Being happy without a man?

lmos

Hi,

I am a separated mum of 2. Life isn't easy but good enough. I am basically bringing up my 2 children by my self..their dad sees them every 2-3wks. I have a great part time job, and money isn't an issue.
I do however feel very alone. I get on ok with my family..some better than others. I don't really have any close friends and I live in a remote part of this isle. I feel v alone/lonely. I have an aching in my heart sometimes. I have done a lot of work on myself since the breakdown of my marriage. I have had a couple of relationships with men who have thought a lot of me, but Im always wanting more, and wont commit. In the same breath I would absolutely commit to the 'right' person.
I seem to always have someone on the go, mainly by text, as Im so busy. In my spare time, which isn't much, I always have a date lined up.
Whats my problem..well I would love to be happy by myself mainly. I wish I didn't have this yearning to meet someone. I am fairly confident, not afraid to try new things, and also do stuff alone. But nothing seems to take this yearning away.....any advice/ideas would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Ohmydays83

Hi there, from my reading you seem to have quite a lot of positive things going on in your life so appreciate that.

You say you wish to not have this yearning to meet someone. Its natural to have this yearning, its part of human nature. Just embrace it. You say you always have a date lined up. Well done! You are obviously a very likeable person. I'm sure you can find a man who perhaps you will like a relationship with.

Best of luck.

December2012

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be in love.

Do you have free time to go on dates? Maybe a friend and you could have a mutual babysitting arrangement?

lmos

Hi, OP here,

thanks for the responses, much appreciated considering there's people with a lot more pressing issues on here. I know wanting to be in love etc is a natural and beautiful thing to want, I just wish I could put it out of my mind even for a couple of months. It seems to be always there nagging at me. I hoping as I get busier in the new year, this yearning will fall to the side for awhile, and also take your advice and concentrate on all the positives in my life. Its just loneliness can be difficult at times. Thanks again.

December2012

If you're lonely then why would you push your want for a man away?

CaraMay

Op it's really normal and it can be lonely when you are the only adult in a house. No need to feel bad out it. It's good you are open to sharing your life again. Happy new year.

lmos

Hi again,

to further explain, Ive tried hard to meet someone...too much so I think, because I am lonely...and yes its natural and all. But the reason Ive posted is to actually get tips/advice on how to quell this loneliness and feel more at one with myself and being happy by myself. Am I being unrealistic in my want for this...are there people out there who are completely happy being single? Id love to hear from them especially. I know my situation is difficult in that I juggle a lot and opportunities to fulfil my own needs are somewhat limited. Happy New Year to you too CaraMay.

CaraMay

Well I was truly happy being single until I met my partner. I was late 30's, had been totally shat on my the man I thought was the man if my dreams and saw the dream of having kids walking out the door with him. I actually decided to give up looking and realised all the pluses I had in my life and then almost grieved what I (thought I) wouldn't have. It was incredibly freeing as I didn't see each guy I met as an opportunity and I truly for the first time, enjoyed people without any agenda. It was fab but I did need to give up in the dream to get to a place where I was totally at peace with being single. As an aside, my attitude must have shown as I never had more offers than during that time. It dud have a happy ending but , you know what, if it hadn't I still would have been happy.

An element of it is pure mind over matter and letting go. As you know you have a lot to be thankful for and when the right man is here you will meet him.

lmos

That's fantastic CaraMay! Love to hear this sort of stuff. I know the theory, truly..being comfortable in your own skin and being happy with yourself..Im just at a loss how to actually do it! Im a very logical person, if I had a step by step guide, I'd follow it to a tee, and get there for sure..haha but I know it doesn't work like that...any tips in the letting go bit??

CaraMay

I think I had no choice... I was totally heartbroken and couldn't imagine meeting someone special in time to fall in love and gave kids with so maybe I just gave up..

I am very logical too but don't want you to be starting off from where I was at that time. I guess you should keep dating but just make sure you are super fussy and don't let loneliness choose a man who is not right for you.

LegacyUser

Hi Op, this is a really interesting subject that I find is not discussed at all. Its just assumed that you find a wife/husband and that will fill that yearning inside of you, an alternative is rarely given. But I think its very important to try to get your life to the point where you dont feel that yearning so acutely without the aid of another person. My theory is that if you live your life in an authentic way, doing the things you love and living in accordance with your true self, then you wont feel that need for somebody else as greatly. Im in the same situation as you, only without the child, and Im working my way through things, trying to find out about myself more as opposed to chasing after a relationship. I dont think the answer is to try and squash down that yearning, like somebody said already, embrace it. And thats what I've been doing, I feel Im getting there. I know its difficult when you see happy couples together, especially at this time of the year, but you have to forge your own path and not compare your life to the lives of others. Have you read "sole mate" by lauren mackler? Its about this very subject, really great book.

lmos

Thanks username_78. I completely agree with you. I know im looking for a type of fulfilment, and do kinda know the answer isn't a man. For some reason tho, I keep associating it with a man?! Anyway, 2014 for me, will hopefully be a year of even more self discovery. Thanks for the book recommendation..i will look into it

MouseTail

Embrace and enjoy your life, it sounds wonderful.
I lived it for quite a few years. My life was full of parenting, building a career, making friendships, healing from my marriage breakdown, the occasional date to 'scratch the itch'. I knew when I was ready to meet someone, it took me about 7 years, but I was quite broken.

When I was ready, I was ready, I just knew I would make space in my life and I wanted a life partner. And in he walked to my life. Had he walked in before he did, I really don't think it would have worked.

For what its worth, I would advise building up your friendship network, it is what sustained me through those years of single parenthood and keeping all the balls in the air.
I do not look back on those years with any sadness, although there were times I ached for someone to mind me, and share the burdens and joys of parenthood, but rather fondness, they were a fantastic investment in me and my family, the bond I have with my children is rock solid as a result of facing the world together, just me and them.

Peace and joy for 2014 and beyond.