Sober Sexual Relations

enoughalready

Hi everyone,

Since quitting alcohol for good, one thing has played on my mind. Sex. I have come to a frightening realisation that I have never had any sexual relations sober, the last ten years - each time I was well and truly lubricated (excuse the pun!) Has anyone else had this same experience? A positive that I can take from this is - I am less likely now to ever get an STD and will always insist on protection, whereas before, I can't remember who I was with let alone if protection was used. Shameful feelings of past encounters are raising to the top at the minute. Keep telling myself that was the past and move forward.

I suppose like many I used drink for courage and to lessen my inhibitions so I could engage in sexual activity but now without the false courage that alcohol gives you, will I ever be ready for my first sober encounter????

Carpet diem

enoughalready wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Since quitting alcohol for good, one thing has played on my mind. Sex. I have come to a frightening realisation that I have never had any sexual relations sober, the last ten years - each time I was well and truly lubricated (excuse the pun!) Has anyone else had this same experience? A positive that I can take from this is - I am less likely now to ever get an STD and will always insist on protection, whereas before, I can't remember who I was with let alone if protection was used. Shameful feelings of past encounters are raising to the top at the minute. Keep telling myself that was the past and move forward.

I suppose like many I used drink for courage and to lessen my inhibitions so I could engage in sexual activity but now without the false courage that alcohol gives you, will I ever be ready for my first sober encounter????

In fairness its the only thing drink was good for - gave me the courage to talk to women and I put it to good use as well!

Saying that one night stands and all that are not appealing to me anymore as I have a gf and also suppose looking for bit more in a person than sex.

Online dating looks the business if you are off that mind

KeefF

enoughalready wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Since quitting alcohol for good, one thing has played on my mind. Sex. I have come to a frightening realisation that I have never had any sexual relations sober, the last ten years - each time I was well and truly lubricated (excuse the pun!) Has anyone else had this same experience? A positive that I can take from this is - I am less likely now to ever get an STD and will always insist on protection, whereas before, I can't remember who I was with let alone if protection was used. Shameful feelings of past encounters are raising to the top at the minute. Keep telling myself that was the past and move forward.

I suppose like many I used drink for courage and to lessen my inhibitions so I could engage in sexual activity but now without the false courage that alcohol gives you, will I ever be ready for my first sober encounter????

Hi.
I was only thinking about this myself yesterday. I know I may be attempting to run before I can walk but I am worried about how I will interact with women and of course be intimate. After nearly 20 years of partying I can't really recall the last time that didn't involve booze or other substances. I'm also worried about how I would "perform". I'm worrying about these things without being within asses roar of a woman in this regard for a few months :-). But in 2014 I would like to develop a relationship - after I have sussed myself out a bit first.

Alf Veedersane

If you've engaged with someone to the point where they're willing to have sex with you, then there won't be a problem.

emmabrighton

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

If you've engaged with someone to the point where they're willing to have sex with you, then there won't be a problem.

And it would be great craic... all that comes with being with someone for the first time, but sober!

iusedtoknow

not to get too graphic, sex (once you get past any awkwardness with a new partner etc) when sober is a lot better than drunk. Sure drunken fumbles had their place, but in reality, sober sex is a lot more...controlled - I tend to last longer, satisfy my partner more and personally feel more satisfied as well sober than I ever did drunk or even slightly tipsy.

jimmyRotator

I quit drinking nearly 2 years ago.
Havent had sex in the last 2 years.
Less likely to catch an STD alright, thats for sure

Carpet diem

jimmyRotator wrote: »

I quit drinking nearly 2 years ago.
Havent had sex in the last 2 years.
Less likely to catch an STD alright, thats for sure

A sobering thought ;-)

Carpet diem

Seen something on saturday night show about online dating but seems the serious people on there are looking for actual relationship and not some drunken one night stand - so there is demand for sober people out there

B_Rabbit

The fact that you don't drink gives you much better chances with women then the drunk gobshytes walking around mumbling sh!te. You just need to work on actively talking to women.

jimmyRotator

Carpet diem wrote: »

A sobering thought ;-)

In fairness I had no interest really, my head was an absolute mess and I was isolating most of the time. Im in a much better space recently though as Ive been going to meetings and working a program, and now looking forward to Step 13

The Wild Bunch

I might be in the minority here but I have absolutely no interest in sex when I'm drinking. I can count on one hand probably the amount of times I've had drunken escapades.

