Wasted potential.

LegacyUser

I have just turned 26, in school I was always a waster, I never did homework, had a social phobia and left at 16. I have had very few jobs, my longest being 7 weeks, 2 months tops. I quit all of them. I have been to adult education and got four LC subjects, which is my only acheivement but I feel little pride, as I didn't study and just had a very blasé attitude.

I just waste away, staying in all day. I have payed for numerous escorts, which I am not proud of. My social phobia prevents me from doing anything. I have days out but am always paranoid everyone hates me, looks down on me etc. I'm lazy personified. I still don't know what I want to do in life.

I'm a 26 year old loser, lazy guy who still lives with mammy and daddy, never learned to drive, long term unemployed waster who has seen about 10 odd prostitues with his dole money. No chance of a job, no friends etc.

If I ever get a girlfriend, she'll dump me as soon as she hears about the escorts.

Is it too late for me? Am I too long in the tooth to change. I just can't make the first step and when I do, I end up just giving up.

Boombastic

You're 26, Hardly too long in the tooth to change. Have you sought help for the social anxiety?
Make a list of goals you would like to achieve and set out a plan of what steps you need to take to achieve them. Apply for you driving licence. I hope you are paying your parents rent, if you can afford prostitutes, you ca afford rent. You admit you are lazy, your parents are enabling you to act like this, maybe it's time you moved out and stood on your own two feet, it's doing you no favours

LegacyUser

absolutely not too late at all.......I've done things that I thought were impossible.....that others said that I would never achieve. Social anxiety is a debilitating condition which can have a huge impact on the quality of a person's life. It certainly DID on mine....you can sign up with the Mater hospital Social Anxiety treatment program if you're in Dublin....or if you live further afield.....you could do the Dr Richards 'Overcoming Social Anxiety' audio series on your own.....I know of people who had great success using both....

thegreatgonzo

You are ONLY 26. I only started driving when I was 26 and I didn't even do my test for several years after. Like Boombastic says you should apply for your driving test and make it a special project to learn how to drive and get your licence. It's a great achievement when you finally do.
Stop with the escorts. Just stop. I don't think you are right when you say a girlfriend would dump you if she leaned about it, because not every woman would but few women would be comfortable with the thought. It's obviously something that is causing you anguish so it's not worth it is it?

Wompa1

So...change it? I wasn't quite the same as yourself. But I use to have an inner monologue in my head every day about being 26 and never having travelled, wasting my life etc. Because I saw friends go off to Australia, Canada etc.

I changed things. I now live abroad, I did it by myself for myself.

Also, if I was you, I'd go to a clinic and get checked for an STD. If you are clean, don't tell any girlfriends about your past. Hookers or not, I'm starting to realize as I get older, telling girlfriends about all of your past relationships or conquests is not a good thing. Plus I know I don't want to know all about theirs...so just keep hush about it.

GreeBo

I'm 36 and driving less than 10 years.
The escorts are in your past, you don't need to bring them up to anyone if you don't want to.

You need to get professional advice for the anxiety and then use that as a springboard to start changing other things you are not happy with. Bit by bit you start making changes, it gets easier and easier, you just have to start.

Daisy78

I strongly disagree about not telling future girlfriends about having slept with escorts.....it is extremely dishonest and if the girl in question loves you enough she might be able to cope with it. An ex of mine revealed a very colourful sexual past 3 years into our relationship. I had to get tested straight away but I was so hurt he would conceal something like that and put me at risk. I got over it but his dishonesty hurt me as much as the information he had revealed. Please don't do that.

Re getting your life in order you are 26 not 66....you are coming up with excuses not to put yourself out there and try. As a previous poster suggested there may be a need for professional help but YOU need to take the steps to arrange this, nobody else will do this for you. I moved abroad and travelled the world at 25. I travelled some more at 30. Im 35 now and I'm hoping to start a masters int the next two years many years after my peers. I'm still single when a lot of my friends and married with children but I still hope this will happen for me at some point too.... Maybe later than everyone else but so what. You need to figure out what it is you want from your life....it may not be going to college or travelling the world but there must be something that want to achieve, something that gives you the personal satisfaction that your empty shell of a life doesn't give you now. Once you find that passion laziness won't even come into it as you will be so motivated towards reaching your goal you won't see it as work. But firsts steps first - make the first step towards sorting your social anxiety out AND get an STD test ASAP.

Banjoxed

In a former relationship I made the mistake of being completely honest about my full past with other women. It was fine at the time, but when that relationship collapsed, my confession was thrown back at me, even though there was never any chance of being unfaithful. My strong advice to the OP is to firstly get themselves checked medically and to never discuss the seamier aspect of their lives ever with anyone that they want to have a relationship with. The past, most of the time, needs to be in the past and never dredged up from where it should be forgotten.

GreeBo

Assuming a clean medical, why on earth is your sexual past anything to do with a future partner?

I don't tell everyone in with about that threesome I had on the beach in Cuba...why on earth would I?
How is it dishonest? How does it matter?

Daisy78

GreeBo wrote: »

Assuming a clean medical, why on earth is your sexual past anything to do with a future partner?

