My mother is obsessed with money

nyczombie

My parents are divorced, my dad has a new family but mom live alone. I am going to university abroad.

Let me start, by saying that my dad is only slightly wealthier (cuz he is working as a truck driver 29 out of 31 days per month) that my mom is, and he is the one who is paying for my living expenses which, imho, kind of big amount of money per month, even though I ask only for room rent money, all other expenses I cover myself.

So my mom always say that she is out of money (I can't remember her saying that she has enough money) and she always asks it from my dad!!! And it's always happening behind my back and the reason is that "the son has needs" , although I try to reduce my needs-from-mom as much as I can.. That is so annoying! My dad is almost going nuts because, right now, for others they think that he is not my dad but some sort of walking ATM.

I've asked her about income and it's quite decent, as a matter of fact that she is living alone. I'm starting to think that she is some sort of shopaholic even though she tends not to spend too much money when other people are around. Of course, there are bills etc, but for me, it seems like hers money is just disappearing in thin air!!!

Honestly, I have no idea what to do.. I've talked to my mom about this but every times she finds excuses that she is out of money and almost tears up when I switch to this topic. Sometimes I even start to think that I have real family (even though separated) but every fukcing time it's just all about of money, and it's because of me!! They are like leaving me out of picture even though I am the picture!!!! And honestly, I think that almost all my family (even grandmothers) is money-oriented except for my dad and my grandfather. I have a feeling that my dad is the only person who likes to speak honestly and not behind my back.

Why my mother is so greedy?

Money is so not worth it to ruin family relationships...


Regards,
youngest member of fukced-up family

maria34

Hey,

Im a bit confused what you mean under "my son has needs"? You are anbroad, not in her house? You are an adult? Why cant dad deal with you regards the support?
I assume your mum doesnt spend that money on you so i would tell dad to cut her off.

Days 298

Tell your Dad to stop giving her money. Even though you don't want that much just let him know that if you ever think you need money you will discuss it with him. If you mum is giving you nothing tell him that. Tell your mum to stop asking for money on your behalf. If she tears up continue through, she is most likely acting to get you to be quiet.

If you don't want her to view your dad as a money source you must be stern. They are no longer married. Your dad shouldn't be giving her money for you. You are an adult.

Best of luck. Money can be a b*tch of a thing in all families.

It might be easier to stop you dad giving money than stopping you mum begging.

nyczombie

Well, my mother says to my dad that she is still paying me (only when I visit home, of course she treats me well and then next they she calls dad to ask for money to support me. It happens as soon as I am under her roof, even for few days). It's like she is trying to spoil me with lots of stuff and next day she is calling my dad. Why!?

I found out that few days ago dad cut her off (he has done only few times). And yesterday we drove past dad's house and my mom didn't want to stop by because "she has a early morning tomorrow" (it was quite late) and dad saw us and now he thinks that mom is trying to keep me away from him because he cut her off. It may be a small misunderstanding but it doesn't change the fact that my mom is this crazy "i don't have a money" freak.

Okay, my dad could give her SOMETIMES a money if I live at my mom's for long time but not like this.

December2012

Could your father pay child support into an account controlled by him and you? You can then "pay your way" when you're at your mothers.

Or is it possible that you have no idea what you actually "cost" her?

CaraMay

Have you considered getting a job to help with the cost do you are independent of both of them? College is a luxury and not a right and with other kids in the mix it would be good of you to help out and take the pressure off your parents as really and truly their income is not your business.

CaraMay

CaraMay wrote: »

Have you considered getting a job to help with the cost do you are independent of both of them? College is a luxury and not a right and with other kids in the mix it would be good of you to help out and take the pressure off your parents as really and truly their income is not your business.

It's not a luxury these days. He already presumably has a job - he says he covers all the other expenses apart from rent. Being 100% self supporting while in full-time education is borderline impossible, if you want to take your studies seriously and do well.

Maura74

Sit down with your mother and do a budget with her and list all income and outgoings. See where the money is going. She may have a problem that she does not want you to know about.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I don't mean to be rude, but you sound pretty money orientated yourself. If you know your dad pays your rent, why not go directly to him and ask, rather than asking your mam, knowing that she is going to be asking him. As others have said, if your dad is paying maintenance, and you are over 18, get him to pay it directly to you. Or set up a standing order to your landlord for the rent each month.

What your mam does with her money is not really your business. Maybe she's not as badly off as you think, but sees your dad as an ATM who will hand over the cash. Unless you have lived and worked "in the real world" it is very easy to think that your parents should be loaded with what they earn per month. But if you break down expenses such as mortgage, electricity, heating, car insurance, car tax, petrol, shopping, phone bill, health expenses etc it's not that difficult to see how it doesn't take cash long to disappear.

You seem overly concerned with issues that you might not fully understand. Why on earth would your dad think your mam is trying to keep you from him, just because you passed his house without stopping? Surely the first thing he would think of is that you were busy on the way to somewhere..

As kids/teenagers even young adults we are very selfish, and feel that the world revolves around us, and everything that happens MUST have something to do with us. But as you get older you realise there is much more to life, and life is much more complicated than we think.

It's not always, always about us!!

I think it would be rather rude to sit your mother down and ask her to go through her expenses with you. If she was constantly borrowing money from you, maybe. But she's not. She's just not handing over the cash to you, but probably pays lots more "behind the scenes" expenses for you than you realise.

If your dad has a problem with handing money to her, then he needs to address it. He needs to either start paying your rent directly to your landlord, or directly to you, so that you can manage it yourself.

But I have a feeling there is more going on in the background than you realise - and probably none of it is what you imagine!

Maura74

+1 above post.

However, I would not mine if a daughter of mine asked me (in a caring way, must not be confrontational) if it would help if we did a budget together, which would be beneficial to the daughter as well as the mother as it would make both of them aware of how important budgeting is for everyone.

Also maybe the OP mother has health reason for her spending she could be depressed and or MCI and would appreciate her daughter concern.

clairefontaine

Maura74 wrote: »

+1 above post.

However, I would not mine if a daughter of mine asked me (in a caring way, must not be confrontational) if it would help if we did a budget together, which would be beneficial to the daughter as well as the mother as it would make both of them aware of how important budgeting is for everyone.

Also maybe the OP mother has health reason for her spending she could be depressed and or MCI and would appreciate her daughter concern.

Maybe she has a big mortgage on a house her son will inherit, maybe she has rent on a place with an extra room for her son to stay.

If I understand correctly, maintenance is a legal obligation as long as your child is still in full time education.

jellyboy

hi op

Would it be that this has nothing to do with money
it might be about "revenge" or carrying hurt on your mothers behalf?

it reads like that you are being used as an emotional tool to manipulate a reaction from your father