No money and Christmas

LegacyUser

I am not even sure where to start. I am feeling very stresses and tearful. Knot in my tummy.
Over the last year my husband has been very ill with cancer, thankfully treatment has work well and while at one stage it looked like we would lose him. Still not out of the woods but doing well. He has not worked for the last year due to the illness. I am self employed and waiting on payment of over 20.000 to come in, it has not arrived and seems to be delayed. Needless to say this was from a big contract.
At this stage I have just over 4 euro in my business account and about 300 in our joint account. Christmas is only a few days a way. While I have Santa sorted. I missed out on our last mortgage I contacted the bank and told them I was expecting payment for a contract and that payment would be made on the double this month. I also missed the last 2 credit card payments, not a huge amount but still. Maxed out on that so can’t even use it. All our savings went on childcare, bills etc while my husband was ill. So nothing to fall back on. At the moment I owe a load of bills and tired of the daily calls from people looking for money. This was the chance to have a good debt free Christmas.
As my husband was self employed he has not received any benefits (don’t want to go into detail on that) I am sitting here listening to the 3 children play (all under 4) and feeling sick, waiting on a call to say the cheque is released and I can collect it. I have a feeling that they are messing me around and that it won’t come until the new year. I am trying to keep all this from my husband as he is not to have stress and he will get very upset and go into a real downer. Which knocks him back weeks.
Next mortage payment is due to go out on the 29th. I still have to get family presents but was thinking of saying that I had ordered vouchers/presents online and they haven’t arrived and printing out a nice IOU letter and giving it to them in the new year. A lie I know. I was so looking forward to Christmas and having a debt free one, this money which should have been paid 4 weeks ago was going to pay of any bills, give us a few treats for Christmas and a some breathing space. Its going to be at least 6 months before husband will be well to go back to work.
What do I do. Even if the cheque is released today and I bank it, will it clear before Christmas. No one I can ask for a loan and the bank won’t give me a over draft.
I know this is only a small problem but it feels huge. Also my husband is excited about buying me a present. How do I tell him we have no money for it. I tried to say last night that I wanted to wait and go to the BT sales in January to get a purse as it is all I wanted but he wouldn’t hear of it. Also have all the family coming for Christmas, they are all excited as we didn’t think husband would be with us this year and I have to get he food and with just 300 euro for everything??? They buy the wine, drinks, crackers, desserts. So I did the rest.
I just fell like I am going to chock, I can hardly breathe, so much for the stress free Christmas. I know with what I was looking at last year this is only a small problem but I so wanted it to be good for everyone.

jdsk2006

Oh god, you poor girl. Ok perspective is paramount here.....your husband is well and sharing xmas with you

You have 20k on route, just delayed so your not in a totally hopeless situation. FORGET about the banks and bills at this stage, they can be sorted in jan.
Is there anyone at all that you can ask a lend of 1500 or whatever ya need? You could just say it was a banking error that will be rectified by new year ......id lend it to you if i could in a heartbeat

miamee

Perspective is very important here as jdsk2006 has pointed out. At one point this year (and sorry for being blunt) you thought you might be a widow by Christmas with three children who had no daddy. Compared to this, you are going to have a great Christmas if you will only let yourself.

Share your worries with a family member, perhaps they can buy the turkey and/or ham. You said almost everything else has been taken care of food-wise for the dinner. All you will need to supply then are the veggies and trimmings (Lidl, Aldi and Dunnes seem to be having some sort of veggie price war with bags of carrots etc. selling for 5/6/7c so that shouldn't be too much of a struggle).

Tell your family that with the stress of having everyone over for Christmas, your husband's illness etc., you just haven't had the time or cashflow to go shopping for presents but you will get them something in the new year. Be firm with your husband that you don't want him to buy you anything, his presence at the dinner table on Christmas Day will be more than enough and maybe a little help from him to entertain if he is up to it on the day. Your family loves you. Your husband loves you. They would not want you to put yourself under such stress for them.

