How to ask her out, opinions needed.

LegacyUser

I know this isn't as deep a personal issue as some, but your opinions would be helpful none the less, as it is something that I can't let go, and am having difficulty with.

Basic story is I am a guy, 34, Dublin, who has a female dentist. I have seen her three times recently, and I am very attracted to her. She is a friendly person generally, but I do feel that we have a spark between us, and always have a good laugh when I'm there.

She also talks about other patients cases (not revealing their details or anything), and we briefly discuss different bits and pieces aside for the problem I'm having at the moment.

My attraction to her is not just sexual, I really appreciate her character, and think she is one of the warmest, nicest people I have met for ages. I also respect her hugely, and would never want to say anything to her that would make her feel uncomfortable or uneasy in terms of how I feel about her/ asking her out etc.

When I was leaving her surgery four days ago, I told her that if I don't see her before Christmas, which I hope I don't, to have a great one. She of course started laughing, to which I responded, and by the way, that is by no means personal She didn't respond with anything except giggles and a goodbye.

I don't know if she has anybody, she doesn't wear a ring, but obviously that doesn't mean she is single. So, the simple question is: How would I go about asking her out without making her feel uncomfortable? Or should I just leave it, and every time I see her (which will be rarely from now on) just think of what might be/could be between us?

CaraMay

Would she know who you are (by your name) if you called her?

Jack Skellington

You sound like you really like her, so I'd say don't not ask her! Life's too short man! You seem to have a good bit of banter going on so what harm would it be to throw in an offer of a drink or coffee in between jokes?

If she says no it doesn't have to be awkward just shrug it off and cringe later

I know you're her patient and all but it's not like you have to see her on a regular basis so just laugh off the rejection and I'm sure any awkward moment will pass.

But PLEASE do yourself a favour and ask her out! Putting yourself out there is a great thing to do even if you get rejected, but I hope she says yes

Balaclava1991

You have to be a bit crafty to get around the risk of being seen as a creepy patient.

The smart route would be to check her out secretly on facebook - she is sure to have plenty of info about her favorite pubs and if there are any group photos with friends from recent nights out you will know where to bump into her "accidentally."

When you bump into her pretend it is a total accident and introduce yourself. Say its nice to meet her and then say you have to meet some friends and you'll see her around and leave right away. If she likes you will be sorry you left and will be looking forward to the next time you attend the dentist.

Next time you are at the dentist mention the meeting and suggest you two should get together properly for a drink or dinner.

If she has been thinking about you she will probably accept.

Remember not to be disappointed if she says because she probably has lots of clients asking her out.

This way you eliminate the risk of rejection.

Matteroffact

Its her job to be nice to you and to have conversations with you. Don't read anything more into it. You need to check her out before you attempt to ask her out. Find out where she goes, like Balaclava said above, and then accidentally on purpose be there. I would not ask her out at the dental surgery.

CBFi

I think you should definitely ask her out. She'll be flattered even if she's not single/interested. She sounds nice enough not to make it awkward either.

Has she mentioned something she's interested in? A particular film genre, play, band? Maybe get tickets to something and ask her if she's free to join you and maybe get dinner beforehand? It's breezy and not full on but there's no mistaking its a date.

Best of luck! You won't regret asking but you might regret NOT asking.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your replies!

As one poster said, yes, I am very conscious of coming across as the creepy patient, however, we have a very friendly thing going on, and feel that I could actually ask her for a coffee without it being creepy. We joke a bit and laugh with/at each other so if I made it sound lighthearted and funny I'd be hoping I'd be Ok.

Would really agree with the whole Facebook thing as suggested by another poster, but she is not on Facebook, and I would say she is rarely found in pubs to be honest.

Another poster rightly said that is her job to be friendly - And it is also her character, she is a very smiley, giggly person, which makes it impossible to clearly know if she feels what I'm feeling or am I being ridiculous?

If I knew she was single I would def go for it, but you know yourselves - I find it hard to believe she is single, which just makes it so difficult because I'm just anticipating the answer!

December2012

I wouldn't do the "find out where she likes" thing and just bump into her "accidentally on purpose".

Why not just ring her up (or go to the practice) and ask her out for a coffee?

You'll straight away find out
(A) if she's single
And
(B) if she's interested.

And that's that.

Merkin

Why don't you send in a nicely wrapped bottle of wine to the surgery with a note attached thanking her for the recent work, wishing her a happy Christmas and that if she is free over the festive season you'd love to meet for a drink. Give her your mobile number and ask her to drop you a text if she'd like to meet up. No embarrassment for either party if she decides not to act on it.

BraziliaNZ

Balaclava1991 wrote: »

You have to be a bit crafty to get around the risk of being seen as a creepy patient.

The smart route would be to check her out secretly on facebook - she is sure to have plenty of info about her favorite pubs and if there are any group photos with friends from recent nights out you will know where to bump into her "accidentally."

When you bump into her pretend it is a total accident and introduce yourself. Say its nice to meet her and then say you have to meet some friends and you'll see her around and leave right away. If she likes you will be sorry you left and will be looking forward to the next time you attend the dentist.

Next time you are at the dentist mention the meeting and suggest you two should get together properly for a drink or dinner.

If she has been thinking about you she will probably accept.

Remember not to be disappointed if she says because she probably has lots of clients asking her out.

This way you eliminate the risk of rejection.

Are you being sarcastic here? Because your advice seems incredibly creepy to me!

CaraMay

Merkin wrote: »

Why don't you send in a nicely wrapped bottle of wine to the surgery with a note attached thanking her for the recent work, wishing her a happy Christmas and that if she is free over the festive season you'd love to meet for a drink. Give her your mobile number and ask her to drop you a text if she'd like to meet up. No embarrassment for either party if she decides not to act on it.

That's a great idea

AnonMouse

Merkin wrote: »

Why don't you send in a nicely wrapped bottle of wine to the surgery with a note attached thanking her for the recent work, wishing her a happy Christmas and that if she is free over the festive season you'd love to meet for a drink. Give her your mobile number and ask her to drop you a text if she'd like to meet up. No embarrassment for either party if she decides not to act on it.

I think that is the best advice on this page.

The whole 'bumping into her by accident' thing is creepy in my opinion.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out

Animord

Merkin wrote: »

Why don't you send in a nicely wrapped bottle of wine to the surgery with a note attached thanking her for the recent work, wishing her a happy Christmas and that if she is free over the festive season you'd love to meet for a drink. Give her your mobile number and ask her to drop you a text if she'd like to meet up. No embarrassment for either party if she decides not to act on it.

Definitely this, rather than any other advice on this page - looking her up on Facebook and 'just happening to be there' is creepy and immature.

jellyboy

theres a whole raft of dental ethics which might prevent her from saying yes
http://www.dentalcouncil.ie/g_dentalethics.php

be prepared to look for a different dentist is she says no ..