Hes broken me

LegacyUser

This is long so please bear with me. I am 27 years old. I have just found out the man i loved has been duping me. i met Carl in September, we had met before but never been prop introduced. He was 40 and swept me off my feet. I seriously fell for this guy. He told me hed been seperated from his wife for 6 months and they had two teenagers. I had been seperated from my husband a year myself.

Things moved very fast with Carl and I fell for him so fast it was crazy he moved in after 3 weeks -I never felt anything like it in my life. He was incredibly sweet and funny and amazing in bed. i was happier than i had been in a long time, he would sing our song to me and even thinking about it now im crying. I was so happy.

Then in November he proposed. I said no because I felt it was too soon. He seemed ok with that . Then suddenly he started disappearing for hours on end, his phone would be off and when he got home hed be drunk. I quickly discovered he had a fondness for the drink. During this time also i began to hear whisperings hed been with other women behind my back which he denied.

So after so so so many rows I decided last week I had to call it a day. He was furious but he didnt put up a fight he took his stuff and left. I was ok until the next day, when he contacted me and told me in no uncertian terms that he never loved me, i was just sex, hed been shagging other women the whole time and that now he was getting bk with his wife. I literly felt the rug being pulled from under me , i actually collapsed with the fright.

I spent a day in hospital and when i got out id messages from him apoligising saying he didnt mean to hurt me and he was sorry but he was bk with his wife and that was that etc. That he did love me and always would etc.

Im not gonna lie this man really got under my skin- i have never in my life felt grief like this- Im miserable all the time and i keep crying. It was made worse last night when i was doing my shopping and met him in the supermarket- he looked straight through me like i was dirt.

Its christmas eve- and ive never felt more unhappy. Our song came on the radio a half an hour ago and I ended up a bawling wreak on the floor again. I just want to be over him, why cant he just get out of my head

SV

So in the space of 3 months you've been with him, moved in with each other ended up having many many rows and he had proposed and you have broken up with each other?

in fairness OP, that sounds like a toxic relationship and one that was never going to work.
I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad but the feeling will pass, it's a bad time for it to happen.

December2012

You can't get over those intense feelings quickly, but you will get over them in time.

In the meantime, feel your grief and your sadness, but not all the time. Don't allow yourself to wallow. Talk to family and friends - you were completely duped by this scumbag. Get some support and some sympathy. In the new year you can build yourself back up. You may feel broken, but you can fix yourself .... In time.

wirelessdude01

Sounds like your well rid of a flute like him. Make sure that you have family and great friends around you to support you during the festive season.

ahnow

My god OP, you poor thing, he sounds absolutely awful. You're well rid of him, thank god, you had a lucky escape. I feel sorry for his wife. Take time to grieve and just know that you will come out the other side of this and eventually be able to look back on this time and breathe a sigh of relief that it didn't go any further. Be kind to yourself at this time and surround yourself with your family and friends. Think of the absolute nightmare of a life you would have had with him if you stuck it out. You absolutely did the right thing. What a horrible, horrible man.

LegacyUser

Sounds like some of the traits of a narcissistic sociopath - incredibly charming, sweep you off your feet, marriage proposal comes early at the start of the relationship. Once they've used you and got what they want from you they're already moving on to their next exploit and drop you so fast without guilt or remorse and your head is left spinning you're wondering what the hell just happened. People with these kind of traits are incredibly deceptive and manipulative and can try to worm their way back into your life again until they have decided they're finally finished with you. Everythings on their terms so just be careful.

Count yourself lucky it was all over within a few months as the long term damage inflicted by these kind of people is catastrophic and don't even entertain the notion of re-srarting the relationship should he try to come crawling back again. You have dodged a bullet as it was all over so fast as sometimes their twisted games can drag on for years until you're completely sucked in. Lots of TLC for yourself now to recover and next time you will recognise the signs if someone tries to sweep you off your feet so fast. Avoid these kind of people at all costs.

unattendedbag

Dodged a bullet is a good analagy. He was hurt by the breakup but had to get one last punch in by saying the things he said. And the fact he has come back apologising shows you can't trust anything that comes out of him. It is a bad break up that has turned horrible and nasty. You now need to pick yourself up and completely cut him out of your life. It will become easier as time goes on.

