Embarrassing situation - mortified

LegacyUser

This isn't a wind-up, I promise.

I'm a member of a gym and spa where a friend works. She isn't a close friend but we'd chat whenever I went in etc. I normally just go to the gym, but have been having lots of aches and pains, so decided to have a massage yesterday. I had a shower just beforehand, but then I felt ill and went to the toilet and had pretty bad diarrhoea - awful timing. I didn't really have time to go back into the shower, so just wiped as best I could (used the entire roll of toilet paper) until nothing seemed to be coming off and figured that I was only getting a shoulder and neck massage so nothing much to worry about. It wasn't my friend doing the massage, but a colleague of hers.

Except that when I went in, she asked if she could roll my leggings down a bit...instead of saying no like I should have, I panicked and said OK, thinking that it should be grand and I was probably just being paranoid. During the massage I could smell a bad smell and now I'm worried there was a bit of residue there...aghh I'm so embarrassed. I could just about forget about it if it wasn't for my friend working there...I'm so paranoid now that it will be gossiped about and my friend will hear about it.

I feel so stupid.

miamee

Honestly, if she is a good friend as you said I would just tell her exactly what you have posted and she will be fine. Maybe a bit embarrassed if her colleague mentioned it to her but a real friend will have a bit of sympathy for you being sick and embarrassed.

Obviously it's not ideal but I would just mention it to her and move on.

Dixie Chick

I think its the only way forward as the above poster said. I honestly wouldn't have gone near a massage table if my bowels had been so shaky just a few mins before.

Czarcasm

somortified wrote: »

I feel so stupid.

You shouldn't feel stupid at all OP, of course it was embarrassing for you personally, but chances are that as a professional masseuse, she won't even mention such a non-incident to your friend.

Think of it like when you go to your doctor with an intimate embarrassing illness - professionals will see this sort of stuff happen and they tend to become desensitized to it, whereas obviously you'll be more aware of it.

There's also every chance you could make things worse for yourself by trying to explain the incident to your friend when she may not even be aware of it. I'd play it by ear tbh if I were you.

ongarboy

Czarcasm wrote: »

You shouldn't feel stupid at all OP, of course it was embarrassing for you personally, but chances are that as a professional masseuse, she won't even mention such a non-incident to your friend.

Think of it like when you go to your doctor with an intimate embarrassing illness - professionals will see this sort of stuff happen and they tend to become desensitized to it, whereas obviously you'll be more aware of it.

There's also every chance you could make things worse for yourself by trying to explain the incident to your friend when she may not even be aware of it. I'd play it by ear tbh if I were you.

I agree with everything above and especially that you shouldn't bring it up with your friend as that will only magnify or create an issue from a non-issue. As the old cliche goes, everyone is too concerned with their own issues to be worrying about others so they haven't probably given it a moment's thought since.

LegacyUser

I have IBS so bowels are never great, but I knew once I'd gone to the loo that there was no danger of it happening again. Also thought she'd only be doing shoulders, so I wouldn't even be taking off anything below the waist. I don't know why on earth I didn't say to just do my upper back but I wasn't expecting it so just said 'yeah ok'. If I'd had any idea she'd ask that I would have prepared to say no and make an excuse.

Also in the spur of the moment, I figured I'd done a fairly thorough job of cleaning up and it was probably grand...she just pulled my leggings down at the very top of my buttocks and I figured I was probably over-worrying and being paranoid because I knew I'd just had diarrhoea, as most people don't even shower before they go in (showers are only for members of the gym, not spa customers)...figured she probably wouldn't be touching much down there...in hindsight I should have just said not to go near there, but at the time thought that would come across as weird so just went with it.

Not sure if I'm being paranoid about the smell because I knew I'd had the diarrhoea...once the therapist left, I couldn't smell anything bad, I had a quick check of my underwear (clean) and of my bum in the mirror (clean)...my issue is that if I'd any idea she would be going anywhere near that area, I'd have definitely 100% made sure everything was totally spotless, used a wet paper towel, whatever and checked in the mirror beforehand.

