Bad Punditry/Commentary

Morzadec

Watching MOTD from last night and Alan Shearer has inspired me to make this thread.

Could be a good way to keep track of some of the wtf? moments that pundits come out with.

Shearer's comment today's that I couldn't understand was something along the lines of "what managers do after games is always look to take the positives". Perhaps with a team that's low on confidence you would want to try this approach, but I imagine the majority of managers worth their salt look predominantly at mistakes made and problems in the team and how to rectify them.

Another one was RayWilkins at the weekend who said at halftime that Liverpool "must be doing something right" as they had 60% possession away from home and he was sure they would "make it count" - anyone with a half decent knowledge of football could see that Hull had a gameplan to sit deepish and tight and essentially allowed Liverpool to pass it around at the back, and that Liverpool were struggling to put together any kind of concentrated possession in dangerous areas. I was astounded that someone who used to play the game could come to such a lazy and simplistic conclusion, and not view the possession stats within the context of the match and the tactics employed.

Then we had Michael Owen in the Liverpool vs Everton game who claimed that Cissohko had scored 2 for France midweek (it was Sakho), claimed Flanagan was a natural left back (he is a right footed right back), and said that Liverpool had been dominating possession for the last 20 minutes after 9 minutes had been played.

My favorite example of bad commentary is the incomparably bad Trevor Welch and his 3 Stewart Downings, which has sadly been removed from YouTube.

Any other examples?

MagicIRL

Michael Owen saying that Phil Jones needs to toughen up during the game against Cardiff. Fúcking clueless.

Funkfield

The entire PES series

brevity

They call him Safe Hands!

alchemist33

Anyone (particularly Giles but many are at it) who says "I don't know much about this team". IT'S YOUR JOB!!! You're meant to be informing ME.

Laois_Man

How about....Every time Eamon Dunphy opens his mouth!

GavRedKing

Micahel Owen or Niall Quinn, I'sd listen to a game in arabic, rather then those two rambling on.

keano_afc

"Mertesacker is a weak link" "The Arsenal defence is still suspect". Said by pundits who dont watch the game. Also bonus points for anything the creepy Garth Crooks says.

gimmick

The caricaturs the Soccer saturday guys have become, most notably Merson, who is a complete numbskull who is always trying to be hilarious so he can fit into the Christmas compilation. Such a shame as that used be a fun program.

Morzadec

GavRedKing wrote: »

Micahel Owen or Niall Quinn, I'sd listen to a game in arabic, rather then those two rambling on.

Yeah Quinn is awful.

Can you imagine a Trevor Welch/Niall Quinn commentary team?

Bonner back in the studio presenting alongside Shearer and Redknapp...

elefant

alchemist33 wrote: »

Anyone (particularly Giles but many are at it) who says "I don't know much about this team". IT'S YOUR JOB!!! You're meant to be informing ME.

Best one recently was Ireland vs. Austria.

The actual pre-match analysis was along the lines of;

'We don't know much about them Bill. But Weimann is on the bench, and he's pretty good, so they must be alright. Here are some clips of Weimann'.

Moneymaker

I'd say 90% of commentators are utterly clueless tbh.

Niall Quinn is the one that truly infuriates me though.

FearDark

When hulls Huddlestone gets into the opposition half.

"He might be cutting his hair tomorrow"

FCUK OFF

Sugarlumps

Martin Keown, just ugly on all accounts.

Instead of hiring guys that have some cells between their ears and have actual knowledge about the game broadcasters go for the lazy option, ie household names.

There's a few that stand out as having good football knowledge, Neville and Hamman. However the majority are fairly hopeless at their job.

Michael Owen, Shearer, and Ray Wilkins being the 3 that standout as being the worst.

Merson is clueless but he's there for comedy value, as in, laugh at him and not with him.

Looper007

gimmick wrote: »

The caricaturs the Soccer saturday guys have become, most notably Merson, who is a complete numbskull who is always trying to be hilarious so he can fit into the Christmas compilation. Such a shame as that used be a fun program.

I love Soccer Saturday and it's still a fun show but it does need a shake up, I think some new blood on the panel would be nice. Jamie carragher would have been better on Soccer Saturday for me personally then Monday Night Football. Merson and Kamara, I sometimes I feel they play up to their "Numbskull" roles now I think.

