xmas ruined by other halfs mother

ex_infantry

where to start?
my girlfriends mother just does'nt know when to shut her big mouth!!
we had our child on 23rd of oct and ever since her mother has been nit picking at me every chance she gets, saying i should be doin more to help out around the house!! the thing is i'm up every morning for work at 3.30am and on the road for the day as i work as a sales rep for a living and my sales area covers are large area.
so naturally i do come home most days wrecked, i do my share of nappy changes and bonding time with my daughter before i have to head to bed at 9.30.
its all after exploding this week when her mother met my mother and were having a conversation about our little family and her mother basically stabbed me in the back to my mother, saying i'm never there and that i bought her a **** present for xmas and just basically had nothing nice to say about me, but the thing is i am a good guy, i'm out providing for my family, i don't go out weekends and have'nt since we found out we were having our child i worship my daughter best thing to ever happen me,xmas this year is meant to be at her mams i'm refusing to go and sit at the table of a person that thinks so little of me, this is after causing some rift between me and my girlfriend and naturally both of us a depressed, her mother just does'nt know when to shut her mouth even her own family have fallen out with her one by one

AnonMouse

That is a tough predicament OP. Personally, for the sake of your new family, I would suck it up and go to the dinner. It will save you stress later on today and also later in life, as no one could throw back in your face about you "ruining the first Christmas with your new daughter" etc etc.

Perhaps your mother in law would have more respect for you, if you showed up, because you faced her, even after all her criticism etc.

Just my 2 cents OP.

Merry Christmas and congrats on the birth of your daughter

MagicMarker

Hey op, forget about what she says. You know what kind of man/dad you are and so does the mother of your child.

Don't let this woman ruin your families Xmas, don't give her the satisfaction. Think about the anmo you give her if you stay home in a huff?

Taltos

Go this year but talk to your OH and agree (don't force) that for next year your new tradition will be to have Christmas at yours - as your own new family.

For now - hate to say it (repeat it) - suck it up - be all nice and let her fester in her own poison. Don't be nasty but show you are a better person than she is....

Days 298

She is trying to rise you. Don't let her win. She'd love a family controversy to share around. Just ignore her, laugh really. She doesn't know half of what happens by what you describe. Is it really worth your time getting angry at her. I mean you provide for your wife and your daughter. All she is doing is trying to upset your wife and the family. You are better than her.

Don't rise, just laugh. If she spouts the crap to anyone else just explain what she is at. Fight the source not the rubbish it's producing. It will just validate it in her head if you get offended and too defensive.

Stavro Mueller

Are you sure it's a good idea to have so much personal information in that post? It's making you easily identifiable....

Back on topic, I agree with the others. I bet your girlfriend's mother has never liked you anyway. There's nothing you could ever do that'll please her. She's just one of those mother-in-laws from hell that some people are unfortunate to have. I bet nobody else in the family thinks that you're anything other than a good man and a loving dad.

The problem you have is that your girlfriend still wants to have a relationship with her mum so you'd need to tread carefully here. If you cause a massive falling out with the mother, it's going to put your girlfriend in an awkward position. My advice would be to go to the meal, suck it up and maintain a polite distance from the mother from now on. Unfortunately she's going to be a part of your life for quite a while and you're going to be making a rod for your own back if you fall out with her.

glic71rods46t0

cymbaline wrote: »

Are you sure it's a good idea to have so much personal information in that post? It's making you easily identifiable....

Back on topic, I agree with the others. I bet your girlfriend's mother has never liked you anyway. There's nothing you could ever do that'll please her. She's just one of those mother-in-laws from hell that some people are unfortunate to have. I bet nobody else in the family thinks that you're anything other than a good man and a loving dad.

The problem you have is that your girlfriend still wants to have a relationship with her mum so you'd need to tread carefully here. If you cause a massive falling out with the mother, it's going to put your girlfriend in an awkward position. My advice would be to go to the meal, suck it up and maintain a polite distance from the mother from now on. Unfortunately she's going to be a part of your life for quite a while and you're going to be making a rod for your own back if you fall out with her.

Go to dinner. Have a private word with her. Tell her that u won't talk behind her back as long as she doesn't behind yours. Tell her that if she loves her granddaughter then she shouldn't be interfering in the relationship of her granddaughter"s parents. Guilt her by making it all about the granddaughter

Chattastrophe!

wzdho92pf7mqcy wrote: »

Go to dinner. Have a private word with her. Tell her that u won't talk behind her back as long as she doesn't behind yours. Tell her that if she loves her granddaughter then she shouldn't be interfering in the relationship of her granddaughter"s parents. Guilt her by making it all about the granddaughter

I would seriously not appreciate my boyfriend having that sort of conversation with my mother - especially making threats (veiled or otherwise) about access to her grandchild. It's not going to help the situation at all.

OP if the plan all along was to go to her parents' place for dinner today, then be the bigger person and go. No point ruining Christmas for your girlfriend. Show your face, if the mother makes any digs or comments just smile and nod and ignore it, don't get upset over it and don't stoop to her level. She's not worth it.

Once today is over, have a calm rational talk with your girlfriend. If anyone is to approach the mother over this, it's her. She should not be letting her mother say these things about you, and it's up to her to let the mother know how unacceptable it is.

ex_infantry

thanks for the replies everyone and merry christmas, i've decided to go with what most of ye are saying and go for the sake of my daughter with it being her first xmas, i intend on being polite won't even bring the topic up, ye have allbeen a great help and its most appreciated, i hope ye all have a great day and again thanks for the advice

Reati

ex_infantry wrote: »

thanks for the replies everyone and merry christmas, i've decided to go with what most of ye are saying and go for the sake of my daughter with it being her first xmas, i intend on being polite won't even bring the topic up, ye have allbeen a great help and its most appreciated, i hope ye all have a great day and again thanks for the advice

Good luck and fair play to you being the bigger person here. Let us know how it goes. Hoping it all goes fine

Glad that's sorted OP, good luck today and have a good christmas