Experience with miscarriage

Isolt

I found out in October that I was expecting my first baby. Big surprise as I suffer with PCOS and was diagnosed only two weeks previous to my positive test. I was delighted and very excited.

When I was in the hospital having a scan the midwife told me that the baby had no heartbeat and had stopped developing weeks previous. I was still having pregnancy symptoms (very strongly) and I experienced no bleeding or spotting. I would have never known the baby was gone had it not been for the scan.

Since then I've obviously learned about how commonly miscarriages occur. I'd never even heard of a 'missed miscarriage' before then.

If anyone feels comfortable sharing their experience and how they recovered (emotionally, not looking for any medical advice) then please post. I was okay for the 2-3 days after the ERPC because I was so tired and numb but then I felt very down. Yesterday I was really upset and teary (3.5 weeks after losing baby). We should be 12.5 weeks now and our appointment with the consultant was supposed to be tomorrow.

How long, in your experience, did the ''oh, today would have been..'' stop? My friend announced on facebook that she is expecting a baby around the same time mine was due. How long does it take until hearing news like this stops being upsetting?


*I hope this post doesn't upset anyone, and is okay for this forum*

Roesy

Isolt wrote: »

I found out in October that I was expecting my first baby. Big surprise as I suffer with PCOS and was diagnosed only two weeks previous to my positive test. I was delighted and very excited.

When I was in the hospital having a scan the midwife told me that the baby had no heartbeat and had stopped developing weeks previous. I was still having pregnancy symptoms (very strongly) and I experienced no bleeding or spotting. I would have never known the baby was gone had it not been for the scan.

Since then I've obviously learned about how commonly miscarriages occur. I'd never even heard of a 'missed miscarriage' before then.

If anyone feels comfortable sharing their experience and how they recovered (emotionally, not looking for any medical advice) then please post. I was okay for the 2-3 days after the ERPC because I was so tired and numb but then I felt very down. Yesterday I was really upset and teary (3.5 weeks after losing baby). We should be 12.5 weeks now and our appointment with the consultant was supposed to be tomorrow.

How long, in your experience, did the ''oh, today would have been..'' stop? My friend announced on facebook that she is expecting a baby around the same time mine was due. How long does it take until hearing news like this stops being upsetting?


*I hope this post doesn't upset anyone, and is okay for this forum*

Hey,
Just want to start by saying I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Like yourself I have PCOS, I also have an underactive thyroid and have had prolactin issues in the past. All of these things individually can hinder conceiving so I always thought it would be a struggle to get pregnant so you can imagine my surprise when I found out two weeks after my honeymoon that I was pregnant. It was our first month trying. Unfortunately I lost our baby at about 7 and a half weeks. Unlike you mine started with bleeding and pain. Physically I was worn out for about a month after. I got run down and seemed to pick up every cold and bug that was going too(probably unrelated). Mentally I was a little better as each week went by. Of course things like pregnancy announcements and my due date cut through me like a knife. Even though I only posted in there a couple of times under a different username I used to read the April 2013 babies thread as that's when I would have been due. The 'anniversary' of my miscarriage was very hard too despite being over 30 weeks pregnant at that stage. I lost my honeymoon baby in September 2012 and was pregnant again by February. I'm sitting here posting this with my gorgeous little 7 week old grizzling in my arms but I still get sad about the one I lost. Time helps but getting pregnant again was a big part of the recovery for me even though I know some people feel too fragile to try for a good while after. I was nervous for a lot of the pregnancy though and think I was 24 weeks and had a 3d scan that I started to relax a bit. I don't think it felt fully real until I held her though! Everyone's experience is different I know. Took me a good while to talk about it with anyone except my husband but I do find that helped too. Just wanted to share my story and let you know that I'm thinking of you at this tough time. Take care.

Tigger99

I'm very sorry to hear that Isolt. Some women have previously posted in the trying to conceive forum about their miscarriage, but you mightnt feel comfortable going there at themoment.

I understand this organisation is very good in helping people in your position http://www.miscarriage.ie/

Mind yourself, it just be a very sad hard time.

Femme_Fatale

So very sorry to read of your sad news Isolt.

I haven't experienced it but maybe the experience of one of my best friends might be something you could relate to. She, like yourself, had health issues that could affect fertility, so was surprised to discover she was pregnant in 2011. At 12 weeks, just when she and her husband were about to tell everyone, they lost their baby.
After the shock and pain and devastation subsided, she could feel herself sliding into a dark place. And as said, hearing the news of people being pregnant and having babies was unbearable for her. So she forced herself to turn back from this dark place she was heading to, by getting really involved in something - not to block out the pain (you have to grieve) but to prevent the sadness from consuming her and stopping her from becoming happy again. In her case: cycling. She joined a group, went on regular cycles, building up the distance bit by bit; then getting involved in tournaments, and meeting lots of lovely new people and making great friends; then getting involved in the committee and organising fundraisers and the like.
She says it saved her. Of course there will always be sadness for the child she lost, but she is able to cope with it and be philosophical about it.

Two years and a few months after that very sad day, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who is nearly five months now and absolutely thriving.


All the very best to you Isolt...

LegacyUser

I am so sorry for your loss. I am currently on my third pregnancy, having experienced two miscarriages in the past year. It has, beyond doubt, been the most heartbreaking and traumatic time of my life. I have never had any health issues, never even taken a sick day from work or school before so when I got pregnant at first try, I was 100% certain all would be ok. Miscarriage would never happen to me, right? Until suddenly at work one day at 11 weeks, I began to bleed massively. I had been so certain all was well that I didnt even know where the hospital was. How naive. An afternoon of hell that is seared into my memory followed with the eventual diagnosis of miscarriage and I was sent home to complete it. Sent home alone, in a taxi, with my husband abroad on another continent. I had never felt heartache like it.