Mark Lawerson is one of the most annoying. It's clear a few years back he's clearly doesn't care for the job anymore.

Also Ronnie Whelan and Alan Hansen are useless as well. They can't get over Arsenal beating them for the title so they **** on anything Arsenal.

Sir Gallagher

Are they still doing the segment on Bt Sport where they'll demonstrate live with a football in studio? Even the bowsies who drink in my pub were cringing at that one.

There was a thread on this a while back and a point (possibly in a link) was made that summed a lot of it up was from the BBC when Dixon mentioned a player who one wouldn't expect BBC pundits to know and Hansen said "Someone's given you that one" and sat back like he'd just put a swot in his place. They don't want to know about the game.

What gets me though is the "zonal marking" criticisms. Players all stand still and rather than notice that that was what caused the space for the goal it's all "LOL the **** are these foreigners at? Empty space never scored a goal lolol!" The strangest bit is when you see ex-players who only stopped playing within the last half-dozen or so years coming out with it it's especially frustrating.

CorsendonkX

alchemist33 wrote: »

Anyone (particularly Giles but many are at it) who says "I don't know much about this team". IT'S YOUR JOB!!! You're meant to be informing ME.

I say Giles doesn't watch any other national leagues outside of GB. Dunphy only has a clue about La Liga because his local put's the games on the box while he is in having a drink. Brady while the two knock him is the go to man to have a decent go at pronouncing the foreign names and actually having seen the player play before.

Turtyturd

Funkfield wrote: »

The entire PES series

At least it informed non regular MOTD viewers how much of a clown 'Lawro' is.

Wilkins is another good shout...does he still have his McEchran hard on?

Sir Gallagher

Lawro just exudes misery, if he won the lotto he'd complain about having to go and collect it. Plus he wears silk fcking shirts.

GTR63

Quinn, Wilkins, Lawro, Macari, John Champion(the guy that does PES), Owen, Houghton and Whelan. Another lad I despise is the guy BT have working during the day on Sundays(NOT James Richardson), a twat with his hair parted to one side.

OwaynOTT

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

Lawro just exudes misery, if he won the lotto he'd complain about having to go and collect it. Plus he wears silk fcking shirts.

Him and Ray Houghton together should be banned by the U.N.

Turtyturd

Forgot the Geordie bloke doing the Sid Waddell impression who commentates on La Liga.

GTR63

Turtyturd wrote: »

Forgot the Geordie bloke doing the Sid Waddell impression who commentates on La Liga.

Terry Gibson?
Had to endure them lads doing the Champions League, Armstrong can be quite annoying aswell. I'll add Ossie Ardiles too cause I haven't a clue what he says most of the time.

.jacksparrow.

Graham Sounness, absolutely clueless and can't admit when he is wrong.

As dumphy said a few weeks ago, the onlookers person who exists in graham sounness world is graham sounness.

Knex*

Funkfield wrote: »

The entire PES series

"And its gone out for a goal kick"

Fucking throw in at the half way line.

keane2097

Super jinking run

Dozen Wicked Words

Anything that comes out of Garth Crooks mouth, complete and utter tool, the interaction between him and Gabby Logan completes the nightmare that often was the scores on a Saturday on the BBC.

Too Tough To Die

I thought that David Pleat had perhaps sadly passed on until i learned that he is sadly still commentating on the international feed for premier league games, and i am still sadly subjected to his guff.

keith16

It's astonishing that Mark Lawrenson is still on our airwaves.

During Man Utd. v Real last season, Lawreson was practically bullying the Madrid keepr, Lopez saying he doesn't look like a keeper and constantly referred to him a "bumble-bee".

I remember Lopez playing well over the two ties, but Lawro just kept going taking any opportunity to have a go at him.

Not nice things to be coming out with, especially with kids watching. I reckon it won't be long before he gets so comfortable on his bar-stool he will be heading the way Ron Atkinson went.

Renn

Knex. wrote: »

"And its gone out for a goal kick"

Fucking throw in at the half way line.

George Hamilton.

thebaz

I know he knows more about football than most of us , but does anyone else get a smugness of Brian Kerrs punditry - find it very of-putting

come to think of it ther is so much bad punditry out ther , that the good ones shine , like alan Hansen

Can't stand the over-the-top delicious commentry of JP on MoTD

Aidric

Curtis Fleming on Setanta talking about Paul Green during the Poland Ireland friendly. 'He's one of those lads that keeps himself fit'.

