Wednesday 'Uns

MonkieSocks

A man left work one Friday afternoon.

But instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend playing golf with the boys.

Before long he had spent his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his furious wife and was bombarded for his actions by an angry tirade that lasted for over two hours.

Finally, his wife stopped nagging and simply said to him,

"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which the husband replied: "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Wednesday came and went with the same results.




Finally, on Thursday the swelling went down just enough to where he could see her a little bit out of the corner of one eye.

____________________________________________________________________

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars?

"Are you nuts?” she replies, and keeps walking.

He turns and runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Hey, would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again:

"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for 10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and "Hmmm 10,000 dollars, eh?”

Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that alley over there"

So they go into the alley and she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting.

The woman gets annoyed and asks, "Are you gonna bite them or what?"




"Nah", he replies. "That costs too much."


____________________________________________________________________

Someone knocked on the door today.

I opened it and saw a guy standing there, about 3ft 3in tall.

"Who are you?" I said.

"The meter man."

____________________________________________________________________

Two guys walk past a dog lounging on the sidewalk, licking its balls.

"Man. I wish I could do that!" says the first guy.

The second suggests, "Maybe you should try petting him first."