Alone for christmas

LegacyUser

I have known that I would be spending Christmas alone, since about October. I asked my partner way back then would he spend the day with me, which he said he would.

Fast forward to today, when he calls up to my house and says that his family want him to spend the day and have dinner there. I asked could he come up after dinner, but he wants to have a drink with his dinner and can't drive. Even though I asked way back in October, and right up until Christmas Eve. He says it's family time really.

I'm not angry, really. I wasn't expecting to be asked to dinner in his house, either. A little upset that his siblings partners are there, but I suppose I was planning on cooking dinner here with my partner.

I'm going to relatives about 4ish, so it's not too bad. I just feel like the day is ruined, as stupid as it probably is. I just can't understand why he said he'd be here, and then as soon as his family say they want him home for a family dinner, my dinner plans go to ruin and I'm here alone cooking for one. I'm hurt too by it.

CaraMay

That's very nasty. Does he let you down frequently? I would never leave anyone alone on Xmas day never mind my partner. Why were you not invited to his house?

strandroad

He chose a drink to his dinner over you? Not a keeper...

GarIT

The only option I can see is to leave him, he pretty much has to be the worst boyfriend I have ever heard of. He clearly doesn't care about you at all.

maria34

He isnt the keeper. Should have asked you to go with him. Selfish.

Penny Tration

Jesus. I have only been with my boyfriend a few months and he woukd never leave me alone for Christmas. He chose a drink over you? You should mean more to him than that.

Victoria Fortescue

Aloneforchristmas. wrote: »

He says it's family time really.

I'm not angry, really.

Well, you should be, he knew you'd be left alone. He is an inconsiderate dick. Best thing you can do is red card him, because excluding you in that way on Christmas day is unforgivable in my book.

I'm glad you had somewhere else to be later, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the day / night.

MagicMarker

Welcome to dumpsville, population, your (ex) boyfriend.

Chattastrophe!

Unforgivable, in my view. He had months to consider this, and to discuss it with his family. And he obviously knew how much it meant to you, when you were planning it for so long.

The fact that he chose a drink with dinner over seeing you later in the day is an absolute joke, and just adds insult to injury.

He seems extremely inconsiderate and selfish. Be thankful that you've found that out now rather than later, and if I were in your position, I would be ending the relationship immediately. You deserve better than that ... ANYONE deserves better than that.

jimd2

I agree with the other posters. This would be a serious black mark on him and the relationship. Not completely the red card but very close to it. 3 issues here as far as I can see and indicated by others.
1. He agreed to go to yours and then bails out when his family come asking.
2. He then doesn't invite to his family's dinner to which he is going (and his family don't invite you either).
3. He decides that having a drink at dinner is more important than seeing you even though he has already messed up your day. As said elsewhere is us the biggie.

You need to make it very clear about how annoyed you are about this. Not sure if retaliation is your thing but I would consider arranging something separate from him at New Years Eve and just telling him at the last moment to see how he feels about that!

Best of luck and I hope you enjoy the rest of the day.

LegacyUser

I'm seriously am fine with it all, even though it feels terrible.

My parents are on holiday atm, but they still asked "why aren't you in that family photo with all his family?"

His family never liked me to be honest, if I'm honest.

I just feel s*****^t (extra asterisks added)

jimd2

If he had at least refrained from drinking as he needed to go to you after dinner that in itself would put some focus on the fact that you weren't invited.

I would be seriously reviewing the relationship. I wonder did he neglect you partly because of their attitude towards you. If so it is worrying. Also, how committed will he be to you and a child that may come along? Will he still dance to their tune?

strandroad

Aloneforchristmas. wrote: »

I'm seriously am fine with it all, even though it feels terrible.

I don't think you should be, to be honest. It's not a way to treat a friend, not to mention a partner. He clearly doesn't care about you in the slightest.

Victoria Fortescue

Aloneforchristmas. wrote: »

I'm seriously am fine with it all, even though it feels terrible.


His family never liked me to be honest, if I'm honest.

It feels terrible because it is. Why are you so accepting that his family dislike you? And what sort of a future do you think you have with this man if you are to be forever excluded from his family circle?

Today's events would have been the eye opener I would need to realise that this man is unwilling to stand up for me as his girlfriend, his priorities were clear.

LegacyUser

Yesterday I heard that a foreign friend of mine was going to be spending Christmas on his own. I called him to see if he wanted to join my family at my parents place. I drove 20km to pick him up and another 20km out and because I was dropping him back tonight, I didn't have a drink.

I have known him 6 months.

For him to bail on you is downright rude and inconsiderate.

For you not to be invited to his family's place is downright rude, inconsiderate and ignorant.

For him to decide that a couple of glasses of wine were more important than you is unforgivable.

As I said, I know this guy for 6 months. We're not best pals or anything. I went out of my way to make sure that he had a nice day as he has no family here.

Your partner did nothing for you at a time for giving and thinking of others.

Dump him and find someone nice

CaraMay

Seriously op, if you are fine with this then you are settling very low standards for yourself.

