Being a Woman

Neeson

I was reading a thread there about the lady who had awful period pains. She later commented that sometimes she wishes she was a man. Perhaps she was not so serious. However, it got me thinking.

Did you ever wish you were born a man? From higher wages to a statistically lower chance of rape to no period hassle and so forth. Has anyone had a case of penis envy?

vitani

I was at a 5k race on Saturday. Before it started, I queued up to use one of the Portaloos. I spent 15 minutes queuing while most of the men just went in the nearby bushes. I can honestly say that's the only time I'd rather be a man.

The rest of the time, I'm happy with my lot. It can be frustrating trying to balance a career and motherhood but the trade off is that I'm the one who got to carry my child, which I wouldn't give up for anything. My industry is quite female oriented so I don't feel like my gender affects me professionally.

And overall, I just like being a woman.

Legs.Eleven

Not in the slightest. I really revel in being a woman and all the trappings that go with it. It's brilliant.

eviltwin

I love being a woman, its not always easy and there are times I read about things other women have to deal with and I feel really sad at how our gender is often patronised or underestimated or just written off as nothing more than breeding machines. I know I am very lucky to be a woman in a first world country. I've never wanted to be a man. Periods, having to wait in line for a pee etc are a small price to pay for not having to shave everyday

Mars Bar

Neeson wrote: »

I was reading a thread there about the lady who had awful period pains. She later commented that sometimes she wishes she was a man. Perhaps she was not so serious. However, it got me thinking.

Did you ever wish you were born a man? From higher wages to a statistically lower chance of rape to no period hassle and so forth. Has anyone had a case of penis envy?

I wanted to be a professional footballer in the premier league so yes.

And period pains are horrible so yes.

username123

Im not a girly girl - at all. So I am sometimes a bit at a loss in "glamorous" girly company.

I dont like that I am subject to random hassle (from teenagers, from men, from anyone) simply because I am a small woman. I have had to stop running locally in the dark because of people pulling up in cars and trying to intimidate me or shout sexual innuendo at me. But if I were a man, would I be subject to random hassle of a different nature? Probably.

Period pains - urgh. Thats a good reason to be male!

How women are treated in this country with respect to abortion laws sickens me. But as eviltwin points out - I am lucky to be a woman in a first world country, my lot could be a lot worse.

Glass ceilings, unequal pay - these things also sicken me, but I am very well educated and do earn a good wage (more than my husband) so perhaps I have little to complain about on that.

Mostly I wish I was the things I am not, but doesnt everyone? I saw a girl in the gym last night and thought she had a beautiful figure, lovely hair, a cool pair of shoes. But perhaps she looked at me and thought Id beautiful skin - she did not.

Itd be nice to be a man for a period of time and see how differently I was treated.

meeeeh

I think that peoples preferences to certain gender are influenced by their biology and by socialization ( i know it is not always the case but in huge majority of cases). So me preferring to be a woman isn't exactly an earth shattering decision.

I agree with the comment about 1st world though.

dragonkin

There are quite a few disadvantages to being a man: more likely to commit suicide, be depressed, less capable of dealing with stress, fewer friends, die younger, more likely to have a drink or drug problem, more likely to be unemployed, school system tends to benefit women more and represses the physicality of men, if you look at men and womens bodies you will often see that men are much more likely to be hunched and have a lot of tension in the shoulders and hips, male friendships tend to be very conformist as well. Median pay gap between men and women is pretty small at this stage pretty much all professional courses in university requiring high points tend to be dominated by women now vet, medicine, law etc.

EDIT - Not that I'd change tho. There are advantages but they are physical rather than cultural

Jenneke87

I recently moved to a new house with only one male person to help me out. To see how easily he lifted all those heavy boxes, suitcases did gave me a bout of enviness, I wish I had that kind of strenght sometimes, as I don't have that many people around me to help me out in case I need help with anything. It would make my life easier at times, but overall I'm happy being me.