Another thing is that I had loads of dead skin which came off during the massage and felt really grainy...how embarrassing...had stopped exfoliating body for a few weeks because doctor said it was irritating my skin, but wish I'd remembered to do it before this. So if the one embarrassing thing wasn't an issue, the other was...I just feel totally mortified and annoyed that I didn't react more quickly.

I am hoping the therapist is too professional to mention it to anyone and/or didn't notice anything (dark etc) but I know chances are she did and that she did gossip about it.

LegacyUser

This is bothering me so much that I just rechecked my underwear from yesterday and there are a couple of small marks there...

I'm just mortified. This never really happens and I can't believe my bad luck that not only did I have a bad tummy right before the massage and right after my shower, but that I got the one therapist who wanted to massage my buttocks as part of a shoulder massage. Absolutely kicking myself that I didn't just say no and ask her to focus elsewhere.

I might just not ever go back...just imagining the things she has said about how dirty I am!

mud

Honestly OP I can sense your absolute mortification but I also sense that you may be blowing this out of proportion too.

1. You checked the mirror and saw nothing. No physical dirt. Ergo, the masseuse saw nothing either.

2. The smell was intermittent. You cannot be sure that the smell was anything to do with you.

3. Massages are for relaxation. Farts happen when the muscles relax enough to let the gas out. I'm sure any professional masseuse is well used to bottom coughs by now so IF there was any smell she'd put it down to her being a good massage therapist

It's normal to blow things up out of all proportion, especially regarding other's perception of ourselves. Only recently I was CONVINCED that my knickers had been on show owing to an ill-fitting skirt when I was sorely hungover in the local shop. I worked myself up into almost anxiety over it because I thought it was just so scruffy a thing to happen.

I ended up out for pints with one of the girls who works in the shop. I asked her straight out if she remembered me in the shop that day. She vaguely remembered seeing me and definitely didn't register any 'wardrobe malfunction'. All that worrying for nothing.

Try and see this as a very small thing in a very big world.

Czarcasm

I can only imagine how embarrassed you feel about the experience OP, but beauticians, masseuses, physiotherapists, for them those experiences would pretty much be all in a days work. They would also be trained to work with people with skin conditions such as psoriasis.

Without straying into medical advice territory (medical advice is prohibited on these forums), but my wife had psoriasis over 70% of her body and was particularly conscious about going for massage treatments which helped with her stress levels. She also used have to go for physiotherapy sessions and was embarrassed about her skin, but the masseuse and her physiotherapist were very professional and helped her to relax before her treatments.

Of course to you personally it's very upsetting, but chances are once you'd left the room the masseuse would probably have thought no more of it, and hardly enough to have mentioned it to your friend. I think it was just an unfortunate incident OP and even regardless of their profession, most people would empathise with your embarrassment and would be tactful enough to respect your privacy.

Merkin

Beauticians and therapists see all sorts. They are dealing with bodies every day and bodies do all kinds of unpredictable and odd things. It sounds like she merely massaged your lower back and upper buttocks as opposed to having you spread eagled on the massage table without a stitch on you! Was she using aromatherapy oils? If there was any slight whiff these would have masked any odour but by the sounds of it I think you are being intensely hard on yourself as I'd say there is very little chance she noticed anything at all, especially when you say you cleaned yourself so well. For future reference and if you're prone to IBS I would say shower after any kind of 'accident' like that, just for your own comfort etc. I'd leave this one go as I think saying anything would merely bring attention to a matter that has in all probability gone unnoticed!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I think the issue is I don't even know what she saw/noticed. If I'd farted at least I could have laughed it off. I know there was some sort of residue somewhere because I saw it in my underwear and I knew I hadn't wiped 100% perfectly. Absolutely mortified to think the poor woman had to touch there!

And not only that..the dead skin thing as well...I remember my last therapeutic massage last year, the guy told me to exfoliate cos I had loads of dead skin and I did for a bit but forgot, so that looks so sloppy and dirty as well. I could feel all the gritty bits of dead skin when she was doing it and felt SO embarrassed.