On my second pregnancy, I had an early scan at 9 weeks (a couple of days after my first due date) for reassurance. Unfortunately this showed the baby had stopped growing a few days earlier and there was no heartbeat. My world ended for a second time. This time, I chose surgery, which in hindsight for me was the wrong option as mentally I found it harder to deal with.

The overwhelming feelings of loss and grief, loneliness and panic, took months and months to go away each time. I still grieve massively, every day but the awful heart stopping tsunami of grief has eased. One really important thing though was my second hospital were vigilant of my mental health and assignrd me both a bereavement social worker and a psychiatric midwife to support me. I am still furious that my first hospital did absolutely nothing by way of letting me know supports exist. If you haven't already, you should ask your hospital what kind of support is available to you and avail of it to the maximun. I was very open about my miscarriage with friends, which is not normally like me as I am a hugely private person so I had great support from them but honestly nobody can really understand and expect you to be healed much sooner than you feel. Definitely seek professional help, it is there and free but you just need to ask. Plus on the really dark days, remember there is always someone to help - on one bleak awful night, I rang the Samaritains, who were amazing at helping me through a dark dark place. I never in a million years thought I would be a person to ring the Samaritains.

Dates like your appointments, your due date, etc were awful to deal with. But you can and will somehow get through. If you feel comfortable doing so, I definitely recommend telling your employer so you can feel freer with your emotions in work. Be aware also that hearing news of someone else's pregnancy can also make you react in a very negative way so don't feel like a bad person if that happens to you. I hated being that person feeling bitter and jealous but I've learned a little to deal with it better.

My social worker had recommended I write my feelings in a journal to help deal with them. I have never read back over a word of what I have written but it does help to have a concrete outlet for my emotions. Now in the early stages of my third pregnancy in a year, I still feel the pain of those losses and I worry incessantly about this pregnancy.

Thanks for starting this thread and best wishes with your healing process. The next few weeks may be the worst as everyone expects you to be over it, and when you get your period back etc.

Roesy

asdf54321 wrote: »

I am so sorry for your loss. I am currently on my third pregnancy, having experienced two miscarriages in the past year. It has, beyond doubt, been the most heartbreaking and traumatic time of my life. I have never had any health issues, never even taken a sick day from work or school before so when I got pregnant at first try, I was 100% certain all would be ok. Miscarriage would never happen to me, right? Until suddenly at work one day at 11 weeks, I began to bleed massively. I had been so certain all was well that I didnt even know where the hospital was. How naive. An afternoon of hell that is seared into my memory followed with the eventual diagnosis of miscarriage and I was sent home to complete it. Sent home alone, in a taxi, with my husband abroad on another continent. I had never felt heartache like it.

On my second pregnancy, I had an early scan at 9 weeks (a couple of days after my first due date) for reassurance. Unfortunately this showed the baby had stopped growing a few days earlier and there was no heartbeat. My world ended for a second time. This time, I chose surgery, which in hindsight for me was the wrong option as mentally I found it harder to deal with.

The overwhelming feelings of loss and grief, loneliness and panic, took months and months to go away each time. I still grieve massively, every day but the awful heart stopping tsunami of grief has eased. One really important thing though was my second hospital were vigilant of my mental health and assignrd me both a bereavement social worker and a psychiatric midwife to support me. I am still furious that my first hospital did absolutely nothing by way of letting me know supports exist. If you haven't already, you should ask your hospital what kind of support is available to you and avail of it to the maximun. I was very open about my miscarriage with friends, which is not normally like me as I am a hugely private person so I had great support from them but honestly nobody can really understand and expect you to be healed much sooner than you feel. Definitely seek professional help, it is there and free but you just need to ask. Plus on the really dark days, remember there is always someone to help - on one bleak awful night, I rang the Samaritains, who were amazing at helping me through a dark dark place. I never in a million years thought I would be a person to ring the Samaritains.

Dates like your appointments, your due date, etc were awful to deal with. But you can and will somehow get through. If you feel comfortable doing so, I definitely recommend telling your employer so you can feel freer with your emotions in work. Be aware also that hearing news of someone else's pregnancy can also make you react in a very negative way so don't feel like a bad person if that happens to you. I hated being that person feeling bitter and jealous but I've learned a little to deal with it better.

My social worker had recommended I write my feelings in a journal to help deal with them. I have never read back over a word of what I have written but it does help to have a concrete outlet for my emotions. Now in the early stages of my third pregnancy in a year, I still feel the pain of those losses and I worry incessantly about this pregnancy.

Thanks for starting this thread and best wishes with your healing process. The next few weeks may be the worst as everyone expects you to be over it, and when you get your period back etc.

I also experienced a complete lack of support from the hospital during my miscarriage. I left feeling that because I wasn't that far along I wasn't entitled to any help or even much advice. Once the miscarriage was confirmed I was more or less told go home and wait it out. Come back if the bleeding becomes too severe. There was no aftercare offered. I basically just tried to get on with it with the support of my lovely husband and my mother. As great as both of them were I felt neither of them really got it.
Best of luck with this pregnancy. I hope you get your happy ending.