Raminahobbin

I'm extremely happy to be a woman. I don't see the point in wishing to be something you are not, just embrace what is and find things enjoyable about it! I'm sure if I WAS a man, I'd thoroughly enjoy being a man. As it stands currently, being a woman suits me perfectly!

Even with the monthlies: once I started learning about how my diet and lifestyle affect my periods, I now see them as an extremely handy barometer of how well I am (or am not) looking after myself. If I get cramps, I only have myself to blame :pac: I actually feel a little sorry for men that they don't get the monthly reminder of their emotional and physical health, and I really think it has a small part to play in men being a bit more susceptible to mental health problems and stress related conditions that they don't get the occasional physical release of stress and emotions that we do.

strobe

Raminahobbin wrote: »

they don't get the occasional physical release of stress and emotions that we do.

Oh we get that. A lot more than once a month, all going well, too.

Jenneke87

Jenneke87 wrote: »

I recently moved to a new house with only one male person to help me out. To see how easily he lifted all those heavy boxes, suitcases did gave me a bout of enviness, I wish I had that kind of strenght sometimes, as I don't have that many people around me to help me out in case I need help with anything. It would make my life easier at times, but overall I'm happy being me.

Well you can always start lifting weights

username123

bluewolf wrote: »

Well you can always start lifting weights

I think I am gonna start doing this. I already started running so I feel that at least I can run for an hour, if anyone was running after me theyd have to be fit lol!

Legs.Eleven

I'd probably be very happy if I was a man too though.

beks101

The only thing I'd trade is probably my emotionality.

Obviously that's not strictly a female thing - I know plenty of emotional men and pragmatic, ruled-by-logic women - but I think it's fair to say generally, culturally, socially and perhaps hormonally, we tend to be that bit more emotionally inclined than men.

In saying that my personality and a lot of my positive attributes would be detracted significantly. But sometimes I wish I had the ability to see my own set of circumstances a bit more objectively as opposed to being dictated by how I "feel" about things or people, or to place less emphasis on everyday events or nuances. To take romantic affairs or friendship problems with more of a pinch of salt and to think a bit more rationally when the sh1t hits the fan in my life.

I guess the upside is the compassion, empathy, understanding and sensitivity towards others that has facilitated some great friendships and life experiences. But sometimes it can be a pain to react emotively in so many situations where a bit of logical thought would go a hell of a lot further towards making life easier.

cantdecide

beks101 wrote: »

The only thing I'd trade is probably my emotionality.

Obviously that's not strictly a female thing - I know plenty of emotional men and pragmatic, ruled-by-logic women - but I think it's fair to say generally, culturally, socially and perhaps hormonally, we tend to be that bit more emotionally inclined than men.

In saying that my personality and a lot of my positive attributes would be detracted significantly. But sometimes I wish I had the ability to see my own set of circumstances a bit more objectively as opposed to being dictated by how I "feel" about things or people, or to place less emphasis on everyday events or nuances. To take romantic affairs or friendship problems with more of a pinch of salt and to think a bit more rationally when the sh1t hits the fan in my life.

I guess the upside is the compassion, empathy, understanding and sensitivity towards others that has facilitated some great friendships and life experiences. But sometimes it can be a pain to react emotively in so many situations where a bit of logical thought would go a hell of a lot further towards making life easier.

On emotionality, it's even trickier again for men. I feel it's one thing to possess it, it's another thing entirely to be able to benefit from it. Other men don't understand it. Women will keep you at a distance because of the m/ f dynamic.

I think you're being plenty harsh on yourself. You have plenty of perspective (from what I observe anyway) even if means you feel pulled in different directions, I'm sure you always get to where you need to be. I feel my emotional sides are almost completely divorced. I know when to invoke one side or the other. That's what maturity has become for me. I feel I have the best of both worlds now and I certainly wouldn't change my emotional side.

seenitall

beks101 wrote: »

To take romantic affairs or friendship problems with more of a pinch of salt and to think a bit more rationally when the sh1t hits the fan in my life.

