Etiquette and Other Peoples Children

Chara1001

Hi Everyone,

I'd really like some advice on something that happened recently, and some ideas on how to handle it next time.

Myself and my LO (approx 12/13 months at the time) were in a toddler cafe, and there was a few older kids playing on tricycles. One little girl had sort of cornered my fella, was riding the bike into him, reversing, and doing it again.
I went over to them, knelt down, put my hand on the front of the tricycle and told her that she was very good at cycling, but if there's somebody in front of her, she has to go around them and not into them. She was grand and cycled off. (my Lo was fine too). Her parent didn't come over.

So I was thinking later, that it was busy that day and the girls parent probably just didn't see what happened.
But if (s)he had just seen me with my hand on the girls bike, talking to her (in a very calm way in fairness), (s)he might have started wondering if I was giving out to the girl and would it have been a better idea to just take my LO out of the situation altogether- and if I removed him, and she started riding into him again, would it be better to have a word with her then?

I could be overthinking this altogether and what i'm describing here could be a total non- issue but I'd really appreciate some opinions!

Thanks

Gee_G

Chara1001 wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I'd really like some advice on something that happened recently, and some ideas on how to handle it next time.

Myself and my LO (approx 12/13 months at the time) were in a toddler cafe, and there was a few older kids playing on tricycles. One little girl had sort of cornered my fella, was riding the bike into him, reversing, and doing it again.
I went over to them, knelt down, put my hand on the front of the tricycle and told her that she was very good at cycling, but if there's somebody in front of her, she has to go around them and not into them. She was grand and cycled off. (my Lo was fine too). Her parent didn't come over.

So I was thinking later, that it was busy that day and the girls parent probably just didn't see what happened.
But if (s)he had just seen me with my hand on the girls bike, talking to her (in a very calm way in fairness), (s)he might have started wondering if I was giving out to the girl and would it have been a better idea to just take my LO out of the situation altogether- and if I removed him, and she started riding into him again, would it be better to have a word with her then?

I could be overthinking this altogether and what i'm describing here could be a total non- issue but I'd really appreciate some opinions!

Thanks

You'd like to think that if a parent did see their child doing this that they would go over and intervene themselves but in the real world a lot of parents don't pay any attention when they are out. Or so I have noticed anyway.
I myself would rather remove my child from the situation or bring them to play with some other toys and that would prevent you being confronted by the other parents. From what I've seen, even being out and about with my nieces and nephews before I had my own child, people can be VERY funny about anybody else correcting their child!
That's just my opinion!:)

Chara1001

Hi, thanks for your reply,

I totally get what you're saying, but in this case I reacted without thinking and it was only afterwards I realized I could have just removed him. I also think that the parent just missed what happened, and it was accidental.

But yes I agree, some people could take huge exception to having their child corrected, but the issue raised then is what happens if the other child persists, because nobody says anything to them. I wouldn't want to have to drag my son all over the room to keep away from another child who's misbehaving- and in fact I would end up having a word with the child instead of that, so it could just be delaying the inevitable.

Shadylou

Chara1001 wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I'd really like some advice on something that happened recently, and some ideas on how to handle it next time.

Myself and my LO (approx 12/13 months at the time) were in a toddler cafe, and there was a few older kids playing on tricycles. One little girl had sort of cornered my fella, was riding the bike into him, reversing, and doing it again.
I went over to them, knelt down, put my hand on the front of the tricycle and told her that she was very good at cycling, but if there's somebody in front of her, she has to go around them and not into them. She was grand and cycled off. (my Lo was fine too). Her parent didn't come over.

So I was thinking later, that it was busy that day and the girls parent probably just didn't see what happened.
But if (s)he had just seen me with my hand on the girls bike, talking to her (in a very calm way in fairness), (s)he might have started wondering if I was giving out to the girl and would it have been a better idea to just take my LO out of the situation altogether- and if I removed him, and she started riding into him again, would it be better to have a word with her then?

I could be overthinking this altogether and what i'm describing here could be a total non- issue but I'd really appreciate some opinions!

Thanks

You behaved exactly like I would like someone to behave towards my son if he was behaving like that but every parent is different.....I think you did the right thing but if the child persisted you could've removed them

Chara1001

Thanks Shadylou, I guess its just a subjective scenario....

Despite the advertising, I don't think play cafes are great for kids under 18 months. Toddlers 2+ are crazy by nature and likely to run into smaller babies.
I brought my own to one a couple of times but left it until he was older and sturdier.

