Christmas party nightmare

LegacyUser

So, I started a job a few months ago and didn't really get on well with the team because I'm so shy. Anyway, I had been out for drinks a few times with my boss and another colleague, who had let me into some rumours from the office. I was told never to repeat them, so obviously, I got hammered, to the point to blacking out, at the Christmas party, said to one girl that we all knew she'd slept with a guy in the office and proceded to tell everyone about my previous mental health issues as well as making up untrue stories about myself.

The girl in question is very well liked. I'm not. I think it's caused a complete mess up in the office. My boss made a snide remark about me telling stories in front of the whole team. They then joined in and ripped me to shreds. As I've said, I'm very shy, so I just went into my shell for the whole day.


The head of the company has also made a few remarks about HR and blacklisting. He has a strange sense of humour, so I don't know how seriously to take these. Also, a few comments have been made by colleagues regarding losing my job and probation periods (I still have a few months to go with this)

Apart from the complete embarrassment and shame of the episode, I feel dreadful for not only passing on gossip, but also for hurting the other girl's feelings. I apologised to her, and said I had no recollection of the whole night, and I'm sorry if I'd said anything offensive or insulting. I haven't been able to eat all week and I can't sleep properly.

This is a very small, male-dominated industry. There can be a lot of 'banter' that I'm uncomfortable with, and what I would consider ill treatment.

Just looking for some advice on what to do. Nobody has spoken to me in an official capacity, but is the sniping and ostracism a way to get me to jump ship?

Thanks

Matteroffact

All you can do is take your boss aside and explain how you felt that because you are so shy you should take a few drinks to feel a bit more sociable and that this obviously made a fool of you. Tell him you completely realize what a mistake all of this has been and that you are never going to allow this to ever happen again. Tell him you feel mortified and have learnt your lesson and that if you could roll back the clock you would. At least he will then realize that you know what you did was wrong and it is not like you are a total idiot. I don't really know what else you can do but at least by admitting your mistake it shows you are aware of it.

LegacyUser

Don't worry about it.

Seriously, Christmas parties are where that **** happens, every year, in every industry.

You have to remember that if you're pissed, most people around you are as well. People do not remember everything.

No one would casually mention blacklisting and HR - this reads to me like they are just winding you up big time. I probably would do the same thing. Office banter can be merciless.... if we had been given an opportunity to wind someone up, we took it. Your colleagues might be using the wind up as a way to get on with you as you are generally shy.

Remember also, someone told you the gossip that you then passed on so they are probably feeling it too and no one knows if your made up stories are true or not.

I've learned that if someone is having a go at me over something I did while drunk, unless it was serious, I just roll my eyes and go "yeah...... " and let it hang there.

I used to go into work after Xmas parties waiting to get fired - it never happened.

LegacyUser

Me again,

thanks for all your responses.

I'm still cringing big time, but ultimately, if they want to get rid of me, that'll be fine. I've contacted a recruiter and told him that I'll be available from January, so at least if they want to let me go at the end of probation, they can.

Thanks again.

Victoria Fortescue

messedupagain wrote: »

Me again,

thanks for all your responses.

I'm still cringing big time, but ultimately, if they want to get rid of me, that'll be fine. I've contacted a recruiter and told him that I'll be available from January, so at least if they want to let me go at the end of probation, they can.

Thanks again.

Forget what they say, and forget that Christmas party. If you ask me I think your boss was highly unprofessional spreading gossip like that. While you may have passed on the gossip, it shouldn't have been said to you in the first place. Why is nobody on his case for blabbing? why are you the one that is taking all the heat for this? Your boss may have done you a favour in the long term, it sounds like a toxic environment with nasty people working there.

I hope you have a better start to the new year, and hopefully find a job with nicer work colleagues.

Wanderer2010

OP I dont understand why your fellow workers dont seem to like you just because you are shy, being shy isnt a bad thing? Unless they are all hard drinking banter having loudmouths, then yes you probably would stick out a bit. But surely they arent ALL like that, there must be a few people who are quiet and stick to their work? If not then as advised I would just look around for a different job because even if nothing comes after your probation, you may not be able to get on full time with these people and your own mental health is much more important.

Its so pathetic and sad to judge a workmate for being shy. You go to work to WORK, not blab about your personal life, its downright wrong. :mad:

meeeeh

messedup wrote: »

This is a very small, male-dominated industry. There can be a lot of 'banter' that I'm uncomfortable with, and what I would consider ill treatment.

Just looking for some advice on what to do. Nobody has spoken to me in an official capacity, but is the sniping and ostracism a way to get me to jump ship?

Thanks

Sniping and ostracism mean very little. Serious offences are usually dealt with in private. Considering you are still in probation period they can let you go without forcing you to jump ship. It seems that you are not very comfortable in your work environment anyway and maybe you should try to find a job somewhere else regardless.

Btw I don't think that her being well liked and you thinking that you're not has anything to do with the situation. You did a pretty ****ty thing and there would be remarks even if you were the most popular person in the place. It's not nice but I'm guessing that your distress is even egging some people on.

sashafierce

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