I guess the upside is the compassion, empathy, understanding and sensitivity towards others that has facilitated some great friendships and life experiences. But sometimes it can be a pain to react emotively in so many situations where a bit of logical thought would go a hell of a lot further towards making life easier.

I empathise!

I've discovered, though, that the aging process helps balance things out in that area. This coming from someone who really was ruled by her feelings a lot in the past.

Perhaps experience is also an important ingredient here, perhaps it's partly hormonal, but for whatever reason, eventually feelings and all the emotional ups and downs get into a more fuzzy, more blunted, much less acute phase. There is more of a perspective, more of a detachment, in a good way. Which is part of the reason why I have in the past few years started to feel like Voltaire's Candide, "all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds" . Gawd what a relief! Not to mention the fact that when you're thinking more rationally, you're much less likely to make the likes of the disastrous choices and the monumental mistakes of your (my) youth.

Everything to look forward to yet, beks! It's good being a woman.

Links234

Being transgender, I always feel awkward when reading these kinda threads.

clairefontaine

beks101 wrote: »

The only thing I'd trade is probably my emotionality.

Obviously that's not strictly a female thing - I know plenty of emotional men and pragmatic, ruled-by-logic women - but I think it's fair to say generally, culturally, socially and perhaps hormonally, we tend to be that bit more emotionally inclined than men.

In saying that my personality and a lot of my positive attributes would be detracted significantly. But sometimes I wish I had the ability to see my own set of circumstances a bit more objectively as opposed to being dictated by how I "feel" about things or people, or to place less emphasis on everyday events or nuances. To take romantic affairs or friendship problems with more of a pinch of salt and to think a bit more rationally when the sh1t hits the fan in my life.

I guess the upside is the compassion, empathy, understanding and sensitivity towards others that has facilitated some great friendships and life experiences. But sometimes it can be a pain to react emotively in so many situations where a bit of logical thought would go a hell of a lot further towards making life easier.

Honestly I don't envy men here. They have it as much as women have it but have less permission to show it, they can end up walking time bombs because of it.

Also, I shut that part of me down a long long long time ago, but at a great price because I lost touch with the sensitivities that enabled me to be creative.

Partner up the feelings with the reason if you can, I think that's what will work. It's not either or.

clairefontaine

Jenneke87 wrote: »

I recently moved to a new house with only one male person to help me out. To see how easily he lifted all those heavy boxes, suitcases did gave me a bout of enviness, I wish I had that kind of strenght sometimes, as I don't have that many people around me to help me out in case I need help with anything. It would make my life easier at times, but overall I'm happy being me.

I have that kind of strength. It's from single parenting, genuinely. I'm somewhat petite but have been carrying lots of crap around for years now. My brother is shocked when he sees it inaction. I had a massage and the the masseuse told me my back was like male boxers.

I was going to reply as a result of parenting alone, I'm somewhat of a hybrid being at this stage.

username123

clairefontaine wrote: »

I have that kind of strength. It's from single parenting, genuinely. I'm somewhat petite but have been carrying lots of crap around for years now. My brother is shocked when he sees it inaction. I had a massage and the the masseuse told me my back was like male boxers.

I was going to reply as a result of parenting alone, I'm somewhat of a hybrid being at this stage.

This reminds me of a funny story. A female body building friend of mine put her jacket on one day and it tore right open down the back - just like the Incredible Hulk.

April O Neill II

Neeson wrote: »

I was reading a thread there about the lady who had awful period pains. She later commented that sometimes she wishes she was a man. Perhaps she was not so serious. However, it got me thinking.

Did you ever wish you were born a man? From higher wages to a statistically lower chance of rape to no period hassle and so forth. Has anyone had a case of penis envy?

Not even a little bit.

And men have plenty of issues to face too, it's not like it's plain sailing for ye either!

eviltwin wrote: »

I know I am very lucky to be a woman in a first world country.