In instances like that I'd do what you did but also move your own child.

weetiepie

I definitely think you did the right thing, at the end of the day we must all remember that we are role models for our children.

By reacting in a calm, and non confrontational way instead of just taking them out of the situation, teaches your child how to deal with situations In life which are not favourable to them, by confronting them and resolving them in a calming manner, which can also boost their self confidence and self esteem.

Sligo1

Chara1001 wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I'd really like some advice on something that happened recently, and some ideas on how to handle it next time.

Myself and my LO (approx 12/13 months at the time) were in a toddler cafe, and there was a few older kids playing on tricycles. One little girl had sort of cornered my fella, was riding the bike into him, reversing, and doing it again.
I went over to them, knelt down, put my hand on the front of the tricycle and told her that she was very good at cycling, but if there's somebody in front of her, she has to go around them and not into them. She was grand and cycled off. (my Lo was fine too). Her parent didn't come over.

So I was thinking later, that it was busy that day and the girls parent probably just didn't see what happened.
But if (s)he had just seen me with my hand on the girls bike, talking to her (in a very calm way in fairness), (s)he might have started wondering if I was giving out to the girl and would it have been a better idea to just take my LO out of the situation altogether- and if I removed him, and she started riding into him again, would it be better to have a word with her then?

I could be overthinking this altogether and what i'm describing here could be a total non- issue but I'd really appreciate some opinions!

Thanks

OP you Did what I would do. But I often wonder about these situations aswell. Being a first time mum it's something I've never had to deal with before and would be a little unsure myself.

Last week in a baby/toddler cafe my 1 year old was crawling around the floor minding his own business. This wee girl (about 3-4yo) had a balloon and was throwing it around the floor and in the air very near him. Now my fella loves balloons. He just sat there watching the balloon and occasionally putting his hands up when the balloon went in the air. The girl threw up the balloon and it landed near him so he tried to touch it. This resulted in the little girl running up to his face and screaming right in his face to leave the balloon alone. Now there's not a hope my fella was trying to take the balloon... He can't even walk! I was a little shocked but said nothing. As I was sitting in a chair only about 2 metres away i just kept an eye on him. The same thing happened again, and again the girl came right up to his face and told him off screaming at him.

I got a bit annoyed at this but still did nothing hoping that would be it. It happened for a third time. And as I was sitting close enough to be heard I said... Excuse me, you don't talk to the baby like that. She looked at me so I know she had heard me. Then the mother came over to the girl amd scalded her then sheepishly looked at me amd nodded an apology.

I'm not sure if the mother had seen the other times. And I didn't want to say anything. However, my poor little fella has never been yelled at like that. I felt so sorry for him. He just looked so dejected. Hes only 1 and a 3-4 yo looks a lot bigger than him. I know shes only a kid herself tho. But i dont want anyone speaking to my child in that manner. I think I did the right thing. I didn't approach the girl and I wasn't in any way confrontational....

But as you Chara1001, I wonder what could have happened if the girls parents did not like me saying that to their daughter and maybe I should've just taken my fella away. But I would've been pretty sure that if the girl then thought she could get away with this behaviour to my son, that it would've happened again a few minutes later if they came in contact again as the play cafe is all one room. I also wouldn't want my son picking up theses bad habits and thinking its ok to scream at others and little children like that.

Sorry about the long post....

Rose35

At a recent hospital visit my 15 month old was playing in the 'wendy house' (is that what they are called?) in the waiting room, a 6/7 year old went into the house and tried to push my little fella out the door, my immediate reaction is to protect my baby, i went over and said sternly "play nice, he is only a baby" the child said nothing and I made sure to glance in the parents direction where they seemed to take on board that it wasn't nice what their son just did but unfortunately it isn't the first time Iv seen older kids push my son around, poor little man, sure he only stands there in disbelief, i know its a tricky one but i wouldn't let it go easily.

Sligo1

Rose35 wrote: »

At a recent hospital visit my 15 month old was playing in the 'wendy house' (is that what they are called?) in the waiting room, a 6/7 year old went into the house and tried to push my little fella out the door, my immediate reaction is to protect my baby, i went over and said sternly "play nice, he is only a baby" the child said nothing and I made sure to glance in the parents direction where they seemed to take on board that it wasn't nice what their son just did but unfortunately it isn't the first time Iv seen older kids push my son around, poor little man, sure he only stands there in disbelief, i know its a tricky one but i wouldn't let it go easily.

