to get back to normal. Apply that logic to stretched uterus and stomach muscles and you'd very quickly realise that a post-partum bump is inevitable.

I'm not being argumentative here, I'm genuinely shocked that people were a) so clueless about the mechanics of having a baby in your body, and b) so bloody disparaging.

I agree, the tweets were unbelievably disparaging, but I do think it's ok to admit you don't know about these things. I know I've never thought it through, I just made an assumption. And I am still surprised at the size of the bump. I guess I thought there was mostly baby in there and that when it was gone the hollow space wouldn't be supported by muscle :pac: I mean, I don't need to know about stuff like that which doesn't affect me, so being clueless about it is not necessarily a bad thing, as far as I'm concerned. And now I know

I will have one more go at this, I don't or wont think anything about other women other that to think in a vague way she has a nice figure I would like to be like thats all.

The different between naturally slim women and those who have an eating disorder is simply health and it shows up in things like their skin and hair.

I use to pass a woman on my way to work she was out jogging, she was a bag of bone in track suit, sunken eyes and dull hair and a kind of grey looking skin I use to feel so sorry for her. I haven seen her in a while maybe she got better.

Neyite

Jerrica wrote: »

It's another great example of how popular media has so successfully managed to get women to hate eachother as well as themselves.

And yes, the notion of a "Real Woman" is ridiculous.

You put it far better than I ever could.

mariaalice wrote: »

Neyit, I have had another look at the link which is from tumbler and yes I am sure a lot of those women must have an eating disorder. I know there are some women who are very think naturally one of my daughter friends is like that.

How are you sure though? You cant be. And this is my point. You cannot make a medical diagnosis by looking at a picture.

iwantmydinner

mariaalice wrote: »

I will have one more go at this, I don't or wont think anything about other women other that to think in a vague way she has a nice figure I would like to be like that all.

The different between naturally slim women and those who have an eating disorder is simply health and it shows up in things like their skin and hair.

I use to pass a woman on my way to work she was out jogging, she was a bag of bone in track suit, sunken eyes and dull hair and a kind of grey looking skin I use to feel so sorry for her. I haven seen her in a while maybe she got better.

That's fair enough, but you've diagnosed a lot of the women in those photos as having eating disorders. That's unfair, and more than probably incorrect.

I have just had a though that video should be used in schools in CPSE classed for young teens as that seem to be the age when a lot of body issue start, in fact education about the media and advertising should be compulsory in schools.

iwantmydinner

mariaalice wrote: »

I have just had a though that video should be used in schools in CPSE classed for young teens as that seem to be the age when a lot of body issue start

I had that thought as well.

Ilyana 2.0

When I first saw that 'bikini bridge' photo, my immediate reaction was 'I wish I had that'. It was the same when I began seeing thigh gap photos. And I think that's kind of sad. Not because these things are unhealthy; many healthy women have them naturally. It's sad because I can't be happy in my own skin. I envy thin women, I really do.

And yet, I have thin friends who tell me that they wish they had my boobs/hips/bottom. If I have a good figure in other peoples' eyes, why can't I see it myself? I have a boyfriend who loves me as I am, but I'm convinced that I should be thinner for him (not that he ever says that I should). But I'm a size 12, far from obese.

Body image is such a mindf**** to me.

Princess Peach

iwantmydinner wrote: »

That's fair enough, but you've diagnosed a lot of the women in those photos as having eating disorders. That's unfair, and more than probably incorrect.

I would usually assume people taking close up photos of their thigh gaps and the likes and sharing them online probably have some self image problems.

Neyite

iwantmydinner wrote: »

That's fair enough, but you've diagnosed a lot of the women in those photos as having eating disorders. That's unfair, and more than probably incorrect.

This is exactly my point. If I put a picture of a woman who is a 14-16 in a bikini on here and pointed out her flaws as "proof" she was a binge-eater and a freak, and said I think she was ill, because her hair is also crap and her face is spotty I'm pretty sure there would be uproar, and the mods would have a pretty busy day putting out fires and banning me for trolling.

But similar gets said about a thin girl and its fine, unremarkable almost.