+1

Legs.Eleven

beks101 wrote: »

The only thing I'd trade is probably my emotionality.

Obviously that's not strictly a female thing - I know plenty of emotional men and pragmatic, ruled-by-logic women - but I think it's fair to say generally, culturally, socially and perhaps hormonally, we tend to be that bit more emotionally inclined than men.

In saying that my personality and a lot of my positive attributes would be detracted significantly. But sometimes I wish I had the ability to see my own set of circumstances a bit more objectively as opposed to being dictated by how I "feel" about things or people, or to place less emphasis on everyday events or nuances. To take romantic affairs or friendship problems with more of a pinch of salt and to think a bit more rationally when the sh1t hits the fan in my life.

I guess the upside is the compassion, empathy, understanding and sensitivity towards others that has facilitated some great friendships and life experiences. But sometimes it can be a pain to react emotively in so many situations where a bit of logical thought would go a hell of a lot further towards making life easier.

Good point. This might be one thing I'd be envious of. Of course as others said, men don't have the permission to show those emotions, which is tough but I do think, from observing the workings of boyfriends'/brothers'/friends' minds that they do tend to think more logically about things but as seenitall says, I do genuinely think a lot of that comes with age too.


My boyfriend is 43 years old, so 10 years older than me and whereas I might take things a little too personally now and then and would be more emotionally driven about stuff, he'd always try to rationalise my feelings. I asked him before if this was his male brain at work and he basically said that it was because he'd been through it all before and when you hit your 40s, you simply don't sweat the small stuff anymore and you just chill the feck out. So I'm not sure how much of it is to do with his gender and how much is to do with his age.

I do genuinely find how I think about things now at 33 to be different to 10 years ago (without a shadow of a doubt) or even my mid-20s. Seenitall described it as

eventually feelings and all the emotional ups and downs get into a more fuzzy, more blunted, much less acute phase.

and I think that's so brilliantly put. I'm not quite there yet but I can feel a definite change in how I consider things and my ability to see the wood for the trees is increasing and it's such a feckin' relief! Bring on the 40s is what I say!

jandm

As a girl I liked to play with boys toys such as toy guns, cars and trains - boys would bring their toys to my place and I'd play with them while they played with my dolls without being teased by their sisters.

Remember getting dressed was so easy back then especially in summer - knickers, dress, sandals and out the door - then I needed a bra and back in the 1980s they were instruments of torture. Then the periods, need for body hair removal, feeling emotionally desolate a couple of days each month or when a relationship finished or failed to start.

What I like about being a woman: being able to wear something other than a suit at work, not having to wear a tie at work, not shaving my face most days, being able to wear makeup to help enhance my more beautiful features and disguise the effects of age, colouring my hair, less likely to go bald, having the superpower of being able grow another human inside me and being able to choose not to use it, jewellery, colourful clothes and accessories.

I like that I was born when and where I was born, could get an education, work for a living and continue to work after marriage to a man of my own choosing. Would be nice if peeing was less complicated than it is for the menfolk!

Lia_lia

beks101 wrote: »

In saying that my personality and a lot of my positive attributes would be detracted significantly. But sometimes I wish I had the ability to see my own set of circumstances a bit more objectively as opposed to being dictated by how I "feel" about things or people, or to place less emphasis on everyday events or nuances. To take romantic affairs or friendship problems with more of a pinch of salt and to think a bit more rationally when the sh1t hits the fan in my life.

I used to think like this. But then I "trained" myself to be able to my handle emotions. It's not easy!


Anyway, no. Don't want to be a man. Never want to experience the pain of being kicked in the balls! Period pains are a bit crap, but luckily I don't get them *too* bad.

Being a woman is a huge part of my identity so no, I'd never want to change.

I do however get quite frustrated with the consequences of my gender though.