Mocha Joe

thebaz wrote: »

I know he knows more about football than most of us , but does anyone else get a smugness of Brian Kerrs punditry - find it very of-putting

come to think of it ther is so much bad punditry out ther , that the good ones shine , like alan Hansen

Can't stand the over-the-top delicious commentry of JP on MoTD

Wolf Club

grohlisagod

Turtyturd wrote: »

Forgot the Geordie bloke doing the Sid Waddell impression who commentates on La Liga.

That'll be Ray Hudson. Painful stuff.

greendom

alchemist33 wrote: »

Anyone (particularly Giles but many are at it) who says "I don't know much about this team". IT'S YOUR JOB!!! You're meant to be informing ME.

Shearer took the biscuit with this when Ben Arfa joined Newcastle. Clueless ! He should have been sacked as soon as the words "don't know much about the lad" left his mouth.

greendom

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

Lawro just exudes misery, if he won the lotto he'd complain about having to go and collect it. Plus he wears silk fcking shirts.

What happened to Lou Macari? He makes Lawro seem positively joyful !

Turtyturd

grohlisagod wrote: »

That'll be Ray Hudson. Painful stuff.

That's the one...can never remember the name. Crerand would be another but at least he is contained to the team channel.

Liamalone

Last night the commentator on MotD doing the Sunderland vs Chelsea match, when Chelsea equalised said something along the lines of :

"Sunderland's lead has lasted three minutes, but since they scored Chelsea have been relentless and just come, come and come at them!"

The way he said it was as if it was a lengthy onslaught, it was three minutes ffs

dan1895

Wolf Club wrote: »

This waffling hypocrite!

Capajoma

RTE's spanish football expert, Eamonn Dunphy. LOL.

greendom

Stewart Robson is a bit like a lost sheep at the moment. He spent his whole commentating career criticising Wenger and his inability to manage a football team and complete disregard for anything approaching defending.

He's now having to praise Arsenal and he's finding it really tough. When Campbell was thwarted by Szeczney in one of the few chances that Cardiff had at the weekend he couldn't help himself and reverted to type saying that Arsenal couldn't defend.

elefant

Capajoma wrote: »

RTE's spanish football expert, Eamonn Dunphy. LOL.

Always remember him informing the viewers with conviction that he remembered Pepe Reina was great at stopping penalties during his time at Valencia.

ricero

Ian wrights an awful tit. I like lee dixon wish he would go to sky sports

dreamers75

2 lads that do the Pats commentary are pretty good.

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/st-pats-live-commentary

/Shameful plug even in off season

ben.schlomo

Macari, Welch, Quinn, Shearer, Hansen, Alkin, Tyldesley, Chiles, Redknapp.........a list of numptys worthy of the firing squad.

CorsendonkX

keith16 wrote: »

It's astonishing that Mark Lawrenson is still on our airwaves.

During Man Utd. v Real last season, Lawreson was practically bullying the Madrid keepr, Lopez saying he doesn't look like a keeper and constantly referred to him a "bumble-bee".

I remember Lopez playing well over the two ties, but Lawro just kept going taking any opportunity to have a go at him.

Not nice things to be coming out with, especially with kids watching. I reckon it won't be long before he gets so comfortable on his bar-stool he will be heading the way Ron Atkinson went.

Lawrenson has the world record for complaining about foreign players diving.

keano_afc

Its that they expect the rest of us to just take their word for things. I remember last season when Giroud was struggling a bit. I think it was John Barnes that said Arsenal weren't playing to his strengths, we needed to cross the ball more as his major accolade was his heading. He justified this by saying that Giroud scored lots of goals for Montpellier via his head when they won the league.

Number of headers Giroud scored in Montpellier's championship winning season? 1.

keeponhurling

The other week on Match of the Day some player who was English, can't remember who, had scored a good goal so they were talking about it.

Then Kevin Kilbane suddenly starts going on about if the goal had been scored by a Spaniard or Brazilian they'd be raving about it.
He actually interrupted a conversation about what a great goal it was just to say that.

The mention of the other Irish lad Lawro complaining about "foreigners" diving reminded me of that.