Have a happy family Christmas, OP

svp are there for people with financial needs, i know its not ideal but ask for a loan and that you will pay them back asap. they are a charity to help. i know there are many people our there in similar situations but its only a short time fix to take the pressure off. you have three healthy happy young children. your husband is on the road to recovery ( please god). really hope christmas goes well. but remember how lucky you are to have your husband alive and kicking, and the kids.

martinr5232

Forget about bills and all that other crap till the new year and concentrate on the things that matter like your hubby and kids.

You have three hundred quid that will buy you your dinner and have a few quid left over to tide you over for the esentials till the new year till your money comes through.

Im sure your family wont be bothered about presents or anything else so put it all to the back of your mind and have the best crimbo you can and you will be loaded in the new year :-)

stargazer 68

Op take a deep breath, put the kettle on and sit down. As Miamee said things could have been a lot worse this year.

Tell your family you haven't had the chance to go out shopping but you will in the New Year. Tell your husband that your Christmas present is having him with you for Christmas and when he is fully back on his feet you will treat yourselves to a weekend away and get your family to mind the kids!

If you sit down and make a list of what you have to do and see if your family can help out a bit more - Im sure they would be delighted to. Good luck and have a lovely Christmas with your family. xxx

username123

Listen, there is no need to lie to your family. Just tell them there is a delay on money, presents will have to wait, and you cant afford to buy the food for xmas dinner.

What do you think they will say if you say the above? They will rally round you and let you know that christmas is not about money, and that you cannot be letting yourself worry about money. Course they will!! Your family are there to support you - if you let them.

Remember its only money, you have your husband here this year thank god, and if you didnt, no amount of money would make up for that.

CaraMay

Op can you go to the company and stand there until you get the cheque. Tell them not to cross it so you might be able to cash it at their bank. I would have no qualms about telling this company god badly you need the money.

My heart is breaking for you as you have a lot on your plate but you know what you are going great. You really are.

LegacyUser

Why on Earth are you taking on Christmas on your own with all that going on? Why are you thinking of lying to family about presents? Presumably both your families know about your husband's illness, so tell them your husband's care is your priority and all your resources, time, money, energy and emotional, are going into his care and someone else will have to take care of Christmas. You can tell them they can have presents some other time. The ones who matter won't mind and the ones who mind don't matter.

As for the money, I'd find some to delegate that to, a brother or sister who has a reputation for taking no sh*t who will bang down the door 'til you get paid. That company doesn't give a fu*k about you and your problems, so you shouldn't care about someone hurting their feelings on your behalf.

Good luck with everything.

meeeeh

Call them now and say that you are collecting chq. Do not wait at home, it is always harder to say no to someone's face. And hurry up because otherwise the money could go on to someone else who will just show up on their doorstep. At least yiu could get part of it paid.

And the family will understand, don't try to hide it from them.

castaway_lady

I would also go to that company office with the mindset pack your bags you are going on a guilt trip- be ruthlessly upfront i.e. "the work is done, I am owed, my husband is in recovery from cancer and not working and there are children to be fed this Christmas and I am staying here until my cheque is handed over and I will be lodging it today thank you".

I hope you have got this sorted by now and as others have said keep perspective on the bigger picture. At least the money is in the pipeline and you will all be together at Christmas.

pache

I sympatise with you op.Do as the other poster suggested and head to their office,take somone with you as two heads are better than one.
By all means make a scene and demand your money but do not let on that they have you in a bind,stand tall,walk straight,look the whole world in the eye,tell them its your money and if you dont at least get a substantial payment (or payment in full)then you will go to their local radio & newspaper to broadcast the matter(local stations love these).

I would be more than willing to give ye €1000 to tide ye over after all tis the season of good will to all men (ahem,and women of course)!!

The reason id give you support is im self employed myself and know only too well how unsheltered and ruthless self employment can be and that when it comes to collecting you sometimes gotta make your own rules, after all tis your money!!(also the small matter of me having put my family and I through the same illness you mention and made a recovery but what a dark place).