Yes she was using oils which smelled nice but I thought i could STILL smell a bad smell now and again

Maybe Im overthinking now but the girls looked at me a bit funny when I left the treatment room and went to pay...I kind of said 'what?' and one of them said 'are you oK? you look like you're about to fall asleep.' At the time I laughed it off, now im wondering were they gossiping about me and i took them by surprise

Big Bag of Chips

I do a bit of massage, sports injuries and soft tissue treatment. I cannot imagine any professional masseuse coming out and discussing a clients "condition" with anyone.

She may or may not have seen anything. You probably got a smell because you were conscious of it. It doesn't mean that there actually was a smell there.

Forget it. Don't mention it to the masseuse, chances are, even if she did notice something she would deny it so as not to embarrass you. And definitely don't mention it to your friend.

LegacyUser

OP, there is of course no need to answer this question, but... did you wash your hands properly after using the toilet? Chances are that if you haven't, the faint smell may have come from you hands; if you kept your hands close to your face while getting the massage, I'm quite sure you were the only person who noticed it (especially that you felt hyper vigilant in this situation, and on some level you were looking for that smell...).

On the other hand, the human brain is a funny organ, that frequently makes us see and sense things that just aren't there, especially when we really fear, or expect, a bad thing to happen. On average, we are much more paranoid than we'd be comfortable admitting

I know that you're feeling mortified, and I really feel for you, but honestly the most likely scenario is that the therapist never noticed a thing, especially that you were just out of a shower, smelling lovely and fresh. And if she did notice anything, like others said, she's well used to it either way. Be gentle to yourself, and try to talk yourself into not thinking about this any more

LegacyUser

Don't worry OP. We're all human at the end of the day and things happen. While it was not ideal, it could have happened to anyone. Anyone who says they have not been caught off guard in some embarrassing way or another is fibbing. If the smell left the room with the therapist, how do you know she didn't let a cheeky fart?

Matteroffact

I would say that if the masseuse saw anything she would have wiped it off with a wet wipe before doing her job. So don't worry one bit. She would know that if there were any stains that you simply missed them and that is all there is to it. We all have bowel functions and there is nothing dirty about any of it.....all just part of being human.

ncmc

Ok, as mortifying as you found this, let’s look at it logically. You cleaned yourself thoroughly (you said yourself you used almost an entire roll of toilet paper) Now unless you had a feed of Guinness, curry and sprouts the night before, the chances of there being any residue left is pretty slim. You said there were some slight marks on your knickers, now without being gross, your knickers would get A LOT closer to the offending area than any masseuse would (unless it’s some weird massage most commonly practised in back street Thai brothels!)

You are worried about two aspects: one, that there would have been some residue there that the masseuse saw. I would say this is highly unlikely. She more than likely was just rubbing the base of your back/top of your buttocks. I doubt she was going in for a really close look. You say you noticed the smell, I would imagine this is either because the smell was in your nose from being in the toilet, or else your worried mind imagined it.

Second, you’re worried about the masseuse blabbing to your friend. A masseuse is a professional, they would not blab or joke about their clients, especially when the client in question is known to the other person and the masseuses blabbing might get back to you over the drunken Christmas period.

I certainly wouldn’t worry about your dry skin. It is the nature of a masseuses job to deal with all sorts of people/skin conditions etc. Can you imagine the different sorts of problem skin a beautician might see in an average week? Trust me, dry skin is nothing compared to what they would be seeing day in day out.

So basically I think you are worrying about nothing. Please stop beating yourself up about this OP, you are taking perfectly innocent things, like the lady looking at you when you went to pay, and your mind is jumping to crazy conclusions. Just forget about it. I seriously doubt your therapist saw anything and if she did, she is not going to say anything to your friend.

username123

somortified wrote: »

Maybe Im overthinking now but the girls looked at me a bit funny when I left the treatment room and went to pay...I kind of said 'what?' and one of them said 'are you oK? you look like you're about to fall asleep.' At the time I laughed it off, now im wondering were they gossiping about me and i took them by surprise

This happens me after massage. I look like Ive been run through a bush asleep backwards and just woken up. No need to be over thinking it.