We all have bits and bobs that we would prefer were different. While I'm thin, I'd love to be taller, I'd love better teeth (lotto dream there) and look at a woman who has a full bust wish I had that. But I dont slag off others in order to make myself feel better about my body image, surely we should be more supportive of each other no matter what size and shape we are?

Malari

Princess Peach wrote: »

I would usually assume people taking close up photos of their thigh gaps and the likes and sharing them online probably have some self image problems.

Or perhaps just proud of or happy with the way they look? Or is this only ok if you have lost a lot of weight to get to be happy with the way you look?

iwantmydinner

Princess Peach wrote: »

I would usually assume people taking close up photos of their thigh gaps and the likes and sharing them online probably have some self image problems.

That seems a wee bit harsh.

Princess Peach

Malari wrote: »

Or perhaps just proud of or happy with the way they look? Or is this only ok if you have lost a lot of weight to get to be happy with the way you look?

I've spent a lot of time on pro-ana sites and I have just never found this to be the case. I've seen healthy diet blogs where people post some good before and after pictures. But there is a culture on the internet of girls taking daily photos of their ribs, thighs, collarbones and competing with each other, and its not because they are proud of they weight they lost, it's because they can never lose enough.

poundapunnet

Malari wrote: »

Or perhaps just proud of or happy with the way they look? Or is this only ok if you have lost a lot of weight to get to be happy with the way you look?

iwantmydinner wrote: »

That seems a wee bit harsh.

It's a really common practice on eating disorder sites though, especially the less recovery oriented ones. You can find user-generated collarbone galleries, thigh gap galleries, I guess bikini bridge galleries too now. Maybe not every woman who's doing it has issues but an awful lot of them do, and even if they don't the photos will get used by other people who do. So if that's the context you're used to seeing them in it's a reasonable, if maybe not correct, assumption to make.

iwantmydinner

Princess Peach wrote: »

I've spent a lot of time on pro-ana sites and I have just never found this to be the case. I've seen healthy diet blogs where people post some good before and after pictures. But there is a culture on the internet of girls taking daily photos of their ribs, thighs, collarbones and competing with each other, and its not because they are proud of they weight they lost, it's because they can never lose enough.

I've never seen a pro-ana site, and you're probably correct in that context, but I think the discussion has been shaped by the photos of what look to be perfectly healthy, slender women linked to on tumblr at the top of the thread.

eviltwin

Malari wrote: »

Or perhaps just proud of or happy with the way they look? Or is this only ok if you have lost a lot of weight to get to be happy with the way you look?

Most people I know who have worked hard and lost weight, toned up etc will post a picture of the new them, I can't think of a single person who wasn't wearing clothes though. Or felt the need to post new pics every few days. I think it's odd to constantly update your feed with images of yourself in bikini shots. Its fishing for compliments and imo the sign of someone who puts far too much emphasis on the physical.

That's a point I hadn't though of, other that fitness and health blogs and maybe blogs to do with makeup doing your hair ect, why would women take pictures of the gaps between their thighs and put them up on line. I have never seen any of this sort of thing before and it does seem a bit odd to me, maybe I am being judgemental.

Jerrica

iwantmydinner wrote: »

I've never seen a pro-ana site, and you're probably correct in that context, but I think the discussion has been shaped by the photos of what look to be perfectly healthy, slender women linked to on tumblr at the top of the thread.

But the problem is that while some of these women are quite likely naturally that way, they serve as a wholly unattainable ideal for so many women, and that's really the crux of the Body Image debate - why are we so quick to reject ourselves? How and why does it become so important to achieve someone else's body?

Neyite is tall and slender and a healthy 8-10 but has small boobs. I'm on the taller side of average, a size 12 -14 with cleavage I can nestle a Clementine in on a good day, hips the width of the Hoover Dam and a bottom that would keep me from starving in the Sahara for a good month or so*. I imagine that there are parts of eachother we'd both like to have but our shapes are completely out of reach for us both. The only time I have thigh gap is when I'm straddling a horse Neither of us is unhealthy and we're both pretty happy in our skin, but I suspect age has a lot to do with that. We would be absolutely torn apart by Twitter/ Tumblr/ Now magazine and it would take only the strongest of minds to ignore that. Neither of us conforms to "ideals" and it's really bloody hard to ignore that fact when you're reminded of it day in, day out.