Just doesn't enter my head.

I used to tend to 'pull' in clubs and bars but that was just to feed my ego and I'd never follow up on it by inviting them back to mine or go to theirs.

As mentioned, it's far more satisfying sober

Sunnyisland

You can't beat two people in a relationship with clear heads and having a great time,in all ways that suit.I have been in a few messy ones in my past, The best or worse if you like has to be this one,
Lived with portuguese girl for years and when she got drunk she would turn into a violent possessive witch, Screaming and throwing things no matter where we were,She attacked me physically loads of times, and all because I am such a nice guy.........So Eventually we got married.

Now divorced and living back in Ireland.

Go figure.

It's been a huge improvement for me since giving up drink. Baron spell though for the first 18 months which was my choice to be honest as a girl in my life was the last thing I needed as I drank on a lot of failed relationship in the past. There were a few instances when exs had rang me drunk and I nearly gave in as I am bloody human but somehow managed to realize how bad it could have been for me, so so glad I didn't do anything as life would be so different today. I can honestly say the relationship I'm in now though is the best I've ever been in for every reason.

Carpet diem

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It's been a huge improvement for me since giving up drink. Baron spell though for the first 18 months which was my choice to be honest as a girl in my life was the last thing I needed as I drank on a lot of failed relationship in the past. There were a few instances when exs had rang me drunk and I nearly gave in as I am bloody human but somehow managed to realize how bad it could have been for me, so so glad I didn't do anything as life would be so different today. I can honestly say the relationship I'm in now though is the best I've ever been in for every reason.

I second that buddy. The effort I put into the relationship is as rewarding as what I get out of it which is great

hubba

Well all I can say is that 90% of my past relationships have started in a pub, under the influence and they've mostly been car crashes. So I personally, would welcome the positive change a sober relationship would bring. I can't think how it would be anything other than a big improvement!

Having said that, I'm in no rush to prove it. Being alcohol free is really my priority so for now I'm avoiding getting involved (not that they are banging down the door or anything!).

KeefF

hubba wrote: »

Well all I can say is that 90% of my past relationships have started in a pub, under the influence and they've mostly been car crashes. So I personally, would welcome the positive change a sober relationship would bring. I can't think how it would be anything other than a big improvement!

Having said that, I'm in no rush to prove it. Being alcohol free is really my priority so for now I'm avoiding getting involved (not that they are banging down the door or anything!).

Same As!! :-)

bhuaigh1

Well people
So where do people go on the pull???besides bars/clubs that is,,

tunguska

bhuaigh1 wrote: »

Well people
So where do people go on the pull???besides bars/clubs that is,,

Anywhere and everywhere. If theres one thing I've learned since I quit the booze its that you have to be a lot more ballsier than you were under the influence. Its difficult at first plucking up the courage to chat up women when you're sober but the more you do it the easier it gets and the better you get at it. But you have to just keep trying, over and over. Its like mastering any task, repetition, repetition, repetition. But because you're not relying on booze for fake courage you're doing something that 90% of blokes wont do.
I think as a nation we're way too formalised as to were we believe we can flirt and chat up the opposite sex. You dont have to be in a bar or at a party or some other formalised social setting, you can chat women up anywhere anytime. The guys who I know who are the best with women seem to instinctively know this and will pull in any situation.

Carpet diem

An evening class of some kind could be a good idea.

hubba

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/colin-farrell--terrified--of-sex-after-quitting-drugs-and-booze-113625048.html

souls

women should make more of an effort though! it is the 21st century in fairness!

hubba

I think it's quite hard if you don't have a circle of friends who can help things along. I mean, if you aren't involved in a large circle of friends, how do you even know if someone is single etc. It's ok when you are younger as the chances are high, but when you are the wrong side of 40, nearly everyone is hitched so you just presume it and don't make the effort. Single people over 40 should have a secret sign or handshake ...

Kunkka

hubba wrote: »

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/colin-farrell--terrified--of-sex-after-quitting-drugs-and-booze-113625048.html

Very similar to my first time sober & for the same reasons. I was as nervous as I was for first time 10 years before that. After that though it has never been better. Nothing better then being in a healthy relationship compared to car wreck after car wreck before that.