LegacyUser

I logged out to post a reply.

I am a midwife and have seen all sorts on peoples pants! A few times i have been giving pain relief into their back passage and they have farted right at that exact time, practically in my face!

It is normal enough for people to do small little poos whwn they are pushing the baby out but when i was giving birth i had been majorly constipated and did a really really really massive poo on the floor that the mudwife had to scoop into the bin!!! I have to see that girl in work!!!!

Look i am being so graphic because anyone who deals with the human body as a nurse, carer, beautican, massues or whatever has seen all body types, been around normal body functions etc. Even if you did a stinky fart, smelled badly of bo or had scaly skin, dirty nails whatever she has seen it and more all before. And she dosnt care! She certainly wouldnt discuss it either.

ravima

Whoa a bit.

What 'professional' place asks you to roll down your underwear?

Any time I've had massage, underwear is left on. I have hear of places where you can take it off, but those would not be described as 'high class'

ncmc

It would be quite common for a masseur to rub the lower back/top of buttocks. The OP just rolled her knickers down a bit, she didn't take them off. When I'm getting a sports massage, he always massages my glutes, you wouldn't want to be shy getting a massage!

LegacyUser

Matteroffact wrote: »

I would say that if the masseuse saw anything she would have wiped it off with a wet wipe before doing her job. So don't worry one bit. She would know that if there were any stains that you simply missed them and that is all there is to it. We all have bowel functions and there is nothing dirty about any of it.....all just part of being human.

Yeah but how totally mortifying for an adult to have a stain like that! Obv never normally would but the diahhrea was so bad, I used over a roll of toilet paper and STILL had stuff coming off...as I said, I sort of thought 'ah that's probably grand', as in grand to walk around for a few hours until I could shower again at home, not grand for someone massaging my bum! When I get bad IBS like that, sometimes I do end up with stuff going quite far up towards my back when I wipe because it's pretty runny (sorry I know this is SO GROSS).

I know doctors, midwives etc see all sorts of gross stuff but Id imagine beauticians would expect their clients to be fresh and clean. I can only hope that the woman hasn't discussed it with anyone but what worries me is that she does seem a bit bitchy, has gossiped about other staff members at the spa to me (nothing nasty but gossip) so this has made me paranoid. If it was one of the other girls I wouldn't be as worried. I know people in this sort of job are meant to be professional but im sure people do talk

It is normal as far as I know for underwear to be removed or pulled down, as some lower back muscles are connected to the buttocks.

Tramps Like Us

Personally I find massages pointless if I don't get my glutes massaged! Loosening those muscles takes strain off your back, your quads and your legs in general

OP honestly I would not worry. You may have even imagined the smell. And even if there was something there (it doesn't sound like there was anything noticeable) the masseuse will have seen worse. I can't imagine her saying it to anyone.

I would try not to worry about it and WOULD NOT MENTION it to your friend.

Matteroffact

You know what you could do OP. Just say to your friend "I had a nasty accident just before I went for that massage and I didn't realize that my bum would be on show, so now I feel very worried that I may not have been as clean as I would have liked". Then if that masseuse said anything to her about you she will go back and tell her what the story was.

seosamh1980

Matteroffact wrote: »

You know what you could do OP. Just say to your friend "I had a nasty accident just before I went for that massage and I didn't realize that my bum would be on show, so now I feel very worried that I may not have been as clean as I would have liked". Then if that masseuse said anything to her about you she will go back and tell her what the story was.

Jesus who would said that to a friend when the hole point is she's mortified in case the friend does hear that?!

Matteroffact

Well if it is worrying you that much OP I feel that the only way you are going to be able to forget about it is to confront it and say it to your friend first. If you are unable to do that then your only option is to forget about it.

Iggy154

O/P you should brazen this out. Book another massage and this time make sure all is in order. Keep a spare pair of knickers handy and get there early and check before you go in. If nothing is said for a while everyone will forget about it.