Serious Issue :(

bear1

Hi everyone,

I've got a bad thing going at work at the moment and it all boils down to one hell of a bitch.
She is the assisstant of my boss and so is quite high up.
She is always treating me with complete disrespect, never says hi to me but to everyone else on the team, complains about me behind my back to my boss and then spreads stupid lies to my boss about my performance.
For months I've let this go by and tried not to let her ruin my mood but it's gotten to the point where I just feel low when this happens.
Today is the day that I believe I may have snapped. We are having system problems at work and so things are going a bit wonky.
I received a relatively easy task to do and did it, whilst I was about to save the system crashed for a second and then back to normal.
Saved the task and off it goes.
Now bare in mind that the assisstant sits RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Barely 5mins go by and I get an email from her with my boss in cc telling me to modify the task with !!!!! after each sentence.
I wrote back that the system had crashed and it was probably for this reason that something didn't go through.
2 seconds later and I had rectified the problem.
This has left me extremely bitter and frustrated, down also.
I'm tempted to go to my boss tomorrow and explain how I feel but I think it could jeopordise the possibility of a work trip to the US in February as they are quite close as friends.
What should I do?

Sorry for the long post.. just not sure how else to sum it up

solas111

Maybe you should keep an accurate written record of everything that happens over a period of time. Then you will have something more definite to show the boss and it won’t sound like sour grapes.

Just be careful about reading too much into other people’s actions and make sure that you are not over reacting.

She probably has the hots for you and is going to blackmail you into having wild sex in some quiet corner.

bear1

I dont know whether to laugh my head off or puke at the sex idea
Her nickname is the truck driver so you can picture what she looks like.
I haven't made any notes but I know of all the things she has said about me to the boss behind my back.
I believe enough is enough, she doesn't have to like me but I think the minimum of respect in the office is needed and not mindless child games.
I'm just building up what to say to the boss

Irish_Elect_Eng

I think that going to your boss is not the right approach. You need to approach the lady in question and sort of your relationship with her.

Your boss really will not appreciate being asked to get in the middle of this spat. It will reflect badly on your problem solving and interpersonal skills. It is always better to approach your boss with a solution rather than a problem. Odds are the first thing he/she will say is "have you spoken to her about this issue" It will be better to tackle this with the person first.

As to why there is a problem, I cannot comment, but before talking with her try and look at each of the problematic interactions from both sides.

For example, perhaps the real problem is with the person that is telling you what she is saying, it is possible that this person is "stirring the sh1t" or perhaps she has heard back from someone that you are calling her "a truck
driver" and she is very hurt and lashing out at your.

Not saying that this is what is happening, but conflict is much easier to resolve if you can "walk a mile" before tackling it.

bear1

Irish_Elect_Eng wrote: »

I think that going to your boss is not the right approach. You need to approach the lady in question and sort of your relationship with her.

Your boss really will not appreciate being asked to get in the middle of this spat. It will reflect badly on your problem solving and interpersonal skills. It is always better to approach your boss with a solution rather than a problem. Odds are the first thing he/she will say is "have you spoken to her about this issue" It will be better to tackle this with the person first.

As to why there is a problem, I cannot comment, but before talking with her try and look at each of the problematic interactions from both sides.

For example, perhaps the real problem is with the person that is telling you what she is saying, it is possible that this person is "stirring the sh1t" or perhaps she has heard back from someone that you are calling her "a truck
driver" and she is very hurt and lashing out at your.

Not saying that this is what is happening, but conflict is much easier to resolve if you can "walk a mile" before tackling it.

Nice advice there, much appreciated.
I woke up fully decided to talk with her face to face and find out what the problem is.
She hasn't liked me from the moment I got in the job, she was always angry at anything I would do differently than her.
I've had a while longer to think about it today and I've decided what I will do is start saving all mails and make notes of what I notice of her and how she treats me differently to others.
This can make my case then when or if I ever confront her.
If nothing changes I can then show my boss that I have tried to resolve this first with her rather than by-pass her

Ray Palmer

Irish_Elect_Eng wrote: »

I think that going to your boss is not the right approach. You need to approach the lady in question and sort of your relationship with her.

Your boss really will not appreciate being asked to get in the middle of this spat. It will reflect badly on your problem solving and interpersonal skills. It is always better to approach your boss with a solution rather than a problem. Odds are the first thing he/she will say is "have you spoken to her about this issue" It will be better to tackle this with the person first.

As to why there is a problem, I cannot comment, but before talking with her try and look at each of the problematic interactions from both sides.

