Thinking of contacting her again?

zxcvbnm1

I finished up with a girl 3 months ago. She seemed very keen at the time. But it kind of fizzled out due to me not reciprocating enough. We has been together 6 months.

Mainly because there was an issue I had with her family - I thought they were dysfunctional to put it mildly and they scared the life out of me which made me anxious - although I never let on to her my thoughts on her family. So I just decided letting the whole thing fizzle out would be the best option thereby avoiding making her feel bad about her family.

I regret it. She herself was perfect. But her family issue resulted in me putting a wall up throughout our time together. It has been 3 months since we had any contact. I think I should have realised that I could easily have avoided her family. (At the time the whole thing made me quite anxious though)

Thinking of just mailing her telling her how much I miss her and basically suggesting we get back together.

I have no idea what she is up to now so it is a complete shot in the dark. She could easily be going out with someone else - in fact, I just saw recently that her FB profile picture now includes some guy also.

How weird would it be for her to receive this mail out of the blue after this length of time?
If I'm honest I think its highly unlikely she will be on for it - but in part it's just so I can get it out if my system. She is occupying my thoughts an awful lot at the moment.

Has anyone sent received such a mail after such a long period of time?

Matteroffact

I wouldn't do it. You are nervous of her family and I think I remember you posting about them before. You are better not to get mixed up in all of this again. Find someone new, you don't want her family looking over their shoulder at you all of the time. It would make anyone nervous and you don't need any hassle in your life.

Penny Tration

Her family will always be her family. If you get back together and the relationship progresses, they will not be easily avoided.

Aside from that, instead of straight up ending it, you let it fizzle out. Quite a cruel way to do it, it's a bit of stringing her along.

Personally, I'd leave her alone, for both your sakes.

MugMugs

I believe in a theory of no regrets.

If you can accept that her family are her family and you truly do want her back then go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

MagicMarker

You don't need to send her an email asking for her back, just ask her how she is, what's she been up to. You know, a conversation.

V.W.L 11

An ex is an ex for a reason i learned that the hard way

LegacyUser

OP normally I'd be telling you to go for it, I'd rather be shot down than have regrets.
However you were with her for 6 months and didn't even end the relationship, you just slowly cut contact and disappeared. That is beyond cruel . Fair enough letting things fizzel out if you'd only been dating a few weeks, but 6 months?! I've been seeing a guy almost 6 months and if he did to me what you did to that poor girl, I'd be devastated. You may not like her family OP, you may think them dysfunctional but you're treatment of her was not exactly very moral or a normal way to end a 6 month relationship. Anxiety was not an excuse to treat her like that. Leave the poor girl alone, you've already completely f**ked with her head. Quite frankly she deserves someone who will treat her with far more respect than you have.

Lux23

Leave the girl alone, I can't for the life of me work out why you weren't honest with her in the first place.

beano345

leaveheralone wrote: »

OP normally I'd be telling you to go for it, I'd rather be shot down than have regrets.
However you were with her for 6 months and didn't even end the relationship, you just slowly cut contact and disappeared. That is beyond cruel . Fair enough letting things fizzel out if you'd only been dating a few weeks, but 6 months?! I've been seeing a guy almost 6 months and if he did to me what you did to that poor girl, I'd be devastated. You may not like her family OP, you may think them dysfunctional but you're treatment of her was not exactly very moral or a normal way to end a 6 month relationship. Anxiety was not an excuse to treat her like that. Leave the poor girl alone, you've already completely f**ked with her head. Quite frankly she deserves someone who will treat her with far more respect than you have.

I'd leave her alone op this happened to me a while ago being fizzled out and it was beyond a s#*t feeling I rather would have got a call it quits msg then that torture of what's going on/being strung along,I'd say her poor head was demented at the time!..if she's anything like me you won't be getting a reply

zxcvbnm1

Just to be clear, when I say it fizzled out I don't mean I slowly cut contact and then just disappeared.
In fact it was she who pulled the trigger by avoiding meeting me. She always had some excuse at the end so I eventually got the hint.

My own firm belief is that the relationship wasn't as intense as she would have liked (she often commented how she thought I didn't fully fancy her) so she decided to walk away. (By avoiding contact with me).
Had the family issue not been there I would have been 100% on board and have absolutely no doubt we would still be going out as she was particularly keen throughout.

However - the only reason the relationship wasn't as intense as it could have been was because her family completely gave me the spooks. (She mentioned while drunk many times that basically they were a known criminal family).

I was completely torn. I thought she was absolutely great but was afraid of getting in deeper due to the family issue. The whole thing made me move forward with absolute caution. It completely influenced how much I invested myself in the whole thing.
So she was correct in detecting mixed signals - but not for the reason she believes.

Eventually when she effectively cut contact ( by basically having an endless list of excuses as to why she couldn't meet) I was relieved as it made it easy for me to walk away at that point.

And to the person who asked why didn't I explain it to her, it really isn't that easy to say to someone you don't like their family. (Particularly in this instance)
A persons family is always a constant so there is nothing they can do to change it.

But you are right - I do regret tactfully not thrashing it out with her at the time as to what kind of family they really were. But it is a very sensitive issue to bring up. So I chose not to and quickly jumped at the opportunity to walk away once I got the cold shoulder from her.

The reason I am thinking of contacting her again is that perhaps I overreacted to the family situation - even if the whole thing really did give me the willies at the time. Or perhaps I could have a proper conversation with her whereby she could have somehow allay my fears. (I was always afraid to broach the topic as she was such an open strong family person)
All I can think of now are all her good points.(She was fantastic). Whereas all I could think of when I was with her were the bad points of her family.