What happened?!

Glowla

I started seeing this guy a while ago and we've met up a few times but because we live about 2 hours away from eachother its been just weekends when he was able to come home (he lives in Galway for work but he is from a town near me). Things were going well, got on well when we saw eachother and chatted for hours, text and making an effort to ring me almost every night during the week for an hour at least and initiated our dates.

Last weekend was an occasion for me and he made a big deal of it and said he couldn't wait to go to the party and spoke highly of it. He called me Thursday night on his way home and said see you tomorrow so I text him after work Friday to tell him what the plan for the evening was...no response. No contact the following day either. So I called him Sunday night (as we usually do) and he didn't answer. I've had this thing happen to me before and concluded that he was 'fading out'. He then text me Monday saying apologies about the weekend and told me he wasn't going to be home until Christmas due to a hectic schedule (which is actually true because he told me before of his plans with friends and sport etc. over the next few weeks) and that he didn't want to waste my time by ringing during the weeks and not being able to meet up. I replied and said along the lines of it isn't that much time but if you are prepared to let things then so be it, pity cos the last few weeks were fun but to enjoy his plans and maybe see him over Christmas....now he didn't reply to that either.

Boardsies do you think this was a cop out or that its too early in our circumstances for him to feel tied down when he has so much going on over the next few weeks or something to that effect and perhaps when things settle down in a few weeks he might be ok? I then noticed last night he 'liked' things I put on Facebook (trivial I know but cutting contact to me means ceasing all forms) and he is the type of person who is usually a 'silent' user as such and never makes a point of interacting there! Anyway I'm confused and know it is more than likely a case of 'he's just not into you' anymore etc. but would like to see some views due to the enthusiasm and effort shown by him and then poof end of so abruptly!!

Frank Black

What you really should be asking yourself is why you would want to bother with someone who is so rude towards you and treating you with so little respect,
If he made plans to come to your party, it's very poor form to just not turn up, not even call to explain and his eventual excuse was pretty pathetic.

It sounds like he's lost interest in you for whatever reason, and the 'liking' of your facebook stuff may be just an attempt to keep you on the back-burner as a hook-up option over Christmas.

I'd just blank him completely at this stage. He's already shown himself to be flaky, rude and lacking in any concern for your feelings. I'm sure you could do a lot better with someone who'll treat you with more respect

Merkin

I'm sorry but regardless of what excuse he used for being incommunicado, the fact of the matter is that he let you down on an important day. I know you're only dating and it is early days but he had promised he would be there and then just flaked on you with no warning and didn't have the common courtesy to let you know. This is a big red flag.

Sounds me like he may be seeing someone else and now wants to keep his options open by interacting with you on Facebook so as not to cut you out completely. Call me cynical, but when someone suddenly changes an established behaviour pattern and then goes all flaky like that it normally doesn't bode well. I personally would write him off - mainly because he left you down at the eleventh hour and didn't have the good manners to let you know.

Glowla

I agree with all of the above, thanks for your insights. I was with a guy before who was so flaky and used 'fading out' until I kicked him to the kerb and so I know the signs of it now but I just got taken aback this time because it ended abruptly as opposed to over a few weeks and it was harder to comprehend.

This was my first time dating since then (a year ago now) and its hit me hard because my trust was beginning to grow again and now this!! I've concluded that he is using his plans and the bad timing as a cop out for now so it will be interesting to see if he reappears in the meantime...to which he won't get much of a response to!

Its so stupid the way you make excuses for a person to preserve self-dignity, that's my next call to work on.

Merkin

Oh he'll reappear again, don't you worry :rolleyes:

Try not to get discouraged, you've just happened to be unlucky by meeting two spanners in quick succession. It happens and I guess it is better to see their true colours now rather then when you're more involved.

Onwards and upwards and not to worry. He will reappear but thankfully you seem to have your head screwed on. xx