giving the relationship a chance versus misleading her...

sean-og3

Hello all,

I am in a delicate situation and would like to hear your thoughts please. I have been in a relationship for four months now. The girl is nice, sweet, beautiful and honest. Although she is very serious and committed to the relationship, she is quite distant and closed to me. I also notice this shy\withdrawn\lack of confidence (in am not sure yet what it is...) with others around her (including her family).

Therefore I am in a predicament. On one hand I want to give the relationship a chance and hope that she will 'come out of herself' so as I can connect with her and our relationship can develop. But, on the otherhand, I do not want to lead her on thinking our relationship is fine as it is and then upset her a lot when I break up with her out pfnthe blue.

The obvious answer is to talk to her but if the issue here is shyness or a lack of confidence, bringing it up would be unfair and detrimental to the whole situation.

I hope this all makes sense and you can offer your tupence worth!

Thank you kindly...

Added info: both 25yrs

Brego888

sean-og3 wrote: »

The obvious answer is to talk to her but if the issue here is shyness or a lack of confidence, bringing it up would be unfair and detrimental to the whole situation.

If it's an issue that you are considering breaking up with her over then talking to her about it would be the only fair thing to do

Stavro Mueller

At this stage I don't think you have anything to lose by talking to her. I think you're yearning after the sort of person you think she could be. It may be a big ask for her to change the way she has been for perhaps all her life. On the other hand it might just be the shock she needs.

CaraMay

Seeing as she is like that with everyone then maybe that's just her

MugMugs

Seriously op. If you genuinely care for this girl then raise the warning flags now.

Last thing you want is her shocked into being single if you end up ending the relationship.

Penny Tration

If she's like that with everyone, maybe she's just naturally an introverted person. If you can't deal with it, then by all means talk to her about it, but if it's just how she naturally is, there's little you can do bar accept it or walk away.

I can be very introverted and closed off, but it's purely a defence mechanism. My boyfriend found it a bit bothersome, because of how I reacted to compliments, nice things being said, I struggled to show affection either verbally or physically, so he brought it up in conversation with me. Nothing harsh, just said in passing that I am very stand offish. I thought about it, knew he was right, so worked to stop the defensive act and am now open, honest, affectionate and happy being myself around him.

If it's a defence thing, talking might help her to be more open. If it's just how she is, either accept it or end things. No harm in talking first, though.

dannyc31

definitely talk to her man. women are better at talking than us men so dont be afraid to bring up this "we need to talk" conversation. she'll appreciate you more being honest with her.

once she sees where you're coming from she may be willing to come out of her shell some more. i think 4 to 6 months is usually the time where a relationship can go either way. it just may be she is not extrovert enough for your personality and you are too different. anyway its better to be honest with her and honest with yourself and sit down and have this chat.