Yes, periods are one of those horrible consequences. Especially back before I was on the pill. I'd be genuinely ill for two days a month, and in pain for another five. On occasions I'd faint, and stuff like vomiting and diarrhoea were certainties. Not only are you expected as a woman to just put up with it, because it happens often, but even if you do tell a female friend about it, they often assume they understand just because they get periods too, regardless of how bad theirs usually is. I was actually pretty frustrated in work a few weeks ago because I had a really bad headache, took some Solpadeine and got lots of sympathy but I was fine, I really hadn't made a big deal about it. Whereas when I'm genuinely in bits with a period and can't even take painkillers because they'll make me throw up it's expected that I just get on with things.

The main thing though is respect. Most people have respect for both men and women, but I find that there's often a difference in the kind of respect you get. Particularly when it comes to practical things. I'd be quite practical, good with DIY, with numbers, love gardening, cooking, science topics etc., and I often find that my opinion in certain conversations, while listened to, just doesn't carry as much weight as it would if it were coming from a man. I really hate it too when someone helps me with something I didn't need help with, and I feel like the only thing that suggested I needed help is that I'm a woman.

I enjoy being a girl.

Cheesiest song ever, with some seriously suspect lyrics

I've no interest in what it's like to be male. I'm happy with who I am and who I am is happily female.

I'd like to tweak some aspects of it (tearful pms, cramps, childbirth, inequalities, leerers and gropers etc), but overall I find it a joyful and wonderful thing to be female in the 1st world.

Ilyana 2.0

I'm happy to be a woman. I love being able to wear pretty dresses and shoes and wear make-up to cover my acne. I have a feminine figure that, for all I moan about it, I wouldn't change for the world. I love the idea of one day being able to carry a child. If or when I get married, I want to be the one wearing the dress and veil, not the tux. I think that emotion and compassion are just as important as logic and level-headedness. Feminity can be a powerful thing. And I like having boobs :pac:

Yeah sometimes being a woman isn't always advantageous; today at work a male colleague grabbed a full tray of crockery from me because he thought I was struggling with it, even though I wasn't in the slightest. He was just being nice but it was a little unnecessary. I also hate feeling vulnerable when I'm alone somewhere at night, I feel like I've always got to be on my guard, even in a busy pub or nightclub. And obviously no woman actually enjoys her period :rolleyes:

Sometimes I like surprising men though. When I was first dating my boyfriend he was amazed that I'd heard of bands such as Amon Amarth and Machinehead; I think he thought, because I was a young woman, I wouldn't have heard of them. There's an assumption among some men that most girls my age (early 20s) are only interested in clothes and nights out, so I like proving them wrong by participating in chats about history or politics or whatever. I know I'm generalising a bit here, but I've actually had male friends tell me I'm an intelligent conversationalist just because I know stuff about things :pac:

Women are more multi-dimensional than we're given credit for, in my opinion.

UpCork

This is an interesting thread/topic. I've often thought 'would I prefer to be a man?' and I've always come to the conclusion that 'no' I'm happy as I am.

Other posters have already mentioned potential downsides to being female: periods, vulnerability, emotions etc, but I like to think of it like this. As women we get to experience much more than men (I think!) and therefore I'm glad I get to experience it all.

Re the emotions thing: this is a tough one. Women, are to a certain extent given more 'permission' to express their emotions. However, this isn't always seen as good either - crying to get ones own way etc. Also, if you are someone who likes to keep their emotions under control - you can be seen as hard or tough. I am someone who usually keeps my emotions in check when I am around people - even friends. Very rarely do I let that guard down. People, therefore tend to think I'm a bit of a toughie, when, in reality, I'm far from it. I just don't feel comfortable letting myself go. Also I'm not one of these people who can just shed a silent tear, I am a full on crier, so it can be a little embarrassing - hence the reason I keep it in check.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

fillefatale

Not a bit, I value all my female friendships and we bond over frustrations. Like some posters have already said, the only time I'd like to be a man is when I'm queuing for the ladies.

fatknacker

vitani wrote: »

I spent 15 minutes queuing while most of the men just went in the nearby bushes. I can honestly say that's the only time I'd rather be a man.