I don't tell everyone in with about that threesome I had on the beach in Cuba...why on earth would I?
How is it dishonest? How does it matter?

But paying for sex with a prostitute is not the same as having consensual sex with a partner!! Lots of women would be hugely uncomfortable with the idea of dating a man who thinks its okay to pay for sex even if it was in the past.Some won't. But surely if the Op starts dating a girl she should be able to decide whether this is something she can overlook? For me personally I would run a mile from a guy who thinks it is okay but thats just me, others might think differently. And if there is nothing wrong about it then why not be open about it from the start?

GreeBo

You'd run a mile. That's why.
So an otherwise perfect relationship would end because of something that happened say 5 years ago that has no relevance or impact today.
That's why I'd keep it to myself.

kiffer

Get an STI test, just good sense regardless of who you've had sex with.
Not getting in to the legality or morality of paying for sex but I guess you should be discreet about who you tell...
as we can see there are a variety of opinions on the subject... and it's not like one of the first things to come up in relationship conversations is who you've slept with before...
Worry about finding someone before your worry about losing them.
actually scratch that... don't worry about finding them either, just ask yourself: "What do I want to happen? What can I make happen? And, how can I make that happen?"

Make some goals and a plan and work towards them step by step.

Ohmydays83

At 26, you are still a young man. Begin 2014 by learning to drive- at your age I was doing the same and it is indeed a great achievement when you get your full licence.

Get into new hobbies, for example exercise is great and good for mind and body.

Why not see what courses are available to help in the area of work etc.

Keep positive, you can achieve your goals.

ifElseThen

You're not a waster, you've just fallen into some bad habits. Read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.
Making small changes in one area of your life can have significant impact on other areas.
How about for 2014, make some goals?
Get some driving lessons & work towards getting your licence.
Get to the gym or join a sport. This will get you fit, and get you meeting new people.
As for the escorts, at the very least get yourself checked for STI/STDs. At least that way, you'll know that you are not passing anything onto a partner.

LegacyUser

I can identify a lot with your post op and I can tell you there is a better future for you.I sympathise with the social phobia,I have it myself and it's hard to have confidence in yourself.
The good thing is that you have recognised what is wrong with you and want to change.That is a really positive step as there are lots of guys on the dole out there who are in the same position as you but the diference is they don't care or feel guilty about it.You obviously do so fair play to you for that.
About the driving,don't feel bad about it. I have one friend who is 30, has a masters and a phd and still hasn't learnt to drive.
I can assure you he doesn't see himself as a lesser person than somebody who can drive.
I'd say your social phobia is making you nervous of driving.
Give up the hookers as someone has said already.
I used to be like you.Dossed around for most of my twenties,never had a proper job,I was lazy and avoided responsibilty.
I copped on to myself at 27,did a few night classes and took up a degree at 29. I wasn't a genius by any stretch of the imagination (I have a poor memory) but I worked hard and pulled it off and graduated at 34. I am 40 now and working in my chosen field.I am not 100 per cent happy but definitely happier than I was ten years ago.
I must add that I wahs helped by the fact my parents supported me financially but it still wasn't easy.
That option might not be open to you but if I can do it,so can you.
You have to sacrifice a few things though.
I wish you luck.

December2012

I personally believe that anybody can change their life with the right tools, help and circumstance. But you have to want to. And you could be getting in your own way.

Go talk to your GP and discuss your treatment options. If you're not happy with what he/she says or how seriously they take you, go to another GP.

For now, don't worry about telling a girlfriend about your sexual past - you're putting the cart before the horse.

The first thing to work on is your own mental health, your hygiene, your confidence, your home life, your self esteem and your energy levels.

Girlfriends will come in time, but they are not the priority for you right now.

Stavro Mueller

I don't know what your academic abilities are but would you consider going to college as a mature student and getting a qualification there? When I was at college I was good friends with a guy who had quit school before his leaving cert. Once he turned 23 he was able to get to college as a mature student and he did really well for himself. If college isn't your thing, there are other options out there.

Not everyone has their lives done and dusted at 26. There are plenty of people still blundering around trying to find jobs and careers that suit them, haven't met the love of their life, haven't learned to drive... The others here have given you good advice about getting help. The way I see it, you've got two choices. Either you can continue to be as miserable as you are now. Or you can make some changes in your life and see what happens. Personally I'd not fret over the escorts issue yet. You've got bigger fish to fry. Get yourself the help you need and start small. There's a saying that goes "How do you eat an elephant?". The answer is "One bite at a time"

GoAheadCaller

Hi OP,

Some good advice offered here already but I'd just like to throw my 2 cents in, I would firstly advise you to ditch the prostitutes for good. Get a free STI/STD test and close that chapter of your life for good. Other than that I would advise doing something, anything, rather than sitting on the dole. Travel if you have money. If not then do a course, education, a degree, take any job you can get. Once you are doing something in life, it becomes very clear what you really want in life and helps focus you on achieving it. There's no such thing as a free lunch in life, being on the dole from an outsiders perspective looks great - free money, not having to get up early for work, etc but it comes at a price to your mental health as you are experiencing. A lot of the education options available now are free and allow you to keep your payments so I would potentially look down that route. Best of luck for the new year.