I have to agree with you there. It's not a nice feeling when someone treats ur baby badly.... Even of it he other is only a child themself. Now I have no experience with 4,5 and 6 year olds.... But I would think they would have an idea of what they were doing and that screaming in other children's faces and pushing them around is wrong..... (provided of course they have been taught this from their parents or minder ....)

Chara1001

It'd be literally impossible to sit by while an older child is pushing my fella around or screaming in his face. That hasn't really happened to mine yet but the thought of him being upset or intimidated really upsets me. (he was unfazed during the example I gave above)

Also if you don't do much to stop another child from screaming/ hitting/ pushing yours, wouldn't that send an equally bad message to both children? Like for the older child, they think they can get away with bad behavior if their parent says nothing, and for the younger child (yours), you're showing that other children can treat them this way and its ok?

Suucee

I happened to run in to one of "those" parents.
I was in a play centre with my daughter who was probably about 10-11months at the time. ( not walking) . She was climbing over the edge if the ball pit when an older child approx 4 (who shouldnt even have been in the baby area) pushed her in. Head first she went in to the ball pit. I was only a few feet away so flew over and dug her out. She had gotten a fright but wasnt crying. I just said to the other child to be careful as she is only a baby. ("Oh be careful, shes only a little baby")
A few seconds later while i was playing with my daughter over stomps the other girls mammy and said in a not so nice tone why i thought it was ok to give out to someone elses child. I explained what i said to the child and didnt mean to scare her. The mother then said i had no buisness telling her child off.
I didnt really tell her off .

So now if my daughter now 19 months gets pushed i just remove her . Most parents will say something to their child as would i but im not too sure anymore about saying anything to the child myself anymore.

Pawwed Rig

If a parent is so unconcerned with their childs behaviour that they allow them to push small babies around etc then telling the offending child off will probably not fix the behaviour long term as they will continue to be indulged by their parent. However the immediate effect of scolding them will be that they leave your child alone and stop harrassing them. On that basis I would have no problem having a 'quiet word'.

Sligo1

That's awful Suucee... But that's exactly why I'm wondering whether i should have said anything. But tbh... I think if a parent then told me what that lady said to you I'd probably have a word or 2 to say back to her.... ( and then I would've scarpered out and had a cry.... I hate confrontation!). Lol

It's a really difficult situation to be in I think....

Ms2011

Another similar experience here. The Slimming World group I go to have a little play area for those too young to be in school so the mums can bring the kids & still stay for class. My son (18 months at the time) was walking by a boy of a similar age maybe a little older sitting on the floor, the boy out of nowhere reached out & pulled my son down to his hands & knees then proceeded to try grab 2 handfuls of my sons hair, luckily his hair was too short to get a grip on but hurt him nonetheless.
I was torn between wanting to tear in there like any mother protecting their young and wanting to burst out crying looking at my son's little face in disbelief that someone had just been so mean to him.
The boys mother was a few feet away texting on her phone so she either didn't notice or pretended not to even when her son did it a second time:mad:
I choose not to intervene for a number of reasons,
1. it all happened so fast, it would have been all over by the time I got over to do anything
2. the kids were of a similar age
3. as much as it kills me my son is going to meet people like this in life & I'm not always going to be there to defend him, it's a harsh lesson to learn & one I wish he didn't have to learn but not everyone is going to be nice to him .
4. he moved away from the boy himself so I didn't have to remove him.

pwurple

Can someone give an example of a toddler cafe? I've never heard of them before.

January

Panda Play Cafe in Terenure is one example.

http://www.pandaplaycafe.com/

It's basically just a soft play area with an area for adults. Like a play centre.

Hannibal Smith

I tell you...However bad it is when your kid is being pushed. It is so much worse when its your kid doing the pushing. The cafe we go to my 2 year old loves the train. The other week he was beating everyone off it. Literally pushing them and hitting them.

I obviously jumped up immediately and made him apologise and apologised myself and took him away from it each time. ..but my god it makes for stressful coffee breaks!!

Sligo1

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

I tell you...However bad it is when your kid is being pushed. It is so much worse when its your kid doing the pushing. The cafe we go to my 2 year old loves the train. The other week he was beating everyone off it. Literally pushing them and hitting them.

I obviously jumped up immediately and made him apologise and apologised myself and took him away from it each time. ..but my god it makes for stressful coffee breaks!!

I'd be beating people too if someone was trying to steal my method of transport

Hannibal Smith

Sligo1 wrote: »

I'd be beating people too if someone was trying to steel my method of transport

Hehe...makes good practice for getting on the dart in later life