The only thing stopping you from doing that is social convention though.

fatknacker

fatknacker wrote: »

The only thing stopping you from doing that is social convention though.

And physiology.

http://www.amazon.com/Go-Girl-Female-Urination-Lavender/dp/B003BEDUS6

:D

vitani

fatknacker wrote: »

The only thing stopping you from doing that is social convention though.

True, but social convention is still a thing that affects me as a woman.

bluewolf

bluewolf wrote: »

http://www.amazon.com/Go-Girl-Female-Urination-Lavender/dp/B003BEDUS6

:D

I actually nearly weed a bit laughing at the thought of using that

Fizzlesque

Neeson wrote: »

Did you ever wish you were born a man? From higher wages to a statistically lower chance of rape to no period hassle and so forth. Has anyone had a case of penis envy?

Yes, I used often wish I had been born a man. It started in my mid to late teens, when the rules suddenly changed. I grew up with four brothers and my dad, so I'd got used to no female presence or role model, but when puberty hit I really struggled with all the changes it brought with it. As well as the obvious changes, my journey from girl to young woman brought, I took great umbrage at the fact I had to get home earlier than my brothers and was grilled ten times more about where I was going, who I'd be with, what I'd be doing, when I'd be home, how I'd get home. I got heartily sick of hearing how it's "different for girls".

Although I'm saying it started in my teens, it might actually have started earlier. My grandmother told me a story, from when I was about four years old: I was climbing a fallen tree with my brothers (all older than me) and when I managed to clamber, unaided, to where the rest of them were, my eldest brother cheered me on and called me a ‘right little tomboy’. This, apparently, was praise of the highest order, and when we got home I ran in to the house at top speed to breathlessly tell my grandmother (who was visiting) that I was now a boy. I don't have any memory of that, but it fits with the feelings I had in later years.

In my twenties I regularly wished I had been born a man. It wouldn't be a permanent state of mind, but it sidled up to me quite regularly. My other grandmother's expectations (which had been making their presence felt for years by now) of me, the only woman in the house, in terms of becoming 'little mother' caused me a lot of distress. We really clashed over her belief that washing, cleaning and cooking etc was a woman's role. My father didn't believe this, but he harboured dodgy ideas about women being less robust than men, too driven by their emotions for logic to get a decent airing and therefore not suited to a myriad of things, as well as needing a bit of 'minding'. The combination made me feel a bit like a rat, caught in a tight corner. More than ever I wanted to climb that fallen tree and become a tomboy again.

As far as sexuality is concerned, I struggled with what I'd been told were the acceptable boundaries for a woman V what my own boundaries turned out to be. That's a whole hornets' nest I'll leave untapped.

It has taken me a lot of years to feel comfortable about being a woman - there's so much more I could describe, especially now that this thread (and the writing of a reply) has dusted off a few memories - and while periods and not being able to urinate without the use of a toilet as easily as men are pesky nuisances, they're totally liveable with now that I have chased away old feelings of being automatically inadequate due to being a girl.

One final thought I'd like to add. Although it was 24 years ago, and although circumstances resulted in me choosing to have my child adopted, I'll never forget how amazing I found pregnancy and childbirth; heavy duty amazing. Ten years earlier, one of my brothers had said to me "in a way I sometimes feel jealous of women, because they get to carry a baby and then bring it into the world" and at the time I thought he was insane. I changed my view when I experienced it for myself. Along with all the sadness, confusion and feelings of being lost in a wildly out of control dream, that were part of my pregnancy, there were also many moments of awe and wonder. I got into the habit of going to a book-shop each week, to read a new section from a book on pregnancy - never occurred to me to buy it - and started to look forward to each visit to learn what new body-bits my baby had developed in the last seven days; slowly growing, snug and safe in my womb. Even though the whole experience was leading up to heartache I didn't realise was possible, I still remember it as being mind-blowing amazing.