Addle

I have had two miscarriages. They were very different experiences physically.
One involved a hospital stay. I was treated very well in the regional hospital in Galway.
The other involved just a visit to a very insensitive GP.

Isolt wrote: »

How long, in your experience, did the ''oh, today would have been..'' stop? My friend announced on facebook that she is expecting a baby around the same time mine was due. How long does it take until hearing news like this stops being upsetting

8 years after my first loss, I still wonder what if very often. Not daily anymore though.
I think I will feel like that until I have a baby, if ever.

Victoria Fortescue

Isolt wrote: »

I found out in October that I was expecting my first baby. Big surprise as I suffer with PCOS and was diagnosed only two weeks previous to my positive test. I was delighted and very excited.

When I was in the hospital having a scan the midwife told me that the baby had no heartbeat and had stopped developing weeks previous. I was still having pregnancy symptoms (very strongly) and I experienced no bleeding or spotting. I would have never known the baby was gone had it not been for the scan.

Since then I've obviously learned about how commonly miscarriages occur. I'd never even heard of a 'missed miscarriage' before then.

If anyone feels comfortable sharing their experience and how they recovered (emotionally, not looking for any medical advice) then please post. I was okay for the 2-3 days after the ERPC because I was so tired and numb but then I felt very down. Yesterday I was really upset and teary (3.5 weeks after losing baby). We should be 12.5 weeks now and our appointment with the consultant was supposed to be tomorrow.

How long, in your experience, did the ''oh, today would have been..'' stop? My friend announced on facebook that she is expecting a baby around the same time mine was due. How long does it take until hearing news like this stops being upsetting?


*I hope this post doesn't upset anyone, and is okay for this forum*

I'm sorry for your loss x

I had a miscarriage too, it was after my second child. It's a guilt that will haunt my till the day I die. My third child was unexpected in a horrible time in my life, and I mentally couldn't handle it. My initial thoughts was that I didn't want the baby and I blocked it out of my head for a few weeks. It took for me to start bleeding while on the toilet, and person scanning me to realise my loss. I was a blank page before it. I couldn't look at the screen, the first sight of the baby. I carry this pain every day. Women never forget a miscarriage, but we can hear each other out op x

pwurple

So sorry to hear that Isolt. Miscarriage has been the hardest physical and mental thing I've ever had to deal with, my heart truely goes out to anyone who has had one. It's bereavement that isn't acknowledged.

I had a 'missed' miscarriage last year. scan showed no heartbeat. I chose to wait it out, rather than go for the drugs or surgery. Within a week the bleeding and pain started, it was horrendous. I vividly remember standing in a shower at work after a night shift for hours in agonising pain, bleeding heavily, crying my eyes out, trying to keep quiet as there were people coming and going in the other showers around me. It was labour essentially. I hadn't a clue what to expect, didn't know what to do at that point. information was lacking, big time. I had been handed a pamphlet telling me to expect 'some pain' and sent on my way. I didn't know what to do with what I had 'passed' in the work showers. So I put it into medical waste bags we have at work and brought the whole lot to hospital. I ended up needing a blood transfusion. I still get nightmares about parts of it. The scan. The shower. The unfeeling oaf of a doctor in the hospital.

I then got all the post pregnancy symptoms which just compounded everything. Started lactating 4 days later. Got the hairloss. Got the flood of hormones and baby blues. First period afterwards brought it all rushing back again. I was very upset about other peoples pregnancies for months.

That doesn't happen anymore... But i don't think I'll ever forget, it's still something I think about every day. I threw my heart and soul (and bank balance, I also have PCOS, so did follicle tracking etc) into getting pregnant again as soon as I was able. That has helped a good bit, because it has forced me to talk about pregnancy a lot, and every medical appointment brings up the miscarriage. The first scan was with the same person who had told me there was no heartbeat. I'm a nervous wreck about this pregnancy, but seems to be going ok.

Isolt

I'm really sorry to read that so many of you have lost a baby too, it really is an indescribable type of grief.

I am very sad to read that some of you were treated insensitively and left to miscarry alone, those stories are horrible! Pwurple, I can't believe you had to miscarry in the showers in work and on your own. That is a nightmare.

Here's my miscarriage experience but it's long so you can skip if you want:

It took 3 weeks in total for confirmation that the baby was gone. When I had the scan that confirmed that baby had died we were brought into a counselling room to wait on the doctor. The doctor was very nice, I doubt she was much older than me, maybe late 20's and definitely knew her stuff medically but it all seemed so normal to her (I suppose it is normal to her!) and her focus on more on getting the baby out and that she'd see me again for future pregnancies. But my mind wasn't quite at that stage yet, I didn't even want the baby to come out.

She gave me the option of an ERPC or cytotec to take at home and an information leaflet but I couldn't bring myself to pass the baby at home and I never took the cytotec because it felt too final, so after a few days I called the hospital and asked for the ERPC. They were really good about it and booked me in no problem. Then I was brought to the ward with the midwives and this was hugely healing because they were just so kind to me. I was never left alone, I had to take cytotec to start off contractions before the ERPC and when the pain got bad they got me pain relief very quickly, I felt really upset when I saw the blood start to come and a midwife sat on my bed and hugged me, another midwife held her hand on my back while walking to theatre and sat beside me until they were ready to put me asleep. When I apologised for being a cry baby about the pain she told me I had no need to apologise to anybody and that I was going through a miscarriage and had every right to cry.

