Early 20's and barely and friends

LegacyUser

Is this part of my life really meant to be so difficult? I've never been the type of person that's extremely outgoing or popular with loads of mates, but I find myself the position of being in my early twenties and only having 2 friends, who to be honest, I'm drifting apart from. Nearly all of my friends on facebook have really large groups of friends. They're just people I know from school and not actual friends of mine, but they are the same age as me and aren't struggling with this problem at all. How do I change it?

I've seen meetup.com recommended, but any event I've actually showed up to for that people will usually say 'you're from Dublin but you're at a meetup event, why aren't you with your friends' or I'll go along and I'll be the only person of my age at the events. I'd like to add that i'm unemployed and maybe that's increasing my negativity about the situation but still, it feels pretty sad to be such a loner. I enjoy my own company to a point, but when that point becomes solitary company for 6 days a week, it's painful and depressing. Help would be appreciated

LegacyUser

I know what you mean about Meetups, but if you want to go to a meetup where no-one asks why you are there I personally would recommend learning a foreign language, if anybody asks why you are there alone you can simply say nobody you know speaks the language...

LegacyUser

Go out with your current friends into new areas/parties. Unfortunately the only way to meet new people in your early 20's is through drinking.

I wish there was a better way, but as it is currently, it's practically the only way.
Know that you're not alone when it comes to being alone/having no friends. It seems more commonplace these years.

Good luck to you through your endeavours.

LegacyUser

When I was 20, I had one friend. 20 years on and he's still my best pal.

In those intervening years though, through work and through a sports club, I've made more friends... getting involved in different committees and clubs, I made many acquaintances.

As you get that bit older you become more comfortable with yourself and it's easier to make friends (I find).

SingItOut

I disagree that you have to go out drinking to meet new friends. You can easily join an evening class or college course and meet new people that way. I am 24, and unfortunately through the growing up process you will lose a few friends but you'll also gain more. Don't mean to sound harsh but sitting at home on your own isn't going to help your situation, you need to get out there and meet people

Pawwed Rig

SameBoatDifferentOar wrote: »

Unfortunately the only way to meet new people in your early 20's is through drinking.

With respect that is nonsense.
OP is there anything at all you are interested in or have a passion for? People are interested in talking to others that have something to say. As you are unemployed you are in a great position to do a course or take up an interest or hobby.
Have you considered college? Social welfare will often allow people to retain their payments while attending undergraduate course.
Join a library. They are free.

ladygirl

Hi OP

New friends are not going to come knocking at your door, you will need to come outside your comfort zone and put yourself out there..

Pick an evening course in something that interests you or join a gym/fitness classes. Whilst there, remember that you need to make an active effort with any new people you meet.

If you are not working - start applying for part-time/full - time jobs.

As you get older it will get easier - also it maybe something so small but try to smile a bit more. People with a pleasant demeanor are generally more approachable than those who look sullen.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

NeedNewFriends wrote: »

Is this part of my life really meant to be so difficult? I've never been the type of person that's extremely outgoing or popular with loads of mates, but I find myself the position of being in my early twenties and only having 2 friends, who to be honest, I'm drifting apart from. Nearly all of my friends on facebook have really large groups of friends. They're just people I know from school and not actual friends of mine, but they are the same age as me and aren't struggling with this problem at all. How do I change it?

I've seen meetup.com recommended, but any event I've actually showed up to for that people will usually say 'you're from Dublin but you're at a meetup event, why aren't you with your friends' or I'll go along and I'll be the only person of my age at the events. I'd like to add that i'm unemployed and maybe that's increasing my negativity about the situation but still, it feels pretty sad to be such a loner. I enjoy my own company to a point, but when that point becomes solitary company for 6 days a week, it's painful and depressing. Help would be appreciated

Have you any interest in sport?? If you do, would you think about getting involved in something like a midweek 5-a-side or something like that? If you live in Dublin, finding one should be pretty easy. Also, boards.ie itself can be a good way of making acquaintances that could turn into friends, depending on what you're into there are often meetups (Call of Duty forum go for pints, Motors forum have meetups, Ladies Lounge & Gentlemens Club have a night out).

Being unemployed obviously isn't helping your cause, but keep your chin up. Also, try to hold on to the few friends you have, drifting apart is inevitable sometimes, but don't let it happen for the lack of trying.

Pawwed Rig

deccurley wrote: »

there are often meetups (Call of Duty forum go for pints, Motors forum have meetups, Ladies Lounge & Gentlemens Club have a night out).

The Gentlemans Club have one coming up the first week of Feb if you are up for it. All are welcome
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057097684

After Hours have one this Saturday.

I was terrified on my first boards beers but it is easy as pie coz everyone is in the same boat. Everyone willing to chat and have fun. No worries if you don't drink either.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far. To those suggesting a college course, I've already been and done a degree. I made a couple of friends in college but they emigrated and I had a run in with them anyway so I think the ship has sailed in terms of their friendship. The 5-a-side soccer every week would be great but I've searched meetup and there's no groups for anything like that. And meetup is the only place I know of that I could possibly find a bunch of randomers to play football with. I've considered the boards beers things a couple of times but not sure if I'd be out of place in terms of age. I suppose my main interests apart from football would be cooking and learning languages. Both expensive things to take classes in though when you're unemployed!

chefwes

Lad I can sympathise with your situation but as other posters have said sitting at home won't help your situation , I would suggest taking a more positive and upbeat approach definatly get out on the job scene with a bang and really push to stay in touch with your friends , you said you have 2 friends so be more active with them it's a credit to them that you've stayed friends and strangely the more you interact with people you can sometimes be lucky and create new opportunitys for yourself ie: job wise and friends wise. Personally I've been where you are except all I had was my work and it can be just as lonely in that situation. It was only when I stepped back a bit and looked at my situation I then realised that I needed to make a change, so I got involved in other activitys and went out more and it was by doing that I met my now wife and were married nearly 2 years and have a beautiful baby girl . I ain't sayin it's gonna be easy to adapt but ya gotta be positive cos if you start negative then your gonna stay negative. Also I commend you for trying to look for advice cos some people feel like it's embarrassing to ask these kinda questions but don't ever feel embarrassed and don't be afraid to get back in touch any advice I can offer I'm more than willing. Chin up dude things will work out

Big Bag of Chips

Why are you stuck on 5-a-side soccer being the only possible thing you can do, and you can't do it without a ready formed group?

There are probably thousands of soccer clubs in the country. Probably 4 or 5 in the immediate area you live in! Make contact. Ask them if there's a team you could train with etc. Most soccer clubs have a number of teams, at all ages/levels. Just make a phone call.. send an email!

Nobody is going to knock on your door, take you by the hand and join you up to something. You have to do that for yourself. There are loads of things you could join, you just need to get over your own fear of making that step. You are thinking of all the things that mightn't work out... Yet until you try something, you have no idea whether it will suit you or not.

And what's the worst that can happen? You turn up to something and everyone is 10-15 years older than you? (Unlikely, but we'll take it as a hypothetical situation) That might be a problem if you are 10 and they are all in their 20s. Not so much a problem if you're 20