Whatever the outcome op i do wish you and yours the very best this and indeed every xmas and the very best for the future.

K R,
Pache.

boomchicawawa

Hi OP, you seem to be getting good advice so far, I feel you have bottled all this up and we are the only people you're telling about your situation. You have a husband recovering and very small children, you also are working to keep a roof over all your heads. I suspect you have been the trooper who's had the 'can do' attitude for all this year and you have carried all your family through the dark days.

But you need to confide in someone now, you HAVE to let this stress out and I'm sure there are friends and family who will rally around if you're honest with them. Please talk to them, they will pull the stops out for you I'm sure. If you go under, your husband and kids will be bereft. Christmas is not about spending money, its about family and all us strangers feel for you so you can only imagine how people who know and love you will want to help out.

Also, could you ask this company to forward a couple of grand directly into your account? IF not, I'm sure all the family who are coming will club together to help.. Don't try and carry all this worry by yourself.....You've had a terrible year and you need to be looked after too, your health is your wealth...Confide in someone NOW.....I wish you all the best and I hope you will have a wonderful Christmas......xx

fussyonion

This is the thing I hate about Christmas; the pressure put on people like the OP to have the "perfect" Christmas; everyone must have LOTS of presents, everyone must eat LOTS of food, drink LOTS of drink and generally spend a LOT of money.

OP, you are doing your best.
I would strongly consider seeking help with a trusted family member or the SVDP, that's why they're there.

My Aunt lost her husband of 40 years last Christmas and she said she never realised how much she loved and appreciated everything he did for her, until he died.
She said nothing, NOTHING matters and she'd give her right arm to have her husband back.

Christmas is going to come and go, OP, but you'll still have your friends and family, and most importantly your husband..isn't that fantastic?

Good tip regarding Lidl and Aldi for the veg and stuff...really good prices at the mo.

Please try not to worry about Christmas and look forward to all the other Christmasses you'll have as a family.

LegacyUser

boomchicawawa wrote: »

Hi OP, you seem to be getting good advice so far, I feel you have bottled all this up and we are the only people you're telling about your situation. You have a husband recovering and very small children, you also are working to keep a roof over all your heads. I suspect you have been the trooper who's had the 'can do' attitude for all this year and you have carried all your family through the dark days.

But you need to confide in someone now, you HAVE to let this stress out and I'm sure there are friends and family who will rally around if you're honest with them. Please talk to them, they will pull the stops out for you I'm sure. If you go under, your husband and kids will be bereft. Christmas is not about spending money, its about family and all us strangers feel for you so you can only imagine how people who know and love you will want to help out.

Also, could you ask this company to forward a couple of grand directly into your account? IF not, I'm sure all the family who are coming will club together to help.. Don't try and carry all this worry by yourself.....You've had a terrible year and you need to be looked after too, your health is your wealth...Confide in someone NOW.....I wish you all the best and I hope you will have a wonderful Christmas......xx

OP here. Thank you to everyone for the advice. The cheque wasn't released. I phoned at 11am, 1pm & 4pm and was told the cheque was did not have the second signature and was waiting on it and then at 4pm that it would not be available today that it would be Monday at the very best. I know damn well it will be the new year. I feel I can't go to heavy handed on then as I need to work with them again. I need them more than they need me...

You are right I have bottled everything up and have tried to be strong for everyone. Not a word that is not positive has come out of mouth the last year, I am always smiling. I have to keep it together as I am afraid to let it out or I will totally fall apart. I have a ill husband, 3 small children and the most useless in-laws that I feel I have to just put my head down and keep going. Sometimes I do cry in the shower.