When I woke up I was not in a good place at all. I had a high temperature, was on a morphine drip and I felt very, very sad. I expected to be kind of unaware of anything for a while but the first thing I asked when I woke up was if the baby was gone. The theatre nurse stayed beside me and told me the baby was in heaven. None of them had to do any of this but they were all so willing to offer whatever comfort they could. I ended up staying in overnight and the midwife who walked me to theatre came in to say she was happy I was staying so she could look after me for longer. The chaplain came to us with a memorial booklet for the baby and gave it to my partner and I.

I feel SO lucky to have had this experience in the hospital when I read about how some of you were treated. The midwives in Holles St turned what felt like the impossible into something bearable. I definitely feel I made the right decision for me by opting for the procedure instead of taking cytotec at home as the care and compassion they showed towards us was very healing.

Asdf and pwurple - best of luck with these pregnancies. Fingers crossed all goes perfectly x

CathyMoran

I am sorry for your loss.

It is coming up to 5 years since we lost the first of our children to miscarriage, we then went on to have several more misscarriages before going on a trip to Belfast (around the time that our eldest child would have been due) and he is now 3.5 and we have a daughter who is less than 14 months younger.

Nothing will ever take away the pain and the anniversary of our first loss is still the hardest but we do tell our children about their siblings and they have accepted it, even if we have not.

I found that letting go of a baloon helped abd does help.

Again I am sorry for your loss.

Neyite

My condolences on your loss.

I think its rare to find a woman who has not experienced a miscarriage while trying for a family, and I consider them very lucky to have avoided that heartache.

I've had 3. One missed miscarriage on a twin pregnancy. At 7+4 we saw two little heartbeats, and got an amazing shock. By the time we got home from the clinic we were already grinning from ear to ear. At 9+4 another scan revealed only one heartbeat, the other had stopped at 8 weeks. I didnt bleed, or have any pain, so while I grieved, there was no physical symptoms the sac would have been absorbed back into the placenta.

My second one, was at almost 7 weeks. Last January. That had pain and bleeding, but I didnt have any practical knowledge of what to do - like, do you rest? how much bleeding is normal? how much pain is normal? what to expect? In the end, forums was where I got frank tips on what to expect. My GP was terrific but all they can do is refer you. The hospital was useless. It took us a while to be ready to try for another pregnancy after that one.

My last one was a few months ago at 8 weeks, which physically was the worst for me, but emotionally I was better that time around, still sad, but accepting I suppose.

We got 3 porcelain stars for our Christmas tree. To everyone else, they are just nice decorations, but to us, they are a memory of the ones we lost - one in 2011, and two in 2013.

You might find it helpful to mark your baby's passing in your own way. Whether its porcelain stars or a balloon or a chinese lantern, or a tree or rosebush, it helps. Even the smallest of feet leave a footprint in our lives, and it helps to pay tribute to those little ones who have been fleeting in our lives, but left behind so much.

inocybe

I miscarried at 9 weeks when I was living abroad. I started bleeding and went to a gp. I will never ever forget the way he looked at me with a mix of confusion and almost amusement, and said 'what do you want me to do about it?'
Took a bus home and stayed there till it was all over, being made to feel like an idiot didn't really help my mental health at the time.

Button09

have just been through a missed miscarriage myself, I waited 3 weeks to see if it happened naturally, I had a dnc Christmas week... it has been the hardest thing that I have ever gone through.. the waiting for it to happen was so hard, my body was so stressed. .. I'm not thinking that I'm ready to try again but maybe some day... sorry for all your loses, you all so brave

akamossy

I miscarried a few days after I found out I was pregnant and it was one of the most horrendous experiences of my life. I found my doctor extremely unsupportive in fact when I first went to confirm my pregnancy she was like oh no because I was only 20 years old at the time and then she said oh well anything can happen so you don't have to tell anyone yet. I found them a little more supportive in the hospital when I went in for my scan but the doctor wouldn't confirm I was miscarrying and I was sent home to wait, by the next day it was pretty obvious I was miscarrying. I wasn't offered any follow up just told to keep an appointment which was made for me when my pregnancy was confirmed to go and check I had a complete miscarriage. when I got to the hospital they had lost my file and made it ten times worse for me and then I had to leave the eventual scan out into a corridor of expectant women waiting for their scans to see their babies. worst experience of my life

CathyMoran

akamossy I am really sorry to hear that happened to you and am sorry for your loss.

Isolt

Button09 wrote: »

have just been through a missed miscarriage myself, I waited 3 weeks to see if it happened naturally, I had a dnc Christmas week... it has been the hardest thing that I have ever gone through.. the waiting for it to happen was so hard, my body was so stressed. .. I'm not thinking that I'm ready to try again but maybe some day... sorry for all your loses, you all so brave

The experience of a missed miscarriage is so hard to explain, your body feels pregnant, your symptoms are all there and yet, you are told the baby is gone. I am so sorry you have gone through this too.

akamossy wrote: »

I miscarried a few days after I found out I was pregnant and it was one of the most horrendous experiences of my life. I found my doctor extremely unsupportive in fact when I first went to confirm my pregnancy she was like oh no because I was only 20 years old at the time and then she said oh well anything can happen so you don't have to tell anyone yet. I found them a little more supportive in the hospital when I went in for my scan but the doctor wouldn't confirm I was miscarrying and I was sent home to wait, by the next day it was pretty obvious I was miscarrying. I wasn't offered any follow up just told to keep an appointment which was made for me when my pregnancy was confirmed to go and check I had a complete miscarriage. when I got to the hospital they had lost my file and made it ten times worse for me and then I had to leave the eventual scan out into a corridor of expectant women waiting for their scans to see their babies. worst experience of my life

Jesus, that is horrible. I hope you never have to go through anything like this again *hugs*
I have found, that while the doctors mean no harm, that they are too quick to move on. I have been told to get pregnant again quickly so we can ''see where we stand''. In other words, if I get knocked up again soon, and all is well, then what's the problem?
I find that rather hard to take.