If you are so fine with it then why did you post here? I believe in putting the best side out but saying you are ok with this is just ridiculous.

Wompa1

I think people are jumping on this a bit much. You said you were meeting relatives at 4pm?...so you weren't alone on Christmas? Presumably he knew you were seeing people at 4?

You say his family don't like you and that he said the holiday is about family, which is somewhat true.

Did your parents invite you on their holiday? The situation is as big as you make it out to be. If it's a huge problem with you, dump him. To me, if you actually met people at 4, you were not alone for Christmas...

GreeBo

I'd consider being alone until 4pm pretty much being alone...
If I had a partner I'd hope they would do something for me, especially if that was the original plan.

anotherposter

thats lousy he should have brought you along to his family for dinner too

Wompa1

GreeBo wrote: »

I'd consider being alone until 4pm pretty much being alone...
If I had a partner I'd hope they would do something for me, especially if that was the original plan.

pretty much is not being alone...You could sleep in, wake up late. Call the parents and see what they're up to and wish them a merry x-mas. Call the b/f and do the same. Watch some tv and head off to the relatives.

But then maybe my valuation of the day is less than others. I spent a few hours of the day by myself. Went Volunteering for part of it too (which I would suggest if you think you're going to be alone on the day, you can meet people)

CaraMay

They had plans made since October to spend the day together and she had bought food to cook dinner for both of them. There is no issue with spending the day alone on Xmas but not when you have your plans changed that morning. He let her down badly.

Victoria Fortescue

Wompa1 wrote: »

To me, if you actually met people at 4, you were not alone for Christmas...

That is your perspective, and mine is that the day is pretty much gone by then. It's the time when I'm winding down for the evening and all my visiting etc is done.

I was wondering why there was something very familiar about this whole thing, and it's only today an old memory came back, one I'd buried obviously.. I was in that position several years back with an ex of mine, only I wasn't left alone, I had a new baby son and he left me to go for dinner and a p1ss up with his family. He was one of the meanest, selfish people you could meet. I didn't end it after that, but I wish I had. I let myself endure several more years of it before I ended it with him. I had missed a serious red flag on that Christmas day.

dixiefly

Victoria Fortescue wrote: »

That is your perspective, and mine is that the day is pretty much gone by then. It's the time when I'm winding down for the evening and all my visiting etc is done.

I was wondering why there was something very familiar about this whole thing, and it's only today an old memory came back, one I'd buried obviously.. I was in that position several years back with an ex of mine, only I wasn't left alone, I had a new baby son and he left me to go for dinner and a p1ss up with his family. He was one of the meanest, selfish people you could meet. I didn't end it after that, but I wish I had. I let myself endure several more years of it before I ended it with him. I had missed a serious red flag on that Christmas day.

Yes, as we get older we often remember situations etc in our dim and distant past and how it effected us at the time.

I think the OP should certainly have a very serious thought about the future of the relationship as this could easily repeat itself as evidenced in your post.

Victoria Fortescue

dixiefly wrote: »

Yes, as we get older we often remember situations etc in our dim and distant past and how it effected us at the time.

I think the OP should certainly have a very serious thought about the future of the relationship as this could easily repeat itself as evidenced in your post.

Twelve years buried memory to be honest. Thankfully I'm with a wonderful man now, extremely considerate and kind. They are light years away from each other in differences, thank God

GreeBo

Anyway OP, hope you had a nice Christmas in the end.

rainbowtrout

Wompa1 wrote: »

pretty much is not being alone...You could sleep in, wake up late. Call the parents and see what they're up to and wish them a merry x-mas. Call the b/f and do the same. Watch some tv and head off to the relatives.

But then maybe my valuation of the day is less than others. I spent a few hours of the day by myself. Went Volunteering for part of it too (which I would suggest if you think you're going to be alone on the day, you can meet people)

It's not all about being alone, it's more to do with the fact that he made these plans with the OP 2 months ago and those plans were in place until Christmas Eve. Actually going by the OP they were in place until 1.30 on Christmas Day when he called to her house and told her he was having dinner with his family. It's callous and selfish and mean. Presumably the OP had preparations underway for dinner for the two of them at this stage, and he knew this and I would take a wild guess that his family had already penciled him in for dinner prior to this. He knew she was going to be left to eat dinner by herself and could have asked his family to invite her to dinner. It doesn't say much about him or his family that they couldn't have had her over for an hour to eat and be civil to her.

CaraMay

Exactly. He has no manners and no class.

ischia

I don't really have any advice but I felt I needed to sympathise.

I am married with 2 kids and I am alone. He went out tonight on his own to the cinema rather than spending the night with me. I don't know what to tell you..

There are a lot of miserable and angry people out there at Christmas

Lets hope its passes quickly

Ham Sambo

God, that was a pretty nasty thing to do, the thought never occurred to him to ask you to dinner aswell?

dixiefly

Very poor form from the partner and his family. If I was the OP, I think the partner would be getting gate. Bad enough having a partner that cares so little but I would nit be interested in marrying into a family like that.

How did the day go for you in the end OP? Have you met him since?