Some major issues.

LegacyUser

Hi.

So I don't really know where to start. Writing all this down seems a bit wierd. But anyways.

I don't really know what's wrong with me. Well I sort of do, but still. For over a year now, I have barely interacted with any of my peers. I can count on two hands the amount of times I have seen my best friend, who I used to hang around with all the time. I used to go out a lot actually, most people would have thought I was a very sociable person. I did too to be honest, I was the guy in school who could have a conversation/hang out with literally every group.

I spend my days and nights indoors mostly. On the computer. Playing computer games, something I would have turned my nose up at not so long ago.

I'm in college away from home. It's my second time in college, and it's not going well. I barely leave my room, I avoid interacting with the people that I live with. It's like I've forgotten how to be a normal person and just talk to people or get to know them. I don't make eye contact anymore and constantly look down when walking. Wasn't always like that. I'm failing, or well, I've just failed literally all of my exams, for sure. I haven't told my parents yet, I'm trying to enjoy this time with them before they hate me. So much money has gone into my education and I'm blowing it. I cried myself to sleep a few times over the guilt.

When I go home at the weekends, I never go out. I stay in and eat junk and have a few beers. That's it. Spent my 21st in my room.

I've put up a lot of weight and that's something I'm really anxious about. Maybe that's why I don't go out anymore.

I went to the doctor a few months back and told him I might have depression. He thought I had a thyroid problem and put me on medication for a month. He then took me off and recommended a few times that I see someone, to talk to. As of yet, I haven't.

I don't know what to do. I just want to get out of this horrible cycle. I don't know what to say to my parents. Right now I'm planning on enjoying the next week before I probably severely damage my relationship with them.

Articulating my feelings is something I really don't want to do because I think my family will look at me differently and I really don't want that.

Don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe someone to advise me, to talk about a similar experience. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Typer Monkey

I think you should show the above post to your parents OP, or write it out again on a piece of paper and give it to them to read. You sound to me like you need some help handling a possible depressive episode. I think you're doing your parents a disservice by assuming that you've damaged your relationship with them. I'd be so sad if my daughter was suffering like you are and didn't let me help her. Your parents probably know something is up due to the weight gain and your isolating of yourself.

If anything they'll think better of you for asking for help to solve your problem. They might even go back to the GP with you. You could show the GP your post too if you find it hard to verbalise how you're feeling.

This is about far more than just a lack of effort in college OP and I think asking your parents for help will let them see that. Good luck with it

Lisha

Hi op

Typer monkey has given you some excellent advice. Please please show this post of a copy of this post to your gp and parents soon.
I know you feel guilty about the money on your education but realit all that matters is your health.
Best of luck op, take one step at a time and you can do this.

GreeBo

OP your parents are much more likely to be disappointed abd feel that they have failed you if you don't talk to them abd be upfront. Treat them like the adults they are.
Thousands of people have issues abd fail things in college, I did and now it couldn't be less relevant to my life. I picked myself up, tried again and succeeded. It's not easy, but it's not complicated either.

Give them a chance, talk to them.

dingus12

I was in the same position as yourself a little over a year ago. I failed 2nd year of college after repeating 1st year. Thought I had wasted 4-5k of my parents money. I was depressed and didn't go out much. Had hardly any friends or social life. Had no money or job. Came to a point in September where my parents were not up for paying for me to repeat again. I had no job. No way to go. I decided I was not going to extend the misery of continuing on in a college course that I had no intrest in. I was flogging a dead horse as regards college. So I got a break when my auntie provided a job for me. Nothing short of a life saver. I started working and moved out of home to a house with my only 2 close mates. Started going out and saving hard. Bought myself a car and my life is going grand since. My advice is to come clean to your parents that college isn't working for you. They will surprisingly support you no matter what you are doing so long as you are doing something. Try to get a job and head out more.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. It's strange, one second I could be having a laugh, and the next something would happen or I'd think about something that would instantly make me sad or think about myself negatively. It's like sometimes I don't think there's a problem and it's just me being lazy and unmotivated, and then the rest of the time I'm thinking, this isn't right.

Where is the line between lazy and unmotivated and having an issue that needs help, I'm wondering. I've virtually always coasted by on my natural intelligence, and I am pretty intelligent (not being big-headed) - I've never put much effort into education, though in the work environment I seem to pull my weight. This is one of the reasons that I know they will hate me, because to them my entire life to date has been a story of unfulfilled potential. This will undoubtedly be the last straw. I've never really taken to anything, like the course I chose I did because I had a vague interest in it and I knew I could be successful. The last course was a course that was probably more suited to my likes and that ended in dropping out. I honestly don't even know what to do right now.

What's also interesting to note, is that things that would deeply concern me before, I am kind of numb to. As in, before, the thought of going a day without eating, or not replying to people's calls and texts, or not showing up for organised things - would have been nearly unthinkable. Now it's like half of the time I'm numb to things while still being kind of uneasy, and the other half I'm just overwhelmed by things.

I've thought of going away for a month or two, travelling to clear my head or something. I feel like as long as I am around the familiarity that It'll be harder to snap out of whatever this is.

I've only got another week or so before I have to come clean about the results at least, and rather than enjoy Christmas with my family I'm just down because of my weight, my friends, the fact I'm lonely and what's about to come so my plan to enjoy this before things turn to sh*t isn't even working out.

Ugggh, I dunno. I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel to be honest.