Neyite

Isolt wrote: »

I have found, that while the doctors mean no harm, that they are too quick to move on. I have been told to get pregnant again quickly so we can ''see where we stand''. In other words, if I get knocked up again soon, and all is well, then what's the problem?
I find that rather hard to take.

I very much suspect that the "hands off" policy that a lot of medical professionals adopt in a potential miscarriage situation is down to our laws, specifically the grey legal areas surrounding termination legislation. They don't want to be in the position that a case like Savita Halappanaver will happen to them. They don't want us to ask that our miscarriage be medically managed.

On my first MMC I was fobbed off by the person who answered the phone in the early pregnancy unit who more or less told me that once the consultant got the GP letter, I would get an appointment in due course. She more or less implied that it was pointless coming in to see if the remaining twin was ok because the doctors could not prevent a miscarriage and "I would be wasting their time". Nice.

On my second, (this was after the Savita case - she died in October iirc and I miscarried several months later attending the same hospital) I got a referral letter to attend 8 days after the bleeding started. I was told there was no point in coming in earlier, that by that stage they would know if the pregnancy survived or not. I attended, by that day had a negative pregnancy test. So the policy was not to scan unless the test still showed positive. A doctor spoke to me, and told me to "keep an eye on it". This meant, when I clarified, to return if I smelled any foul odour. Which would indicate infection and sepsis. Didn't even check my temperature. In fact, didn't touch me physically at all, not even to pat my hand. So no policy changes to miscarriage management there as a result of her death then.

The third, I didn't even bother with a doctor. I rang my GP and left a message. He returned my call and we discussed it in length. He agreed the epu would do fúck all for me, we agreed that I didn't even need to see him provided I tested daily and if there was still a positive by the end of the week, I would go to the epu. And he has written to the consultant to find out why I miscarry. That was in September. Still waiting for that appointment.

The have in a lot of hospitals, phased out the 12 week dating scan. Some are now not offering 20 week anomaly scans. And I wonder if that is down to the Abortion referendum. No hospital board want us to ask that our unviable pregnancy be ended.

However, once the pregnancy was viable and passed the first trimester, I did get excellent care in the public system. After the first trimester mind.

pwurple

Neyite, I think every hospital has different policies on it, which adds to the confusion.

On my own missed MC in Cork, I was scanned on first day of spotting in the early pregnancy unit, and told there was no heartbeat. An appointment was made to come back 5 days later in case the scan wasn't reading properly. By day 5, when they scanned again they said there was still no HB, and the fetal sac had diminished in size. They then offered me an ERPC or drugs. As in they brought me into a room and asked which I wanted. Described each procedure. Told me they couldn't advise whether one or the other would be better for my case. Stared at me expecting an answer on the spot... like it was a lunch order (this was the oaf doctor). There was no mention of waiting another week given to me, I had to ask was it possible (It was).

So they were definitely pushing the medical intervention for me at that stage. I was fairly thoroughly examined at the time. Temp, BP, scan, bloods taken. This was all pre-savita case by a few weeks.

meeeeh

I found the care in hospital gand. First time here my bleeding was so bad they did dnc straight away (they had to) and I got transfusion. The second time I got an appointment in clinic for Monday after going to a&e on Saturday. There was still heartbeat and they took my blood sample to see the hormonal levels. The next day my bleeding got really bad and I went to a&e where I did have a disagreement with a doctor when she wanted to send me straight back home but eventually she put me on drip. Next morning I went to early pregnancy clinic, they confirmed there was no heartbeat and I was asked if I want d&c and it was done the same afternoon.

I already had one son and the effect of miscarriages was more physical than emotional. I don't feel I lost a child, it was more loosing a potential of a child. I had a little gangster later and since I never wanted more than two, those miscarriages really didn't stay with me. For myself I prefer detached, non emotional and factual relationship with doctors as long as I get good care and I am not just fobbed of even though I know I am not feeling well.

akamossy

pwurple wrote: »

Neyite, I think every hospital has different policies on it, which adds to the confusion.

On my own missed MC in Cork, I was scanned on first day of spotting in the early pregnancy unit, and told there was no heartbeat. An appointment was made to come back 5 days later in case the scan wasn't reading properly. By day 5, when they scanned again they said there was still no HB, and the fetal sac had diminished in size. They then offered me an ERPC or drugs. As in they brought me into a room and asked which I wanted. Described each procedure. Told me they couldn't advise whether one or the other would be better for my case. Stared at me expecting an answer on the spot... like it was a lunch order (this was the oaf doctor). There was no mention of waiting another week given to me, I had to ask was it possible (It was).

So they were definitely pushing the medical intervention for me at that stage. I was fairly thoroughly examined at the time. Temp, BP, scan, bloods taken. This was all pre-savita case by a few weeks.

ya mine happened in Cork too and I was scanned as soon as I started bleeding but I was never informed of anything really about heartbeats etc I was just told to go home and wait it out pretty much. was never offered any medical intervention I did it by myself. I was only 20 at the time and while I hadn't yet thought about having kids I felt a massive loss because I realised after I had lost the baby how much I wanted him/her and to this day almost 7years later it still affects me.

