Engagement - Timing of Announcements - help!

Rory365

Hi

Thinking very seriously about asking my GF to marry me at some point this weekend.

My issue is, assuming(!) she says yes, when to announce it to friends and family.

Friends of ours recently got engaged and the guy in that instance asked with a ring already bought. It was a lovely ring but that is not what I will be doing as 1) she doesn't know what sort of a ring she wants so therefore I certainly don't either and 2) want to have a bit of craic actually picking the ring out. Thirdly my GF can be very picky so I wouldn't dream of asking her with anything but a dud ring.

I also have to ask her Dad permission (planning on doing this day before I ask her as her family not from same county as I am and will be visiting them over Christmas anyway so this means there's no suspicion from my GF if I went missing for a good few hours some evening to travel down to ask him). The GF would kill me if I didn't ask him in advance. She'd also say NO until I had.

However how long can I expect him to keep to himself? Like if I asked him tomorrow and he says the day after (saySun) then can we announce it even though we have no ring purchased (other than a nominal ring)? Or would it be acceptable to keep it to ourselves until we came back to Dublin to get a ring ?

Thanks for any help anyone can give!

Littlelulu13

I think it will be too difficult to keep secret tbh especially if its a surprise!

We decided it was time to get engaged, didn't tell anybody, set off to buy the ring and then rang people outside the shop, couldn't even wait to get back home and we both knew it was happening that day.

When it happens you just want to scream it from the rafters!

Oh and also just be aware that with the majority of rings its not just a case of going in, picking it out and popping it into a bag. They don't store them so would need to order them in. There was only 4 rings in the shop in my size so I picked from that because I didn't want to go home with nothing but i love my ring anyway. I would have picked it anyway.

Uriel.

I got engaged on Christmas Eve.

It was a surprise engagement and the ring took 6 weeks!! So be careful there.

I had told my parents in advance (but not hers). Folks had organised a big engagement party but had told very few people the reason for the party - it was labelled as "a gathering", for the gathering. So a whole party was set up with loads of guests but still the big secret was kept.

We got engaged and then afterwards, told everyone and explained the gathering party was really an engagement party. Worked well. Party is tomorrow night, can't wait now

Rory365

Yeah I'm just worried that it will take ages to get a ring and I don't think for a second she or me will be able to keep it quiet for that long. Although I don't think it would take us 6 weeks.

Then again, I guess I'll just have to deal with that no matter when I ask her as she wants to pick out her own ring?

Maybe I should wait until she returns to where we live in Dublin though. That way she can get a ring within a few days and tell all her family etc when she returns home and she could have a ring in hand.

Littlelulu13

I suggest you just ask her to marry you and then discuss what way ye want to do it from that point. Some want a ring before they announce it, some don't. Only the both of you can decide how to play it. Ask her dad and ask him to keep it a secret until you have asked her.

Honestly family and friends will be delighted whether there is a ring or not

Best of luck Its really exciting!!! Just relax and go with the flow. Over thinking it will seriously stress you out!

seosamh1980

Rory365 wrote: »

Yeah I'm just worried that it will take ages to get a ring and I don't think for a second she or me will be able to keep it quiet for that long. Although I don't think it would take us 6 weeks.

Then again, I guess I'll just have to deal with that no matter when I ask her as she wants to pick out her own ring?

Maybe I should wait until she returns to where we live in Dublin though. That way she can get a ring within a few days and tell all her family etc when she returns home and she could have a ring in hand.

Why can she get a ring within a few days in Dublin and not elsewhere? Rings take just as long in Dublin, if a size has to be ordered it has to be ordered, they can't do it in a few days just because it's Dublin.

michellie

A friend of mine got engaged recently and got her ring made in Antwerp and it took 5 weeks to make and 2 more visits to Antwerp. That was an extreme situation most dont take that long. Oh and they announced the engagement when he proposed and not when the ring arrived.

congrats on your future engagement:)

Toots

When we got engaged we told everyone pretty much as soon as it happened! My hubby didn't have a ring when he proposed because we'd talked about it before and decided that when the time came we'd pick one together. So as regards whether or not you need to wait for the ring before you announce it, it's completely up to the two of you. There was no way I'd have been able to keep it quiet!

We ended up getting the ring about two days after we got engaged, so as regards time to get the ring it depends on whether you get one custom made, whether it has to be ordered or sized etc. The store just happened to have my ring in my size in the shop so I was able to take it away then and there. However, I actually had to drop it back in about a week later because it was slightly big. I reckon my fingers probably swelled slightly from trying on so many rings. When it was being sized I think it took about a week or so to get back. Best of luck with the proposal!

tinkerbell

Get engaged, then tell people. Don't bother waiting to announce til you have the ring as it's the norm to not get the ring for a few days / weeks after.

snickerpuss

Got engaged on holiday and waited to tell everyone til we got home. Then we took our time looking for a ring and in the end I decided to order a bespoke ring from Voltaire that took 7 weeks.

This would have been grand (it's amazing!) but I was nearly driven mad with people constantly asking if we had it yet. Mad. And a few people waited to congratulate us / give engagement present until I had it and we were 'really' engaged. Bah! Just good to know if there'll be a wait!

Gatica

We told close family next time we got together. Didn't tell friends til we had the ring though. It was more to do with the fact that it was another friends' engagement party the following weekend and we didn't want to steal their thunder so it was ok to wait anyway.

CorkClaire82

We got engaged at a festival and I couldn't possibly have kept it in, rang home and all. Ordered our ring a couple of weeks later and it took 6-7 weeks for the ring to come back (also from Voltaire). People were asking if we had the ring but they weren't overly rude about it. We'd a silly ring from a stall at the festival so I was showing people that.

I think do what feels right, just propose and then decide between ye.

shelly_x

so.... did ye get engaged?!?!?!?

Rory365

shelly_x wrote: »

so.... did ye get engaged?!?!?!?

HI - Yes we did!! Thank you so much for asking.

We are actually now in the process of looking for a ring before we announce it to friends and family.

Unfortunately we were really disappointed today - we went to a well known jeweller's in Dublin and got a great education about diamonds from them and thought that we had found a really nice ring. We put a deposit on it too and took it home but then we realized it was IGI certified and not GIA. I'm not sure most people will realize the difference but actually it turns out there is a really big difference. IGI seem to be a lot "looser" with their gradings for the clarity and cut of the diamond versus GIA whoa re the industry leaders.

For example when we confronted the jeweller about this he said that he was happy to send it off to GIA to be certified but that this might take up to two months, and he had a GIA certified stone which wasn't the same colour or clarity (it was less on both counts and by more than one grade) as our previous one but was more money?!! That set alarm bells rigging with us.

So my GF (now fiancee) is pretty disappointed but given the money at stake it's not something we want to just waste on a ring which isn't what the jeweller is saying it is.

We rang an independent jeweller/assesser who we saw was recommended online a lot and she said to make sure they get it assessed by GIA to ensure we are getting what we are paying for.

I'm not sure anyone has any other tips or experience on this?

shelly_x

congrats and best of luck with the ring shopping! It sounds ..... complicated lol Enjoy!!