For example, perhaps the real problem is with the person that is telling you what she is saying, it is possible that this person is "stirring the sh1t" or perhaps she has heard back from someone that you are calling her "a truck
driver" and she is very hurt and lashing out at your.

Not saying that this is what is happening, but conflict is much easier to resolve if you can "walk a mile" before tackling it.

I think this is terrible advice. This isn't a spat between work colleagues, this woman is basically his superior. The correct person to talk to is her boss or HR.

OP
An accurate record of what has happened in the past would be a good thing to get together. Keep records from now for sure.

What you are describing is bullying and intimidation.

bear1

Ray Palmer wrote: »

I think this is terrible advice. This isn't a spat between work colleagues, this woman is basically his superior. The correct person to talk to is her boss or HR.

OP
An accurate record of what has happened in the past would be a good thing to get together. Keep records from now for sure.

What you are describing is bullying and intimidation.

Yeah I'll be taking down everything from today onwards and then if it continues I'll face her off with the facts that I have.
The fact that she is right in front of my desk is what just gets to me, just stand the hell up and say something instead of emailing the whole feckin country!
Still angry about it.
It's a grey area of a situation as you are damned if you damned if you dont. I think I'd first like to see how she keeps on going and then possibly confront her.
If nothing then to the boss

Ray Palmer

bear1 wrote: »

Yeah I'll be taking down everything from today onwards and then if it continues I'll face her off with the facts that I have.
The fact that she is right in front of my desk is what just gets to me, just stand the hell up and say something instead of emailing the whole feckin country!
Still angry about it.
It's a grey area of a situation as you are damned if you damned if you dont. I think I'd first like to see how she keeps on going and then possibly confront her.
If nothing then to the boss

If you confront her you give her the opportunity to set you up. I have seen this happen before. You don't need anymore unacceptable behaviour. If asked why you didn't confront her yourself you can say she made you paranoid about what she would do given her previous behaviour. No boss should ask you that question in the first place either but likely will.

tatli_lokma

There is a difference between 'confronting' someone and 'approaching' someone to discuss a problem. The professional approach is to first try to deal with it diplomatically, calmly and professionally by finding a neutral opportunity to discuss the problem with her. At least that way if it continues, you can hand on heart say that at all times you have remained professional and tried to work cooperatively with this person but to no end.

dani27

I had the same issue in work. I kept a note of everything and kept a diary of what she said. I would also recommed to print off any emails she sends you. Also speak to HR it is important that they are aware of her behaviour. PM if you want and best of luck x

cocoemma

Oh Bear1 I worked with a bitch like that, I can tell you it was 5 LOONGGG years of pain and torture. I was really stupid and didnt do anything about it. My boss knew what she was like but because she did all the **** work for him & he didnt give a ****. I had gone to him and told him that she micro managed me and she backed up and bit. But then turned to more manipulative, sly, game playing.. thing is everyone knew what she was like and NOBODY liked her. They called her the black widow, I was in a separate office to everyone else so it was hard to mingle. We took on a few people and I became friends with one of the girls and the lad that worked with us and I never said anything to them about her when they started. I saw her treat them the exact same and I knew I wasnt nuts, they approched me about her!! This is how weird it was, She would follow me into the bathroom, one of the bathrooms has one toilet and I would hear the door open and close so she'd be checking i was there. The others in the office would tell me she left 2 seconds after I did!!! So I started to use another bathroom with three toilets so if someone did come in they would use the other one and the same thing would happen, door would open and close. The others would tell me she left after me. I worked very hard, I always got my work done, I always took my breaks on time and be back on time. It was quite weird I have to say and it drained me. I would mention getting my hair cut short, she'd come in with hair short!! I was saying to someone else (end of day talks like a min left to clock off) that I was getting a blue coat, came in with a blue coat, I said I getting a white coat, she got a white coat like WTF... it was just crazy that happened all the time with loads of things yet at the same time she'd be nice and then such a bitch to me and snap at me and complain to my boss and all at the same time!!!!! ****in weirdo, I was diplomatic, I didnt go running into my boss at every little thing, but I suffered major stress and for what, I never got to work up in that job. So on reflection if I had to go back and do it all again I would deffinitly go to HR and record her behaviour with them everytime something happened.