Even on this thread we see so, so many examples of misleading impressions that no-one is really at fault for, it's just what we've been drip fed since we were old enough to read. If anything I'd argue that it's more normal to have body issues than not!




*this isn't me putting myself down, I quite love my thickness

Malari

Jerrica wrote: »

Even on this thread we see so, so many examples of misleading impressions that no-one is really at fault for, it's just what we've been drip fed since we were old enough to read. If anything I'd argue that it's more normal to have body issues than not!

I've been thinking about this too. I don't know if it's because it's a lot easier and acceptable to admit to having body issues, than to announce that you are happy with the way you look. Or are there really so many people out there who are unhappy with their body shape?

username123

Malari wrote: »

I guess I'd be surprised to see the bump too. I've friends who've had babies, sure, but it's always been weeks or months afterwards when I'd see them again (or they were much heavier than Kate M) so I don't think you need to be thick about childbirth to know this. Why would you, if you've never experienced it firsthand?

The first time I visited a friend who had recently given birth I was shocked that there was still a bump. I thought once the birth happened the bump went. I was well into my 30s before that visit where I learned women still have bumps after birth.

username123

Jerrica wrote: »

How and why does it become so important to achieve someone else's body?

^^this.

Whats put forward as an ideal is a generic body type. Slender, big boobs, smooth, not pasty white (although there is some variation in this). When was the last time you saw skin imperfections on a magazine woman, let alone body fat?

Borboletinha

Jesus, people are nuts! Collarbones and thigh gaps are sexy? really? Im thin and hate my collarbones and skinny thighs! I think most men dont find too skinny attractive either. Maybe its because Im from south america where we actually would love being pasty white , and you are nobody if you dont have a butt! Sofia vergara and Kim kardashian would be more what women would be jealous of. I would give up my thigh gaps for their curves any day.

Malari

Borboletinha wrote: »

Jesus, people are nuts! Collarbones and thigh gaps are sexy? really? Im thin and hate my collarbones and skinny thighs! I think most men dont find too skinny attractive either. Maybe its because Im from south america where we actually would love being pasty white , and you are nobody if you dont have a butt! Sofia vergara and Kim kardashian would be more what women would be jealous of. I would give up my thigh gaps for their curves any day.

I certainly know several men who think they are sexy. One friend calls the thigh space the "giggle gap" he likes it so much :pac:

Borboletinha

Malari wrote: »

I certainly know several men who think they are sexy. One friend calls the thigh space the "giggle gap" he likes it so much :pac:

Giggle gap,ha! Maybe I shouldnt be self concious of them so. Well if any of the white curvy ladies dont feel so beautiful in ireland, go on a holiday to south america, youll be a hottie there! I for one see Sofia vergara on tv and go make some dinner, hoping someday to have a nice curvy butt to go with my thigh gap. In brazil youll actually hear things like "did you leave your butt at home?" if youre too skinny...

meeeeh

iwantmydinner wrote: »

I have no first-hand experience at all either. I just assumed that if someone thought about the simple mechanics of it though, they'd realise that her bump couldn't possibly be back flat after 24 hours. As in, you know yourself that if you over-exert your, say, quad muscles, they take a couple of days to get back to normal. Apply that logic to stretched uterus and stomach muscles and very quickly realise that a post-partum bump is inevitable.

I'm not being argumentative here, I'm genuinely shocked that people were a) so clueless about the mechanics of having a baby in your body, and b) so bloody disparaging.

I even asked my cousin's wife if she is pregnant again when seeing her couple of weeks after birth. So I guess some of us are that thick. Sometimes you just say something without thinking. Especially if you are not particularly interested in the whole thing.

Anyway I have no interest looking at pictures of excessively overweight people, pregnant women or anorexic women. Yes there is pressure to look certain way but I doubt that corset was invented for health reasons and even overweight pagan statues mentioned were actually a beauty ideal once. So more than Internet piling on the pressure I think people have more time now to obsess about their bodies.

