Problem with mother

Lola18

Didn't really know what to call this thread! Apologies before I start if its long or confusing!! A little stressed and frustrated at the minute!
I was adopted by my "dad" when I was 4 as he was not my biological father. Four years ago I got in contact with my biological athers family with help from my mum (she kept in contact with his sister just in case I ever wanted to meet them).
Met my grandad, aunts and cousins on his side then finally got to meet my biological father. However my mum has always been there! I didn't mind at first, it was a great support but I meet my grandad a couple of times a year and mum takes over a bit. Talking about my siblings almost the whole time, who I don't mean to sound bad but are nothing to him directly! I just want to talk about my life and ask about my biological fathers family but can't even get the chance!!
Today I'm meeting him again and was neary cancelling because she's bringing me as I don't drive, saying its fibe ill get the luas/bus trying to be subtle doesn't work and I'm finding it so hard to say it to her straight out. I want my fiancé to come with me so that i can bring our son and have someone to look after him while were chatting and I know she won't be pleased but this is about me! I don't mean to sound selfish or childish I just want to know about my biological family and not feel bad about offending my mum!!!

Feel a bit better getting that out in writing, I was originally looking for advice but I'm not quite sure what on!! Just needed to get it all out!

username123

Say it exactly as you said it here. You want to meet them by yourself. She needs to give you space.

emmabrighton

I agree with username123. Be straight with your mom. She is going so that she can be a support to you. Let her know that you feel like you can go by yourself now. Tell her that you really appreciated her coming along in the past but now you feel you can visit your grandfather by yourself. She might feel a little bit pushed aside but the more honest you are with her, the better you will come across. Good luck

rainbowtrout

Perhaps don't tell her you're meeting him the next time until after you have met him. If you are able to get there on public transport then do so.

jellyboy

maybe she's scared of losing you to the family ..
maybe she's trying to protect you and in that rush she's actually hurting you ?

Try to reassure her,but at the same time tell her this is what you need to do ..

clairefontaine

How old are you OP?

Perhaps if you are very young she doesn't trust them as they are strangers to both of you.

rainbowtrout

clairefontaine wrote: »

How old are you OP?

Perhaps if you are very young she doesn't trust them as they are strangers to both of you.

The OP has a fiancé and baby so she's old enough to do this by herself

Neyite

clairefontaine wrote: »

How old are you OP?

Perhaps if you are very young she doesn't trust them as they are strangers to both of you.

OP mentions she has a fiance and a son, so I'm guessing she is an adult.

I think OP, that its a bit of fear on your mothers part, that she will be supplanted. I think you need to reassure her that she is your mother - always will be, and nobody can take that away from her, but that you do need to visit your biological family on your own, and foster your own relationship with them without her dominating the conversation.

Maybe agree to meet for a nice lunch the day after to chat about your visit and have some quality time with her and it might go a bit of the way towards allaying her fears.

clairefontaine

Can you tell her you need some breathing space with this and that you need to find your own way with it for a little while?