Single parent and single dad asked me out

Hannaho

Hi! I am a single parent with children of 13 and 11. A single dad whose wife died 15 years ago has asked me out. His youngest child has just started college.

We used to work together seven years ago, and now have ended up working in the same place but different departments.

He is a really nice guy, but I can't help thinking he would be better off with someone whose kids have flown the nest also. I work full-time and have my kids full-time, though I do have family to babysit when I want to go out. However, I just keep thinking that this guy, who loves to travel, would be better off with someone who has grown up children - I basically can't see what he would see in a woman who is run ragged with children and working. On the plus side, I know we have a lot in common, we basically both did the same courses in college, we have very similar interests, and he has met me and the children out socially, and has always said that he thinks I am a fantastic mother. He has not had any relationships since his wife died - he was really committed to bringing up the children, as his wife died when his children were only 2 and 4.

Would really welcome advice/comment on this - I didn't say yes immediately, as I said I had a lot on over Xmas and would arrange something in the New Year. I have always liked this man, and admired him, I wouldn't like our friendship to be ruined if it didn't work out - I also really care for him, and would want him to be with someone who had lots of time - it hasn't been easy for him being a single dad.

Knine

Go out on a date with him & enjoy yourself. He likes you & knows you have young children. It is obviously not a problem for him.

I am in a very similar situation except one of my children has huge extra care needs. It has never been a problem for my boyfriend.

Enjoy yourself!

m'lady

Hey OP, you have said that you have always liked him and admired him, so why wouldn't you go out with him? So in the perfect set up his kids would be around the same age as yours? , well there not, and I actually think it could be a good thing, instead of you both trying to arrange sitters on any given night etc, it will just be you! Also if they were the same age there is more chance of rivalry between the children if this was to get serious..

I think your over thinking this, and my advice would be to go on a date with this guy and see how it goes.. And just enjoy it!

I don't think it's up to you to decide if he'd be better off with a woman that can give him 'lots of time' he obviously knows the age of your children too, so I'd imagine he had given it thought before asking you out, and obviously he doesn't see it as an issue.

ash23

OP, go for it. I'm seeing someone who has a child around the same age as mine and it's a nightmare trying to schedule time together.

The fact that his kids are older and have flown the nest is a positive thing as he has much more free time than if his kids were younger and full dependent on him.

Give it a chance and see how it works out. If it becomes a problem that you're more restricted than he is time wise, well at least you tried and nothing ventured, nothing gained.

P. Breathnach

He knows about your commitment to your children. He has been in the same boat himself. So he understands what the situation would be if a relationship develops. Why should you try to second-guess him?

Give him - and yourself - a chance.

Shivers26

Stop talking crazy, woman! Go out and enjoy yourself. He seems like a really understanding guy.
You are more than just a mum. Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

CaraMay

Why are you putting up road blocks when he isn't? Have you dated other people? Maybe subconsciously you are looking for reasons not to go out with him?

Big Bag of Chips

The man asked you out.. presumably for a drink or dinner or something? He hasn't asked you to move in with him or get married!

He knows you, he knows you have kids and has decided he'd still like to go out with you... You shouldn't be deciding what type of person he should be going out with! He gets to decide that. And he has asked you.

If you like him, go out for a drink/dinner whatever, and enjoy yourself. There's no need to be looking at longterm commitments or plans just yet.

Hannaho

Hi! Thanks to all of you for your replies. I guess I'm just so used to thinking that most men view single mothers in a bad light - I have had experience of men thinking I was lonely and desperately in need of sex just because I am on my own, and I feel there is still a lot of negative stereotyping to single mothers, but single dads are seen as heroes - so I am quite wary of going out with anyone, but I know this guy and know he is a really nice person - so am going to say yes to a night out after Xmas and take it slowly from there and just see what happens. Thanks again for all the advice.

stargazer 68

Hannaho wrote: »

- so am going to say yes to a night out after Xmas and take it slowly from there and just see what happens. Thanks again for all the advice.

Woohoo Hannaho has a date!
Have fun.

GarIT

He know your situation and decided it is not a problem for him, why would you decide it's a problem for him?

EDIT:I think I wad a bit late to reply :P

CaraMay

Great op. Enjoy and remember not all men are the same so give this nice guy a fair chance.