Long distance relationships

jamberine

I've been seeing a girl for just over a year now. We began to get a bit more serious a few months after meeting, which is when I got news that I was given a years contract abroad in America. I've since got 3 months of the contract done and spent Christmas in Ireland. We we're never 'going steady' before I left - that was more her wish than mine, but I respected that. The day before I left I thought what I heard was my phone bleeping for a text message, only to find that it was hers and a preview of the message came up, I couldn't help but see that it was a picture of another fella's...well you get the jist. I never mentioned it and I still don't think she knows. We were in contact every day I was in America and when I came back it felt like I'd never gone, but she still says that all she wants is just to go casual when I leave again for my final months away, despite knowing how much I care for her. I think that she is seeing at least one other guy. I would much prefer if we were in a relationship before I left, I'd be cautious that she is maybe just playing me.

Do you think it's in my rights to ask her if she is seeing anyone else and if so how serious they are?

wirelessdude01

I think it is. You have information that she doesn't know about that makes you wonder what she is playing at. Don't mention what you have seen but bring it up in a you are wondering what is going on kinda way.

jamberine

Yeah I think I might have to before I go. How would you react if she said she was - I'd clearly be at a disadvantage in trying to keep something going if the other one was quite or as serious as ours is.

wirelessdude01

To be honest I think how it goes is really out of your hands. If you want it to plod along then say nothing and then possibly/probably wait for it to fizzle out or just have the chat and then deal with the fallout if she decides to pull the plug.

jamberine

So basically then, just come out with it - are you seeing anyone else and how serious is it? Don't really know how to approach it!

wirelessdude01

jamberine wrote: »

So basically then, just come out with it - are you seeing anyone else and how serious is it? Don't really know how to approach it!

Just ask her how she sees ye at the moment? If she is anyway hesitant then you have your opening to ask straight out if she is seeing anyone else and play it from ear from there on.

Czarcasm

To be honest OP I don't think her answer is going to make that much of a difference to you even if she says "no". You'll still have your suspicions kicking around in the back of your head and you'll never truly be able to enjoy your experience working abroad or allowing yourself to meet other people while you're over there.

You're looking for something this girl clearly isn't willing to give you, so not only is it long distance, but you both seem to want two totally different things and it's holding you both back from enjoying your lives.

lmos

Hi there OP,

I think its always better to have a conversation, you can figure out whats going on and then decide what to do from there and move on. As another poster said, your time away will be more fulfilling in letting go of something that may not have been there in the first place. best of luck, and enjoy the rest of your time away.