Corkgirl210

Hi OP.. sorry for your loss... i completely understand everything you are going through..

I was once where you were... mc at 11w 6days and like you i kept growing.. so your body is still in pg mode.. but your head is still in distress... its a battle of body and mind.. but it will all die down after a while.. the emotional scar never leaves you but it will pass in time..

I dont think what if (been a few years now).. or much about it.. only that I have survived child labour with no pain relief (i went through a 12 hour forced tablet labor) which was excruitiating.. but I am so strong because of it.. when you come through sometime like that.. your whole perspective in life changes... for me it just got easier with time.. There are MC meetings you can go to as well as yearly masses etc.. that may help.

My Hospital experience was a very bad and a brilliant one.. one north side hosp was a disgrace and the other one a very sympathetic one.. the second i went with in the end and the doctors were so lovely it gave me hope again..

after about a year.. that all stopped... being hurt when you see others being pregnant etc.. you will get acceptance if you dont get preg first! ;o) never say never .. i know many who got preg again soon after.. xx

Sending you lots of healing thoughts and hugs xx be good to yourself for the next while.. rest as much as you can.. allow your body/mind to heal...

iusedtoknow

the care during MC sounds awful in Ireland - complete contrast to what happened with us in the US, this is our 3rd MC

My wife fainted and bled out at work on the 21st december , and was taken to the maternity unit. She was in her street clothes as she was giving a lecture (she's a doctor in the same hospital, but they didn't know). They called me, fortunately we live 10 minutes away and I was working from home.

She had an ultrasound and full examination along with blood tests to set the "baseline" for the hormone tests. - they said they had to wait 2 days and to monitor the bleeding. A few hours later a obgyn called and had her set up for another appointment on christmas eve. Between this there was another blood test.

We went back to our appointment, and had another Ultrasound. They were worried about a cervical pregnancy, so decided to step in medically. Within hours she had been given a dose of methodrexine. Whether or not it was needed is debatable, however there was a large amount of blood loss, and it was clear the pregnancy was not viable. The doctors erred on the side of caution.

We had a week of follow ups with tons of blood tests and after care. Sounds a complete contrast to what happens in ireland. TBH..I'm glad it happened here.

Lucyfur

I received tip top care on my last two losses. I miscarried at 6 weeks, was scanned immediately and was given an appointment for a scan for a week later. Any doctor or nurse I dealt with were just lovely. I had started to miscarry on a Friday, and they wanted to do another hCG blood test on the Sunday. When I went in, I was still bleeding heavily so I was seen immediately and wasn't left waiting at any time.

I got pregnant very soon after that mis. That pregnancy resulted in an ectopic which required surgery. Surgery started out as keyhole, and ended up being opened almost hip to hip. I suffered a big blood loss and a lot of internal bleeding and bruising. The care I received was second to none. I had had abdominal surgery before, and while it was painful, it was nothing compared to the pain of the ectopic. I asked the doctor why I was in so much pain and she said ''When people come to hospital for an operation, they are mentally prepared to have something that is causing them pain removed. In your case we took something that you wanted and the psychological impact is huge''. It made perfect sense and helped me cope with the pain. One nurse looking after me was pregnant and actually asked me if I was ok with her caring for me! The surgeon explained everything to my husband and I. The nurses offered sympathetic ears, and were absolute angels when I politely refused as I didn't want to grieve and be sad in hospital. I wanted to do that at home. We left the hospital with beautiful little memorial cards and an appointment for counselling that we were under no obligation to take.

For sh1tty experiences, I have to say, we were treated with the utmost respect at all times.

Reading this thread makes me realise how lucky we have been.

czipownik

Our experience with two early MCs here in Ireland, both I and wife are Polish, immigrated here in 2001 and 2004 respectively...

Both MCs happened at home and did not require hospitalization. We are now more than 5 months into a healthy pregnancy, it's going to be a girl!

On the 1st MC my wife went to the maternity hospital as a part of routine first scan. Receptionists didn't read pre-filled questionnaire form carefully, so one of them asked a question "How are you doing, is this your first baby?". Then she learned that it's actually post-miscarriage consultation. The receptionist was quite sorry. Later on the day, a consultant saw my wife and confirmed that her woumb had nearly cleaned up and prescribed her with antibiotic. Management of the 1st MC was so-so.

Our 2nd MC switched us into a 'detective mode'. We wanted to have a tissue sample genetically tested for abnormalities. Maternity hospital doctor volunteered to do it after the 2nd MC, although normally HSE starts looking into root causes after the 3rd only. It was me who handcarried the sample, I was treated with top class sympathetic approach by both nurse and doctor. Result came back (okay) after 6 weeks.

Then we decided on a route of medical investigation. Due to a fact that HSE kicks in only after 3rd MC, very high cost of private medical care in Ireland and not too many specialized analytic labs in this country, we decided to go to Poland.

It turned out to be hormonal levels disturbances that caused our problems. Cured with inexpensive (in Poland not here, please approve more generics in Ireland!!!) drugs/pills, shortly after my wife became 3rd time healthy pregnant:-)

czipownik

Unfortunately we got quite shocked that HSE qualified the 3rd pregnancy as a low risk in spite of two earlier MCs, not the youngest age of my wife (34), blood pressure elevations and thyroid hormonal issues (both managed by drugs prescribed by a professor in Poland). All these facts were recorded during initial interview with a midwife. We are probably even more disapointed because public healthcare in Poland manages all pregnancies with much closer attention.