There are things about my body I don't like and trying on stupid skinny jeans usually gets me into bad mood but I am also very happy when I find that prfect pair of jeans. We will always have beauty ideals and I have no interest looking at fashion models my size. But that doesn't mean I have body issues. In general I am quite happy with my imperfect body. I'm just getting fed up about discussion how big bad media is making us miserable. The truth is most of us are overweight and a bit of constructive dissatisfaction wouldn't go amiss. And serious body issues are usually a consequence or a symptom of some more complex problems.

Legs.Eleven

Borboletinha wrote: »

Jesus, people are nuts! Collarbones and thigh gaps are sexy? really? Im thin and hate my collarbones and skinny thighs! I think most men dont find too skinny attractive either. Maybe its because Im from south america where we actually would love being pasty white , and you are nobody if you dont have a butt! Sofia vergara and Kim kardashian would be more what women would be jealous of. I would give up my thigh gaps for their curves any day.

I'm slim but not thin (about a size 10, maybe a bit more after xmas ) and I have a collarbone and that bridge thing naturally and always have regardless of what weight I've been. I never thought twice about any of these as they're simply parts of my natural form.

I've also got a sizable arse and thighs as well (that's where I carry my weight) and am happy with both. I don't want to sound smug (and I probably do...sorry!) but I've always been reasonably content with how I look because I know the size and shape I am is my natural form.

I do think a lot of how I feel about myself and my acceptance in my appearance has come with age and not spending too much time in front of mirrors. Having to bear flesh here in a hot country also helped because you really don't have any choice. And I always heeded the Kurt Vonnegut advice (from the Wear Sunscreen song) of:

"Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly"

I avoid them all like the plague, even in the hairdressers. I don't have friends who discuss that stuff in detail either as I couldn't stand the tedium of it. Doing all this has given me a reasonably good body-image overall, I think and I feel very grateful. Many things stress me out but not this.

It's not me or my age group I'm concerned about though, it's very young women. My two nieces, for example. I look at my 1.5 year old nice and wonder what the future holds for here and if it's this bad now....I dread to think...

How far can this all go? Perhaps this obsession with the body beautiful will spiral out of control to the point of becoming a farce, people will see sense and we can finally get back to reality. We do need solidarity among us though instead of this cold, harsh judging and analysing; that's the most depressing part of us all. Cliched as it is, we need to remember that variety is the norm and not what the media tells us.

fits

Wtf is a bikini bridge!!! jeebus whatever next. (ok ill Google it)

SarahBeep!

This is something I often don't talk about because I have a very negative relationship with myself in relation to how I look.

Shopping for specific occasions is a nightmare. There's nothing worse than taking your size, plus the next one up (just in case) into the dressing room and neither of them fitting. I know standard sizing between shops (or even sometimes, within the same shop) is the last thing we will ever see on the high street and that if I picked up that dress in the same size in another shop it would probably fit, but that's not the point.

I wear mostly black to try and hide lumps and bumps. I usually wear a scarf that I can tuck under my chin to cover even more of myself. I'd love to be able to walk into any store, pick something up and take it straight to the till because I know it will fit.

I can't take a compliment. I will try deflect, because I hate talking about myself. Since moving into my new place I'm faced with two floor to ceiling mirrors in the morning, the doors on my wardrobe. Most days I try open those doors as quick as possible to look for clothes because I don't want me to be my first sight in the morning. In photos I'll try stand behind someone or something so you can only see me shoulders up.

The ironic thing is, I teach teenagers and every chance I get I try and tell them to stop reading those awful magazines and that they're all great just as they are and to be happy in their own skin!! I feel like such a hypocrite!

iwantmydinner

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

It's not me or my age group I'm concerned about though, it's very young women.

Me too, in a big way. My youngest sister is only 6 years younger than me but the body pressure seems to have massively increased since I was 21 (the age she is now). It actually frightens me.

iwantmydinner

meeeeh wrote: »

I even asked my cousin's wife if she is pregnant again when seeing her couple of weeks after birth.

I'm really not having a go, but jaysus, the poor woman!!