My family are good, my Mum is in her 80's and frail. My brother and sister in law are good but have a lot on their own plates. They are coming with their kids for Christmas and my brother called today to ask what he and his wife could do, so they are sorting the ham and dessert. I got 100 euro in the post from my god mother for Christmas today so that will be a big help and the kids got 50 euro each as well from her so I will use that. So I should be fine. Mortgage payment will most lightly bounce but i will just have to deal with that in the new year. hopefully cheque will come in on Monday but won't have cleared by the 29th. Also have some smaller amounts due early in new year from recent invoiced business.

I really could not have gotten through today without all the support here and kind words. Sometimes it feels like a lonely world not being able to share worries as I would have once done with my husband and best friend, any stress sets him back and leaves him very depressed & angry for weeks so easier in so many ways to deal with it myself. This time last year I was looking at burying him so I need to look on the bright side and it will be a wonderful Christmas just having him and my beautiful children plus my family.

I am worried about what the missed credit card payments and mortgage payment will do to our credit record. I suppose no point in thinking about that now. I had wanted to have had a debt free Christmas with no worries of unpaid bills. My husband still wants to buy me a present so I have made a big deal about wanting a handbag that is 30 euro and some sunglasses that can only be got in BT's so he knows that will have to wait. I am going to tell my family that I had no time to shop for presents and will get them in the New year. I know they won't mind. I think the main reason I haven't told them is pride and a fear that if I do I will fall apart.

CaraMay

Well done op. Once the loans are brought up yo date your credit rdcord will show a blip but will also show that it's caught up.

I'm sorry you are carrying all this stress yourself. Can your doctor refer you to a counsellor so you have someone to talk to. You are in a hard spot at the moment but it will get better. Please come back here for support if you need it.

Hope you have a lovely Xmas. Enjoy your husband, kids and family xx

boomchicawawa

Hey OP, sorry about the cheque, but I sense that talking to us has helped a bit.....don't be proud, reach out, you would want to help someone in your situation, let your friends and family help you now. You need to be looked after just as much as your other half and the kids, more so at the moment it seems. A debt free christmas would have been great but you have had to let that go and its not the end of the world thank God. Get yourself a nice 'onesie' a big box of chocs and delegate to your guests after christmas dinner. Pat yourself on the back for holding it together when it was needed but also try and stop being the hero and let others look after you. You're one in a million and I'm sure your family love you very much.......xxx

Lisha

Hi op

I just really felt for you reading your post now . You gave done great in coping yourself and fair play on venting here and accepting the advice offered.

My parents were self employed too. Believe me I get how hard it is to have to repeatedly ask and basically bloody beg for payment for work done.
I remember my mother only being able to do Santa shop for youngest bro on Christmas Eve. It's ****ing tough.

But now as an adult I really admire my parents for how hard they worked, how much they sacrificed, and how selfless they were. Your kids will too.

Be proud of how you have coped with illness, you kept it together, you earned a lot of money. Basically you are a legend.

As soon as you get a chance of something for yourself . Take yourself husband and kids away for a few days. But seriously let yourself fall down and let yourself recover.

Be proud of how you have coped with everything. You are great.
I wish you, your husband and your kids a great Christmas and a happy new year.

carolinespring

I just wanted to say I think you are doing amazing and wish you and your family a fantastic Christmas.

Babooshka

Can't breathe wrote: »

I am worried about what the missed credit card payments and mortgage payment will do to our credit record. I suppose no point in thinking about that now. I had wanted to have had a debt free Christmas with no worries of unpaid bills. My husband still wants to buy me a present so I have made a big deal about wanting a handbag that is 30 euro and some sunglasses that can only be got in BT's so he knows that will have to wait. I am going to tell my family that I had no time to shop for presents and will get them in the New year. I know they won't mind. I think the main reason I haven't told them is pride and a fear that if I do I will fall apart.

Hi, I can't add much more than others have, but re the same company paying you the next time....something I have noticed in the company I work for, that big companies do, is charge a late payment fee if payments are late. I would put something down in writing the next time they do this. I'm so sad reading your posts, you poor thing. I hope everything works out, and you have a lovely day tomorrow. Merry Christmas to you and your family, hope your husband makes a full recovery.