Those Polish ladies who are complications or previous MCs free pregnant here in Ireland, praise HSE that women are not dragged every month for everlasting ultrasound scans, blood tests, etc. "Pregnancy is not an illness" approach is widely cherished by these women.

On the contrary, the Polish ladies in Ireland who have history of miscarriages or conception difficulties, describe pregnancy management by HSE as catastrophic. Unfortunately I have to admit we are in this camp.

In our case, we follow the Polish methodology. For low risk pregnancies this means 6+ scans during pregnancy, 3+ blood sample analysis runs. Of course, here in Ireland we have to pay private for all of this. We decided for baby delivery in Poland...

Someone can say 'go private' but this is 3-4k EUR for a consultant during pregnancy and another 2.5-3k EUR annualy for a private health insurance. The story is that in ex-communist countries at least 70% of procedures are routinely covered by their public healthcare systems. Remnant of socialism/communism? I don't know to be honest...

I am here on this thread to draw a bigger picture and show you folks how things are done outside Ireland. And it's not only Ireland where poor Savita or Portlaoise babies cases happen. They do happen everywhere, also in Poland. There is currently a scandal in Northern Poland where obstetrician consultant was a mixer and was using his public hospital employment as a bedroom after many hours at his private practice. As a result, several babies died at delivery due to neglect

Isolt

Hey guys - just wanted to update this. I found out at one of my check ups that I am pregnant again. Complete surprise because we have both been in the horrors since the loss. I am almost 11 weeks along!! I have had two scans and both times there was a big, healthy heartbeat and the most recent scan showed arms and legs kicking and jumping around. We are thrilled and a bit shell shocked. Please God this will all work out now

In relation to this thread and the experience of having a miscarriage, when I was told I was pregnant again following the loss I was really taken back by my GP's lack of support. I asked her if I could have an early scan to confirm pregnancy (I had no cycle between pregnancies and was worried the levels were remaining from the first baby). She told me to call Holles St and ask them about it.
So off I went and a few days later I called the hospital, explained my situation and asked how I'd go about getting a dating scan. They were very nice and told me all I needed was a letter from my GP with a brief history and my blood results confirming pregnancy. Brilliant - nice and simple right? ..Not!
I called my GP and left a message with the receptionist explaining that I would need a referral letter with some info for the hospital. A couple of days passed without any word from the doctor so I called again and the receptionist apologised and said she'd ask her to get back to me ASAP.
The doctor called me and was truly horrible down the phone. She said stuff along the lines off ''I never said I'd write you anything, why would I? You're not the only woman to have lost a baby, we've all gone through it, you're not entitled to any special care for one miscarriage and even if you did have a problem, what use would a scan be now? It's too early to do anything about it'' etc. Absolutely horrible!
So I called Holles St and explained and they were disgusted with her, the sister of the ward said that every doctor knows that an early scan is needed following a previous miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy and that she should show way more compassion to a scared woman. It had been less than 7 weeks since I lost my first baby!
Anyway, Holles St told me to forget the call from the doctor and they booked me in themselves and thankfully there was a perfect baby with a great heartbeat on the screen.
You'll be happy to know I have since changed GP's and am now attending a brilliant one who is very supportive and understanding about how anxious I am. She can't do enough to reassure me and now I am feeling very confident about this pregnancy. Especially after my most recent scan!

Addle

Congratulations! And best wishes.

The GP was way out of line, however, I don't think one miscarriage entitles a mother to be to an automatic early scan on her next pregnancy.

You could always go private if you want additional scans.

Isolt

Thanks a million Addle!
Yep you're right, one miscarriage doesn't require any special care. However, Holles St advise that you do have one early scan during the pregnancy following a miscarriage or ectopic. If everything looks good in that scan you are let go until your booking appointment. My issue isn't so much in not getting the letter rather than the manner in which the doctor refused to write one.

czipownik

Hi,

First of all many congratulations for becoming pregnant again! And many best wishes with it:-)

Well, everything is down to proper treatment of a patient by their GP. Your doctor obviously did not approach you well. So the best thing is to change the GP.

From our experience with two miscarriages, you now need more than most couples to be reassured that everything goes well this time. More scans and more detailed, plus other metrics checked (blood tests, etc.) are the key.

All the best

Cunning Stunt

Like some other posters have mentioned, miscarriage seems to be a lot more common than some people think. My mother had 2, two of my sisters have had one each, I myself have had one and my two close friends have both had one too. I suppose for every one of us who talks about our miscarriages, there are probably many more who don't.

For me, my miscarriage at approx. 8 weeks didn't affect me as much as I had expected, to be honest. I had already gone through what to me personally was a much greater loss, after a full-term birth went wrong, and I knew in my heart with this new pregnancy - even before they told me -that there was something wrong, as I had had no real symptoms, so I guess mentally I was already prepared for the worst.
Sometimes I think about the miscarriage but not half as much as I think about our baby girl.

I am delighted to hear you are pregnant again OP. We went on to have a lovely little boy at Christmas last year and he brought with him so much love and healing. We are finally enjoying ourselves

pwurple

Congratulations! And I am so glad you ditched that GP! What a heartless person.

Mine was completely different on my positive test post MC. She phoned the early scan unit and sent me in for a booked scan the very next morning. Had taken bloods as well from me, and sent me in with a letter explaining it was early scan post MC.

