Do I really want my old relationship back?

Charlene_92

Ok, I've been debating this situation in my mind for quite a while now and I'm really at a loss as to what I really want and if it would work... Any input and opinions would be mucho appreciated!

In October of 2012, I ended my year and a half long relationship. Basically, for that year, I had lived with this man. I did love him but I felt I wasn't "in love" with him, which is why I eventually decided to end the relationship, thinking that I should have more intense feelings for him than the ones I had.

However, now that I've spent a year apart from the relationship I had with him, I can look back with more perspective and I am starting to think that perhaps I threw my chance at happiness away. During the year I was with him, I started to feel extremely depressed and eventually had to go on medication for it, which I still take. That year was without doubt the hardest of my life as I dropped out of college and was living in my one bed apartment, alone, without work or interaction for most of the day until my other half returned home from work. I feel that my mental state extremely altered the normal "real" me and that I really did not appreciate him and our relationship together. In reality, we were a great couple! Same sense of humour, same interests mostly, enjoyed each other's company and could tell each other everything - we were best friends, completely and utterly! But I often acted irrationally and blamed him for my moods and not making me feel happy, when now i know it was myself and something nobody could help.

So because of these new insights, i now feel like i shouldn't have let him go... I know it's easy to look back on past relationships and only recount the good things but I don't think that's what this is. And it's not loneliness because I could be going out with other guys but I just don't feel for them what I felt for him. I miss him and I know it's my fault he isn't in my life so I have no right to even contact him. Plus he has a girlfriend now who he's been seeing since last January (not long after we broke up). So I don't even know if he has any feelings toward me anymore.

I really don't know what to do.... Do I tell him? Do I not? Am I being stupid? Should I leave things?

Czarcasm

Charlene_92 wrote: »

Plus he has a girlfriend now who he's been seeing since last January (not long after we broke up). So I don't even know if he has any feelings toward me anymore.

I really don't know what to do.... Do I tell him? Do I not? Am I being stupid? Should I leave things?

I'd suggest OP that no, of course you're not being stupid, but you do need to let this one go. It's understandable that you would look back on those times and think you made a mistake, maybe you did, but he's moved on now and so should you.

You'll find when your mind is occupied by other things that you won't drift so much into the past and what could've been, etc. I think you'd be opening yourself to a world of hurt if you tell him how you regret your decision in the hope that he still felt the same way about you a year later when he's now in a relationship with someone else.

Charlene_92

Thanks Czarcasm! I think you're right! I don't know, I have tons to occupy my mind but I've just been missing him a lot lately and can't help it! It's true he has moved on and I need to leave him be. I let him go so he could find happiness, I suppose I am just realizing that I haven't got mine yet. You're right, I need to let it go.