My advice is dont approach her about the issue, dont let her see that it bothers you because she gets a thrill out of that. Just smile even through gritted teeth. She will try her best to draw you out but dont let her, Kill her with kindness if you know what I mean (dont actually kill her lol), It'll confuse her and go to HR on monday you'll feel soo much better. Plus email her on everything and cc in your boss, do the same back. What can she say, if she asks just say well better off keeping track of everything, It'd be better for production etc etc... BE STRONG!!

bear1

Thanks everyone for the good advice, very constructive and it has given me a lot to think about.
Some of the friends I've told have said I should just note down everything and wait.
So I'm doing just that, not talking to her or my boss. One poster above made a good point that going to my boss shows a lack of problem solving.
I don't say hello to her anymore and I don't interact with her in any way. Less contact the better.
For now I'll just bite my time and see how it goes.
It has however opened my eyes to the job, I think I'm going to wait till I have 2 years experience with them and then start looking elsewhere (2 years are up in September eventhough I have a permanent contract)

Irish_Elect_Eng

Ray Palmer wrote: »

I think this is terrible advice. This isn't a spat between work colleagues, this woman is basically his superior. The correct person to talk to is her boss or HR.

OP
An accurate record of what has happened in the past would be a good thing to get together. Keep records from now for sure.

What you are describing is bullying and intimidation.

"She is the assistant of my boss and so is quite high up."

I would see such a person as a colleague, albeit an influential one.

Dealing with conflict or poor interpersonal relationships is hard at any time, and the truth of it is that it can only very rarely be solved fully by a third person. In practice such issues are best addressed face to face.

It is very rare indeed that a coworker comes to work with a deliberate goal of causing a colleague pain and stress, but this sometimes happens for a variety of reasons and sometimes it dies descend into harassment or bullying. Even then, the culprit(s) do not get up in the morning saying to themselves, great night's sleep, time to go to work and make people miserable.

In fact very few of the causes of interpersonal conflict cannot be resolved between the people involved, particularly at work. Making the boss or HR your first port of call will terminally damage any prospect of a mutually beneficial relationship between the OP and the lady in question. And even then there is no sure bet that the OP will come out of the encounter any better off day to day.

But what is to be done?, that largely depends on if the OP want a a career with her current employer in future or if this is just a stop-gap position before moving on to a different company. If the OP wants a career then the best path is to treat this like any other business problem and work diligently with the other person to solve the root causes of the problem. If this is a stop-gap then don't waste the emotional energy and just make the best of it while looking for your next position.

bear1

Irish_Elect_Eng wrote: »

"She is the assistant of my boss and so is quite high up."

I would see such a person as a colleague, albeit an influential one.

Dealing with conflict or poor interpersonal relationships is hard at any time, and the truth of it is that it can only very rarely be solved fully by a third person. In practice such issues are best addressed face to face.

It is very rare indeed that a coworker comes to work with a deliberate goal of causing a colleague pain and stress, but this sometimes happens for a variety of reasons and sometimes it dies descend into harassment or bullying. Even then, the culprit(s) do not get up in the morning saying to themselves, great night's sleep, time to go to work and make people miserable.

In fact very few of the causes of interpersonal conflict cannot be resolved between the people involved, particularly at work. Making the boss or HR your first port of call will terminally damage any prospect of a mutually beneficial relationship between the OP and the lady in question. And even then there is no sure bet that the OP will come out of the encounter any better off day to day.

But what is to be done?, that largely depends on if the OP want a a career with her current employer in future or if this is just a stop-gap position before moving on to a different company. If the OP wants a career then the best path is to treat this like any other business problem and work diligently with the other person to solve the root causes of the problem. If this is a stop-gap then don't waste the emotional energy and just make the best of it while looking for your next position.

His
Well, I do like the job and I do like the other 99% of the people here - I get along with them just fine.
It's hard to tell therefore if it is a place I'd like to remain in. I do believe that at some point I will want to change jobs but for now this won't be possible.

Tramps Like Us

See your union rep.

Ray Palmer

Irish_Elect_Eng wrote: »

It is very rare indeed that a coworker comes to work with a deliberate goal of causing a colleague pain and stress, but this sometimes happens for a variety of reasons and sometimes it dies descend into harassment or bullying. Even then, the culprit(s) do not get up in the morning saying to themselves, great night's sleep, time to go to work and make people miserable.



.

I don't think it is that unusual for somebody to actually plan to be petty or show somebody up as a daily plan for work. I have heard people making plans to get somebody in work and planning to show somebody up.

"The princess is acting up again if she sends me a anything today she better get it 100% right or I'll shower her up." Overheard in the canteen between 3 managers

It might not be a plan to make somebody's life miserable as you would describe it or see it. People do take a dislike to somebody and get digs in as often as they can.

Just because a person doesn't have a specific intent to make somebody's life miserable doesn't mean their behaviour is not bully or harassment.

Intent doesn't matter bad behaviour is bad behaviour. It doesn't take a genius to know you are upsetting somebody so I very much doubt she isn't aware she is upsetting the OP. There isn't anything to discuss with her just report her.