And that was one mc for me. That is what is supposed to happen, and I hope it usually does, especially given the reaction of holles street staff. Can you imagine going through the whole pregnancy with that gp after that tirade of abuse to you? I'd even consider a very strongly worded letter to the medical council for that insensitive treatment.

Lucyfur

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Like some other posters have mentioned, miscarriage seems to be a lot more common than some people think. My mother had 2, two of my sisters have had one each, I myself have had one and my two close friends have both had one too. I suppose for every one of us who talks about our miscarriages, there are probably many more who don't.

For me, my miscarriage at approx. 8 weeks didn't affect me as much as I had expected, to be honest. I had already gone through a much greater loss of a baby girl after a full-term birth went wrong, and I knew in my heart with this new pregnancy - even before they told me -that there was something wrong, as I had had no real symptoms, so I guess mentally I was already prepared for the worst.
Sometimes I think about the miscarriage but not half as much as I think about our baby girl.

I am delighted to hear you are pregnant again OP. We went on to have a lovely little boy at Christmas last year and he brought with him so much love and healing. We are finally enjoying ourselves

I'm really happy to read that you went on to have a healthy pregnancy and birth. I remember reading about you losing your daughter. You're a very brave woman. I hope your little man is healing your hearts

OP, congrats! That's great news

Miscarriage is horribly common. more than 1 in 4 pregnancies result in miscarriage.

sl14

Today I attended my G.P I was or am 7 weeks pregnant. I began bleeding this morning and I knew it wasn't just spotting. Dr asked a lot of questions and agreed I was having a miscarriage. She was very sympathetic. She advised me to go home and rest. To return to her in about 10days. Then she would do a pregnancy test if it was positive well then she would send me for a scan and I may need some help with the miscarriage. I am not familiar with procedure in these kind of things and I don't want to question what the Dr told me perhaps it is normal when you miscarry so early on in pregnancy for that to just be it. Go Home and let nature take its course. She did advise me that if I became ill to attend A&E staraight away. I am just wondering if this what happens? Was my Dr correct or should she have sent me for a scan or something? Any opinions/advice welcome.

sullivlo

sl14 wrote: »

Today I attended my G.P I was or am 7 weeks pregnant. I began bleeding this morning and I knew it wasn't just spotting. Dr asked a lot of questions and agreed I was having a miscarriage. She was very sympathetic. She advised me to go home and rest. To return to her in about 10days. Then she would do a pregnancy test if it was positive well then she would send me for a scan and I may need some help with the miscarriage. I am not familiar with procedure in these kind of things and I don't want to question what the Dr told me perhaps it is normal when you miscarry so early on in pregnancy for that to just be it. Go Home and let nature take its course. She did advise me that if I became ill to attend A&E staraight away. I am just wondering if this what happens? Was my Dr correct or should she have sent me for a scan or something? Any opinions/advice welcome.

Mod

Very sorry to hear of this sl14 - it must be a very tough time. I just want to let you know that we cannot offer medical advice on Boards, so we must advise you to follow your doctors advice.

Others may, of course, share their experience, but no medical advice.

Any questions, feel free to PM.

Neyite

sl14 wrote: »

Today I attended my G.P I was or am 7 weeks pregnant. I began bleeding this morning and I knew it wasn't just spotting. Dr asked a lot of questions and agreed I was having a miscarriage. She was very sympathetic. She advised me to go home and rest. To return to her in about 10days. Then she would do a pregnancy test if it was positive well then she would send me for a scan and I may need some help with the miscarriage. I am not familiar with procedure in these kind of things and I don't want to question what the Dr told me perhaps it is normal when you miscarry so early on in pregnancy for that to just be it. Go Home and let nature take its course. She did advise me that if I became ill to attend A&E staraight away. I am just wondering if this what happens? Was my Dr correct or should she have sent me for a scan or something? Any opinions/advice welcome.

I'm afraid it sounds exactly like the standard procedure for treatment of a miscarriage. Unless you have 3 or more recurrent miscarriages in a row, the medical profession just tell you its one of those things. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Basically, what you can expect at 7 weeks is something along the lines of a heavy period. You might feel when you pass the sac, I did on the 8 week ones but not on the 6 week ones. Pain management of it would be as you would for a period- the usual paracetamol . As you pass what they call the products of conception, your Hcg levels (the one that's gets tested for on your pregnancy tests) will decrease. So, in about 8 or 10 days, you should test negative - this indicates that you fully passed everything. The doctor will likely check that with blood tests - anything 0.5 or under means its all over. If you experience any symptoms that seem to be quite different from a period, or feel feverish go straight into A&E. If after the 8-10 days you are still testing pregnant, they might investigate further with scans and remove any retained tissue. In terms of managing the bleeding, its best not to use tampons or menstrual cups, use pads instead, several in the beginning if you need to.

Emotionally, you'll likely feel pretty fragile for a bit. Some women find talking about it helps, some never do. Some do things to mark what has happened - plant a bush or tree, release a balloon or paper lantern. Whatever feels right for you.

Miscarriage is sh!t. It really is. It's unfortunately quite common and most women go on to have successful pregnancies afterwards. Don't think it was anything that you did/ ate/ drank or didn't do - Those things don't cause a miscarriage. This was not your fault, this is nature being a bitch. Again, so sorry for your loss.

Lau2976

I'm sorry to hear that your going through that.

My own experience was very similar, although my Dr knew I could never carry a child to term so for me it was just a case of when it would happen. Fortunately it was early and there was no complications. It was a very difficult time for me emotionally and the support that I had from family was paramount to me.