LegacyUser

This happened to me before. It's totally about being in control. Because you ended it, he felt like it was out of his control and he wanted to belittle you so he could get that power back again. Best thing to do is to ignore him. It might hurt for a while, but remember - it ended on your terms, not his. The ball is in your court. Don't reply to any of his texts or contact him. Let it fizzle out.

ABajaninCork

DudeGuy wrote: »

This happened to me before. It's totally about being in control. Because you ended it, he felt like it was out of his control and he wanted to belittle you so he could get that power back again. Best thing to do is to ignore him. It might hurt for a while, but remember - it ended on your terms, not his. The ball is in your court. Don't reply to any of his texts or contact him. Let it fizzle out.

Totally agree with the above. I'd go so far as to either block his number or change yours.

The poor ickle lamb couldn't stand being dumped, so he tried to come back at you with this load of b*llox. I doubt it's even true, but if it is? So what??? Just get yourself checked over if you have any doubts...

He's wifey's problem now, not yours. Let's hope she soon wises up and kicks his arse to the kerb too!

Stay strong girl!

bp

Be strong and have people around. Take back the control.

LegacyUser

I've just been through something similar OP - although it lasted longer.

As the previous poster said, this was all about control on his part.

In my case, I ended the relationship also, and he begged and pleaded with me to get back together. We finished in October, and had been in text contact since then..as Xmas was getting closer, I caved and took him back. After our first argument, he left me on Xmas eve, took some of my money, and called me various names. I have probably had the worst Xmas ever - but I woke up this morning realising I was well rid of him.

I think Christmas brings out the emotion in all of us - there is a perception that we should not be alone, and that everyone else is loved-up and happy.

Try to remember WHY you broke up with him in the first place OP - try to feel that emotion again - he sounds like a very immature man and I genuinely pity his wife. I would imagine he will leave her again, when someone else comes along.

Feel the pain by all means, but take control of your life back and in time, you will realise how lucky you have been.

Legs.Eleven

I have to say, I think fair play to you for ending it when you did as many wouldn't have. You should feel proud you did. You are in control of your fate, so don't let this man drag you down.

I understand that certain people can almost be addictive and "coming off" the relationship is akin to weening yourself off a real addiction (been there, done that) and usually those relationships were toxic to begin with. Give yourself time and be nice to yourself but don't let this fool ruin your confidence. As far as I can see, you've done nothing wrong. We've all fell for someone who wasn't the best person for us, although you really got involved with some piece of work.

As someone else said, he has all the characteristics of a sociopath and you dodged a bullet big time. God love his wife and kids, that's all I can say.

Evelyn Cusack

Maybe I'm being cynical but have you named him in the hope that he will read this?

Evelyn Cusack

Maybe I'm being cynical but have you named him in the hope that he will read this?

Chara1001

I took it as though that wasn't his real name.
Well done op, you need to stay strong and stay away from him

jellyboy

hi op
in my view healing can only take place when there is an acceptance of responsibility on both sides

im guessing that the wife didn't just appear on the scene or that after 12 months your husband didn't disappear

what I'm getting at here ,is that it reads like there was a tangled web before ye both embarked on your journey

and that journey was never going to be easy or without complications

and you stopped it ..you said no
whether that was the right or wrong only you can answer that

words are hurtful , both sides in a realship say hurtful things wether they are meant or not

both of ye have now said no …
he hasn't broken you ,maybe you have broken yourself?

GoAheadCaller

Jeez, he sounds like an absolute immature twat. You probably wouldn't hear the likes of it from a hormonal teenager. "Oh you are dumping me? Well I never loved you anyway and just used you for sex and was also cheating on you hahaha". :rolleyes: I would be thanking my lucky stars I got away from him so early OP. Chalk it down to experience and stay strong, as others have said he will probably try to contact you again but you have to ignore him, it will just lead to more manipulation and hurt.