broke up with ex, now want him back

LegacyUser

In September I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. Things hadn't been going well and I felt like I was falling out of love. He was heart broken and told me he'd always love me. We kept in contact afterwards and I was never completely happy with my decision, I was never as happy without him as I was with him. I guess in the back of my mind I saw the break up as a little break that we needed and we could get back together eventually. Last week however he slept with a girl from work and I completely panicked, feeling that id lost him for good. He told me it meant nothing and that he still loved me and we hooked up a few times. A few days ago he told me that he doesn't want us to get back together though, that id hurt him too much and he'd become numb towards me. He doesn't know yet exactly what he wants but I get the feeling its not gonna be me. I just feel like I've made a huge mistake in breaking up with him and im kicking myself now. Its worth mentioning that our relationship was never perfect and I cheated on him four times and he lost his temper quite frequently. Im just looking for some sort of advice on this I guess.

Mirrorb4ll

confussed1990 wrote: »

In September I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. Things hadn't been going well and I felt like I was falling out of love. He was heart broken and told me he'd always love me. We kept in contact afterwards and I was never completely happy with my decision, I was never as happy without him as I was with him. I guess in the back of my mind I saw the break up as a little break that we needed and we could get back together eventually. Last week however he slept with a girl from work and I completely panicked, feeling that id lost him for good. He told me it meant nothing and that he still loved me and we hooked up a few times. A few days ago he told me that he doesn't want us to get back together though, that id hurt him too much and he'd become numb towards me. He doesn't know yet exactly what he wants but I get the feeling its not gonna be me. I just feel like I've made a huge mistake in breaking up with him and im kicking myself now. Its worth mentioning that our relationship was never perfect and I cheated on him four times and he lost his temper quite frequently. Im just looking for some sort of advice on this I guess.

You don't deserve to be with him. You cheated on him four times and it was only when he moved on from you and slept with someone else after you dumped him that you got jealous and wanted him back.

The evidence says that you are a slut. This is not some unfounded opinion that I am throwing out. It is a statement of fact. It is based on evidence and logic. You admitted that you cheated on him 4 times (at least). This is the behaviour of a cheating slut.

Again, my advice to you is to move on and try to learn from your past mistakes. Let him find somebody else. If you truly love him (you don't, you're just jealous and selfish) then let him go. You don't deserve him. Learn from your mistakes and try to be a better girlfriend for your next partner.

Catari Jaguar

You aren't good for each other. You're not even thinking of his feelings, it's all about you. Move on and leave him alone.

CaraMay

It sounds like a very toxic relationship so why would thou want him back? Cheating etc

Best for both of you to move on and start again

Czarcasm

confussed1990 wrote: »

Its worth mentioning that our relationship was never perfect and I cheated on him four times and he lost his temper quite frequently. Im just looking for some sort of advice on this I guess.

It sounds OP like as catari says, neither of you were good for each other, and the relationship should've been over long ago, not dragged out for another three years or however long after things started to go pear shaped.

Given your username I'm guessing you're young so you have an opportunity now to move on from this. You probably felt comfortable with familiarity and that's probably part of the reason you want your ex back, but he seems to have moved on, and you should too at this point.

Stavro Mueller

So in other words your nose is out of joint because you're no longer in control of the situation. Leaving aside this guy's temper issues, you should be taking a very long hard look at yourself. You didn't just cheat on this guy once - you cheated four times. Four times. Either there was something very badly wrong with this relationship or your definition of fidelity differs from other people's.

ElleEm

I would echo what everyone else said.
You broke up three months ago, and he has moved on.
By the sounds of it, he has now realised what a mess your relationship was.
You really need to stay single for a bit and do some work on yourself, it is completely out of order that you cheated on him four times. Obviously he has his own faults, but you can't blame your behaviour on his.
Move on.
He has.

From everything you've said here OP, you don't actually want to be with him, you just want to feel safe in knowing you have someone there for you. It's a common thing and you shouldn't feel bad about it, but you should definitely let him go, he deserves to have a chance to find someone who will be happy with him.

You are NOT a slut, and you really shouldn't feel bad about anything that's happened, but you are messing him around, and you should stop. Even if he does take you back, it will only lead to more trouble.

Mirrorb4ll

true-or-false wrote: »

You are NOT a slut, and you really shouldn't feel bad about anything that's happened, but you are messing him around, and you should stop. Even if he does take you back, it will only lead to more trouble.

Not to derail the thread (although i don't think there's much more to be said on the matter - pretty much everyone is in agreement that she should move on) but you are incorrect here. I know you're probably just trying to spare her feelings but she really doesn't deserve to have them spared. She needs to realise that she should feel shame and regret for her actions. The word slut or whore, when used correctly, serve a valid purpose - to shame and discourage such behaviour. Refusing to shame her appropriately leaves room for her to rationalise her actions and perhaps do it again in future.

The dictionary definition of a slut is "a promiscuous woman". In OP's case, that's an understatement. At best.

Sorry, sometimes tough love is the best medicine.

DonnaDarko09

Mirrorb4ll wrote: »

Not to derail the thread (although i don't think there's much more to be said on the matter - pretty much everyone is in agreement that she should move on) but you are incorrect here. I know you're probably just trying to spare her feelings but she really doesn't deserve to have them spared. She needs to realise that she should feel shame and regret for her actions. The word slut or whore, when used correctly, serve a valid purpose - to shame and discourage such behaviour. Refusing to shame her appropriately leaves room for her to rationalise her actions and perhaps do it again in future.

The dictionary definition of a slut is "a promiscuous woman". In OP's case, that's an understatement. At best.

Sorry, sometimes tough love is the best medicine.

Wow. Just...wow. And I thought all cavemen had evolved..

Czarcasm

Mirrorb4ll wrote: »

Sorry, sometimes tough love is the best medicine.

There's a difference between tough love though, and talking utter malicious nonsense, especially when you're not privy to the full circumstances of the relationship.

Mirrorb4ll

Czarcasm wrote: »

There's a difference between tough love though, and talking utter malicious nonsense, especially when you're not privy to the full circumstances of the relationship.

I don't need to be. Cheat 4 times = unforgiveable.

Viva la Manosphere.

Mirrorb4ll

Where's my red card? I smell it on the horizon.

Don't worry. I'm outta here.

DonnaDarko09

Mirrorb4ll wrote: »

Where's my red card? I smell it on the horizon.

Don't worry. I'm outta here.

cheers for the lols..I really hope you can forgive the girl who broke your heart some day.

Neyite

All,

Mirrorb4all has been dealt with. Please do not respond to their posts from this point on.

Please return to the topic and in keeping with the charter of this forum, offer advice to the op which is helpful, constructive and civil.

Please do not derail the thread any further than it has been already.

x Purple Pawprints x

OP I was on the other side of this. Broken up with after two years for similar reasons. If he doesn't want to get back together just leave him be and respect his decision. You can't make someone want to be with you. My ex asked me to get back together with him twice after we broke up, I said no both times for exactly the same reasons as your ex, he hurt me too much. Seems like you both need to be alone to work out what you actually want. I don't think you want him, you want a safety net. Aside from that, clearly there was something amiss in this relationship if you cheated on him four times. Once would be bad enough, but four? Take some time to think and work on yourself.